BS: The Invasion of the Manatees

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 09:37 PM

I don't think Manatee would stay in formation -- the water's pretty warm there. And they can't handle locks. Not only do they not have opposable thumbs, they don't even have fingers. Besides, I love the image of herding a mess of manatee around the Horn. It fits better into the sea chanties I plan to write about the heroic accomplishment!!

A

Oh, and I forgot about the Canal, anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Banjer
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 05:57 AM

Can we no longer use the Panama Canal? Why around the tip of SA?

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 01:12 AM

Ooooh! Whadda bahgain!!!

khandid!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 11:55 PM

No Khan Do!! You can have all the PR. In exchange you get all the venture capital, get the boat designed and launched and agree to send me 5% off the top of the revenue stream for the project. My lips are sealed. Deal?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,Gethirah
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 11:36 PM

Well.....it really is getting deep around here. Most likely, by spring , there will be no more problem. Manatee Popcicles! Anybody in the mood for one?

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 10:40 PM

Yes, yes! I knew we had a brilliant Mudcatter who could arrive at some workable solution!! And it is dear Amos!! I shoudda knowed!

uh...er...Amos, are you trying to capture my coveted Time magazine "MOTY" award? Surely not!

khanduz!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 08:21 PM

Well, khandon't, maybe ther eis a technical answer. Why not build a giant ship, very wide, with loads of generators and pumps on it, capable of pumping out a large cube of warm water around it? Anchor it on the Misissippi and open the waterways from the lakes s that manatees fleeing the cold will gravitate to the warm bubble of water being maintained around the ship. Then have the ship navigate slowly down the coast of Central and South America, through the Straits of Magellan and around the Horn, up the Pacific coast, generating its warm water space in the water around it as it goes.

Any manatee inside the warm water will turn back toward the ship anytime it hits the boundary layer of cold, and will thus be forced by their own instinct to round the Cape and move up the Pacific coast up to the Sacramento and Stockton deltas where they could be picked up by smaller bubble-of-heat boats to take them up to the areas where the Calla Lilies grow, or whatever it is you're trying to ge rid of -- kudzu? Spanish moss? I forget....

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 06:10 PM

Even if we "went back there", we would still have access to computers and we would still log on and post threads on Mudcat, and we would still irritate some folk.

So, in effect, nothing would change!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Banjer
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 06:02 PM

Seems to me the manatee were around long before any of us. If the situation bothers you so, why not move someplace where everything is to your liking? You guys remind me of the northern transplants that constantly whine about how much better/faster/cheaper/nicer it was where they came from....My question is always twofold: Why did you leave and when are you going back there?

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 05:53 PM

Yes, rangeroger has a great idea, however, as Amos has pointed out, there is a logistical problem. Perhaps there is a brilliant Mudcatter out there who could work out a solution to this.

Alas, he is not me.

Nonetheless, the original suggestion in this thread, drastic as it sounds, appears to be the only working solution, unless Spikepole's dream of snow becomes a reality.

But it seems that my hope of becoming Time Magazine's "Man of the Year" is fading. What a lousy way to begin 2002!

Anybody know any good folk songs that fit this occasion?

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 10:53 AM

So all we need to save the Manatee is a network of solar-heat3ed canals linking Florida and Louisiana with the Sacramento Valley? Or were you going to transport them over the Rockies in huge tanks? Maybe convert some old tanker trunks. I don't think going around the Horn would work. Tough one....

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,spikepole
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 03:05 AM

rangeroger, I think you might have something there! If you could spread the word and get California excited about it, you may have solved it. Are you out there khandu? You really must pay attention to rangeroger!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: rangeroger
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 12:24 AM

I have felt for a long time that there was a major calling for the manatee.

In California, the canals in the Sacramento River Delta beome clgged with water hyacinth. Millions have been spent on solutions to this problem with no results.

As water hyacinth is the major food for the manatee, it would seem to me you could populate the canals with manatee and unclog them.

rr

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,Gethirah
Date: 31 Dec 01 - 10:36 PM

Well......hey! Freezing to death is not so bad. Don't you just go to sleep and never wake up? I think that's alot better than getting chewed up by boat motors. Either way you get rid of them. It' going to be a good new year Spike!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 01 - 01:17 PM

Welcome because it will drive out the manatee? As I recall they have a vulnerability to cold weather, which is why they go up the warm Crystal Springs river every year, which is heated by a natural hot spring. I think they get pneumonia easily or something.

A nasty fate to wish on any sentient being, Spike....

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: heric
Date: 31 Dec 01 - 01:01 PM

>>Snow on the bayou is a very unusual thing but very welcome this time! <<

That's a song, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,spikepole
Date: 31 Dec 01 - 12:24 PM

Well, it looks as if nature is going to take charge of the situation. It appears that the manatee are going to get a chance to freeze to death. Snow on the bayou is a very unusaul thing but very welcome this time!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 31 Dec 01 - 12:15 AM

And cut down on the damned skiddos!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,hrothgar
Date: 30 Dec 01 - 09:40 PM

If you could train manatees to tow water skiers (at whatever speed it is they need), it would at least cut the noise level.

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Amos
Date: 30 Dec 01 - 06:11 PM

Excuse me pal -- but manatee don't have legs as such. They have short little fore-paws and a lovely whale-tail in back. That's why they got taken for mermaids. Although, as representatives of the class we think of a smermaids, they are awfully homely!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,Gethirah
Date: 30 Dec 01 - 06:01 PM

The only manatee that i ever met was missing two legs and swam around in circles. he also had a bad habit of playing dead whenever a boat would pass by.

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Genie
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 10:47 PM

Just a cas of Postus Interruptus, Folks.

I accidentally cut off the end of my last post.  It was s'posed to say, "Oh, yeah.   Right.  Other animals (some of them human) interfere with our inalienable right to jet ski.   How dare they??!!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 10:22 PM

Great idea, Paul G. But would you also be willing to take Spikepole and his room-mate, Mr. Mahin? I am certain that they would be a wonderful asset to your state. They could talk sense into all the Manatee crazed folks down there and get Florida turned onto the correct path of righteousness. Take a lesson and remember the stanza from a Dylan song: "He got sweet gift of gab, He got harmonious tongue,

He knows every song of love that ever has been sung,

But his intention could be evil,

Both hands could be full of grease,

You know, sometimes Satan comes as a Manatee" Don't say you weren't warned!! ;D

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Paul G.
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 10:09 PM

Alright, you Cajuns -- I'll even spice up the trade a bit...In addition to the Mouse, we'll throw in the damned Love Bugs and a couple hundred thousand armadillos. Will also send up a few mangos in season. We'll take all the manatees. I'd also like a few good Zydeco players.

--p

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Genie
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 09:49 PM

Actually, Spikepole,  I eat relatively little beef, pork, etc. (more fish and poultry, as well as vegetable products).  Mice probably taste fine (though it'd take Mickey, Minnie, Morty and Ferdie to make a snack).  I usually let my cats take care of the mousies.  (They give 'em to me as presents, but they're all chewed up and not fit for barbecuing.)

Yes, because they exist (were bred) for our use, domestic cows are in little danger of extinction, while animals we don't exploit as much (e.g., manatees) have less chance of survival.  But there are many species we do (did) eat or otherwise use, e.g., dodos, many whale species, etc., which are either extinct or close to it.  African elephant survival chances in some countries may have been at least temporatily alleviated by human 'harvesting' for various products, though Asian elephants (traditionally the more "useful" species) are more threatened.   I'm not sure being preferred as people food has helped sharks, though.

Somehow, I can't see "manatee farms."   Manatee watching tourism, maybe.

Why can't we humans learn to share a little?

Oh, yeah.&nb

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 08:40 PM

Er... that should be "I hate traveling..."

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 08:25 PM

But...Will I get "Man of the Year"?

Spikepole, you have a pain-in-the-arse plague that, IMHO, is worse than the Menatee. It's them damned Love Bugs! I had traveling in you state in late summer/early fall. I have a white car, but after a few miles with those things, no one can tell what color it is. They are terrible! There are more travellers in cars than there are boats. So the bugs cause more problems than the Manatee. Whatcha doing bout them?

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,spikepole
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 03:11 AM

Mr. mahin is my room mate and agrees with my opinion on manatee. There are more of us here in the bayou state that wish the animals would just go away. I love the north bound yankee thing. Hey khandu!....we agree with you but we are not thieves!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Melani
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 01:29 AM

True story--though it really can't compete with the rest of this thread...A biologist friend of mine was swimming in the Tamiami Canal one day, collecting some sort of research material--I think he was studying some kind of fish parasite--when suddenly he touched bottom. "Oh, touched bottom..." he thought, "...wait a minute! This canal is 25 feet deep!" The bottom began to rise...he was standing on a manatee.

And just remember, folks--manatees were the original mermaids, so treat 'em with the respect they deserve!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 11:40 PM

Mississippi has its share of plagues. The damnable mosquito, beggar-lice, Redneck Bubbas, and Spaw's incessant farts which drift down from Ohio and pollute our normally deliciously fragrant atmosphere.

I would trade them all for the Manatee (Is the plural "Menatee"?), but I don't know if they are equipped to handle living in the Yazoo River.

Spikepole, you seem to have some very strong opinions there. I gather that you are from Louisiana. Is you opinion shared by many of your fellow citizens or, are you a Lone Ranger?

Mr. Mahin, I am a bit puzzled. I have recently singed a few of my post with the name "Mahin khandu". It was an inside joke. Are you some kind of name thief? Also your opinions echoed those of Spikepole. Are you also an opinion thief? If so, do you not know that it is better to voice your own opinions, no matter how stupid they may be, than to be someone's clone.

I also gather that you are probably a big fan of "The Man Show".

One more thing, have any of you ever eaten a Manatee?

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,spikepole
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 11:31 PM

Well genie.... how many cows did you eat this year? When you see a cow in a pasture does it work up your apetite? It has been said that the only way to insure a species survival is for mankind to start eating them. Maybe you'd like to come over here and eat some manatee. Leave the mouse where he's at.

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 11:21 PM

Dang, Paul -- next time I get sent to the Great Military Industrial Software complex in Orlando to sleep through four days of stupid rice-bowl wars, I think I'll call you!! I'd rather learn to wrassle gators or do a two-step than discuss Army software plans that change the minute the meeting is over anyway!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Paul G.
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 11:05 PM

Spaw and anybody else -- any time y'all want to come visit the *real* Florida, just send a note. Banjer and me and a few others will be delighted to point you in the right direction. Places like Paine's Prarie, White Springs, the Ocala National Forrest, Cross Creek, Lake George, Playa Linda Beach, the hills of Pasco County, High Springs, Micanopy...on and on and on. This is an amazing state full of natural wonder once you move away from the condo commandos, the Mouse and its associated debris, and downtown anyplace. We're always happy to share, just don't mess the place up.

p.

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 10:18 PM

I tell ya' that THIS Yankee hates to drive anywhere in Florida! Y'all got more traffic hazards than anyplace on earth. If it ain't construction, it's tourists or local drunks. Then there's the snowbird contingent and the really scary blue-haired brigade......about 4 foot tall, 92 years old, and can't see over the wheel of their Caddy! I was always happy to have a company paid rental car because it doesn't matter if it gets banged up!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Banjer
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 10:03 PM

Paul, that's a wonderful idea. Let's start some sort of petition to get the Mouse and all his associated traffic congestion and other problems out of Florida. Maybe those folks in Lousiana are crazy enough to take you up on your idea. I bet it wouldn't be long before they begged us to take Mickey back and send them their manatees. I know I will offend somebody (not really meaning to) but like the bumper sticker on my truck says, "Happiness is a northbound Yankee". You haven't lived until you've tried to drive to work in the morning behind some northern vehicle going half the speed limit, the wife reading a map, and the husband tapping the brake every time she finds another tidbit of useless information. All this on a two lane road with no hope of passing. Oh, give me the manatee anyday!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Genie
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 09:22 PM

Well, Mr. Mahin Guest,
You're right-- things do go extinct all the time.  We naked two-legged apes are quite new to the fauna register, in fact.  Who knows when it'll be our turn?

Spikepole, cows weren't on the endangered species list the last time I looked.

Right on, Banjer!

Brilliant idea, Paul G.

Amos, you do wax so poetically!

Genie  ª; )

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 01:10 PM

Hell, Spaw, if you wuz single you'd be panhandling the suits going in and out of the titty bars, I imagine -- your fervent imagination, populated as it is with dreams of world-class farts, marsupial rectii, and complete ineptitude in bib overalls, would just drag you down to the gutter, on your own. Worse than Edgar Allen Poe. A real waste. Thank God for Karen, I say!!! :>) Who else could ever have made half-a-citizen outta such problematic and extremely raw material?

A.

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 01:00 PM

Ya' know Paul, I, along with probably most of the population of the eastern US, did the Orlando thing a few years ago. I'd been in and out of Orlando a lot in my past business life but never did the mouse stuff. Frankly, my main association was always the fine selection of titty-bars up on 41! Anyway, we did the touristy thing, but as Karen and I were taking the kids somewhere after a few days of that insanity, we got to talking about wanting to see the "old Florida." Even the old time tourist traps like Gatorland have far more appeal and even something oddly "cultural" that all the glitz of the mouse and his surrounding fiefdoms completely lacks. We actually did stop by Gatorland and frankly my brood at the time (included several foster kids) enjoyed THAT a lot more and even for me it brought back vacations of my childhood with tourist cabins, wacky postcards, and the like.

Tourism can be both profitable and a pain in the ass on any level, but Disney took the whole thing to a new level.....one I will never repeat. 'Course if I was single, I'd be doing them titty-bars proud!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,Paul G.
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 12:20 PM

Spikepole -- I have it! You send us your Sea Cattle, and we'll send you the Mouse. Fair trade in my opinion. Mickey on Marapaus has a wonderful ring to it. Steamboat Willie has a bit of that powerboating theme too. You'll love the clogging of your roads with lost Yankees, especially the lost drunk ones in Goofy hats. And just think of all of those minimum wage hotel jobs you'll be creating! Interstate commerce lives!

pg

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,spikepole
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 12:02 PM

Well, well. that's real wonderful. Just keep your manatee in Fla. then. We don't want them in La. They are a hazard to navigation!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Banjer
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 06:33 AM

As a resident of the state of Florida I have seen much destruction of our wetlands and natural habitats for wildflife, all in pursuit of the almighty dollar. It would'nt bother me one iota, in fact it would please me immensesly, if they plowed under and removed all traces of Disneyworld and others of their ilk. We need more attractions like Silver Springs, Cypress Gardens and other concerns that go to great lengths to preserve our wildlife and natural heritage in whatever form. Those that don't care for the preservation of nature could all go to a desert in the southwest and dry up and blow away. If I never see or hear another jetski or see a powerboat raising a ten foot rooster tail in a 'no wake' zone I would be a happy camper.

Manatee have no natural enemies. They are a gentle creature and their appetite for water hyacinths is what keeps our rivers and inland waterways clear. While there is a law now protecting them, I think more patrols by our Fish and Wildlife, the Florida Marine Patrol and even some Coast Guard patrols are in order.

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 01:28 AM

(Just stay in your tent, ma'a'm. Those sounds you hear are drums. The yahoos are restless tonight!!)

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,spikepole
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 12:36 AM

Bravo Mr. Mahin! You said it very well indeed. We don't need no stinking manatees and we don't need no stinking bleeding heart tree huggers! 90% of all animal lovers eat 3 hamburgers a week. They just don't get the connection between refridgerated meat on store shelves and cows, chickens and pigs! Give me a break! They would look at us with disgust yet they've probably devoured 2 or 3 cows each in the past 10 years!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: GUEST,Mr. Mahin
Date: 28 Dec 01 - 12:21 AM

Screw a bunch of worthless manatees!They are just in the way of mankind. The same goes for the Spotted Owl, the Florida Panther, and the California Condor. Hell, the Bald Eagle is nothing but a glorified buzzard! Things have been going extinct since the begining of time! m

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 27 Dec 01 - 11:03 PM

SEE! See what brilliance we have at Mudcat!!! Possumland! Who'd a thunk it!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Paul G.
Date: 27 Dec 01 - 10:58 PM

Giddy up! We'll ride them sea cows down the St. Johns to Orlando, head a little west to Disneytown and engage in a little mouse rustling, eh? Now there's a blight on my fair state the could stand a little thinning! Perhaps we could trade the mouse for a possum? Possumland! Imagine the possibilities!

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 27 Dec 01 - 10:42 PM

YAS!! AMAN!! Speak the truth, Brother Swap!!

Rev. khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Dec 01 - 10:37 PM

I'll have you all know that khandu and I are directly responsible for the release of the snail darter from the endangered list! When everyone thought them almost extinct, we discovered them flourishing elsewhere while we were out on an owl hunt! So paul, sign us up to ride the drive....a finer pair of sea horse riders you've never seen!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: khandu
Date: 27 Dec 01 - 10:13 PM

Hey, those spotted owls are my next mission! They are always stealing the attention from our Mississippi screech owls, who deserve much more attention than they get. Yes, I am very passionate about this!

Paul G., Am I correct that you are conducting a sea-cattle drive? I am awed! Would your hired hands ride sea-horses?

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Invasion of the Manatees
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 27 Dec 01 - 09:29 PM

Kahndu...

When you're done with the manatee crusade, I think there are some pesky spotted owls up in the northwest that are still screwing up some construction plans to which you could turn your attentions.