Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 09 - 09:19 AM

Did you need this letter from some lawyers that I signed for for you? Something about patent infringement or something, or maybe it was paternity. Anyway, I figured that since it said "commanded to appear and bring all pertinent documents both written and electronic" it was junk mail and I shredded it to save you time.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jun 09 - 01:47 AM

Oh, it's no problem at all Still. The fellow keeps on writing with his damn money, waving it under my nose all the time. I have told him a dozen times to push off, that I care nothing for the stuff, and that only love and music can move me or stir my devotion, but he is of that ugly breed of jade that perseveres in cynical belief that everyone has a price. Tell Shane he's welcome to it.


A

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jun 09 - 12:42 AM

Amos, I just found a piece of mail that someone pulled out of your mailbox while you were away. I think they planned to get in ahead of you in this delicate legal matter. I slapped him upside the head gave him a stern talking to. Here it is:

From: Woods Maxwell & Associates <[e-mail]>
To:
Subject: From the Desk of: Woods Maxwell Esq.
Date: Jun 17, 2009 8:51 AM
Woods Maxwell & Associates
4 Al Rashid Street, Gargash Center, Deira Dubai
E-mail: [e-mail]
Reference # GLS./LEGALH//PRO/PRCDRE 2312.

SUBJECT: - Next of kin/Will Beneficiary to Mr. Richard Meyer.
Good Day Friend,
This is a personal email directed to you and I request that it be treated as such. I am Woods Maxwell Esq. a British national; I have live and worked in Dubai United Arab Emirates for 13 years with my family which I am the personal attorney/sole executor to the late Mr. Richard Meyers of Dublin Ireland. Herein after referred to as " my client" I represent the interest of my client killed with his immediate family in a small plane crash near Eveleth, Minnesota on October 25, 2002 and I will like to negotiate the terms of investment of resources available to him.
My client was a contractor to Shell Petroleum Development Company, United Kingdom (SPDC), and had left behind a deposit of Five Million Six Hundred United States Dollars only ($5,600,000.00 USD) with a Bank here in United Arab Emirates where I am presently residing. The funds originated from contract transactions he executed in his registered area of business. Just after his death, I was contacted by his Bank to provide his next of kin; reasons being that his deposit agreement contains a residuary clause giving his personal attorney express authority to
nominate the beneficiary to his funds. Unknown to the Bank here in Dubai United Arab Emirates that my client had left no possible trace of any of his close relative with me, making all efforts in my part to locate his family relative proved to be unfruitful since his death. Note down from my clients own story, he was only adopted and his foster parents whom he lost in 1976, according to him, had no possible trace of his real family. By virtue of my closeness to the deceased and his immediate family, I am very much aware of my client's financial standing. I do sincerely sympathize the death of my client, but had thought it unprofitable for his funds to be submitted to the government of this country and the finance institution where the fund is lodged.
On this note, I decided to search for a credible person and was moved to contact you to put up a claim to the bank in that capacity as a next of kin/will beneficiary to my client, so that the proceeds of his bank account valued at Five Million Six Hundred United States Dollars only ($5,600,000.00 USD) can be paid to you, before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable to the Bank where this huge deposit is lodged.
Note that this is legal and 100% risk free. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law. As I said, I require only a solemn confidentiality on this. Please get in touch via my alternative email: [e-mail]    for better confidentiality and if okay by you, send me your full name and address, telephone and fax numbers to enable us discuss further on this transaction and also to enable me go to the Dubai High Court here in Bur- Dubai and secure all legal documentation on your behalf to enable you get the legal backing to the claim If this proposal is acceptable by you.
I am looking forward to your understanding and co-operation.

Kind Regards.
Woods Maxwell Esq.

No hard feelings, eh? Shane says he won't do it again.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: GUEST,rumanci
Date: 13 May 09 - 09:06 PM

squeak he he !
What has adjusting mods gotta do with my eyesight or imagination problems ?
Maybe the squid is just sick and we'll all be in the money. Eh ?

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:05 AM

Rumanci - I think you need to adjust your meds again... that isn't Fred with the piano... it's a squid, and those are not dungarees.

LTS

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: GUEST,rumanci
Date: 12 May 09 - 09:42 PM

Heck !
I'm sorry I missed this home invasion and mice playing until after the dude cats returned.
Do ya think they noticed that twelve foot hole in the road outside with the piano, Fred in his dungarees, or the mysterious jungle-green eyes lurking ? or is that still in MY imagination ?
Dang !

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 May 09 - 11:22 PM

Hmmmm. I wonder, if Severn was a house guest at Amos' recently, er, refurbished abode, maybe a few of the stray electrons that Don Firth released when he pushed that button would help restore some of those spots where the skin grafts are making connections?

I'm not a doctor, I just generate chaos at Mudcat.com. . . you know, the usual disclaimers need to come into play.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 09 - 07:59 PM

It's wonderful to see you getting your swing back, Severn. Finest recovery I ever did see/saw. I hope you don't back-slide, but I know you've got the sand to pul it off. Let us know if the sand balks, though.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Severn
Date: 11 May 09 - 05:53 PM

Other than that, nothings happenned in your abscence by the unevent-full. Lots of 'em!.....

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Severn
Date: 11 May 09 - 05:45 PM

We had our own okay coral group going, including some funny reefer men we got on referral, but we ran into a great barrier when the singers began contracting some throat polyps that weren't part of the original contract, so we had to disband before recording any welcome home songs.



But welcome home, anyway!. Somebody was supposed to have composed some, if they didn't decompose in the interim......

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 09 - 05:01 PM

We saw two interesting examples. On a snorkeling expedition out at the south end of the local region, we moored at a tiny desert island, with three palms on it and white sand fingers of beach leading into a shallow area littered with coral. It seemed to me there were huge swaths of dead coral bones all over the place, with a good number of healthy corals in between. I asked about it and the explanation was the natural destruction caused by hurricanes and tropical storms. They get really hard hurricanes once every few years, and even the barrier reef does not prevent huge violent waves and winds reaching the shallower inside waters.

A couplke of days later I was diving along another section, about ten miles further north along the barrier reef, and the entire region looked healthy with only a few scattered areas of broken bleached remains.

In both areas the marine life was astonishing to swim among--sea turtles, manta rays, jacks, groupers, school-masters, nurse-sharks, occasional dolphins.

A

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 May 09 - 04:45 PM

Did you try the wallet test? Carefully remove wallet of victim and betcha anything, if he's fakin' it, he'll twitch when you get a hold of that wallet!

LTS

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 09 - 04:43 PM

I doubt that it's much good. Amos checked the blood pressure (0/0), pulse (0 bpm), heart (nothing to hear), lungs (nothing to hear), EKG (flat line), EEG (flat line), and temperature (ambient).

Ergo, the stuff is dead, dead, dead. No vital signs at all.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: gnu
Date: 11 May 09 - 04:42 PM

I recall the first time I heard the Newfie saying, "She's flat oily ca'm." And also, when I heard Robin Williams say, "He's slicker than whale sit."

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 May 09 - 04:23 PM

Beautiful place. How is the health of that coral?

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 09 - 10:57 AM

Laura:

Try this version of Ambergris.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 May 09 - 04:59 AM

yeah! I have heard of them there naturally air cooled buildings.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: open mike
Date: 11 May 09 - 01:20 AM

ahhhh-Ambergris ...sounds much more romantic than whale puke, eh?

i sometimes call my daughrer, Amber,
by her nick name: "petrified pine pitch"

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 May 09 - 01:17 AM

I couldn't find it in the thread so I did another search. This may not be the exact link, but there are a number of images of this unique house. I think Chongo would enjoy it. It is also a restaurant.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 09 - 12:56 AM

Well, that's good.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 May 09 - 12:53 AM

There was a tree guest house installed a couple hundred posts back that was meant to catch the eye of Chongo, but he (and you) never stopped by to notice. Others enjoyed it, however.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 09 - 11:44 PM

Amos, I think Chongo wants to apologize about all those holes in your garage. He was cleaning and checking out the tommy gun and, well...he had a little accident. That thing has a hair trigger. You could pretend it's deliberate renovation, the new "Swiss Cheese" style in garages that's just catching on lately. In California people might believe a story like that, eh? ;-)

Chongo tends to get all tongue-tied when he's apologizing for something (specially after 11 pm and his 10th shot of whisky), so I'm passing the message on for him.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 09 - 10:52 PM

Quick, pop him onto the skating rink. Maybe someone who specializes in cryogenics can revive or reuse him.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 May 09 - 10:29 PM

166... there's been a terrible accident with the jello pit...


Don't look, it ain't purdy.

LTS

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 09 - 09:33 PM

Well, that accounts for one of them. Only 167 to go.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 09 - 07:48 PM

One of them lost their way and ended up on one of our expedition boats into the jungle last week. Said his name was Hightops Hank. He had a droopy long handlebar mustache and a three day growth of moss on his face, bloodshot eyes and a way of speaking that told me at once what I was dealing with--as though he'd been drunk all morning for six straight days. He was explaining as how the Legionairres had send him to bump me off so they could pay off that credit card with the life insurance, and he was just fumbling for his sidearm, but had gotten it mixed up with opening his fly, somehow...anyway, just then the boat operator spotted a beautiful salty under a mangrove bush and swerved over to take a look and although I tried sticking out my foot to help him, Hightops kinda lost his balance there looking at that salty, and fell into the tangled branches, got wedged there while the boat pulled out, and ended up as sneaker-canapes for the croc. Damn shame--he looked like he would be fun as a drinking partner once disarmed, and now I'll never know. Not to mention the loss of that really antique Colt long barreled sidearm. A shame.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 09 - 07:29 PM

More high explosives?

By the way, the Legion hath returned, most of them. Some of them fell behind by falling down and some are still lost but most of them are back.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 09 - 06:42 PM

500!

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 09 - 06:42 PM

You know what is missing here?

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 09 - 05:51 PM

AFter this junket to the land of manatee and manta ray, dark rum and diveboats, I don't think my credit counts for much, so you're probably right!!

A

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Peace
Date: 10 May 09 - 05:22 PM

Welcome back, both of you.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 10 May 09 - 05:13 PM

Welcome home, Amos!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 10 May 09 - 03:55 PM

Hi Amos

Welcome home. Here's the keys to the paintball tank .

I put it on your credit card.

While it may appear that Spaw didn't do much at the party, you can rest assured he orchestrated most of it in a behind the scene kind way. He is the one that gave me your credit card.

Anyway, I can let you have a new supply of paintball ammo, real cheap so long as you pay cash.

I don't trust your credit, mate.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 09 - 03:26 PM

Or more explosives!

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: maire-aine
Date: 10 May 09 - 03:19 PM

It was the least we could do, Amos. No, really. Think what we could've done if we'd had a bigger budget.

M

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: GUEST,/NOT Ebbie
Date: 10 May 09 - 03:16 PM

I told you he'd like the moose.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 09 - 02:58 PM

Oh, and that library early in the thread, that would look great in my house also. Once I get the loan to push the roof off, that is. . .

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 09 - 02:56 PM

Well, heck, I could have saved myself the trouble of hunting down an atoll in the South Pacific if I'd realized you were at one right there in Belize. Your iPhone might have detected the link, though, and ratted us out.

That purple chair might be comfortable if you singed your backside while snorkling.

If you don't need it, I'd like to reuse this kitchen. Unless you're going to keep it. It would look great on the back of my house.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 09 - 02:48 PM

You guys had me laughing out loud in the middle of a Belize-style hangover. This is one incredible thread, and y'all are one incredible buncha guys!!!


Thanks for the nightmares and the laughs!!!



A

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 May 09 - 02:36 PM

Didn't Gluon get it all back right? If not, I left you a contractor link....

~S~

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 09 - 01:51 PM

Holy Effing Batshit, Robin!!!!


I am FLABBERGASTED!! GOBSMACKED!!! Why did no-one tell; me such a party was going on!! I could have saved all that airfare!!!

My Gawd!! The sheer creativity, inspiration, diligence!!!

Hey, I had a wonderful, wonderful time and am bvery mellow from seven days of tropical breezes and Cuba Libres.

There were wonders to behold. Here's a brief extract. Manta rays by the score, nursesharks, wandering international entrepreneurs with grandiose schemes, singer-songwriters from Tennessee, wizards and angels of every description wandering the white sands.

An awesome trip.

So I am SO mellowed out, I think I will just fire up the drill press and band saw and start reforming the place and putting it to rights agaiin. This time I am going to put up some safeguards so I won't be losing sleep next time I go away wondering who is sneaking into the place via my internet connection. Great Gawd Almighty!! I have NEVER seen the like.

I am glad you guys had fun!!!

It was heart-warming to come back and find the mess. Just heart-warming. So heart-warming I will be n Prilosec for a month. But it was worth it, I tell ya!! Thank you all very very much for your incredible efforts...yeah....that's right!!


A

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 May 09 - 01:05 PM

Maybe he took a look turned around and went back to Belize...

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Bill D
Date: 10 May 09 - 01:04 PM

It takes awhile to rearrange the furniture and read 500 posts while alternately laughing and shaking his fist....and planning revenge.

sure glad I live 1800 miles away

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Janie
Date: 10 May 09 - 12:59 PM

Ha! We have rendered Amos speechless with surprise.

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Bill D
Date: 10 May 09 - 12:07 PM

"No one expects the Spanish Inq.. Purple Chair!"

(It does look ummm...comfy...if one has a bit of sunburn.)

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 May 09 - 12:05 PM

Is there a chair? Is there a front door? You had better run!

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 09 - 11:35 AM

Twiddles thumbs. Pushes a chair a little closer to the window for good reading light. Sets the paperback book he was reading on the chair where it's easy to find. Wanders to the front door, opens it quietly, then runs like hell up the street, hops in the pickup truck, and peels out!

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: ClaireBear
Date: 10 May 09 - 11:34 AM

Who, me? Why, I'm 500 miles away!

(I've been taking lessons from my cat. Ever notice how they can knock over a crystal vase and be across the room, grooming themselves, before it hits the floor?)

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 May 09 - 11:23 AM

Let's all try to look innocent...

Subject: RE: Nothing happened while you were gone, Amos!
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 May 09 - 11:12 AM

Psst...he's b-a-c-k!!!