BS: Middle Age Dating

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 06:55 PM

I'm not surprised you don't get the flowers thing, Richard. You've barely come down out of the trees.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 06:41 PM

I really, really don't understand the flowers thing. Why do women want to kill flowers?

Look, if you can get laid (without paying for it), do it. Sooner or later you will find that you are in a "long term relationship" - and then you won't get laid so much.

If you can't get laid (not an uncommon problem) that is not the same thing as failing to find a perfect relationship.

Now getting laid, that is another puzzle altogether. I mean look at that disgusting alleged comedian who asserts he is a "sex insect" - Brand or something. He looks revolting - but apparently gets it thrown at him.

I had a friend at university - looked like a podgy Marc Bolan without the washing, teeth like green breakwaters and never washed his hair (excapt whan he could score the shampoo off me) he was not actually at the uni - a dropout working as a milkman - a string of convictions for petty theft and car theft, and a fairly unconnected shithead. Girls threw themselves at him, many who looked a bit like "Honeybunch" (an underage sexqueen from one of the hippy mags of the era) but one of whom was "Miss [insert name of university]" and also got a first class degree a year or so later (and married a rich accountant a year or so after that).

Beats me.

And another friend of mine at the time - principal hobby driving cars so briskly they met the scenery - admittedly very attractive looking (used to get paid to pose for gay mags, when he was short of shit, lucky his colonel father who was also a lawyer never found out), but the sort of chap who would hold a girls's head down until he finished and then brag about it.

Beats me.

But settle for it if you can get it.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 06:20 PM

That is ironical, Peter. Amazing what strength accurues to people who see themselves as an embattled minority, isn't it? (I can think of any number of possible examples of that.)

This is why I think Chongo Chimp may yet become president, in fact. (No George Bush jokes, please!)

Wesley - That is a superbly well thought-out list of advice you posted. Right on the mark. If I were looking for anyone I would certainly keep all of it in mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Peter T.
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 05:12 PM

A lesbian friend of mine says that she pities heterosexuals because they have such a hard time meeting each other. The whole gay/lesbian culture has all kinds of mating/meeting rituals in clubs and dances and so on.   I hadn't thought about it before, but she is right.


yours,

Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 04:38 PM

Been there seen it, done it. bought the tee shirt, made a hole in it, sewed it up, made another hole, bought another one, made a hole in that, sewed it up... bought another one, bought another one, bought another one.... awwwwww what the heck, I guess being on my own aint so bad really... just get a bit lonely occasionally..... but can meet with friends and talk about how good things were.... or how bad... depending on mood.
Middle age dating... you are welcome.... be who you are, where you are, with what you have and be above all.... happy with life as it is for you.
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Wesley S
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 03:43 PM

My thoughts on middle aged dating { I got married for the first time at age 45 } are as follows:

1 - Where ever you go - there you are.
2 - It's alot easier for women to find the qualities in you that are lovable once you've found out those lovable parts for yourself.
3 - In other words - you have to love yourself in an appropriate way before someone else can love you
4 - The Swat Team of Love is not going to bust down your door and find you.
5 - Most women prefer well groomed men. Check you breath, underarms and your shoes. They say a lot about you.
6 - Most women like good listeners. Practice saying: "UM", "AH" and "Oh" a lot. Then practice again. Don't offer advice unless asked.
7 - The perfect woman doesn't exist. Neither does the perfect man.
8 - 99.999 percent of women like getting flowers. But not right away. On a first date it could scare some women off.
9 - Don't reveal too much too soon. Leave a little bit of mystery.
10 - Don't say you're going to do something and not follow through. Don't say you're going to call if you don't mean it. Women keep track of these things and they don't forget stuff. Ever.

Overall a relationship with a member of the opposite sex can be the most fulfilling thing you can ever do. But like anything else it takes work. You'll get out what you put into it.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 03:09 PM

He did it Farnk's way...an in-family joke for doing things as bass-ackwards as possible. The neologism led, eventually, to the famous movie "Out Farnk's Way" about a rundown dilapidated farmhouse out past the back of beyond. The expression also found its way into military slang, where "being put in Farnk's way" meant being sent on a long, complicated, frustrating path to accomplish little or nothing of any importance.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 02:40 PM

Farnk Sinatra - Frank's little known half brother. He never made it in music, and died penniless and unshaven in a gutter in Skinkville, Alabama in 1959.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 02:27 PM

What, gnu, are you implying about Farnk Sinatra?

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 02:17 PM

Right on, Willie-O. Women and phones...it has to be seen (and heard) to be believed... ;-)

Why are most women more articulate than most men? Well, because practice makes perfect, that's why!

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: gnu
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 02:13 PM

Lizzie... "Because you love her, and no doubt she'll grit her teeth at times too and do things 'your' way, because she knows it makes you happy."

I am a man. I do not have a "my" way.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Willie-O
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 12:21 PM

Megan:

"Girls will ken whit i mean if they hiv ever tried to get information from hubby after he has been on the phone for an hour. "

Hmmm...in what alternate universe is HE on the phone for an hour?

Jist askin...

W-O
durnnear25purtygoodyearswithagoodwomanandshehasntkickedmeoutyetdespiteoccasionalexasperation (but when she gets on the phone I don't exist)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: GUEST,Mr Red
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 08:24 AM

A lot to be said for the Folk world. Clubs, sessions, festivals, ceilidhs. Ceilidhs are a great mixer, you get to touch without hidden agenda. It can say a lot. And judging by the care one has to greet some folk couples with - mixing is definitely a theme.

Of course if you have been doing these things for some time the catchment cohort may be familiar and unless the assemblage are "new" it may not be as exciting.

But like the Mudcat - it pays to lurk and find out the situation before revealing yourself.

What I found with newspaper ads and latterly internet was that there is a lot of text (rehearsed, considered and sometime delusiary) but the visuals are poor to non-existant and the visuals are what we have evolved to react to.
Ya can't buck nature without a downside. Get and mingle.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: GUEST,kopo
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 08:29 PM

You remind me of myself...get into your life and share it with others. Put your particular form of service first. Let the relationship be an extension of what you already are. Ask that you meet someone good and let it go. Well, that's how I thought it would work. No answers here mate.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 09:49 AM

Rapaire is correct, In the Middle Ages dating was a quick and breezy affair among the lower classes. The upper class however required as much as 45 minutes just to get undressed even with the help of servants. This often proved too tedious by day so nightime became the best opportunity with the aid of secret passages and chambers in the castle.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: M.Ted
Date: 06 Jan 09 - 09:12 AM

Dewey--This discussion has meandered off topic. I'm bringing it back to tell you something important(others have said it, but it bears repeating)--

You want to opposite things--to be intimate with someone, and to keep yourself pure--and it's been tearing you apart for a long time. You need to spend time working it out, and you'll need help from a therapist/counselor/minister.

The rest of this stuff dating/mating stuff won't fall into place till after you've done that--

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 03:39 PM

Why do you want your voice at a lower pitch, VT? Are you aiming for the "Lauren Bacall" throaty purr...? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 01:41 PM

I think I've lost the plot...

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 12:08 PM

Right..... (rolling my eyes)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Jan 09 - 12:00 PM

sing at a higher pitch...

2 remedies for that - one temporary, one permanent - pick one insert evil grin

Here I am a woman anall... workin like the devil to get and keep my voice at a lower pitch without sacrificing any estrogen (multiple orgies are very important)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 07:19 PM

LOL! I never get tired of hearing you talk like that, Megan. Of course, we aren't married, right?

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Megan L
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 06:48 PM

Of course god is a man I mean who else but a man would say to another man. "Mind and tell the wife no tae eat that apple" and actually expect him tae remember past the first pub. Girls will ken whit i mean if they hiv ever tried to get information from hubby after he has been on the phone for an hour.

Meg fetches her coat and walking stick and exits before she is asked tae pick a windy

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 06:41 PM

"It appears to lend some credence to the absurd notion that "God" is an old patriarch with a beard, doesn't it, Lizzie? ;-)"

Too bloomin' right, LH! :0) Heck, God is going to be so sorry for all those mistakes when I get up there! I have a whole list of "Right, come on, I'm listening, WHERE did you get *that* idea from???" questions, and I'll have all the time in the world, and out of it, to nag him until I get the answers... :0)

"On the other hand, there's multiple orgasms. Women (some of them anyway) have it all over men when it comes to that,"

Quick, Nurse! The Screens! :0)


"...and don't think we don't envy you for it!"

Nope, I'm sorry, (lol) that simply doesn't make up for all that ridiculous 'birth' stuff. I mean we could *at least* have been fitted with zips! Yeesh!

Giving birth is like that old Bob Newhart record..."You do WHAT, Walt?" ;0)


I hear you Meg, but.....you can just as easily die young as old. I know the chances are obviously slimmer, but my Dad only had his Mum for 15 years, as she died quite young, and one of my friends on Dartmoor, in her early 30s died in a car crash when her youngest child was just 3 months old. Her other 3 daughters went from 7 to 11...and the 7 year old has cerebral palsy.

I'm a great believer in 'if it's meant to be, it's meant to be'..and my Dad was far older than all my friends dads (insert ' wherever you want 'cos I've not a clue where they fit in there) :0)   but I never thought of Dad as an 'age', only ever as Dad, and he had more time for me than my Mum, came from a different generation, as there was near on 20 years age gap between them. I was 33 when he died, but he got to cuddle his first grandchild for nearly 3 years and he poured love into her, knowing his time with her was short.

Strangely, I was the same age when I had my younger child, as Dad was when he had me.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Megan L
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 06:11 PM

Nature created a cut off point for having children for a reason anyone over 45 has little chance of being around when their family need them.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 06:09 PM

It appears to lend some credence to the absurd notion that "God" is an old patriarch with a beard, doesn't it, Lizzie? ;-)

On the other hand, there's multiple orgasms. Women (some of them anyway) have it all over men when it comes to that, and don't think we don't envy you for it! You also get to wear a greater variety of neat clothing styles and you can sing at a higher pitch.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 05:53 PM

You men are lucky you know, being able to have children all your life long, if you wanted to....and you *never* once have to give birth, either! Now, *who* thought that idea up???? :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 05:33 PM

Well, Lizzie, for them as wants to do it...fine with me. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 05:18 PM

One clue about Middle Age dating: never tell your secrets to a Cistercian monk.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 05:16 PM

"If the laundry is clean and neat, why do I have to do it her way?"

Because you love her, and no doubt she'll grit her teeth at times too and do things 'your' way, because she knows it makes you happy. It's what it's all about, Alfie...

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 05:13 PM

Good Lord! 52, for a man, is still way young enough to have children!

Bruce Forsyth is 80 and has a 21 year old son.

David Jason had his little daughter (his first child) at the age of 61

David and his little girl

And of course, there's Des, a father again at 74..

Des O'Connor and his son

It's not your age that matters, but your love for your child.

Yes, it can be harder when you're a bit older, or even a lot older, but hey, you can be a really fit Dad of 21, then have a terrible accident, and be in a wheelchair the rest of your life..or worse, die very young.

Nothing in life is guaranteed.

If you still long for children, and you meet someone who feels the same way, then smile...and go for it, because the chances are, your children will know exactly how loved and wanted they are.

Fingers crossed for you, gnu.. :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 04:57 PM

Theoretically, yeah - and probably a lot longer than that in actuality.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 04:48 PM

You still would contemplate having children at 52????????? Sheesh. I sure wouldn't. It takes about 20 years to raise them, you know...theoretically.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 04:44 PM

Well... I dunno. I said it earlier. I really would, at nearly 52, like to find HER and to even have children. But, even tho I might not find that one to have children with, should I bother with the rest of it? I mean, c'mon now, do I need to deal with learning to fold the laundry her way? I mean, really? If the laundry is clean and neat, why do I have to do it her way?

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 04:37 PM

"Dating" is part of a formalised or semi-formalised courtship ritual in which the objectives are either sexual congress or matrimony, sometimes both. "


Ooh, Richard! You romantic, you! :0)


Little Hawk, I'm a bit depressed that I may end up like my dog! Yikes!! ;0)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 04:37 PM

Yes, there is that. ;-)

It always happens first in the heart for me, gnu. I get a tremendous warmth and glow in my heart region (right in the center of my chest) when I'm around the person...a profound sense of tenderness and affection for them. An enormous sense of respect and concern for their welfare.

It's awhile later that the feeling starts to move "south".

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 04:23 PM

Hmmm...at least you can kick-start a sump-pump, LH!!!



A

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 04:20 PM

Or, you meet someone who turns your crank. Oh, I guess that is what you meant. In a more romantic way.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 04:14 PM

What the hell??? Sounds to me like you just started doing a mind-meld with Bobert! (I am referring to the fractured patois in your last post, not your offline relationship.)

I wasn't exactly lookin' fer sparkin' either. What I was looking for was to be in love with someone. I was looking for someone that I could have a great emotional rapport with and connect with in that fashion...someone I would just love to be around...someone with qualities which I admire and respect. The desire for sparkin' normally follows such an encounter in a natural fashion, since you already like the person that much, then you are going to get a strong urge to get physically closer to them soon enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 04:07 PM

funnily i weren't looking for no sparkin. i were just mindin my own beezwax, writin and critikewing the poertree in the virtuality of the interwub. when along comes this wannuhbee poem writer aksin fer my help on his poertree. it was right awful, but I soon set him straight. later found out he were an English, edumacated with masters in putering after taking honors in the astro.... in the astro.... uummm er stars and planets and space gasonomy.   so he is real 'telligent.

mostly he is sweet as pie... can't beat that.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 03:50 PM

Right. Since I was never thinking in terms of seeking matrimony, that kind of cancelled out at least half the motivation right there... ;-) Silly me, though, I was always looking for "true love" (the romantic ideal of it). Not a practical bone in my body when it comes to this subject.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 03:46 PM

"Dating" is part of a formalised or semi-formalised courtship ritual in which the objectives are either sexual congress or matrimony, sometimes both.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 01:38 PM

I always felt that way about dating too, Jeri...a weird concept (!) ...and I never got married either. I also like to get together with other people simply because we share some common interest, that's all. Most of the people I know well are musicians, and we get together to play music. Seems like a good basis for relating to me.

You are quite right that we all get weirder (and harder to deal with) as we get older. Dogs are like that too. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 01:34 PM

Sounds about right Jeri!

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 01:27 PM

Has anyone noticed that Middle Age Dating = M.A.D?

Uh Oh....   

:0)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Jeri
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 01:10 PM

Get a room!

Seriously, the whole concept of a 'date' is weird at my age. I never liked it when I was younger either (may explain why I've never been married). You found somebody you liked and did stuff with them. You didn't do stuff first, then discover you liked them. There aren't a lot of people I like who like me back. (You get older, you get weirder too.)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Ruth Archer
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 01:02 PM

"Like I said I am lucky. I don't have to work at it. We rub along beautifully together. We enjoy each other's company. We have the same interests."

I'm lucky too. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 12:49 PM

To be honest.... before I met my current honey I dreamed and dreamed of not having the tedium of taking care of a onesided relationship. It was terribly difficult, thankless and just not worth the energy. I was worried that every relationship would be like that and was quite prepared to be blissfully alone... until I met my current love.

So I can understand where RB is coming from.

Like I said I am lucky. I don't have to work at it. We rub along beautifully together. We enjoy each other's company. We have the same interests.

is all good.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 12:49 PM

For sure, such things exist. That doesn't mean that everyone finds them, but they do exist. Looking around me, I'd say that a relatively small minority of people actually find such a joyful and enduring relationship with someone else.

Most people can't handle being on their own too well, though, so they settle for something less than the ideal situation...maybe a good deal less. They may even settle for misery in company rather than being alone!

Me, I'd rather be alone any day than suffer misery in company.

As for the kind of relationship Virgina Tam describes...well, yeah, you're lucky, VT! I do not expect to find such a relationship anymore at this late date. I expect to be alone and to manage okay with it. I am complete, in any case. I don't require someone else in order to complete myself, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the great worth of what you have, VT. I was searching for something like that all through my 20s, 30s, 40s, and most of my 50s. I have now come to the conclusion that it ain't gonna happen in this lifetime, so I might as well be happy with what I have.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 12:40 PM

Oh, no, I think I have the relationship I want now: none (well, the dog will die soon).

People are so inconvenient. Essex Girl visited my Lower Stoke session recently and she and I were agreed that neither of us would really want to share a house with another person again.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Anne Lister
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 12:31 PM

A new car is no longer new when it's eight years old and you can generally hear the rattles and know the parts that need replacing. Mine is still in mint condition.
I'm sorry if Richard hasn't found the relationship he really wants but there's really no cause to suggest that no one ever does - some of us do, and have. Like Virginia Tam, I'm sorry if your experiences mean you don't believe these things exist. They do.

Anne