Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Barbara Date: 18 Jan 99 - 02:45 PM You all who are intrigued by Frank i.t.s.'s remarks, go to the "What does a Mudcatter Look Like? (truth opt.)" Thread and read his description of himself. It begins "I am seven and a half feet long, measure 7" between the eyes, and.." Go read it. It's a masterpiece. I laughed for 10 minutes straight, and then I shipped it to some friends.. Blessings, Barbara |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Art Thieme Date: 18 Jan 99 - 11:28 AM Better they should read it than see it. Better they should see it than do it. Better they should do it WITH A CONDOM! Better they should use a dental dam than transcend dental medication!!! Art |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Jan 99 - 11:06 AM REALLY ??? Geez, I gotta' look this stuff up. But it does remind me of a college course that my roommate was in on Animal Husbandry. There was a guy in the class who could not seem to grasp the concept of an Ospenis which 'possums have. After several futile attempts to explain in different ways, the Prof finally lost his cool and shouted at the guy, "Awfer' gawd's sake, IT'S a BONY PETER MAN !!!!" And Joe's wife is worried about the kids reading this stuff.....How educational can you get? catspaw |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Bert Date: 18 Jan 99 - 10:51 AM I would pronounce it pee-neez. And the only reason that I know, is that my kids used to keep iguanas and a male iguana has two hemi-penes. Bert. |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Jan 99 - 10:33 AM Bert: You're huffin' me !!! Penes??? How do you pronounce that??? It could bring a lot of meaning to the old song:
Everytime it rains, it rains, Going thru the rest of the lyric is kinda strange too...But probably good news if you're John Bobbit and in need of replacement parts. AND FRANK i.t.s.: You can't lay the Evinrude thing out there with no explanation !!! Like Mick, I've done far more than my share of insane acts ... but a piece of meat attached to an Evinrude ??? Time to 'fess up. catspaw |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: KingBrilliant Date: 18 Jan 99 - 10:07 AM Ha! I've just remembered a lovely incident from a few years back. A chap I know started working as a barman at the local pub. He was quite nervous and anxious to please. It was a lunchtime, and a gent who had just recieved his dinner and collected his knife & fork leant over the bar and asked 'Excuse me, where are the condiments? Our lad replied 'I think there's a machine in the gents.' Ouch. Kris
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Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Bert Date: 18 Jan 99 - 09:55 AM Frank, Here's an old thread on the subject American cultural oddities Catspaw49, the plural is penes. Bert. |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: May Best-Offer Date: 18 Jan 99 - 09:12 AM Joe, honey, does it not occur to you that the kids might be using the internet also, scanning Mudcat to see what their dad is up to? |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Big Mick Date: 18 Jan 99 - 08:50 AM Frank i.t.s., my dear friend. I must hear the story. I have been known, in my day, to do some crazy shite, but a piece of meat "attached to an Evinrude"????? Come on lad, give it up. Gotta hear it. All the best, Mick |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Jan 99 - 08:07 AM To Philippa: Paraphrasing and lengthening the old quote, it just goes to show that those living in England,Scotland,Ireland,Canada,the U.S.,Australia,New Zealand..."are one people separated by a common language." catspaw |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Frank in the swamps Date: 18 Jan 99 - 06:46 AM |
Subject: Two continents divided by a common language From: Philippa Date: 18 Jan 99 - 06:19 AM An Irish priest told me about the time he spent a semester at a seminary (yes, it's an 'i') in the US and scandalised his room-mate by asking for the loan of a 'rubber'. He was drawing a diagramme and wanted an eraser to 'rub out' an unwanted detail. Scottish singer Jean Redpath used to tell one about the time she shocked a worker in a Californian hotel by asking him, 'Could you knock me up at 7 am?', meaning, 'please give me a wake up call'. |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Jan 99 - 12:34 AM No Gargoyle...I disagree...I think he has at least one more and perhaps two that he's going to slip in ...Uh, that would be bad jokes, NOT penises !!! Which brings up another point, so to speak. How DO you spell the plural of penis ? This is probably why we use synonyms...no one can spell the plural. catspaw |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: gargoyle Date: 18 Jan 99 - 12:16 AM Ahhhhhh.....
Ye, started this whole thread.....
With the original intention of slipping that one in!!! |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Date: 17 Jan 99 - 12:20 PM My name has disappeared again in the "From:" field. Don't know why. I had thought it was supposed to be non-removable...(the name, not the condom.) I knew a guy with 5 penises. His condoms fit like a glove! Art Thieme |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: The Shambles Date: 17 Jan 99 - 07:15 AM I thought this joke may offend someone or be in bad taste but I don't think anyone still reading this thread will be offended. No offence intended. Why do Irishmen wear three condoms? 'Ah to be sure, to be sure, to be sure'. |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Alan of Australia Date: 16 Jan 99 - 09:08 PM G'day, Years ago when condom vending machines first appeared in this country (usually in the Gents room in pubs) one of the first I saw had graffiti on it which read "This bloody chewy tastes like rubber".
Cheers, |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Mo Date: 16 Jan 99 - 09:00 PM Nah Frank - your doing yourself down - all practising musicians automatically qualify for at least a Master of Farts - if not a Doctorate.... !(!) Mo (still at the First Primer stage - but practising the techniques!) |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Frank McGrath Date: 16 Jan 99 - 08:27 PM Mick Lane - the more luck to you - you'll need it if you sing that song. I once almost closed a pub after one very moving rendition - not an easy thing to do in Ireland. And you will owe me - you will owe me an account of how badly the ditty was received. Bit don't even think of caling me for your bail money. Dental Dams |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Jack Hickman Date: 16 Jan 99 - 07:48 PM To Joe Offer: Talk about Founts of all Knowledge, that little aside about Dental Dams, including the other contributions from Rose, etc. had to be the most enlightening episode I have experienced on the Internet. I had no idea such a thing existed. As the old saying goes, show me a guy who doesn't and I'll steal his wife :-). Thanks for this. Jack |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Jan 99 - 05:15 PM Since Helen's challenge thread was inspired by this thread, here's one of my challenge responses paying homage to this everchanging and ,uh,well, educational thread.
To "Irish Washerwoman"
My dental dam's shaped like a bicycle seat catspaw |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Barry Finn Date: 16 Jan 99 - 04:51 PM Rosebrook, nope, wasn't confused at all. Was at the dentist not to long ago for a crown & they put a dental dam in my mouth, so I knew what it was for sure. I just had no idea of it's many uses, ya learn something new every day. An enlightened Barry |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Duane D. Date: 16 Jan 99 - 04:17 PM We can't seem to let this thread go, it keeps coming back, kind of like what happens when you put the Eveready bunny's batteries in backwards....... |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Peter T. Date: 16 Jan 99 - 03:24 PM You mean anti-sementic, surely, given the topic? Yours, Peter T. |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Art Thieme Date: 16 Jan 99 - 02:54 PM Once again, but strangely, I'm getting used to it, Mudcatters are making me anti-semantic! Art |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Big Mick Date: 16 Jan 99 - 12:58 PM Frank, I have a gig this evening, and if it looks right, I am going to have a go at your song. I absolutely loved it. I will give proper attribution, in fact, I t'ink (could I buy a consonant, please?) I will read the intro that came with it. Let me know if I owe you anyting. **grin** All the best, Mick Lane |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Barbara Date: 16 Jan 99 - 12:32 PM Well, Frank, a man here would never offer to knock up a woman without expecting that same slap in the kisser (it means to get pregnant), and there was a thread on this topic a while back. Dont recall the name. Blessings, Barbara |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Frank McGrath Date: 16 Jan 99 - 11:40 AM Art, Thanks for the kind words but you may have sparked off another thread. TRANATLANTIC MISUNDERSTANDING Of course I would never dream of wearing a toilet bowel on my penis - especially if I wanted to stand (no pun intended) any chance of having sex with anything except for that rare person with a plumbing fetish. Also, I am sure the gay liberation groups in North America would be quite upset to hear that Irish and even British people still set fire to fags and smoke them in public - having purchased a packet of twenty in a local store. Similarly, we find the Americans obsession with civil rigths for cigarettes at least quaint if not completely bizarre. And those US TV programmes and films where the gentleman says to the lady; The wierd but wonderful world of words. |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Art Thieme Date: 16 Jan 99 - 10:27 AM Frank, An amazing song! Here in the USA "Johnny" or "john" means something else. BOTH are quite flushed right now!! (red-faced --- as were you, I suspect.) And like the folksinger in the 60's coffeehouse when the tornado hit, he (or she) went swirling away with his (or her) stool. Rose---Like Frank said about condoms in Ireland, we didn't have lesbians here until they became legal a few years ago. ;-) **smiley thing** Art |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Philippa Date: 16 Jan 99 - 10:12 AM I admit, I already knew what dental dams are, heard about them YEARS ago. I don't know any songs or limericks about them. There's a thread about how much time people spend on Mudcat; my visits are getting longer and longer because Joe keeps adding all these links. I came to this thread after reading the methodologies threads Joe sent me to. And then I had to look at the condom catalogue; I'm pleased to see it has a "Secure Server".
Max and Barbara write about dad's sock drawer. Well, I did once rifle my dad's drawer when I was young(er) and found something I never forgot. It was written on a piece of paper. My excuse for writing it here is that SteveF gave me an html assignment to type out two limericks; so here's no. 1: There was an old man all forlorn |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Rosebrook Date: 16 Jan 99 - 09:38 AM Of geez, here goes nothing. Most of you may have figured out by now, but for those who hadn't and are still confused (and just really, really gotta know), typically, a dental dam is associated with safe sex for lesbians during cunnilingus for the prevention of transmitting STDs. It is thick (thereby hampering pleasure-ability), doesn't taste good (again...)and there is controversy about its effectiveness. Saran wrap is actually a more highly chosen safe sex barrier in this situation, from my experience and that of other lesbians I know. Whether dental dams are used by heterosexual couples, I don't know, although I've wondered. I know this is probably MUCH more than anyone here ever wanted, needed or hoped to hear about dental dams at the mudcat. I apologize if I have offended any readers. Rose
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Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: bbc Date: 15 Jan 99 - 11:09 PM Frank, All I can say is, "Thanks for sharing!" bbc ;) |
Subject: Lyr Add: FIRST JOHNNY (Frank McGrath) From: Frank McGrath Date: 15 Jan 99 - 10:29 PM Art - You will have to answer to a vengeful and bitter God for starting this thread. I tried, manfully, to resist the temptations of the "Condom" thread - but failed. To say that condoms are close to my heart is incorrect both in the physical and emotional sense but they have had a very memorable and traumatic effect on my life.
You see, contraceptives were illegal in Ireland for many years and it was only in the first flush of my manhood that condoms became available - but only through a chemist shop. That's not very long ago either, eighteen years ago or thereabouts. So there was childish embarrassment about the purchase of these novel devices when they came on the market. There was also misunderstanding about there use - (many jokes about people chewing them to prevent pregnancy).
Thankfully, I never had to use the much because in my pre-marriage days - AIDs were things to assist old people walk. Unfortunately (fortunately) I did have to use them for a while.
Assuming some daft git should want to sing this song - I use the air of the "Pool Song" (Jimmy Crowley version). But those without any respect for great songs have chosen the air to "Barr na Sraide" which is very similar and has the correct mournful "sean nos" feeling. Others prefer to use the air to "Sullivans John" which is faster and you can clip through this long dirge at a pace more acceptable to modern attention spans.
So here is my revenge.
A song of love, lust, misfortune and
The Nenagh Singers Circle presents a song by Frank McGrath.
First Johnny
Oh, I am oft times told, great stories old,
Oh this battle great which I now relate
With his booty in store, makes for the door
To search for romance, our strong knight had no chance.
Well our hero advanced with his great shining lance
Well into his pus the johnny packet was thrust
Not caring a toss, for his dual dental loss.
With encouraging words, she explains johnnys works
Not caring a damn, for his cerebellum
Retrieving once more his condom from the floor
With the frightening grip of a jubilee clip
He fell to the floor, the girl ran to the door
Our man met his demise with great bulging eyes
So come all you young boys, when your ladeen does rise
©Frank McGrath - August 1996 |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Joe Offer Date: 15 Jan 99 - 01:14 PM I'll betcha most of us didn't know what a dental dam is - but I'll bet our kids know. Get yerself on that there Internet, old codger - it's the only way you'll be able to understand your kids. My kids are in their twenties now, and I do ask them about some stuff I don't understand. They seem quite pleased to be able to help out their old man. But I'm not going to ask them about THAT. -Joe Offer- |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Bill D Date: 15 Jan 99 - 01:01 PM yep..Art..I had half a notion to start a tongue-in-cheek thread about "favotite Druid Madrigals" but I expect that this bunch would expound for 100 posts about why there are none and what the nearest equivilent is... |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Art Thieme Date: 15 Jan 99 - 10:51 AM I am truly amazed at what I started here. Like Richard Nixon said: I'll take all of the credit, and none of the blame! Art |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: KingBrilliant Date: 15 Jan 99 - 09:38 AM Those dental dam links are a real education. I didn't know such things existed!!! It just seems a bit like wrapping it in clingfilm. And once its shrink-wrapped do you have to put a sell-by date on it? Kris |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: bbc Date: 15 Jan 99 - 08:56 AM To Joe: My sense of wonderment grows! Want information--click on Joe's links! Brings to mind a new subheading for the site: "The Mudcat--it ain't just music!" I worked for a dentist in the past & I thought I knew what a dental dam was. Silly me! bbc |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: campfire Date: 15 Jan 99 - 03:20 AM I guess I'm way behind....I thought a dental dam was what the dentist put over the rest of my teeth when I had a root canal done. Honest! And, Joe, is this also where you find that occasional experience that is better than singing? ;-) |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Bill D Date: 15 Jan 99 - 12:10 AM lordy..thought I'd seen it all when I worked in an adult bookstore and had to sell edible underwear!...but DENTAL DAMS?? I have a 6mil sheet of polypropalene sheeting...10' by 20' feet, guess I'm set for life! |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Don Meixner Date: 14 Jan 99 - 11:51 PM Back in my boatyard days I had a friend who work in the Merchant Marine during the second world war. He survived being torpedoed during one passage and was a veteran of the Murmansk run. He used to tell a story of off-loading a crate of condoms at Murmansk for the Russian Red Cross.( or some variation there of) Before the crate was swung out of the hold the Cargo chief had a deckape stencil "Small Only" on the crate. Jack said in a very short time the instances of Russian women dating American Navy and Merchant sailors increased greatly. Don Meixner |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Jan 99 - 10:11 PM Click here, and you shall know, Jack. Apparently Monica didn't. Neither did I. Click here for a wider selection. Well, I thought I understood from the two previous sites, but I guess I didn't. Click here for the whole story. I guess we really should know about such things. -Joe Offer- |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: McMusic Date: 14 Jan 99 - 10:03 PM Takes a whole lot of saran wrap to fit around a drain pipe. |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Jack Hickman Date: 14 Jan 99 - 08:02 PM It seems that MudCat is a fount of all knowledge, so lI have a serious question. What the hell is a dental dam? I like to think I am fairly worldly, and have had a reasonable amount of experience in things sexual, but how did teeth enter into this subject. If the answer is too sensitive, let me know in this thread and I will give you my e-mail address. Jack |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: harpgirl Date: 14 Jan 99 - 06:19 PM Very encouraged to hear so many Mudcatters use condoms. Remember saran wrap works in case of emergency. Keep it up!!!! (grin) harpgirl |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: Mo Date: 14 Jan 99 - 05:19 PM MoMo - is now a no no it seems - however - the lyrics may have gone, but the melody carries on.... ohhhhh yesssss..... Ahhhhhhhh.....! Mo |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: --seed Date: 14 Jan 99 - 03:51 PM Gargoyle: So sorry to have to give you the news. I'm not deceased, but my monitor is diseased (note spelling) and I can't use my computer at home until it is cured, so I haven't been able to visit much lately, and mostly I've been using my minimal time online lurking. Anyway, the rumors of my passing have been somewhat exaggerated. --sees |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: The SingularJoe Offer Date: 14 Jan 99 - 03:18 PM Say, AnaAna, I suppose you were asking about the doubling of your name, but I'm wondering how the end of your message got cut off. Most of us don't have any trouble with that - the only one it sees to happen to is Dick Greenhaus. I thought it was his accent, or something... -Joe, who ponders technical things- |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: The ShamblesThe Shambles Date: 14 Jan 99 - 03:44 AM Ana Ana Max Max is is going going to to fix it fix it. But I do like the look of Mo Mo though. yyyyyeeeesssss! |
Subject: RE: What brand condoms do Mudcatters prefer. From: AnaAna Date: 14 Jan 99 - 03:23 AM howdidthathappenhappenappenppenpenennnnnnn |
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