Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: Art Thieme
Date: 17 May 99 - 06:21 PM

Geoffrey Dahmer had some unique door knockers from what I've heard.

Art

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: Art Thieme
Date: 17 May 99 - 06:19 PM

I just ask if she'd like to go into the bedroom and screw!

I do that 'cause she's my wife, Carol.

Love ya guys,

Art

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: folk1234
Date: 17 May 99 - 06:05 PM

Ya' gotta be careful. Initial impressions may be misleading. Short, but true, story: About a year ago our (very backward) county was about to have its 3rd "liquor by the drink" petition in the past 5 years. The previous two failed. Local churches, and other forces for good and against the devil were actively opposing this petition and were aggressively engaged in voter solicitation efforts. A very small, pretty,(blue hair, spring time dress, cute bonnet, you know, very church-like) and quite elderly lady came to our door saying she would like us to sign a petition. Well my past greetings to such solicitors have ranged from crude to rude to sometimes maginaly tolerant. However, I simply could not be rude to this charming lady, so I said, "I'm very sorry, but I believe we would be on the opposing side to your petition." She responded, "You mean you don't want liquor by the drink?" I then welcomed her in and both my wife and I signed her petition. Before she left, we spoke of good food, fine wines, and lamented over the long distances we had to travel to enjoy such pleasures. Subsequently, we became very close friends with this charming lady and her husband, who 30 years ago was the owner and editor of our local newspaper. They have been a wonderful source of local history and folk lore, and we have enjoyed many evenings of social drink, dining, and story telling with these beautiful people. For once I was a proper gentelman and it paid off.

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 17 May 99 - 05:32 PM

We had a f riend in Vermont who used to invite them in and ask if they believed in "sacrifice." Their response, of course, was "Certainly!" "Human sacrifice?" he would ask. Then he would proceed to read aloud from Leviticus, which is not really about human sacrifice, but does go on at some length about how to sacrifice goats because "the odor of the blood is pleasing to the Lord." Kinda put 'em off their stride, that did.

Now, I just tell 'em I'm a heathen, willing to worship the sun as the ultimate provider of life on our planet, but that's as far as I'm willing to go. They usually leave without argument. Remember, though, these people are truly convinced that they are doing you a favor, inviting you to qualify for eternal life! It's hard to be rude to someone who is honestly trying to save you from the eternal fires, isn't it?

Sandy

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: Matthew B.
Date: 17 May 99 - 05:29 PM

Rodney Dangerfield once complained: I don't get any respect... last week the Jehovah's Witnesses told me that they weren't interested!

But if you need a child-safe way to "drive them off," just say through the closed door that you're dripping naked from the shower. The kids won't be "corrupted" since, presumably, even they know that people shower naked, and the grownups will head for the next address because they're either too disgusted or too turned on by the thought of you that way and want to direct their minds back to their saintly cause.

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 May 99 - 05:19 PM

My dad used to basically growl at them and threaten to get out his six-shooter if they didn't get off the property...it was another era.

I vowed never to have another religious debate in 1973, when my then brother-in-law told me I was going to hell because i didn't belong to hisc church! Roger likes to toy with them though. Just recently, to my dismay, he invited a couple of them in. After a bit of Zen Buddhism and a few Wiccan exchanges, they left in a rather bewildered state Poor things. He talks louder, has studied longer, and believes he knows everything on certain days of the week.

I am mindful, though, that we may have a few doorknockers or relatives of same here at the Mudcat, so do not mean to offend. I just do NOT like some trying to shove their's off on to me!

kat

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 May 99 - 05:19 PM

My dad used to basically growl at them and threaten to get out his six-shooter if they didn't get off the property...it was another era.

I vowed never to have another religious debate in 1973, when my then brother-in-law told me I was going to hell because i didn't belong to hisc church! Roger likes to toy with them though. Just recently, to my dismay, he invited a couple of them in. After a bit of Zen Buddhism and a few Wiccan exchanges, they left in a rather bewildered state Poor things. He talks louder, has studied longer, and believes he knows everything on certain days of the week.

I am mindful, though, that we may have a few doorknockers or relatives of same here at the Mudcat, so do not mean to offend. I just do NOT like some trying to shove there's off on to me!

kat

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: Penny S.
Date: 17 May 99 - 04:43 PM

The most un-nerving thing I've met was when they turned up for the first time in a very long time the day after a neighbour had committed suicide, ready to build their speil on that subject, and when I asked them specifically and strongly not to call on her family, they did so. I've not felt so forgiving about them since.

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: The Shambles
Date: 17 May 99 - 04:34 PM

Bert

Your polite method does work but they tend to take you at your word and return another time. My new method tends to have a permanent effect.

There is a disturbing tendency here to knock at your door accompanied by their young children, which does complicate things, a clever move that. Is it just here that this happens?

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: danl
Date: 17 May 99 - 03:38 PM

the best way to unsettle religious 'doorknockers' that my friends and i have found is to invite them in, offer them some tea and then systamatically disprove everything they tell you. tee hee hee!

the other one i heard on a radio program YEARS ago and unfortunatly never rememberd the name of had a character saying ' well i did let jesus into my life but he couldnt stand the state of my flat. now will you please excuse me, i have some hot cockerals blood on the boil...'

im curious LEJ, exactly how many black eyes did you aquire while in our fair country?

love ivy b*

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 May 99 - 03:17 PM

Sham, I love it! Though I usually use the same method Bert does. During an election year, I post a sign on my door which says "STOP! Do not leave any literature. This means all politicians, salespeople, and religious persons!"

Worked fairly well.

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: LEJ
Date: 17 May 99 - 03:14 PM

Oh hell...I thought this was thread about the kind of doorknockers that you buy in Dartmoor and are shaped like little gargoyles.

And not just those. I noticed while in England that many of the housewives were blessed with lovely knockers, and I made it a point to complement them on their knockers whenever I had a chance. While the shiny new ones stand out quite attractively, the older ones are also fascinating and have held their value quite well.

LEJ

Subject: RE: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: Bert
Date: 17 May 99 - 03:03 PM

I just politely say "I'm not interested, thank you" and close the door. It's always worked so far.

Next time I'm feeling in a frivolous mood though, I'll try your method. Sounds fun.

Bert.

Subject: Religious (or otherwise) Doorknockers. (BS)
From: The Shambles
Date: 17 May 99 - 02:59 PM

The best way I have found, to discourage un-welcome, would be converters, is to invite them to undress and join the Coven meeting currently going on in my garden.