BS: Complete Knobhead club

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 03:31 PM

"What's even more worrying is when you're half-listening to someone else's conversation and you suddenly overhear the phrase "edible undergarments"...

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 03:27 PM

Or whom the fuck depends on your orientation , and a few other unrelated factors.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Stu in the electron cloud
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 03:17 PM

"Who the fuck is whom?

Or whom the fuck is who?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 02:19 PM

It seems there is nary a spot for incomplete knobheads. Why such blatant discrimination against that singular group? Whom decided this I ask?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 02:16 PM

It' a trick question gnu. It's the person wh farted on you, whether you knew it or not.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 02:13 PM

Who the fuck is whom?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 02:05 PM

Membership question 89 A:

What's the difference between "who" and "whom"? -provide examples.
 
(Two classic examples to draw from: "who farted?" and "on whom did I fart?") - the two preceding quotes are, regretfully, unrelated.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 01:35 PM

I'm absolutely thrilled to be considered as a Probationary Foreskin. Just hope I'm not circumcised if I fail to come up to scratch. I already have a pair of mauve men's tights on my head (Spring wear for April) so I'm ready for anything. The mauve men presented them to me many years ago, when they decided to wear socks instead. Yours in anticipation, Eluza xxx

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 12:59 PM

Bill D... the position of Gnomeknob was established in the sixth verse of The Thread of Knob. I quote, in part :

"... I AM the editor." Dave the Gnome, 04 Apr 14 - 06:02 PM

So mote it be.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 12:27 PM

"We must defend those in the less endowed club from potential attack from the evil "Big Mick's- Big Pricks" bragade, who are known to stalk the threads of mudcatville." 

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 12:18 PM

"I'd like to apologise to everyone here for being in such an odd mood for the past 63 and a half years. I'd like to state that this is likely to continue"

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 11:55 AM

Where is this heading?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 11:51 AM

If there is to be a club, I suppose there should be a leader/president... whatever.... sort of a 'head knobhead'. We need a committee to ascertain good candidates....knobhead head-hunters. That committee will need a chairman, a head knobhead head-hunter. I suggest they get up a head of steam and head for the head, which is as good a place as any to locate appropriate candidates.. and give us a heads-up (interpret away!) when they locate one.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 11:36 AM

Sorry, Eliza. You are too sensible.

Ed, are the tights mauve or are the men mauve? You are getting closer.

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 11:24 AM

"In the event of an emergency, a pair of mauve mens lycra tights will fall from the locker above your head. Please place them on your head and continue to breathe as normal"

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 11:05 AM

Pmmm

Eliza, your temporary code name for membership consideration, is Eluza

not Ed T

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 11:03 AM

Eliza, hows about we make you a Probationary Foreskin and if you're not up to scratch you'll be excised.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 11:03 AM

Eluza,

PM

To be considered for membership, it is essential that you quote this secret number: 50007674598, at regular intervals throughout the day for one week from today. You will be contacted following this, as to the status of your requested membership.

NOTE: confidential material. This message is intended for the eyes of Eliza, only. (This message is not from Ed T, but from a guest, disguised as Ed T)

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 10:47 AM

I love to join all sorts of things. I'd be thrilled to be nominated a Knobhead. Please can I be a member? Or, if not completely eligible, perhaps a Dickhead (junior cadet) would be allowed?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 10:18 AM

"Repeaat after me: I wil not drop beard trimmings in the toastie sandwich maker"

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 09:52 AM

Some one left a cake out in the rain....

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 09:12 AM

""People with sherbet shoulders shouldn't go out in the rain""

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 09:09 AM

I think for some people Knobheadism is an improvement and a worthwhile goal.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Stu
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 09:02 AM

I nominate myself. I am a complete and utter knob head and have been since birth.

It's me birthright so it is.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 05:56 AM

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a Windows Software engineer were out riding,when their car broke down,and they couldn't get it started. The mechanical engineer suggested thatit might be out of gas, but after checking it out he found that it had plenty of gas.  The electrical engineer thought it might be the ignition system; lifted the hood and decided that everything was OK.The Software engineer said, "Why don't we all  roll the windows up, get out of the car, get back in the carand roll the windows down again then see if it starts?"

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 05:52 AM

Sorry Ed, but with that joke about sheep you are...

Wait for it...

Baaaaaahhhd.

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 05:45 AM

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are driving through the high country in Scotland. Atop a hill, they see a black sheep.

The engineer says: "All sheep are black!" The physicist says: "No, no, some sheep are black." The mathematician: "At least one sheep is black on at least one side."

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 05:28 AM

 A reminder that you should spend only your spare time (if any) trying to understand this thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 05:15 AM

"I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here." 
― Lauren Myracle

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 05:05 AM

He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit" 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 05:01 AM

""...I wish to go on record as saying that if nominated I will not accept, if chosen will not run, and if elected will not serve""

"and to be clear,I did not have sex with that woman"

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 04:46 AM

knobhead
Syllabification: knob·head
NOUN

British • vulgar slang
A stupid person.


Now I am caught up, and I wish to go on record as saying that if nominated I will not accept, if chosen will not run, and if elected will not serve.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 05 Apr 14 - 02:42 AM

Typical sailor fantasy.....

I don't have anyone to nominate to be honest. The only people I swear at don't fall into the "let's have a bit of fun" category.

I would like to be an associate member though. You can cream off a bit of dosh if they let you organise the beetle drives and vegetable contests. A nice little earner awaits the hon sec.



Dave. That $500. Don't go to the bank. I can give you a slightly better exchange rate. See me in the tap room later.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 11:37 PM

I gnominate the Gnome. You can see that he is begging for the knob.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 08:01 PM

I nominate Ed T before he nominates himself... if he already hasn't.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 07:57 PM

Knobhead club- discriminatory bigots as opposed to angelic knotheads!

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 07:49 PM

A knob of butter in the US is probably a stick. The question is, though, exactly how far it will go in the lubrication stakes. Exactly how lubricious do you have to be for your knobhead stick to rank as a club? Bong, Kong or Dong? Or tipper?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 07:29 PM

I had something of a shock when I went to the first meeting of the knobhead club and discovered that there were a good number of people around that I thought to be smarter than me.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 07:27 PM

"Even when being asked questions about some serious matter [Oppenheimer] likes to answer in devious and sybilline fashion; but after a few such excursions his bewildered hearer is astonished to find that the answer as a whole, so far from evading the question, has illuminated it in depth by means of some brilliant, unexpected perception which reveals hitherto unnoticed relationships."
Michel Rouze. Robert Oppenheimer, The Man and His Theories. 1965.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 07:17 PM

""A knob of butter is about a heaped tablespoon, or about the same size as you would pick up between three fingers and a thumb.

A knob of butter is defined as an isosceles right-angled tetrahedron whose adjacent is equal to half the height of the block of butter.

US and UK tablespoons and teaspoons a not the same. 1 tablespoon [UK] = 1.2503332 tablespoon [US] so a heaping tablespoon [UK] is very close to 2 tablespoons [US].
And I thought that UK,US,European tablespoons were 15ml, unlike an Australian tablespoon which is 20ml.""

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 07:09 PM

""How much is a "knob of butter?"   How much do you want it to be? 

Certainly more than a dash, and well more than a pinch — neither of which seems the best way to measure butter, in any event. 

More to the point, a knob of butter is a British term denoting some butter, and its use is sadly declining as zealous editors force more precision and science into our recipes and cookbooks. Even the loosest British cooks (and I mean that in the nicest way) might get away with telling you to add a knob of butter on a television program. But when their cookbooks are published in the States, you can bet someone will have translated all those knobs into precise measurements. 

In my experience, a knob of butter is a couple tablespoons, more or less.""

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 06:50 PM

I was never plain. I was always an exemplary knobhead. I shall take my leave, against my soul's content, and bow to your authority, dubious as it is in my egotistical fantasy bewrought with my failed attempts of attaining grandeur in knobhood. I am an owner of a lonely heart.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 06:02 PM

Sorry, gnu, I AM the editor. Tell you what. You can have a honorary knobhead award if you like. All you have to do is send $500 in a plain brown envelope...

Ed T. Using words like 'gasoline discounts' will get you in the running but you will have to try a lot harder to take pole position.

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 05:54 PM

What? Bnad? How can you bnad me from the competition? I am gonna write a goddamn letter to the editor if you do not allow me to compete! I have trained years for this. I deserve a shot at it. Don't take my dream away from me.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 05:54 PM

Are there any travel, shopping or gasoline discounts, or frequent liar points, with membership?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 05:46 PM

Nah, Sorry, gnu. You're bnad.

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 05:44 PM

Fuck you and the white horse you rode in on!!!

Do I qualify?

Subject: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 04 Apr 14 - 05:20 PM

I am told, by the powers that be, that if anyone wanted to start their own club along the like of Big Mick's recent thread it would not be censored. Well, the word was actually censured but we have gone though that.

Anyway. On the same lines. I am taking nominations for the complete knobhead club. I am not following Big Mick's lines and it will not be by PM only. Nominations here. Tell us who and why. In gory details. Winner will be decided by me. I am judge, Judy and exhibitionist.

Enjoy.

DtG