Worst pickup lines ever

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Wally Macnow
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 07:01 PM

My friend Dave was an intrepid picker upper. Two incidents come to mind that happened at differenet FSGW Getaways.

He came on to a friend's weekend companion with "I just brushed my teeth and I'd like you to have the full benefit". Didn't work but what a line.

On another occasion, at 3 in the AM, he crawled into a woman's (one he knew) sleeping bag and started getting romantic. At which point, she kind of half awoke and said "Oh Christ David, do you really want to hump a half dead jew?" The romaticism stopped but the laughter nearly knocked the cabin down.

Wally

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 06:43 PM

Ted, Souns as though you have personal knowledge of this scenario???

WW

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Ted from Australia
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 05:18 PM

Bloke sits next to girl in bar, says G'day, puts a finger in his drink and touches her shirt, then does the same to his shirt.
"Why don't we go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?"

Did not work!

Regards Ted

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 03:43 PM

As long as you don't make remarks about my squeeze box...

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Duane D.
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 02:38 PM

Hey little girl, wanna see my accordian???????

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bert
Date: 19 May 99 - 12:54 PM

Ah Felipa, the true Mudcat spirit is showing.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Noel P
Date: 19 May 99 - 12:32 PM

I heard this in a Galway pub one night. "Are you taking precautions". I'm not sure if it worked but the girl thought it funny. Another quick story. A small guy goes up to a tall, good looking, girl at a dance. She is standing on a step which gives an extra 5 to 6 inches to her height and he askes her to dance. "Sure you wouldn't satisfy me" she said. "Maybe not" he said "but I sure as hell would satisfy myself"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Felipa
Date: 19 May 99 - 11:41 AM

Some of these pick up lines aren't half bad!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Felipa
Date: 19 May 99 - 11:38 AM

Robert the zimmer: that's like the one about the driver who used her feet on the steering wheel while she knitted a sweater with her hands. A policeman waved her down, calling "pull-over!". "No," the driver replied, "Cardigan!"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 19 May 99 - 08:49 AM

How about:

"I don't drive a pickup, I'm White Van Man"

No, I thought not!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bert
Date: 19 May 99 - 08:40 AM

Penny S,

Good for you! That was a great story. It's nice when you can get back at someone like that.

Bert

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Felipa
Date: 19 May 99 - 06:34 AM

this should be a thread about electric pick up leads, but I suppose we're all acoustic around here. I can't be fussed reading through all 71 messages above, but if anyone wants to start a "Best pickup lines ever (BS)" thread my contribution is "we could make beautiful music together" (if its meant sincerely!)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S.
Date: 19 May 99 - 02:38 AM

Lonesome EJ, but imagine the hurt I was feeling at the time!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 19 May 99 - 01:51 AM

Penny,you little devil!

And IvyB...my doorknocker comment was based on my legitimate interest in English brass, and was in no way a pickup line. My pickup lines, last used in the early 80s, were more along the lines of "Hi! Did you know you bear a striking resemblance to my future ex-wife?" or something just as obfuscatory.

LEJ

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 18 May 99 - 08:35 PM

I'm gonna try "Remember my name, you'll be screaming it later," if the occasion ever arises again...

I may be so out of practice I wouldn't even *recognize* a pickup line if I heard it.

kc

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Terry
Date: 18 May 99 - 07:29 PM

Apparently, Sandy isn't alone in thinking folk music is a great way to pick up girls.

I once answered a personal ad because the fellow listed folk music among his interests. Since it was our only stated mutual interest, I asked him about his favorite artists right away when we met for a drink. He hemmed and hawed, and couldn't come up with a single name. When pressed, he said he'd only mentioned folk music in his ad because he thought it would attract a "certain type of woman." I asked him what type that might be and he answered, "Fast."

He was right, too. I was out of there in seconds flat!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S.
Date: 18 May 99 - 07:11 PM

Did you really want to know that?

Penny

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S
Date: 18 May 99 - 05:06 PM

Bert, I take it you mean the revenge. The pick up line wasn't much. He had a fancy middle name, which I had suggested sounded Arthurian, so added that to his introduction to the other woman. We were at a badminton club for school staff, friends and colleagues - he was from another school. Everyone went to the pub after, but I had taken to not doing so, so as to be able to walk home before the pubs closed. He, living near me, had offered a regular lift so I could do so. He started chatting up a student from Eltham in front of me - since he had been gazing at me as if I were Helen of Troy (very disconcerting) until then this was not pleasing. Hearing my own words in the pick-up lines was more so. I went to the pub. He offered the student a lift to the station, telling her it was not out of his way (twice round the one way system, it was), and then realised that there was a problem. He looked at me, as if I were a bloke who would conveniently leave him free to give her the lift. I looked at my watch meaningly. It was late, and he had offered to protect me from being a woman crossing the town alone. "Oh," he said. So I sat in the back seat of his Morris 1000 as he drove her to the station, feeling very smug. It seems very petty, looking back. I really knew that the situation would arise, so it was a little maliciously that I did go to the pub with the intention of putting a spanner in the works.

Penny

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bert
Date: 18 May 99 - 04:00 PM

Penny S,

Explain. You've got me curious.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 18 May 99 - 01:52 PM

In the early eighties I worked with a very plain looking, boring guy who for some reason thought himself a real Don Juan. Clad in a lime green leisure suit and cooly blowing smoke out of his mouth, he would ask an attractive women "What agency are you with?" which would usually draw a blank stare and a "come again?" to which he would reply "well you are a model, aren't you?" I don't know if it was the line or the presentation that bothered me more, but I still get the creeps thinking about it. I never once saw it work, but he kept trying.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Easy Rider
Date: 18 May 99 - 01:42 PM

Once, at a 1969 Grateful Dead concert, at the Fillmore East, at the end of the show:

Pigpen pointed to a girl in the audience and gave her the "finger" (you know, the raised middle finger). She eagerly shook her head "Yes", he lifted her up to the stage and they went off together...

No foolin'; I saw it.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S.
Date: 18 May 99 - 12:40 PM

Reading this lot explains the time when I heard a man repeating to another woman what I thought to have been a conversation at the time, but subtly altered, because he had added some of my responses to the spiel. I got revenge, though.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: no name on this, please!
Date: 18 May 99 - 11:09 AM

Once, a good looking car-hop told me, "Baby, light my fire." I politely told her I didn't have any matches.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: danl
Date: 17 May 99 - 03:48 PM

that message from LEJ in the doorknockers thread reminded me (in a round about way) of i line id heard used with succsess this weekend which prompted a long discussion....

"nice shoes. want to f**k?"

i mean, how do you get away with that??

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 16 May 99 - 03:17 PM

This wasn't precisely a pick-up line -- more like a Pickup line, as in Chevy Pickup -- but when I moved to Wyoming three years ago I saw this line in a singles ad: (I just happened to glance...)

"Looking for a ranch-raised woman. Hay bales no problem."

Which I took to mean that she should be able to lift hay bales without difficulty. Maybe it meant he'd have no problem with it if she brought her own hay bales ...

kc

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: manylodges
Date: 15 May 99 - 12:06 AM

I was in a bar in Norfolk when I heard this one. "hey sweetheart, does your belly button go in or out". When she replied "in", he came back with" thats ashame, If it went out we could have played snaps." I don't remember if he got the girl, I was half way into a bottle of scotch trying desperatly not to smash my guitar while cranking out a mean verse of Stew Ball.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 14 May 99 - 10:28 AM

One I heard in jest: "I can name all three of the Hudson Brothers."

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From:
Date: 14 May 99 - 08:10 AM

The one that we used to use too not much effect was ,'Is your Cinderella coming out tonight ,pet ?' or 'How much d'ye charge to haunt a hoose ? and the Sid the sexist one 'You don't sweat much for a fat lass !'

A mate of mine ,who was 'a bit of a lad' used to ask 'D'ye hav' any fantasies ? you'd be amazed at the amount of lasses who would actually tell him what they were..the dirty buggers.

Reminiscing Ritchie

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 14 May 99 - 03:28 AM

I've always been painfully shy (except in front of an audience - no help at all in chatting up birds). I've always relied on standing around looking lost, bewildered, shy, etc. and waiting for an older woman to take pity and come over and mother me. It never works. Worse, at my age, the older women are ... well, older.

Wow! Sexist and agist in one go! How many people have I offended?

Steve

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 14 May 99 - 12:21 AM

Ok. That's the worst. Worse even than, "Hi, I'm an Aries with herpes rising..." which I actually heard once. We Libras take deep offense at such, don'cha' know...

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: gargoyle
Date: 14 May 99 - 12:19 AM

What's your sign? NEON

From a Dr. DeMento program circa 1973

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Art Thieme
Date: 13 May 99 - 01:19 AM

What's your sign?

I'm a feces.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Art Thieme
Date: 13 May 99 - 01:05 AM

When I first met Carol (1966)I was working at the Folklore Center in Chicago's Old Town. I told her my name was ART GUTHRIE--thinkin' that'd impress her. She had never heard of Woody!!! I went on to be her teacher in things folk etc.

Art

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 12 May 99 - 11:51 PM

Don't you think the truth is, if someone wants to be charmed, even stupid lines will work. And if one doesn't -- all the King's horses and all the King's men ....

But I must say that among the qualities I most treasure is not so much being charming, but having the capacity to allow oneself to be charmed. Says something important about the person's ability to surrender -- without which love is an utter impossibility.

kc

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 12 May 99 - 06:53 PM

Question: Do you already know the person or don't you? If you know him/her, do you want to connect? If you want to connect, will surprise and shock leave you speechless until the other party withdraws nervously, feeling rebuffed?

-- MA

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 10 May 99 - 11:51 AM

Sandy, you're gettin' into dangerous territory here. I hope this was a LONG time ago. Of course you were successful though. (that James Dean look) Would you have sung her a Dylan song if she'd asked?

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 10 May 99 - 10:41 AM

Ok, ok. I'm new here, but I have one I can't resist sharing.

When I lived in New Mexico, I ran into this guy in Santa Fe who billed himself as a psychic. He was a gen-yoo-ine New Age cutie, with a tumble of curls down around his shoulders and a shirt opened to his navel, with the appropriate Atlantis-looking pendant all nestled in that sweet fur on his chest. This was his pickup line:

"I'm a psychic and I know a thing or two about you. You're stuck in this life, and you'll always be stuck because you and I have past-life business together. Unless we finally consummate our relationship, you're doomed to keep repeating the same old mistakes you've always made."

It didn't work on me, but he swore it actually did work -- a LOT.

Which reminds me of a joke: Q: Why did the psychic cross the road?

A: He was channeling a chicken...

kc

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Allan C.
Date: 10 May 99 - 07:36 AM

The story goes about a guy at the bar who has always got a flock of women around him. A stranger to the bar asks the bartender what kind of line the main attraction uses. The bartender answers, "None. He just sits there licking his eyebrows..."

Pickup lines? I had a woman ask me last week if there were still any meaningless relationships to be had. I told her that yes there were - that is what some folks call their marriages. And then I walked away.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sandy
Date: 10 May 99 - 06:44 AM

A woman on her own in a hotel bar one evening turned to me and said, "I'm lonely". I said, "What would you like to drink?" (of course). She said, "A double brandy please". I said, "No wonder you're f***ing lonely".

Silence.

So I said, "Would you like to come up to my room and listen to some music?" She said, "What if I don't like your taste in music?" I said, "You can put your clothes on and go home".

Was I successful?

Cast your votes now.

Sandy

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Sam Hudson
Date: 09 May 99 - 10:45 AM

My favourite... which is a sad commentary on my sense of humour, but I share it nonetheless...

"This face leaves in five minutes. Be on it!"

(Sorry...)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 08 May 99 - 06:03 PM

Aw, the "Ya wanna arm wrestle?" line isn't so bad if it's followed up with "Ya wanna tongue wrestle?" --seed

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: LEJ
Date: 08 May 99 - 04:57 PM

Mick - I think you're making some headway!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 May 99 - 12:12 AM

Where's my cookie when I need it? I'd follow her anywhere.
I make typos when I get excited...
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 May 99 - 12:10 AM

Gee, I kinda like the arm-wrestle line. If the right woman used it, I'd follow here anywhere.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: alison
Date: 07 May 99 - 11:17 PM

LOL

how can I possibly resist... hahahahahahahahahaha

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Big Mick
Date: 07 May 99 - 10:38 PM

OK, if you insist, Fair One.........are you ready?.............."Hey Stud, take me to your bed, or lose me". How's that?..............Did it work??..........Helloooooooooooo........Is this Microphone working??...........Alison??????...........Darn, back to the drawing board.

Mick, LMAO

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: alison
Date: 07 May 99 - 10:28 PM

Remember the scene in Topgun where tom Cruise sings "You've got that loving feeling" (very badly) to Kelly McGillis?....... well I've had that done to me in a Belfast disco...... not pleasant........ needless to say it didn't work.....

I prefer the other "clasic" from the same movie... "Hey Stud, take me to bed or lose me forever." **grin**

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Matthew B.
Date: 07 May 99 - 09:05 PM

This may be a bit apocryphal, but I heard of the following exchange:

After being rebeuffed by a woman he tried to hit on, a man sneered "so what are you, a lesbian?"

To which she replied: "So what are you, the alternative?"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Alice
Date: 07 May 99 - 06:58 PM

I can't believe no one has mentioned "What's your sign?"
Here's the best answer to that:
Stop.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Jerry Friedman
Date: 07 May 99 - 05:39 PM

"Do you want to get a six-pack and go screw, or don't you drink?"

Sean, I associate your Glasgow dialogue with American Jews! But I've never figured whether the girl is saying yes (I'm willing to dance with you) or no (I'm dancing with somebody else).