The Nice But Dim Knight

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:17 AM

Did she always return? Yes, she always returned,
Her fate, it has often been learned,
Though for years and years she tried to leave the harbour
The ship she always returned.


....
They found him in the pub with his hand on a bottle
And tucking into pie and mushy peas....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,SqueezeMe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:13 AM

If the letter of Marque from the King had been lost in the mail, there might have been one less legless fisherman on a Halifax pier....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:10 AM

I think it's very unkind of you to ask of me to sing...

...so I'm going to play my Banjo instead

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Severn
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:09 AM

I always used the "NO!" with "Children Go Where I Send Thee". More realistic, somehow.....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 11:00 AM

As I walked out one May morning…

…it was peeing down so I went in again.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,SqueezeMe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 10:51 AM

Oh Polly, lovely Polly the rout has now begun
And I must go a marching to the beating of the drum
Go dress yourself all in your best and come along with me
I'll take you to the wars, my love, in High Germany.


In these shoes?

(Apologies to the late Kirsty McColl)

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:56 AM

or

One morning in May
at the dawn of the day
I pulled a sickie
and in bed I did stay.

(thereby avoiding the paternity suit)

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:41 AM

Tom Pierce, Tom Pierce, lend me thy gray mare...

NO! Sod off.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:39 AM

What if Barbara Ellen had opted for a night in with a pizza and a copy of 'Cosmo'?

LTS

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: pavane
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:36 AM

Perhaps all these DID happen - but there wouldn't have been a song about them.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 07:21 AM

Hey, this is fun!

Oh Polly, lovely Polly the rout has now begun
And I must go a marching to the beating of the drum
Go dress yourself all in your best and come along with me
I'll take you to the wars, my love, in High Germany.

Alright, just give me minute to put my face on.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:56 AM

And if Sir Patrick Spens had had any bottle…


The first line that Sir Patrick read
A loud, loud laugh left him
He screwed the letter in a ball
And chucked it in the bin

"Oh who is this has done this deed
And told the King of me
If he thinks I'm sailing this time of year
He's off his bloody tree."

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:54 AM

Or if the page in Little Musgrave had decided it would be much more fun to just watch through the keyhole

Then it would have been Child #27 rather than Child #81!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:42 AM

And woe be to the little footpage
And an ill death may he die
For he's put his eye to the keyhole
As his hand into his fly

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 06:37 AM

Or if Janet in Tam Lim didn't believe in fairies. Or if the page in Little Musgrave had decided it would be much more fun to just watch through the keyhole.

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:21 AM

Or is Lady Arland's page couldn't swim!

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:18 AM

What if Lucy Wan had been on the pill?

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: fat B****rd
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:12 AM

What if the banjo player eluded the irate band of music lovers....

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:48 AM

What if John Barleycorn was attacked by a parasitic fungus?

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:45 AM

What about if that sea captain hadn't been so stubborn about setting sail on Christmas day? Or in that gale, no matter how fine and pleasant it was?

LTS

Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Paul Burke
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:35 AM

He was only outlandish once she'd chucked him off the cliff. He was inlandish up to that point.

Subject: The Nice But Dim Knight
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 04:27 AM

It just occurred to me that things would have been very different if the outlandish knight had been a bit brighter, or else not had such good manners.

"Well, maybe not, but it's not exactly fitting that I'm killing you in the first place, is it? Go on, get 'em off."