Kendall's new thread -Update - procedure May 6th

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: kendall
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 07:44 PM

I usually lie only when I'm being paid to.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 07:20 PM

What the hey...

..400...

B~

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: gnu
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 07:02 PM

I never lie, unless I figure it's the right thing to do.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 06:55 PM

Exactly. That's what I've been saying all along.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 04:02 PM

Hate to be a downer but I hate lies and liars.
Dealing with one at the moment and I am seeing red.

Kendall doesn't lie. He tells the truth as he knows it.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 03:57 PM

I have posted before the great scientific work of the late and very great Allen Sherman but it bears repeating here.............

WHY LIES ARE BETTER THAN THE TRUTH

(A SCIENTIFIC COMPARISON TEST)From THE RAPE OF THE APE, BY Allen Sherman
Chicago, Playboy Press, 1973
Pps 56-59

I. Credibility

All Lies are designed to seem true. The expert liar carefully uses elements that seem probable and logical and are therefore easy to believe. On the other hand, The Truth is often illogical, wildly improbable and hard to explain.

Lies are more believable than the truth.

II. Reliability

The Truth is spontaneous, accidental, and unpredictable. Lies, however, can be planned in detail long in advance and are thus guaranteed to turn out as predicted.

Lies are more dependable than The Truth.

III. Economy

To be The Truth, an account of a given event must be completely accurate. This requires painstaking resourcefulness, expensive research, time-consuming attention to detail, complex logistics and thoroughness. In spite of all that, some people will believe it and others will not. A Lie will produce identical results without all the fuss and bother.

Lies are simpler than Truth: Lies cost less than Truth in time, money, and effort.

IV. Value

The Truth can be found anywhere; it belongs to anybody who finds it,
absolutely free. Lies are custom-made, often by experts, and the best ones are highly polished works of art.

Lies are worth more money than Truth. Have you ever heard of anyone bribing a witness to tell The Truth?


V. Respectability

A. Great fortunes have been made by selling Lies to the public. The people who sell these Lies are often grateful to the gullible customers, so they endow libraries and universities and cultural centers.
B. Nobody ever made a fortune selling The Truth. First of all, as already stated, The Truth is free. The only people who will pay money for The Truth are people who are being blackmailed--and they are only buying The Truth so they can hide it before anybody else sees it.

Lies lead to libraries and universities, while The Truth leads to blackmail.


VI. Stability

A. Take a thousand parts Truth, add one part Lie. Result: a lie.
B. Take one thousandth part lie, add one part Truth. Result: again a Lie.
C. Note that you can make a Lie out of Truth, but you can't make The Truth out of a Lie.

Lies are stronger and last longer than The Truth.


VII. Imagination

In reporting The Truth, a person must research the precise facts and stick to them exactly as they occurred. The liar can report the same incident without doing any research, merely saying whatever comes to mind and filling in details according to his fancy.

Lies are more creative than The Truth.


VIII. Recognizability

People are accustomed to hearing Lies all the time. If you tell The Truth, people will think you are lying. If you convince them you are telling The Truth, they will become suspicious. Why is he suddenly telling The Truth? What is going on?



IX. Supply and Demand

A. In describing any given incident, only one version can possibly be The Truth, whereas the number of Lies possible is unlimited. Obviously, Lies are in far greater supply than The Truth.
B. There is a great demand for Lies, if they are flattering, if they build up one's hopes, if they help one escape reality or if they promise health wealth, power or potency. Nobody is very anxious to hear The Truth. The only people who demand The Truth are those who are investigating something (lawyers, etc.)--and they only want The Truth to prove someone is lying.

Lies are the acceptable medium of exchange in our society. They are in good supply and the demand for them remains strong. The Truth is in extremely short supply, but even this tiny supply far exceeds the demand. Thus, in our society, Truth occupies a position identical to that of dinosaur shit.


Conclusions:

Lies are superior to Truth in numerous ways.
Lies are more ingenious;
Lies make the world seem more pleasant;
Lies are less embarrassing than Truth; and less frightening.
Furthermore, in such fields are diplomacy, statesmanship, merchandising, advertising, public relations and bookkeeping.
The Truth is an out-and-out handicap.
In friendship, Truth is harmful; in love, it is disastrous.

My prediction is that The Truth will be phased out of our society, almost unnoticed, in less than a generation. It will become a curio like the two-dollar bill. Probably, there will be museums where samples of The Truth will be displayed for the benefit of curious children who want to know what it was like. One can only hope that the curators of these Truth Museums will have the good taste not to fake the exhibitions.

The Truth is that The Truth has become old-fashioned. It's full of odd shaped little nooks and crannies, like so many old fashioned things, some people find them fascinating, but most people find them a pain in the neck. For those who care, it is a wonderful feeling to hold The Truth in your possession, to keep it and cherish it, never misuse it, then pass it along freely to anyone who wants it, giving it to them undamaged, unpainted, unadded to and unsubtracted from and every bit as glowingly alive as ever. To find all those joys in the handling of The Truth is a labor of love, but most of us in today's society have no time for such things.

********************************************************************************



Spaw

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 03:07 PM

If you believe THAT, you have fallen into the abyss lamented by Mark Twain, or Sam Clemens as he was known to all of his drinkin' buddies. HE taught me to lie and lie well, one night down in Hannibal when we were trying to see who could drink a pitcher of Atlas Praeger beer the fastest.

Ah, for the days of my youth!

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: EBarnacle
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 02:45 PM

Let's try to resubmit this one. It finally happened to me. After three attempts, a posting did not register on the 'Cat.

There are three basic ways to lie effectively:
1: Tell the truth in such a way that no one believes it.
2: Tell a lie embedded in a truth, so that the truth will seem to validate the lie.
3: Tell a flat out lie believably.

Then, of course, there is the willing suspension of disbelief.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 10:38 AM

I find it best to tell the truth, the whole truth, and everything but the truth. Unless it's a truth and a half, or even two truths all at once. I once told ten truths all at once but got so confused everyone thought I was lying.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: kendall
Date: 01 Apr 10 - 07:36 PM

I once told a friend that the only time I ever told the truth I got whipped for it. He said, "Well, it cured you."

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 09:38 PM

Kendall, I told the truth once and I ended up in the bloody Army.

Never again!

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr
From: Janie
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 09:23 PM

Gawd,!

Some one drag Rapaire to the Legion Hovel and leave him there - after making sure there is no internet connection or wifi in range.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: kendall
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 08:53 PM

Ranger, no one comes to me for the truth.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: ranger1
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 08:28 PM

Rap, the Great Northern Treesqueek would eat that for a midnight snack. Just ask gnu and Kendall if you don't believe me.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 08:17 PM

Kendall, out here you don't need to be bitten by anything -- the Spud Grubby will kill you without even seeing you. It sort of radiates death in all directions, including up and down, for about a hundred yards.

We know what they look like because, of course, they kill each other when they mate and people find the bodies. This photo gives an idea of what they look like -- cute little buggers, but nobody's ever seen a live one. They even kill film and digital cameras, even those installed on satellites.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: kendall
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 07:35 PM

Ebbie, I'll do the jokes. (snicker)

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 05:10 PM

Common Law requires an x amount of time, right? You could make it serial- three years with this one, one year with the next, etc. Or you could agree with your partner that the night before Common Law kicks in, you kick her or him out. You could always get back together the next month or so.

Speaking of ploding- there's an old joke that goes:

A man had been down in the mouth all day and finally burst into tears. Aghast, his friends asked him what was the matter.

He sobbed, Twenty years ago I thought seriously about killing my wife. And I can't get it out of my mind that I would have gotten out of prison today.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: gnu
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 04:43 PM

Not here, Becca. We got a little thing called "common law marriage".

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Becca72
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 04:27 PM

Gnu, that's why I found it easier to just live together. When it's over you just pack your shit and get out. :-)

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: gnu
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 03:51 PM

Divorce can be rather messy, jac.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 03:09 PM

Besides which, it makes such a MESS everywhere.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: frogprince
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 02:44 PM

Just don't 'plode your ex; even if you get acquited, the trial would be such a bother.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: gnu
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 02:38 PM

Ebbie.... heheheheee.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 12:38 PM

Well, Rap, if you EX plode, that's not so bad. I have an EX and have been my happiest since that plode.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: kendall
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 12:05 PM

When you die immediately from the bite of the Canadian Noofnoof, it doesn't matter what happens next.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 10:39 PM

No, first you EXplode and then get sucked back into where you once were.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Ebbie
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 10:02 PM

That's called an 'IMplosion', Rap. Nasty experience.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 09:34 PM

The gweducs eat anything and everything; you don't want to tangle with them. Just ask The Deckman if you don't believe me.

And if you run across a hassayamper you might as well just toss in your hand because your life isn't worth a plugged nickel. One tiny nip and you swell up, turn orange with purple spots, and explode inwards with no sound at all -- the inwards explosion pulls it all into itself.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: olddude
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 07:35 PM

Captain

Just keep your load wide
Keep your eye on the sky
and make sure it's dry when ya put it away !

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: kendall
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 07:32 PM

Oh, but the Rackaboobob eats snakes!

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 05:33 PM

Not to mention the stripeys -- nasty little snakes some guys brought back from 'Nam as pets and turned loose into the wild.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: gnu
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 03:29 PM

Yo Sap... good to see you are still riding the rails AND The Mudcat Café.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: GUEST,Sapper tanking up Beatock at 95
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 03:02 PM

(And I thought these Class 31s were restricted to 90!)

Been on the sidelines for this one, but well done both of you and keep up the good news.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: gnu
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 01:46 PM

Hang on, jac... let's see what he comes up with next.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 12:45 PM

I don't know about Rap, but I'll see if I can adjust Kendall's meds...

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Deckman
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 11:55 AM

Will somebody PLEASE stop these guys before they hurt themselves!

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Ebbie
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 11:23 AM

Talk about watching paint dry!

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: frogprince
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 11:03 AM

It's getting kind of grizzly just now; a mouse for lunch; yummy.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 08:35 AM

Here. Watch it owl, now.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 08:21 AM

The Yama Man outcreeps them all.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: kendall
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 07:58 AM

Ya know, sometimes I wonder if you aint stretching the truth just a tad.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 08:30 PM

And don't forget Ogopogo....

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 08:27 PM

Oh, you're right about THAT, Kendall! The Wendigo that inhabit the Sawtooths make those of the Eastern mountains, even the Down-Eastern mountains, look like pussycats! God...a trail of bloody footprints ending in ashes as the Wendigo pulls its victim along until the victims feet burn off...BBBRRRRRRRRR! is right!

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Deckman
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 08:22 PM

WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS SMOKING!

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: kendall
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 07:18 PM

Yes. The horrible of horribles, the North American Windego.They make all but the Hangdowns look like toys. BBBBRRRR

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: gnu
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 06:40 PM

You got sommat even better? PASS IT AROUND!

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 06:37 PM

Just a couple of hours ago a cute little bloffer was found on a school playground. Fortunately the police and animal control were able to "put it to sleep" before it had sucked the eyeballs out of some child and injected its venom into the poor kid's brain. Cute little things about the size and shape of a bowling ball and covered with soft fur, they prey upon the children by attracting them with cuteness and then, well....

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: gnu
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 02:20 PM

Hey, man. Like, pass it around, eh?

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: kendall
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 01:38 PM

HUH! they would be lunch for our Willumalones, Hangdowns, razonshins or Dr, Pillgarlic who lives in a tree.

Subject: RE: Kendall's new thread -Update Good news from Dr. Z!
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 11:14 AM

Can't touch our terrible, gory-fanged, Sphagnum. Or the blood-crazed Tent Twangers, who will feast upon you if they can make your tent fall down.