BS: Epic culinary failures

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: ranger1
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 01:07 PM

Once my mom was sick and my step-dad made dinner that night. He'd followed mom's instructions for tuna noodle casserole to a "t", or so he thought. We kids were all at the table digging in and he asked how it was. Silence for a moment while we older kids tried to think of how to tactfully tell him what my youngest sister suddenly blurted out: "Hey! You forgot the tuna!"

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 12:52 PM

once upon a time when I had not long left my family home & was embarking on the world of cooking ...

The recipe said bring the sugar & water to the boil & boil for 5 mins (or similar time) so I brought it to the boil, & left to do something else.

Clouds of black smoke everywhere & I had a very interesting
mass of black stuff in my aluminium saucepan that looked something like
slag furnace steel - photo 2 result 1 dead saucepan

Well, it didn't say I needed to stir the boiling syrup ...

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 12:32 PM

Mrrzy, here is a favorite scene from A Christmas Story.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 12:01 PM

A few years ago when mom was really getting old, somebody made (or tried to make) cornbread for Thanksgiving once... it never solidified but remained kind of saucy, and mom could apparently not understand that it was supposed to be cornbread and was just rather confused... so "who med ze cornbread" has become a phrase in the family now, for an unacknowledged milestone like if you miss someone's birthday, oh, did someone make cornbread?

Also once when we made mechoui, which is an entire animal (in this case I think lamb, but it might have been a pig) stuffed with couscous and a bunch of other stuff roasted over a fire all day being turned by hand... and something on the spit itself turned the couscous black wherever it had touched. We were in southern India at the time and had taken the animal away into the kitchen to cut up once it was cooked, so we just kind of took all the black stuffing out and didn't tell anybody and nobody got sick but we still don't know what it was, we'd made a lot of mechoui over the years but this only happened the once.

Oh and once somebody was bringing out a sliced ham just as the wedding reception guests were arriving, beautifully arranged back on the bone, when they tripped over the basset hound and the whole thing went flying. I went and stalled the arriving guests by chatting madly in the garden while mom and dad quickly piled all the ham the dog didn't get back on the plate all anyhow and my sister got the dog out the back door... nobody said anything about the dog hair at least. Thank you for getting me to remember that! I must have been 12 or so...

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 11:59 AM

Learn the difference between a garlic clove and a garlic bulb!

A colleague's mistake rather than mine. The worse one that happened to me was a cheap corkscrew snapping when I tried to draw a cork the first time we ever had people to dinner.

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 11:41 AM

My cousin learned how to use her pressure cooker on the occasion of inviting us over for dinner and then realizing she hadn't turned on the crock pot with the chicken, the main ingredient in the dish she was preparing. She had received one as a wedding present but didn't know how to use it, but mom was a pro. Dinner was later, but not that late, and whatever she had been planning to add the cooked chicken to tasted just fine.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 11:25 AM

I dunno if it was epic, but it was hilarious. In my checkered yoot I used to hold regular Lasagna Parties-- people would come, cook, drink, smoke, eat. People would then take home a portion commensurate with as much as they had eaten, to stow in their freezer. It was a rolling, drop-in affair-- I'd be at the stove sometimes for days making the small-batch sauce flavored especially to each arrival's taste.

One year I enjoyed a few of those activities so much that when it was time to dine with one group, THAT was when we all realized NO ONE HAD TURNED ON THE OVEN. And for that meal I'd hauled out some of my OWN frozen batch.

I think the new kitchen in Ohio will suit this kind of party perfectly! ;-)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 10:41 AM

One should always drain off can fluids, as the coatings combine with them during heat retorting and through age.

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 09:08 AM

I once made creamed tuna on mashed potatoes and learned that you should always drain off the oil the tuna is packed in. I also learned that this is a very, very monochromatic dish.

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 09:01 AM

A friend of mine once told me his new wife used gladiolus bulbs (that were stored in a cold cellar, near vegetables) in preparing a spaghetti sauce, I suspect thinking they were garlic? I dont recall how he rated the sauce's flavour?

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 08:52 AM

Many years ago working as I Chef I was making Crème Patissiere. I got a bowl cracked sixty (yes 60)added cornflour and the whole lot frothed up over the side of the bowl, over the table ..... strange I thought, cleaned up the mess and started again, this time watched by 6 or 7 other chefs. Cracked 60 eggs added the cornflour .... the whole thing started to froth up violently over the bowl, over the table ...... bloody strange.

OK, third time lucky, cracked 60 eggs ...... it was then I noticed I'd been using baking powder instead of cornflour !!

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 08:24 AM

I store mine in a dark, food stoage pantry, which is relatively light free for most of the time. I suspect air exposure is one factor related to the oil becoming taste rancid. So, I try to reduce the exposure of the opened oil surfaces to fresh oxygen by storing excess oil in smaller containers, where the oil level is near the top of the container.

While heat extremes shoukd be avoided, I suspect temperature alone is not the bigest factor, as olive oil is stored for long periods in some fairly warm climates. Sunlight exposure seems to promote the oil degrading in taste quality (though it may not impact it for other uses, such as lubrication). :)

Below is one link with info...I suspect there are many others.

olive oil 

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: maeve
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 07:11 AM

Olive oil turns rancid and loses its beneficial qualities when exposed to excessive light, heat, and air- I also take care to keep out moisture. If it's awkward to keep a large container of oil in a cool, dark cupboard, or if you buy a large container but aren't likely to use it up in a few months, try decanting portions into glass canning jars (fill 'em, and use metal lids with protective coating.) and refrigerating it. You can take out one jar at a time to keep in the pantry, or you can also just spoon out what you need when you need it. Only the best extra virgin olive oils should not be refrigerated.

Another potential advantage to keeping it in smaller jars- you could infuse a couple of small portions with different herbs. In that case refrigeration is usually advised. Gently heating the oil and washed-but-air-dried fresh herbs or using dried herbs reduces the likelihood of spoilage from moisture. I prefer to strain out the herbs after a few days unless I want them in the dish I'm preparing, leaving me with infused oil, ready to use. I imagine you could also freeze the infused oil/herbs in ice cube trays, as I do various kinds of pesto, then store it in well-sealed zip bags in the freezer.

Good luck with the potluck!

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 12:12 AM

Keep it in a cool dark place, and don't buy a container larger than you think you can use in a few months. Don't keep it in the fridge. I buy a large jug of it, 3 litres at a time, but I use a lot of olive oil. (I buy from a Middle Eastern grocery and the oil comes from a single town, let alone a single nation).

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Janie
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 11:20 PM

And anyone have any helpful hints of keeping good olive oil from going rancid short of storing it in the refrigerater so it has to be "thawed" before use?

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Janie
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 11:13 PM

This dish looks great. Tastes like rancid olive oil and the Atlantic Ocean with added salt.

I didn't know about the pot luck until yesterday. Plans apparently got moved up. Last I heard (last Wednesday) the pot luck (for a doctor who is leaving) was planned for Friday. I don't work at that clinic on Fridays so donated for a gift and told some one to sign my name on the card when it came around. I had private clients last night and tonight, so no time to think or shop. I had already bought the potatoes, garbanzos and red onion for a pot luck I am hosting on this coming Sunday, had not given a thought to how long the olive oil had been in hanging around, and have a garden full of fresh basil and oregano. I wasn't about to go out and try to harvest in the moonlight, then mince enough of both to make 1/4 cup of each - I always figure on doubling the quantity of such herbs if using fresh herbs. 1/4 cup of fresh, minced oregano is a lot of fresh oregano. And the basil is flowering and looking quite scraggly - would have taken a lot of picking through = time. And stripping leaves from stems then mincing fresh herbs like oregano in that quantity is time consuming.

Having said all that, here I am, on Mudcat, after 11:00 with the alarm going off at 5 am. Should say that is not how I wanted to spend my time, eh?

What pisses me off is that I could not, by force of will, make bad ingredients work, and I pretty knew that, but did not want to accept it. Delusions of being a master of the universe?

Subject: RE: BS: Epic culinary failures
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 10:05 PM

If you make spaghetti with portobello mushrooms (and garlic + spices), the spores in the mushrooms will make the spaghetti grey-brown. If you then use the tiny bit left over as filling in an avant-garde omelet, it will taste great, but look like... I don't know--use your imagination. It was fairly brown, too.

Subject: BS: Culinary failures
From: Janie
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 09:28 PM

Note to self. Adding more and more salt to a balsamic dressing for a Greek potato salad recipe will not compensate for dried oregano so old it is more tan than green and olive oil that has gone somewhat rancid. It will only result in a dressing that tastes only of salt and bitterness.

If you are coming to the office pot luck tomorrow, avoid my potato salad. I'm tempted to put a sign on it that says "For Display Only."