 sj |
||
|
||
BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont.
|
|
|
Subject: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: katlaughing Date: 14 Jun 02 - 10:17 PM Continuation of Time for a Tavern Thread - bring yer thong Susan is cooking up some dee-li-shush gourmet food and Guinness is flowing. Make Merry!! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: artbrooks Date: 14 Jun 02 - 10:33 PM The hungover bodhran player (is there any other kind) sticks his head out from under the bar. "Vietnamese food? Nuc Maum and Ba Mui-Ba beer...yum." He then crawls over to the brass spitoon and barfs up his last stale Guinness...oops, looks like there was a cigar butt in that one. When did Cletus sneak in? Lady Kat cames over with her mop and cleans up the floor, spitoon and bodhran player with one swell swoop. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Jack the Sailor Date: 15 Jun 02 - 01:12 AM "Got any grog?" He asks as he tries to find his shore legs. "And a cracker for me parrot. Arrrrrrrr." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Liz the Squeak Date: 15 Jun 02 - 02:24 AM The advantage of being a mouse is that it takes practically no time at all to lose the hangover.... most days. Today is not one of those days. Who left the lid off the curry pot?? Lost Squidgy |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Celtic Soul Date: 15 Jun 02 - 10:09 AM Oooo...too much chicken vindaloo, Squeak?
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: gnu Date: 15 Jun 02 - 11:39 AM Well, I'm back. Watched the big games even though there was never any doubt that the Wings and the Lakers would win. Shoulda stayed here and played Hran with that scuffy lookin fellah. Somethin off about him, though. Too much Guinness on the head and on the head, I'd say. Now me, my head is clear because I stay on the Bud Light. And it won't hurt your head, either. Hey Scruffy... how's about we warm up with a little Johnny McEldo ? Fast version eh ! You start. Hey Scruffy... you okay ? Nevermind - I gotta go back to work in a few minutes anyway. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Dead Horse Date: 15 Jun 02 - 09:42 PM In walks a slim handsome youth (I can be what I wanna be in here, right?) dressed like a sailor, but carrying a tee-fer like he knows how to use it. "Sorry I didn't get here sooner, I was looking for a Cajun sea-shanty weekender, but no bugger would tell me where it was" He produced a polypin of nice warm real ale and started in singing Jolie Blonde at breakneck speed, accompanying hisself on the old triangle, as this lissom wench slipped in thru the curtains and did foot percussion on top of some startled rodents. "They'll all have headaches in the morning" he wryly observed. Some folks in the corner had suddenly stood up, recognising the Cajun national anthem thru their drunken stupor. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Liz the Squeak Date: 16 Jun 02 - 02:57 AM Who the F**K's that stomping on my head? Get me back into that cleavege, right now... Bring me some of that rough cider, I'll show 'em what geneticaly modified really means..... Squashed Lugs |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: John MacKenzie Date: 16 Jun 02 - 04:40 AM Kay the toothsome podo-percussionaly gifted rodent reshaper. {Yes folks it is she!} Throws caution to the winds and gets out both her Apple and her Asian, and gives full vent to her podoatric dexterity. While the assembled Guinness befuddled company sing South Australia at a speed which would get your capstan hauled, or your bitts coiled, before you could say, Chicken on a Raft. Slainthe.....Giok |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Dead Horse Date: 16 Jun 02 - 04:58 AM They all collapse in a heap (of what?) breathless, except for the toothsome podo-whatever wench. She looks directly at a nearby bhodran-basher and says "Does that thing come with a neck & strings? If not, get yer banjo out!" Only then does she notice the mice. "Oh bugger" she says daintily, "Rodents dont 'alf mess up the jingle taps" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Yorkshire Tony Date: 16 Jun 02 - 09:41 AM YT drags his attention away from the big game - England 3 Denmark 0, samples some of Susan's latest creation, admires Kat's Ninja outfit once again, and orders a pint of McEwan's heavy (the IPA having run out) - watch out, you may now be subjected to his Corries and Hamish Imlach repertoir. His cat eyes the parrot - the parrot eyes the cat - the parrot is out of reach and the cat is too old to run up the sailor to get at it the way she might have done 10 years ago - standoff. She corners the mouse instead and proceeds to tell it her troubles - she is long past trying to eat the bloody things - though that Vindaloo it fell in smells rather tasty. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Gareth Date: 16 Jun 02 - 09:54 AM The parrot eyes the inflatable sheep, the sheep does not react. Emboldened the parrot flutters down on to the back of the sheep, still no reaction. The parrot gives the sheep a nasty peck. Blaaaarrttt ! The sheep takes off, flying through the air. "AAAWWWKKK!!!" goes the parrott, retreating in a hurry to a friendly shoulder, "B****r this for a lark, Your turn in the barrell, Kiss the golden rivet", and other choice sailors expresions. "Remind me never to sign on to a ship bound for Cardiff" The now deflating sheep circles the bar room, and nosedives into the Vindaloo. Gareth |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: artbrooks Date: 16 Jun 02 - 10:32 AM The bodhran player, fresh and clean and ready for a new day, swaggers back into the pub. Freshening up his drum head with a bit of McEwan's from YT's glass, he pulls out his favorite tipper and joins in on the chorus to "South Australia". Some VERY lost Ozite wanders in and says "yer bluddy dun't want to go ter South Austraylia...I bin there and I nevver want to go back!. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Celtic Soul Date: 16 Jun 02 - 10:35 AM The taps flowing, the bottles all unstoppered, Guinness begins to rise in the Pub like a biblical flood. CS yells, "SURFS UP!!", grabs the inflatable sheep, stops up the hole with a wad of gum, and grabs the largest glass she can to start shoring up the flood. "COWABUNGA!!!!!!!!!" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Dead Horse Date: 16 Jun 02 - 01:56 PM I look around me, find an empty chair and climb aboard. "Oh no! Not again" screams Giok The Drag-on Killer. "Only keeping me sandals out of the rising tide of Giunness" says I, innocently. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: John MacKenzie Date: 16 Jun 02 - 02:04 PM Well Madam Jingle Taps did ask me to get me banjo out!! What do you mean that's not what I meant by your banjo? Never mind, can I have a quick burst on it anyway? Ah but I needed that!!!....Giok |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Liz the Squeak Date: 16 Jun 02 - 04:39 PM Those taps sure put a crimp in your day..... anyone got a band aid? Lately Squashed |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Jack the Sailor Date: 16 Jun 02 - 06:35 PM Parrot notices pot bellied man in torn gold velour shirt and tight black shiny pants. "AraaaaaK! Ya been in another fight Captian?" "No I was singing." He emotes, with pathos and anguish in his voice "The audience did this" Really skinny guy with baggy eyes in similar attire, Blue shirt, shiny black pants, pipes up and says. "Of course they did Bill. You're an actor, not a musician." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Gareth Date: 16 Jun 02 - 07:06 PM The rising tide of Guinness flows around the recumbent Welshman. The sting of the froth in his nostril awakens him. He swallows. "Dew, what a way to go !, but first I've got to visit the mens room" He staggers out the back. Two minutes later he returns, and lies down again, making swallowing and glugging noises. It sounds like "Gresford" being sung under water - Which might be appropriate. Will the rescue brigade get through in time ? Will he need another trip to the mens room before he drowns ? Will anybody care ? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: GUEST,DEATH Date: 16 Jun 02 - 07:15 PM "I see the Welshman's sand glass is a bit confussed, those in the UK and Eire wishing to make a donation to the Mudcat to celebrate/mourn (in anticipation) should PM MICCA or John Routlage for details of the "Friends of the Mudcat He sweeps his scythe at the deflated inflatable sheep. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Jack the Sailor Date: 16 Jun 02 - 07:16 PM Parrot notices drowning Welshman, calls mortuary. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Dead Horse Date: 17 Jun 02 - 09:39 AM So how come Death is not speaking in capitals? Could it be that he feels somewhat out of his depth in all this Guinness? Is he as deflated as the inflatable sheep He goes out back towards the kitchen, muttering about time & short-order cooks. In walks Bob Geldof. "Some f*****r mention Band Aid?" he asks, politely (well, for him it was polite). Lady Squealer MBE picks up her ears, and sticks them back on each side of her head with left over curry paste. "Who you callin' a duffer?" (obviously still slightly deaf from the jingle taps) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for aTavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Jack the Sailor Date: 17 Jun 02 - 10:59 AM A baby comes into the tavern and orders a beer. He has a sash which reads. 2002-2003 dotcom.com. "I hope this one is better than last year." says the fiscal new year's baby. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Jack the Sailor Date: 17 Jun 02 - 11:43 PM Did my bad joke kill the thread? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Chip2447 Date: 18 Jun 02 - 01:19 AM The flying, farting, rapidly deflating sheep zooms under a back table in the bar. The scruffy, bearded, fat ocarinageek struggles out from under the table that he dribbled under countless days ago. Bleary eyed he stumbles toward the bar. "I tink I kinda passed out back yonder bout a week ago, hair of the dawg please." He tosses the inflatable sheep carcass on the bar. "Don't know who this thing belongs to but it looks like its (wait for it....) BUGGERED IN THE END." He guffaws at his own joke and hastily drains the Guiness that someone kindly set before him. "Had the weirdest stout and peanut butter sandwich induced dreams...motorcycle ninjas, parrots buggering sheep, something about Kaw-li ga never getting kissed, cats singing harmony, and a mouse trying to make out with something? Any body seen my ocarinas?" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Dead Horse Date: 18 Jun 02 - 02:54 PM Do your trousers up, there are ladies present. AND mice. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Liz the Squeak Date: 18 Jun 02 - 03:12 PM That's OK, dead birds don't fall out of nests.... I think the little ocarina is over there in the ashtray, Big Bertha doesn't want to leave just yet.... Cover me guys, I'm going in again! Lusty Squeak! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Gareth Date: 18 Jun 02 - 06:39 PM Oi ! where's my bloody sheep ?? Gareth |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Yorkshire Tony Date: 18 Jun 02 - 09:09 PM Where are these ladies? I'm personally not into sheep and ocarinas. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: katlaughing Date: 18 Jun 02 - 10:15 PM After a prolonged dip in the lime jello pit, accompanied by Big Micks in thongs, Ebbies thinging thongs, and flaming kestrels taking nosedives, Kat bursts through the back door of the Tavern and hollers, Alright you open-minded-try-anything-once mouse and sheep obsessed mates! Try this! How's about a song!!??? All together now, to the tune of "On Top Of Spaghetti: On top of the Tavern Flew Jenellen's bird She lit it afire But it wasn't dead. In Tavern No. Somesuch Big Mick wears a thong While wrestling in jello And singing a song. Now we come to this Tavern Obssessed with the Mouse Of Welshmen and bodhranmen All drinks on the house. Yorkshire Tony among them...la, la la, la la.. that's it keep going...write yer own and let's hear some more MUSIC!! she sang as she waltzed around the room with the House Cat.... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Nigel Parsons Date: 19 Jun 02 - 04:33 AM What's Gareth doing claiming the sheep, it was brought in by an itinerant Welshman. maybe he thinks he is the only one here! The Welshman counts the notches on his beermat and decides it's time for another pint and a marmite sarnie. He would return home to his loved one, but can't recall the address, and thinks the football might still be on. Oh the joy of a TV free tavern! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: katlaughing Date: 19 Jun 02 - 01:00 PM Perhaps Kat was being a smidge too esoteric...she began to elucidate...the flaming kestrel was in the Albert Hansell Tavern thread...one of the greatest to ever grace these pages, IMO...the jello pit has been here for a long time and Big Mick became famous for having a potato stuck in his thong, only in the back, not frontside and if I remember right that was courtesy of Spaw...something Mick shall never live down! Alison used to be a righteous jello wrestler...and, oh... just go check out the Memorable Threads links and you should find enough reading material for all of the bog visits for the rest of yer life! and with that, Kat sat and began to hum a tune... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: MMario Date: 19 Jun 02 - 01:13 PM speaking of old Tavern Threads - whathell 'appened to the mystical magical multitudinous buttoned caffiene dream machine? I could use a triple expresso! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: katlaughing Date: 19 Jun 02 - 01:56 PM Looks to me like it's way back over there in Tavern No. 6, with a grand intro by bbc, MMario..bring it on! Looks like it hasn't been used in a couple of years, might be a little rusty. An' this'll get anyone started down a long road of reading if they want to find out about the flaming kestrel.**BG** hahaha...have a fun day, phoaks! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: John MacKenzie Date: 19 Jun 02 - 02:27 PM Giok thinks that he too will go back to his dearly beloved, but decides to go home to his wife instead. "My uncle used to love me but she died" Are you all singing along now specially Gareth caryad [Scots spelling]Come home come home it's supper time, the shadows lengthen so fast. # Must go it's time for my medication. Byeeeeee....Giok |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: katlaughing Date: 19 Jun 02 - 02:31 PM Oh the Master of the sheepfold bin..wants to know is his sheep brung in...and he's calling softly...softly calling...is my sheep, is they all brung in? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Liz the Squeak Date: 20 Jun 02 - 01:16 AM Bring me back that ocarnia, I was just getting warmed up!! Lost Squeak |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Nigel Parsons Date: 20 Jun 02 - 03:42 AM "Oh the master of the sheepfold bin, wants to know is his sheep brung in.." !! "When I'm calling EW...E" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: artbrooks Date: 20 Jun 02 - 10:07 AM The sex-starved bodhran player (is there any other kind?) wanders back in. "Where's that fine-figured wench?" he cries. Liz hits him upside the head with a chocolate cricket bat. "Has anyone seen my favorite ewe?" he says. The pretty little sheep sticks her head in the pub door and bites him on...himself. "Did Chip manage to plug the hole in the bluddy blow-up?" he mutters, staggering painfully over to the bar. He pulls his drum out of its case and begins to play along with Kat's quiet little tune. She hits him upside the head with her broom. Feeling somewhat unwanted (not an unfamiliar feeling for a bodhran player), he wanders back outside and settles down for a nap on the compost heap. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: MMario Date: 20 Jun 02 - 01:20 PM The blurry eyed man in peasant clothing wanders back in from inspecting the barbecue pit - the coals are almost at the perfect stage. Did anyone know there's some guy out back being buried in the compost heap by the faeries? He returns to pondering just what he should barbecue for the big solstice celebration. Hippo was for Christmas; and he did the roc for thanksgiving. Manatee? no - the Dutch would surely object...
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Dead Horse Date: 20 Jun 02 - 01:41 PM I got a kazoo you can chuck on the barby, but bodhrans burn longer. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Dead Horse Date: 20 Jun 02 - 01:43 PM I got another suggestion, but it involves inflatable mint sauce! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: John MacKenzie Date: 20 Jun 02 - 04:57 PM Well the mint is in Llantrisant, which as we all know is in Wales. I suggest you speak to Gareth before you blow up anything Welsh, he'll probably have dibs on things like that down there in the land of his fathers. As Frank Ifield used to yodel, "I'll dismember ewe-ooh". Failte.....Giok |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Gareth Date: 20 Jun 02 - 05:04 PM Ahhhh ! Llantrisant !! The hole with the Mint !! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Amergin Date: 20 Jun 02 - 05:13 PM Ok...he goes poking his head in...what a mess this is, he thinks to himself....oh hell...looks like the bar is the safest place to be here...think I will just plop my arse on the counter top there...ah yes....bring me a real pint of that black girl....and let me sing you the story of the first time I lost my heart.....
As I walked in the pub one day
Upon the bar she sat before me
Chorus:
Her black limbs stretched out
We kissed again and yet again
(Chorus)
My thoughts faded off into smoke
Final Chorus: nt |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Time for a Tavern-Thong & Mouse-cont. From: Liz the Squeak Date: 20 Jun 02 - 05:31 PM I resent that.... would I waste good chocolate by hitting anyone upside de head wid it (got to stop talking to Marilyn, the Bajan woman on my desk.....)? And I've never struck a bodhran player once..... (I usually get in two or three before they register the pain).... Where did that mouse go with my Kazoo?? LTS |