Song Challenge! Part 40

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: GUEST,Larry Boy Pratt
Date: 02 Jan 01 - 04:25 PM

I'm new to this, so here goes with apologies to Sonny Boy Williamson.

Take Your Hands Off of My Wrapper

Take your hands off of my wrapper
There ain't nothin' in there that belongs to you
Take your hands off of my wrapper
There ain't nothin' in there that belongs to you
If you don't stop squeezin my wrapper
I'm going to have to call the police on you

Take your fingers out of my cookies
That fruit filling is just fine without you
Take your fingers out of my cookies
That fruit filling is just fine without you
If you don't stop feelin' 'round my cookies
I'm going to have to tell your wife on you.

You poke my cookies, squeeze my bread,
And flatten out my cream puff.
Please stop beatin on my baked goods,
I have had about had enough
Take your hands off of my wrapper
There ain't nothin' in there that belongs to you
If you don't take your hands off my wrapper
I'm going to have to call the police on you

line breaks fixed by elf

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: GUEST,Larry Boy Pratt
Date: 02 Jan 01 - 04:28 PM

OK, so what is the trick in getting the line breaks? I cut and pasted from MS Word. Do I need to write it directly into the box?

Sorry for the run on sentences.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jan 01 - 04:39 PM

Al - *officially* according to section III sup-paragraph four of the rules, (or maybe it was Section VII, sup-paragraph XX.VIII.a) the challenges never close.

larry boy - for line breaks see the new-comers FAQ thread at the top of the list, under handy HTML tricks.

welcome to the mudcat.

BTW - as a coda to this, I heard recently on the Radio that this man has been sentenced and fined for the damage he did to the bread.

fixed by elf

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: MMario
Date: 02 Jan 01 - 04:45 PM

boy did that mess up...

Calling Joe and/or clone!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 03 Jan 01 - 02:39 PM

Al and Larry Boy -- Great (better late than never) additions to this Challenge! Your songs have both been awarded the prestigious Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon for giving the Keeper of the Book a great laugh once again, and have been entered into the Tome of Challenges! Cudos, thanks and congrats to both of you. ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 03 Jan 01 - 02:56 PM

I read somewhere in the paper over the holidays the guy has recently actually come up for sentending - but with ione thing or another I never got to reading what happened to him. Any newsaholics who can track it down and tell us?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Áine
Date: 03 Jan 01 - 03:36 PM

Dear Kevin,

To satisfy any of you Challenge!rs sense of closure on this matter ;-), I searched and found this story on MSNBC.com from November 21, 2000:

THE 38-YEAR-OLD ADVERTISING executive, convicted of squeezing, poking and crumbling $1,000 worth of baked goods during criminally finicky shopping sprees in suburban Philadelphia, was sentenced this week to 180 days' probation - 90 days each for the bread and the cookies.

He was also ordered to pay $1,000 restitution. 'You engaged in behavior that was not just odd, it was criminal,' the Philadelphia Inquirer quoted Bucks County Judge David Heckler as telling Feldman at a Monday sentencing hearing. 'You caused harm to people.'

Sensationalized as the 'Cookie Crumbler' by local news outlets, Feldman was accused of manhandling bread and cookies at suburban supermarkets over a two-year period that ended in 1999, when he moved to Las Vegas.

Police charged him with two counts of criminal mischief. He denied wrongdoing at a September trial, even though footage from in-store surveillance cameras showed him poking and prodding boxes of cookies and running his hands over dozens of loaves of bread.

Two bakeries claimed that Feldman caused irreparable damage to products worth nearly $8,000 in total.

Feldman's wife testified at trial that he was simply a picky shopper who wanted to ensure freshness for his family.

The judge said his actions rose to the level of vandalism and worried that a recent psychiatric report quoted the accused as saying the real bread squeezer was still on the loose.

But the sentencing hearing did produce an admission, the Inquirer reported. 'I do touch too much bread, yes, more than the next person,' the newspaper quoted Feldman as telling the court, with a lowered head and a slight voice.

Ahh, I feel much better now, knowing that Sam's gotten his just desserts . . . ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 05:00 AM

To the tune of "Tom Dooley"

THE BALLAD OF SAM FELDMAN
CHORUS
Hang your head, Sam Feldman
Hang you head and cry
You've crushed a lot of cookies
Now you'll pay the price
You've crushed a lot of cookies
And spoiled a lot of bread
If the state police don't catch you
Were sending for the Feds

In the state of Pennsylvania
For years your terror raged
It was as if some cookie fiend
Had gone on the rampage
Crumbs, and nuts and chocolate chips
At the scene of crime
The supermarket boss is worried
For his bottom line

CHORUS

We've installed CCTV
To catch you in the act
We've seen you pinch and prod and punch
Our cookies you have wrecked
We've seen you act maliciously
And now we must resort
To try your case judiciously
Within the District Court

CHORUS

The judge's face it darkened
When he viewed the videotape
"Anything to add" he asked
"Before I shut this case"
"I thought I'd get away
But I reckon I've been rumbled
A pain in the ass, but then I guess
That's how the cookie crumbles"

CHORUS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: MMario
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:09 AM

If the state police don't catch you; we're sending for the Feds!

Inspired!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:15 AM

Thanks, MMario. As I write I've only got 8 left to do!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:16 AM

Thanks, MMario. As I write I've only got 8 left to do!