BS: stay afloat while others don't

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Sep 24 - 11:15 AM

INdeed, good for you, Mrrzy.
Mental health is such a precarious, even treacherous, area. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope you weren't alone and that you had support to call on when your need was greatest.

As for me, my head bump is behaving itself since the surgery; there is still a bump there but it is no longer infected.
I just had two vaccines in three days' time,
the flu shot in one arm and the COVID vaccine in the other.
So now, both arms hurt like heck,
and I feel under the weather.
At least I know it will pass.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Sep 24 - 09:20 PM

It sounds like you managed to work your way out of that crash fairly promptly, Mrrzy. Good for you!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Sep 24 - 02:25 PM

Keb, are you fine, is that why this thread took some finding?

Wedding will get its own thread if required. It was grand.

But after the wedding, whew did I crash, emotionally. I knew there would be *a* crash, after trying all year to get one kid into hospital and the other twin successfully married, so I was braced, but woo baby it got really, really bad. Actually it started between the rehearsal and the wedding. It got better, took about a coupla weeks, OK now. Hadn't had that kind of anguishing agonizing desperate hyper-ultra-sadness in absolute decades...

Still trying to figure out what I was so sad *about* - working on that. Some was just the let-down after success in arduous projects with no other projects on the plate, but there was something deeply distressing therein. Which I prefer to think about than feel, being me.

In other news, The not-guilty-by-reason-of-insanity one is about to be transferred to the hospital where he'll be for the foreseeable future, so that is good. They'd been waiting for a bed, paperwork had been done a while back.

And the newlyweds will be back from honeymoon (Sligo for her, Bruges for him) tonight, woot. I got occasonal pix, even! Woot again.

Love you all!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Sep 24 - 03:07 PM

Mrrzy, you're in the home stretch! Keep it up!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Sep 24 - 09:59 PM

Good, Mrrzy! We look forward to your account of how it goes!

A friend I've described before, who is on a housing voucher living in a high-end apartment downtown (the corporation gets a huge tax break when they allow for a percentage of subsidized apartments) continues to amaze us with her account of things she finds in the trash rooms of the building. She is slowly building an income from selling things that people have thrown away; most of it she offers for free to clear the space in her small apartment and to pass on to others who need these things, but the items she can sell help her bottom line. She's a survivor and I am proud of how smart she has been to make this work for her. Dumpster Diving is an art and a science for survivors.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Sep 24 - 09:04 PM

Yikes. Wedding rehearsal tomorrow! It begins!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 02 Sep 24 - 06:32 AM

> Planned obsolescence is an obscenity.

*Agree*, Stilly. The rot for me set in with the transistor radio, which was *only* *just* repairable with a soldering iron and a bit of native wit .... once everything got merged into single-purpose chips, that were that.

But the repair instinct does have a downside if it isn't shared with one's spouse. I've inherited my father's DIY and hoarding habits, while Herself is a minimalist; we've evolved rigid areas of doubt and uncertainty to minimise conflict.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 01 Sep 24 - 03:36 PM

I'm a big fan of op shops (i.e. opportunity shops), and secondhand stores.

I have also been a big fan of cast iron cookware. I bought a large frypan/skillet probably nearly 50 years ago from a camping supplies store and I use it almost every day. I had a large cast iron casserole dish which I used a lot but then I found an enamel version and I use it for slow cooking recipes.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Sep 24 - 01:22 PM

A lot of what ends up in thrift stores are the previous versions of things that people received for holiday gifts, etc. Excellent working crock pots, countertop skillets, toaster ovens, convection cookers, grills, many of these are still the best items to use instead of the new all-in-one devices. Every year at xmas I tell people please don't give me appliances. I like my cast iron skillets and versatile devices. My Mom used to get one-function things to try and they were soon neglected (egg cookers, hot dog cookers, etc.) I found a George Foreman grill for $3 at an estate sale (the plates top and bottom both heat, and the grill is sloped so grease drains, in my case, to a small plate put in front of it.) Fish, beef, pork, chicken, any kinds of meats, but you can also stack on cut vegetables and drizzle olive oil, etc for a great fast meal.

Family and friends know for my fondness of thrift stores so will let me know when they need something. My ex had an expensive and well-used older bread machine in which the bread tin inside had cracked. Could I find another of the tins? I ended up finding a bread machine that had the tin but was missing the rubber gasket and beater bar for kneading (for $20). He ended up putting his gasket and beater in the new tin and started using the much newer machine. Marrying devices like this means less stuff in the landfill and doesn't trigger a sale that indicates a manufacturer should make more.

Modern industrial nations are so wasteful. As a way to run an economy Capitalism can bring out the worst in investors and businesses who make things instead of building the best and fixing them when needed. Planned obsolescence is an obscenity.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 01 Sep 24 - 11:18 AM

I've never been called a lad before. How about you, Stilly? :-D

We struck it lucky. Just as we were about to look for an air fryer a catalogue for a well-known local store landed in our mail box and it offered an air fryer/oven combo for a little over $AU200, reduced from over $AU500. It has been worth the money.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Thompson
Date: 01 Sep 24 - 06:46 AM

Thanks, lads, both air fryer and convection oven sound great; I shall definitely invest in one when I'm a millionaire.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Aug 24 - 02:58 PM

I have never fooled with an air fryer but I bought a clean used convection countertop oven I use all of the time. It is so much more efficient than the big oven in the stove when I'm baking something small. (I also use a microwave and have a bowl-and-lid-style convection oven for bigger things like roasted whole chicken or baked vegetables, etc.)

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 30 Aug 24 - 02:33 PM

Thompson, our oven takes at least 20 minutes to pre-heat and a lot longer to cook the food than our versatile oven-style (not basket-style) air fryer. We can use either the air fryer or oven settings on it, and for some foods like roasting vegetables, we use the oven setting and then air fry for a few minutes at the end to brown the veges a bit. We're happy with it and almost all of our food is healthy and nutritious, except for some potato or sweet potato fries now and then. :-D

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Aug 24 - 02:16 PM

I believe this is a response to The Sandman "Dick" several days ago.
Funnily enough there is a discussion germane to this topic,
but not on this thread --
seek out the DECLUTTER thread instead to see
talk of transportation and of eating habits.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Thompson
Date: 30 Aug 24 - 11:36 AM

Diabetes and its evil allies are also increasing because of obesity, which is increasing not only because of awful diets but because of the accursed private car, in each of which sits one person dying of loneliness and texting and instagramming and tiktoking all alone while driving.
Talking of obesity, for those of use with swollen electricity bills, what's the deal on air fryers? Are they really that much cheaper to cook in than ovens?

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Aug 24 - 03:10 PM

Now, if only we could hear from dear Eliza/Senoufou,
who hasn't been heard from in weeks at least ...
waiting patiently on the waitlist of the NHS
for her gallbladder surgery.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Aug 24 - 09:05 PM

Mrrzy, it might be best to leave the phone behind while at the beach. Give yourself time to absorb the salt and fresh air without the worry. Do you have a book for summer reading? Breathe deeply. Get the full value of the trip, it will help you work through the rest later, especially if there is nothing you will be able to do about it anyway.

I've been reading about health and diet recently; the amount of diabetes and pancreatic cancer is increasing and it has to do with the Western Diet. There's a lot we can do about that, but it takes research.

Last year I met a woman via a Facebook group and have been able to offer assistance on occasion; the goal is to not interfere or make someone dependent upon me, but to be a friend who can help occasionally. This spring she moved into a high-end building because the housing authority in town has placements with a few subsidized apartments for disabled/Medicaid-eligible people (the builders get a big tax break). She is finding that the mostly rich people in her building throw away a lot of things they should donate, and via bin diving has managed to round up and offer some interesting items on her Buy Nothing group. She is also able to sell some things and help her bottom line a bit. (Do you know how hard it is to get a bank account if your credit rating is low? She finally got a credit union account and is rebuilding that way.)

Yesterday I delivered two hard-case suitcases (rolling) and two sturdy gym bags to a homeless shelter for her. Staying afloat is a challenge, so I'm pleased that she's enjoying the bin diving in her building and with all of the activity is also still helping others. I'm pretty sure that minutes after I dropped off those items four people at the shelter with crumbling bags had a new suitcase or duffle to put their possessions in.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 17 Aug 24 - 10:00 AM

Spoke too soon!

Woken up this morning by frantic call from friend, whose wife (also friend) is suicidal, can I come help. No, I am 6 hours away at the beach.

Next message from friend who is supposed to be my date at my kid's wedding, who may not make it because her sister is dying of pancreatic cancer, to say that SHE now has been diagnosed with a pancreatic insufficiency that might be cancer, they don't know yet.

Well, shit, is all I can say. Am at the beach. Nothing I can do, so I'm going to the beach. With my phone, though.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Aug 24 - 11:40 AM

Mrrzy, good to hear how well things are going!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 Aug 24 - 09:47 AM

Keep healing, keb!

Thanks stilly! Fine, but frantic, indeed. At least the wedding is next month, yay, and my other kid did get long-term committed, yay again.

Beach next week. Then classes start.

Retirement is terrifically busy.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Aug 24 - 05:59 PM

We haven't seen Mrrzy around here for a number of weeks. I hope all is well. Wedding plans, travel, etc.

Keb, are you back to your old self now many weeks after the cyst? And is the estate work moving along?

Senoufou, it must be close to time for you to finally be on the schedule for the surgery. I hope!

Last weekend I emailed a book review to old friends who have lived in West Texas for about 20 years, but who were some of my first friends in the neighborhood when we moved to Fort Worth. We don't talk often, but it is that kind of friendship where you pick up where you left off. Except this time I learned the husband passed away last month of a rare and late to diagnose bile duct cancer. I'm wondering if she will decide to move back to town now, in which case I'll do everything I can to help. She has her hands full with selling some extra property out there, but there are no children or siblings to make her work more difficult. The husband was 67 with a healthy lifestyle and the expectation to live many more years.

What reminders have each of you had lately that we should have our affairs in order?

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Jul 24 - 07:41 PM

Update on previous post:

the sutures came out two days ago.
There is more scabbing than I expected,
so I am having to go softly and carefully with that part of my head.

The chorus that I sing with during the school year,
just had a board meeting which established that
they have got hardly any money left.
The director is gloomily thinking of austerity measures,
including not hiring an orchestra --
so much for Haydn's The Seasons, in that case.
Donations are drastically down this year.
There is serious talk of grant-writing.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Jul 24 - 03:29 PM

The outpatient surgery has been performed, two days ago,
and in another ten days or so, the stitches/sutures come out.
The procedure was stressful, less said the better.
As long as I leave the site alone, there is little pain.

Meanwhile, I am in touch with
the director of the chorus I sing with,
which has the summer off.
The director wants, next spring, to perform
Haydn's The Seasons, in English translation.
I'm going to show the director a copy of the vocal score
to see if he approves of its English translation
and wants to use that particular edition;
the scores will have to be acquired as
this piece is not in the choral library/repertoire.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: The Sandman
Date: 02 Jul 24 - 02:04 PM

It's estimated that a little over 42% of American adults have obesity, while about 30.7% are overweight. Overall, more than two-thirds of U.S. adults in the United States are overweight or have obesity. Adults between ages of 40 and 59 are more likely to have obesity."

why is tha? is it diet?

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jul 24 - 11:45 AM

Exactly! Great example!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: The Sandman
Date: 02 Jul 24 - 11:41 AM

The bottom line - eat bacon. It's good for you" QUOTE srs

The World Health Organization (WHO) has determined that processed meat is a major contributor to colorectal cancer, classifying it as “carcinogenic to humans”. 30 grams of processed meat, which is just one hot dog or a few strips of bacon, consumed daily increases cancer relative risk by 18%.
Bacon that has not been treated with preservatives is OK, but to obtain that you have to know someone who has their own pigs and who gets it butchered without preservatives other than salt.
The only place in Europe where preservatives that cause cancer has been banned is italy, because they have a Parma ham industry to protect.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Jul 24 - 11:31 AM

Not on topic, but that confirmation bias reminds me of archeological research in the Americas, when the dominant theory was that the Clovis people were first. So researchers would dig down to the Clovis layer... and then stop digging.

Took decades before someone thought to just keep digging, and discovered the prior civilizations...

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 26 Jun 24 - 12:36 AM

This catalogue will disappear soon so have a look at the lovely

Aldi photo of healthy fruits & veges

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 26 Jun 24 - 12:34 AM

Hubby & I followed the 5:2 diet and had good results. It was fairly easy to stick to because there were only two non-consecutive days of a lower calorie limit, and that was easy with lots of veges and good proteins and very limited carbs, sugar etc. The last time we had a burger was a few months ago and we shared it because eating that much white bread in one go is too much. On the five non-fasting days we ate healthily, usually Mediterranean or similar, and as we began to lose a bit of weight our motivation to eat good food on the non-fasting days was higher.

To explain, I say low fat because we don't eat a lot of junk food apart from an occasional schnitzel and chips (fries) and very little white bread, but one of the last articles I saw about Dr Mosley was that he said fat is less of a problem than carbs and sugar.

There was a beautiful two-page spread in an Aldi supermarket catalogue a couple of weeks ago with a photo of a variety of fruit, veges, onions, garlic, mushrooms. I looked at it and thought it was an apt illustration of a major part of our daily diet, with only proteins, legumes and wholegrain foods missing. I kept the photo because it made me feel good about what we eat.

I'll admit there is the occasional bit of chocolate but I tend to make nut or fruit flavoured chocolates using dark cooking chocolate with the lowest sugar content I can find.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Jun 24 - 09:23 PM

It's the low fat part of that diet that is the myth of medicine. In the 1950s there was an influential doctor (Keys) who had a hypothesis about a low fat, high carb diet being the way to prevent heart disease. Thing is, any time a study came along that didn't concur with those findings, it was dismissed. A classic case of confirmation bias was going on; in the 1960s a Senate committee used some of Keys' staff to write a report about a low fat diet and it became the thing that science then had to catch up to. But it never has. The bottom line - eat bacon. It's good for you (and butter and cream and meats with fat. Your brain is happier when those are in your diet.)

I have been meaning to go back to the Mosley program about fasting - because while it makes the point that the time of the fast is helpful, you can eat what you want (watching the calorie count on the off days).

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 25 Jun 24 - 07:51 PM

Er, aah, I forgot to look for the exercises. [mumble, mumble, embarrassed mumble] :-)

A long time ago my doctor tried to convince me to take statins and I said, quoting from Amy Winehouse, "No! No! No!".

Starting way way back when I read about the perils of high carb, high fat diets, and then reading the late lamented Dr Mosley and watching his fantastic TV shows especially about the 5:2 diet, I have built my nutrition around low fat, low sugars, low carbs, and more healthy proteins including legumes and a balanced amount of meat & eggs. Pretty much a Mediterranean diet, really. My recent blood test showed that although my cholesterol reading was 5, my good cholesterol was high so the doc was happy.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Jun 24 - 07:40 PM

Keberoxu, are you seeing improvement on the spot where you'll get surgery?

Senoufou, how are you feeling? Any closer to the gall bladder removal?

Helen, any luck finding exercises?

Last week I decided to take myself off of the statins my doctor put me on a couple of years ago. I've been reading a lot and concluded that the reasons for taking them are not good enough. Lowering cholesterol to prevent heart disease isn't actually rational and taking statins can make some cancers more likely. I picked up my copy (bought a number of years ago) of Good Calories, Bad Calories: Challenging the Conventional Wisdom on Diet, Weight Control, and Disease by Gary Taubes and from there have read several other things. The low fat/high carb diet isn't actually good for us, and add on lots of sugar in the Western Diet and it's even worse. So I'm resuming the gluten free diet I was on a number of years ago, and adding more meat protein.

And apropos of nothing, someone earlier today refreshed the Pesky Sarpent thread - for some reason that song has always been a earworm for me, and just reading the title was enough - it has been running through my head all afternoon.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Jun 24 - 11:03 AM

Mrrzy, Excellente histoire! Toutes nos félicitations!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Jun 24 - 03:09 PM

Great to hear from you again, Mrrzy.
And things have worked out happily for you, indeed.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Jun 24 - 01:12 AM

Hello! I was en voyage, trying to get my French back, not reading English, but I'm back, great trip.

Keb, good to catch up.

One son's wedding is early Sept, yay! And I got a great suit tailored in France.

Other son, we won the Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity, he's in a real hospital, yay! I get to visit Sunday.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Jun 24 - 06:52 PM

I, too, would like to know how Mrrzy is doing.
Didn't one son get married this year?

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jun 24 - 09:37 PM

I decided recently that it's time to visit a dermatologist to rule out any problems with a couple of existing spots. Appointments are a few weeks out so I'm on the schedule for early August.

Some of those balance exercises are helpful, but you have to keep doing them. Other of the exercises in the program I use most often (called Hinge Health, through my insurance company and via an app on my phone) are never gonna happen. The one where you bend your knee and grab your foot behind you (quad stretch) is one I've never been able to do. My knees don't bend that far (especially after knee replacement surgery).

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Jun 24 - 08:02 PM

The cyst removal has been scheduled next month, to give the inflammation time to settle down, the surgeon said.
It will be outpatient surgery, the procedure will be new to me.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 16 Jun 24 - 04:48 PM

And Stilly, I'll check out the Essentrics exercise programme.

I saw a Michael Mosley programme where he tested people by getting them to stand on one leg and then timing it. The younger people could hold it for longer than most of the older people. I do a little bit of a balance thing when I am waiting for something to cook on the stove, or waiting in a queue by going up on my toes and then moving up and down, or going from one leg to the other, or standing on one leg to see how long I can maintain balance.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: robomatic
Date: 16 Jun 24 - 04:31 PM

If you're familiar with the concept of running a diagnostic routine on a piece of software - for years I've run a self-diagnostic. I recite a litany of doggerel with a few formulas. I can do it internally (fully silent) or aloud in front of a mirror. Well, after doing this for a number of years, I experienced substantially mental fuzziness and I could not get through the recital. Went to Emergency. Whatever it was was temporary and have had no recurrence. I was impressed by the rapidity with which they accepted my reason for being there.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 16 Jun 24 - 03:49 PM

Thanks keb & Stilly,

I posted it to the thread called Obit: Dr. Michael Mosley - UK physician/journalist because the autopsy has revealed that he possibly had a fall and that heat exhaustion probably contributed to his death.

I broke the radius bone in my left wrist, also crushed the carpal tunnel nerve and had surgery, a cast, then a splint for a couple of months, couldn't drive, couldn't play harp for those two months as well - that was the most difficult bit to live with - but it is very close to back to normal with only a very small amount of numbness in the fingers. The funny thing was I broke it on the afternoon of Halloween. Spooky! LOL

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jun 24 - 11:24 AM

Keb (and Helen) I use the exercise program Essentrics, it's from a Canadian former-ballerina Miranda Esmonde-White. She talks a lot about doing some of these for better balance, to help prevent falls. They play some of her programs on PBS (usually before dawn - never a time I'm up to exercise) and she has DVDs as well as a site you can join. And I bet if you search on balance exercise you'll find similar through Silver Sneakers or other insurance company sponsored programs. I think the exercises really do help.

Did you already do the cyst removal? If it has the same annoyance factor as a few moles I've had removed over the years you'll be glad to have it gone.

Mrrzy, how are things going for you, health and family-wise (that you'd care to share).

Heat is here, so now it's a matter of going in and out to do things and cool off before doing a little more. I'm never very good at getting up super early to work, so I pace myself when it is hot. And it is about time to put the cooler on the porch with water for the mail carrier and other delivery folks. I've done this for several years, an on one instance the UPS or Amazon driver stopped and thanked me - told me they didn't have a delivery here one day but knew about the water and stopped to grab a bottle. That's fine - it's there for folks who are spending their day in the heat and need a drink now.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Jun 24 - 10:47 AM

I read about Helen's two recent falls; now I've forgotten
which thread she posted to, but I read her posts.
I'm really sorry to hear about that;
I had a couple of minor falls late last year,
and they were like warnings really,
more a shocking experience than a really damaging one.
Sounds like Helen was actually seriously injured. I'm sorry!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Jun 24 - 06:32 PM

No, no younger relatives who need a job to do.

Tomorrow I see a general surgeon who is going to remove a cyst;
it's under my scalp.
It got infected, and we've cleared up the infection;
but these things tend to recur,
so the only way to stop it is to get the cyst out.
Tomorrow is just the consultation,
the surgery has not been scheduled yet.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Jun 24 - 07:41 PM

Keb, I visited a friend's house this afternoon because she had some fabric and notions for me or my daughter. I knew her kids were working on the house, and when I walked in I could see it is a major intervention in a hoarding situation. I'd considered messaging the older daughter to ask if they had plans, but they took the initiative themselves.

My participation today was to take away a number of usable items they don't need that can be offered on the buy nothing or free sites in my area. It wasn't a lot, maybe a cubic yard of stuff, but every little bit helps and my friend is ok with it. (Resigned?) They do ask about things, they're not just rolling over the top of her. (Her yard is piled with big stuff like furniture that is functional but surplus - I told them about the groups I'm using, the FB buy nothing and Freecycle, and I think they'll join and start listing this weekend.)

I don't suppose you have any younger relatives out of college for the summer looking for a job to do for a while? To work beside you on the task? I think the fact that all three of her kids (plus one friend of the kids) are there at the same time makes my friend so happy the sting is mostly gone from the reason they're doing the work.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Jun 24 - 07:17 PM

Then there is a de-clutter that is years overdue in my apartment.
I"m thinking seriously of getting professional help with this one,
not because it has gotten that bad,
but because my health and attitude are kind of fragile.
I have to do something about it this summer.

This at the same time I am considering moving to a retirement community.
The two are related, as I would be leaving a two-bedroom apartment
for the community's one-bedroom apartment,
so downsizing is inevitable, and I have to let go of things.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Jun 24 - 10:11 AM

This is a good time to look back on the opening post to this thread.
That post speaks of a blood relative "operatically" dropping hints that they don't know if they can live with it any more.

That relative was my mother, who died in April.
She died in memory care, with my siblings in attendance.
So there was no suicide attempt;
she saw her life through, one way or another, to its natural end.

I might have known that those melodramatic hints amounted to so little.
From some people, hints of being unable to live with it any longer are serious affairs and cause for concern.
But in her case, it was business as usual, I'm afraid.

In fact, whenever she threatened something in anger or in tears,
the thing she threatened never came to pass,
whether it was a bad thing or otherwise.
Her volatile emotions would rage through her and consume her, temporarily,
and then she would snap out of it and forget everything she had said.

So in a way this thread has arrived at some conclusion,
since, as I say,
the troubled relative saw their life through to its natural end.

The drug-using relative is still alive and kicking, though.
And I'm still in residential treatment.
So the work, and the struggle, go on.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 May 24 - 02:46 PM

The residence where I am staying is on Main Street, and is next to an intersection with a War Memorial island.

So when the Memorial Day parade went past today, the parade stopped in front of the War Memorial and the servicemen made a gun salute.

Good thing I was outdoors watching, so I knew what was happening.
Hearing that close-quarters gun salute inside the residence would have scared me.

The weather is fickle today. We are in for thunderstorms late in the afternoon.
Fortunately it was bright sunshine during the parade at noon.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 May 24 - 10:11 PM

Keb, when I administered my father's estate I knew there was a sibling who would argue about everything, so all of my work was documented, and with the house contents I had an appraiser come in (recommended I don't remember how, but he was a local dealer and had booths at antique malls, etc.) That made it a lot easier in the long run. The income taxes had to go to a local accountant because of a bank account that I had inherited with a CD that matured before he died, and the tax on income that needed to come out of the estate. There were also a couple of IRA's that had direct inheritors to be noted and excluded from the total.

It all took over a year, maybe as long as 18 months (I'm not pulling out records to confirm my estimates). I'm hoping it's easier for you than it was for me. I did all of the work myself once (with a set of state-specific probate documents) then had to turn it over to an attorney to do the exact same thing I had already done because of the fighting sibling. Before it was over that attorney had a restraining order against the sibling, so it wasn't just me he was mad at. (And a more personal note - at the end of this I was diagnosed with a form of endometrial cancer that I am still convinced was brought on by the stress caused by that particular sibling.)

Here's hoping you're dealing with functioning adults through the process.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 23 May 24 - 08:24 PM

Hope for the best, but expect the worst - except in this case - because you were expecting the worst and you experienced the best. Yay!