BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for business

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 28 Jul 08 - 09:09 AM

Liz,

Did you eat lunch with Bruce Murdoch? We have a purple thread going elsewhere and now you have a whole head full of them! Or was it the reaction to the sepia squid ink?

Anyway, your hair "is to dye for", as soon as possible.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: open mike
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 09:37 PM

whoa, do i sure need a drink..
i lost some good aquavit in
the rfre, how bout a shot
of schnapps?!! skoal!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 04:16 PM

Why is my hair purple?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 25 Jul 08 - 10:37 AM

"What hath he wrought?"

Or is that "What hath he, rot?"

Whatever it is, it's wroughten to the corpse and Liz definitely looks creepier in Sepia.

The ladies will have to start lining up at the Gents again. There'a always room for Jello and the ladies has been temporarily designated as the Jello Room. This clean-up could take some time, so thank you for showing us your latest film, Liz! Now go wash it off, for Gawd's sake!......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 10:23 AM

That wasn't a fart, Liz. It was ink. EWWWWW Green Jell-O and black ink. You look like you're rotting. Nasty

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: MudGuard
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 09:44 AM

Offtopic: Liz, did you see my PM?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 09:40 AM

Oh thank the deities for that... someone else has arrived...

Can you help me out of this jello pit please? The squid asked me to grab his tentacle, so I did, he farted and blew himself right out the side door into the backass of beyond, and I landed here in the jello.

It's been quite nice, but I've run out of Long Island Iced tea... now the old liver has been confirmed as not alcoholic, I'm back on the good stuff.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: GUEST,beardedbruce
Date: 24 Jul 08 - 08:10 AM

no word from the squid- one has to wonder.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 18 Jul 08 - 10:24 AM

no mere ( nor mare) puns can kill this thread.


Another Lime fizz, and give the squid another of whatever he's having.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 05:00 PM

"Do you want to see the Star Beward list or the Port list to chose your wine, sir?"

Neither list will be enough to result in much of a tip.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 04:56 PM

The Star Beward always to be on the other side of the room from the port, especially when you need some. He/she always thinks themself in the right, while somehow the port always seems to get left. They give you a polite bow accompanied by a stern look while you're left holding a stem on the right side of the room. You wonder if the old or young poop in question is playing with a full deck.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 04:19 PM

Star Beward?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:28 PM

What about Tarbender?


21,000 hits, starting with "Tarbender is a hard-driving high-energy four-piece blues band, with strong funk,"



See, there is a musical connection! Take us above the line!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:12 PM

Yes, but when the OED goes looking for it's first use in "print" it might be here!

Nope- 11 hits on altavista...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:09 PM

It's not owned by us, but by every drunken slob in the world!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:06 PM

"Karbeep"


Can I beg permission to use this word? A true enrichment of the English language!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:06 PM

I think I'll call it "Hieland Laddy's Revenge."

No, wait. That sounds too much like diarrhea.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:03 PM

You brought up the martini? What a waste.. And you're going to clear it up yourself aren't you?!

Why is there never a bag of sawdust when you need one... leastways, not one that hasn't been used by the cat AND the duck....


Karbeep, fresh olives!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 02:33 PM

HMMMM I was in here getting a lecture on bear scat and assorted poo. Then I was in the micca thread. They have no idea why I brought up the martini and the loo. Very strange. I have to stay away from that revolving door.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 01:32 PM

a stirrer upper is useful in a tavern.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Megan L
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 01:25 PM

Ach lassies never listen tae thon calumphin gallot Rapaire hes gan clean gyte and is naethin bit a stirrer upper

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: maeve
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:40 PM

It will have to be a weepin' knife, Liz. No happy little knife would dream of causing injury to the Noble Bodhran.

Rapaire:
I hesitate to inquire about the instrument referred to as a "piobroch". The compositional form is an elegant thing indeed. I should warn you however, that the Campbells are coming, the MacDonalds are already here, and the Scots an aw their allies are nae sae far frae here as ye mocht think! You'll be greetin' and mourning soon fur you're in muckle trouble, son!

MEGAN!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:27 PM

CErtainly Rap... and would you like a penknife to go with that 'hran?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:34 AM

I'm working on a piece for bodhran and piobrach. It is to be played ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, con molto warlike, by novice (or wannabe) players. Hmmmmm...maybe it also needs cannons, like the "1812 Overture." Nothing like a whiff of grapeshot to keep the audience awake, I always say.

Rum, please. Straight 151 proof stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:25 AM

Lime fizz, please...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Jul 08 - 06:14 AM

Alas no.. I was having an ultrasound scan on my liver.

The Theatre Sleaze job fell through when it became obvious to all that I had the wrong kind of tits. Most men don't like them feathered...


although there was this one guy from Richmond.....


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 06:24 PM

So, Liz -- you got your old job at Theatre Sleaze back, did you?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 05:09 PM

He'd be proud of me... I spent a good 30 mins this morning covered from boobs to bum in jello.... and not a squid in sight!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 01:56 PM

Squid's just a little tired from his terpsichorian exhibition and a bit saddened and offended by the subsequent call from his agent. The "title role" just offered to him in a road production of "Lord Of the Dance" turned out to be that of St. Vitus.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 05:50 PM

And they've yet to develop an undertenticle deoderant....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 12:08 PM

Of course he smells funny! He doesn't have a nose.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 12:06 PM

Now look what you guys have done. The squid is sulking in the corner. Somebody pass him a bottle or two of gin. Then shove him back into the Jell-O pit. He smells funny.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:53 AM

Rapaire's been winning at Cotton Rummy a-gin?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:29 AM

A gin, and a gin, and a gin....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 10:19 AM

Gin and Mudcat-a-tonic? Sounds like a cure!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: lady penelope
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 10:08 AM

Oh dear lord....

Right it's a very large G&T for me then - purely medicinal you know...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Severn
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 09:39 AM

Then congradulations on your mantle piece trophy, Liz!

Better a trophy than atrophy, as they say!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 09:26 AM

In where? Carlsbad Caverns? Joe's Bar? Speaking of bars, I'd like a few more Moose Drools.

Thanks.

No, no, just because I mentioned Carlsbad Caverns (which is really Carl's Bad Tavern) doesn't mean I want them topped with batshit.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 07:09 AM

But it does make for a damn good night in!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 02:32 PM

Ah, but generosity of measurement is not an indication of a sensitive, caring and responsible lover.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 02:10 PM

"The relatively long terminal organ (penis) of a mature male is almost the length of its mantle"

"Current estimates put the colossal at 12–14m long - that's 39–46 feet. Its mantle is longer than the giant squid, "




It knows...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 02:00 PM

Wonder if our squid knows that size matters????? Blind, eh? That explains a lot.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 11:16 AM

One of the guys in the neighborhood had big eyes. He was arrested for using them to peek in windows.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:50 PM

allergic reaction?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:49 PM

Now, the colossal squid really does exist - and it's bigger than the giant squid! Current estimates put the colossal at 12–14m long - that's 39–46 feet. Its mantle is longer than the giant squid, but its tentacles are shorter. And instead of suckers, it's got rows of swivelling hooks on its tentacles. The colossal squid is thought to have the biggest eye in the animal kingdom.

http://weblog.greenpeace.org/oceandefenders/archive/2007/03/the_really_really_big_col.html

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 05:45 PM

Well that explains the joint aches and the rash, but what about the cough?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 02:16 PM

Any of this sound familiar?





"Unless pheromones are involved (squid perfumes), both male and female (or male/male and female/female) probably just bump into each other in the dark. After a moment of panic, sixteen arms and four tentacles entangle and the giants go beak to beak.

The relatively long terminal organ (penis) of a mature male is almost the length of its mantle, from which it projects freely, through the funnel, for a considerable portion of the organ's length. Species with such long organs presumably use them directly to implant spermatophores hydraulically into the female, and as a rule lack modification of either ventral arm (hectocotylus) for spermatophore transfer. Architeuthis lacks a hectocotylus.

His metre+-long penis presumably injects numerous spermatophores directly into the female's arms (Fig. 4, left). The two animals then separate, the male swimming away, probably a bit beat up (possibly having lost parts of his arms and tentacles in the violent struggle; see cannibalism thread), but none the wiser likely repeats this affair with another female (should the opportunity arise). His spermatophores remain embedded in each female's arms - possibly burrowing even deeper into their flesh. "

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 01:56 PM

Too much information...

http://www.tonmo.com/science/public/architeuthisreproduction.php

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: beardedbruce
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 01:50 PM

News from the outside world (outdated)...

Giant squids 'mate blind'
May 6, 2004

The giant squid is not especially choosy when it comes to sex and will mate blind without checking if the object of its affections is male or female, a German researcher said yesterday.

Volker Miske, of the Stralsund maritime museum in northeast Germany, said a male specimen being prepared for conservation had sperm underneath its skin.

The giant squid reproduces by the male injecting sperm under the skin of its female partner.

"The theory about two male giant squid mating is not new, but for the first time we have something that seriously supports that theory," he told AFP.

"It's the first time that (sperm) traces have been discovered in a part of the body so far from the sexual organ.

"Until now, it was thought males injected themselves with sperm by accident during mating. But that is definitely not the case here: the sperm was clearly injected by another giant squid."

There is another possibility that cannot be totally excluded, Miske added, which is that the infusion of sperm happened during group sex.

However, that is unlikely given that chance encounters between giant squid, rare, multi-tentacled creatures which live at depths of between 300 and 1,000 metres below sea level, are few and far between.

The six-metre-long specimen being prepared at Stralsund was discovered by a team led by the New Zealand researcher Steve O'Shea.

AFP

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 01:43 PM

You guys..... you are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dead!

I've always hated the term 'preggers'... it would be a medical miracle if it were to occur and I'd be offering the story to 'Jello' magazine.

LTS