Song Challenge! Part 12

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 01:57 PM

Since we all had such fun being 'animals' about ladies underwear in Song Challenge! Part 11, I thought this would be appropos this time. The Challenge: The Norwegian Moose And His Road Rage

OSLO, Norway -- Raymond Johansen isn't sure what to say on his insurance claim after a moose walked across his car and kicked in its windshield this weekend. Johansen and his girlfriend, Kristen, were driving home when they stopped for a moose on the highway. They thought they'd avoided a potentially deadly collision with the moose, which weighted about 400 kilograms (880 pounds); but, no such luck. Johansen recalled shouting "this can't be" when the moose walked across the car's hood and one of its feet came crashing through the windshield. Neither the couple nor the moose was injured. He said the moose may have been enraged by the bright lights of the car.

******* Have fun and GO FOR IT CHALLENGE!RS********

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:02 PM

Angry meese? Acid rain? Blowing possums in the wind? Global warming? Floods in Africa? What is the world coming to?

Geeze, Áine, if we have to immortalize every damned oddity in the world we'll go broke!!! :>) Anyway, I'm not posting first on this one. I'm gonna wait for LEJ and plagiarize him!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Bert
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:03 PM

Oh no! NOT another one. I haven't caught up with the last two (or is it three) yet. It usually takes me a month or so to write a song. Quality is suffering in an effort to keep to this hectic schedule? ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:12 PM

Áine is suffering from executive syndrome -- it only takes seconds to give an order, even if it takes hours of blood and sweat to fulfill it...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Osmium
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:18 PM

Bert you have my every sympathy; like no-way norway or nil-point norway! But when you've been there you'll love it. Just be nice to Mooses.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:18 PM

. . . it takes hours of blood and sweat to fulfill it . . .

This from the man who only took 58 minutes to write a song about panties???????

And I'll remind you that it was a certain sad-eyed poet that requested another challenge PDQ.

Hmmmpphh! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:45 PM

Actually, it took less than that -- I got in late that morning...CLAAANNNNK!!!...ooops -- sorry, i moved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:47 PM

And MBo is on a four-year loaf on someone else's dough, so never mind about what he needs to keep his fertile mind busy. But it is related to panties in a hidden sort of way...and I have to stop elevating my discourse around here...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Troll
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:48 PM

And it's MOOSE! MOOSE! I want... never mind.

troll

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:51 PM

Well, Troll, they do say no MOOSE is good MOOSE. Would that be chocolate or strawberry?

Maybe a Roddy MCorley number, about having a moose around your neck...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Osmium
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 02:51 PM

NB "rent-a-wreck" are car hire firm who rent very cheaply old cars that have to be treated with caution based just outside Oslo.

Raymond and Kirsten went down the lonely road
Along the fjiords of Norway to lift the overload
To reduce from all the stresses
And escape the modern messes
That life in Oslo City can fill with woe.

But all was set fair, for this perfect pair
As the "rent-a-wreck" sped on its way
Along narrow lanes
Through cavernous caves
And down steep sided rocky escarpments

Then Kirsten said There!; Raymond said Where?
And then wished that he hadn't asked
For a Moose with an arse
The size of a mountain of brass
landed right on the bonnet; fair n'square

Well shaken by this, and a little bit pissed
This loving couple did return
And "Rent-a-Wreck" said
Well thanks for the Moose, it'll make agreat roast
And its worth a lot more than the car

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 03:04 PM

Osmium!!!! First over the wire!!! And laughing all the way to the web page!!! LOL!! Good job.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Bert
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 03:14 PM

I see it's only the quality of MY stuff that's suffering.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 03:58 PM

To the tune of "The Faithful Sailor Boy" (and borrowing heavily)

'Twas on a dark and stormy night
As we drove out of town
I headed out along the fjord
My sweetheart by my side
When all at once, dead in the glare,
There were two shining eyes
What could it be, my love, she cried
Here by the waterside?

Farewell, farewell, my own true love
I fear that we shall die
For now I see against the night
A shadow of huge size
With antlers high, into the sky
So fire bright its eyes
That's how we learned, 'twas running loose
The monster of Loch Moose!

Staight at us then, the monster came
Large as a steaming train
With feet the size of wagon wheels
and monstrous hairy frame
We froze in fear, we couldn't move
we waited, lost in dread
And as it to us closer came, this is what I said

Farewell, farewell, my own true love
I fear that we shall die
For now I see against the night
A shadow of huge size
With antlers high, into the sky
So fire bright its eyes
That's how we learned, 'twas running loose
The monster of Loch Moose!

And thou' we stopped, in dreadful fear
and shivered in the road
That moose came on, and calmly stepped
Upon the carriage he strode
Beneath his hooves, things broke and crushed
Yet he came steady on
Then turned and as he left, I swear
Upon his face a yawn.
Farewell, farewell, my own true love
I fear that we shall die
For now I see against the night
A shadow of huge size
With antlers high, into the sky
So fire bright its eyes
That's how we learned, 'twas running loose
The monster of Loch Moose!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:29 PM

Wow! What a wonderful start, Osmium and MMario!! The rest of these yahoos are really gonna have to work hard to top you guys!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:32 PM

I'm sorry -- CLANK!---I was having a press conference...did someone mention Yahoo? Or have I given some offense to Thy Divinitrixhood? (muted suppressed snarl deleted...yahoos, indeed...after all I've done to support your campaign for Infinite Grace, too!)CLANK! :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:34 PM

MarioMa_man_! That was absolutely beautiful! Complete, well rounded, funny as hell and musically exquisite!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:35 PM

a...you "working hard" or "working out" hard....sounds like your tossing weights around

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:38 PM

Hey there, Mr. Huevos,

Be glad I said 'yahoos' -- I could have said 'hahnyahks'!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Osmium
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:38 PM

I know when I'm beat - great stuff MMario

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:41 PM

Oh, I see where my offense lay -- it was in my response CLANNNK!!! to yer remark about little medals, I think ... y'know, my dear Goddess, whom I love like life itself, I have never doubted your ability to dish it out when the need arose... hmmm.... but...CLANNNK!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:50 PM

MM:
The clanking is attributable to an attribute I share with a certain goose, reported to produce ovarian fruit of little flavor but inestimable value...much like yours truly... :>) CLANK!

But I think TGG missed the connection with the goose...probably out of practice?

See Challenge 11 thread for clarification. :>)

Great song!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:58 PM

you are the goose that laid the barnecle?

that can't be right.....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 05:06 PM

Well these h$#%^^^ds came from somewhere, mate...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 05:41 PM

My daughter does this to me...in fact I taught it to her..the Deep Silence torture. But I can stand it...[clank]...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:06 PM

Bullwinkle's Revenge

A wild and mighty moose am I
I weigh nine hundred pounds
And all wise creatures give me room
When I make my nightly rounds.
I'm heedless of all rough terrain
Of river, crag and boulder
Even bears will hide, for I
Stand six feet at the shoulder!

Imagine, then, my own chagrin
As I crossed the Oslo Highway
To see this slob as he drove his Saab
With sheer abandon, my way!
Now nothing makes me deviate
From a path I set my sights on
But this scared little guy and his frightened bride
Just sat there with their lights on!

Now a moose like me can stand a lot
My calmness is surprising
But the car sat there, and the people stared
And I felt my temper rising.
I thought "how good to use his hood as my own personal ramp!"
So over the bumper and through the glass
I then began to tramp.

I crossed at last, breaking all his glass
And his cool Norwegian bearing
As the Saab disappeared, my ears were cheered
By the sound of distant swearing.
So if, some night, in a glow of light
You meet a moose out on the street
Don't stare and curse, put in in reverse
Or feel the Fury of his Feet!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:07 PM

OK, Huevos Rancheros, here ya go:

There Is A Thing In Norway Land
(Tune: House Of The Rising Sun)

There is a thing in Norway land
They call the Road Rage Moose
If you stop, you'll find him starin' you down
On your hood he'll plant his caboose

Well, Mr. J and his Lady K
Ther was home on enight were headin'
They saw a flash, then heard a crash
A monster in the gloamin'

One foot, it came down on the hood
Another on the roof
The third went right straight into Lady K's lap
The fourth got stuck in the boot

Mr. J was shakin' in his anorak
Lady K was white as a sheet
No encounter with ghosts or aliens
Their tale that night could beat

Well, Mr. J went to the insurance man
To get those moose holes fixed
When he told his tale to the agent there
His policy the company nixed

(slide guitar break here)

And Lady K, she is gone as well
Flown off to Amerikay
But Mr. J just sits and thinks
'Bout big moose burgers all day

There is a thing in Norway land
They call the Road Rage Moose
If you stop, you'll find him starin' you down
On your hood he'll plant his caboose

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:10 PM

All right, LEJ!!! Whoooo! Ring that bell!!

I see, belatedly, that my daughter retyped the second line in the second verse. Here's how it should read:

Well, Mr. J and his Lady K
Their way home one night were headin'
They saw a flash, then heard a crash
A monster in the gloamin'

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:17 PM

You guys are --- moosemeisters!!!. I am in awe, just in awe. LEJ, "with sheer abandon, my way!" as a couple with highway is...what can I say...inspired.

I gotta say, I think I will have to retire now. I am being shown up by these younger guys, now they got their dander up...my wind ain't what 't once was...and my rhubitis is flaring up... :>))

Very, very, very well done to you all. Wow...what a contest...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:38 PM

 
Sad Ballad of the Norseman Who Wouldn't Drive

Well, Kristin and Raymond were lovers
Lord, how they put it forth,
They fell in love up in Norway
Way up in the frozen north
 

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well Kristen and Raymond got married
Out on the marryin' ground
In a little woodside chapel
Forty miles outside of Oslo town,

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

She told her man how she loved him,
In their little VW that night,
And he told her that he loved her too,
An' everything would be right

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well, the ground it started to tremble
The tarmac started to shake
A giant form stepped out of the gloom,
And Raymond slammed on his brakes

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well, Raymond he could not explain it,
He couldn't think of a trick,
Was a big bull moose, and he had no excuse,
He just froze right up at the stick.

He was her man
He wouldn't do her wrong
 

Well the moose tramped right  through the  windsheild
Hotter than a thirty-eight
Well he stuck his nose into Kristin's clothes
And asked her for a date!

He weren't  her man!
He was doing  her wrong
 

Now, Kristin she screamed and she fainted,
And wet her brand new underwear,
And the moose just shrugged and got offa that bug,
He could see there weren't no action there!

He weren't no man
He was built all  wrong!

The marriage broke up 'cuz of trauma,
And Kristin turned nasty and terse,
And Raymond moans and cries all night
"Why didn't I hit reverse?!!"

I was her man
But I did her  wrong
 

 

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:43 PM

Well, pick me up off the floor! That's a hoot, Amos! I'm just amazed that you could hear the tune with all that clanking . . . *BOG* Well done, my little huevos honey!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:46 PM

Well, sweet lambie, I'll stop clanking if you'll stop making remarks about wee medals...after all, I don't call you sourpuss, now do I? C'mooon!!! ;>))

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 06:55 PM

Yeah Amos, I know all about Deep Silence. Hmm..wasn't that Deep Thought's brother in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy? BTW it's not a 4-year loaf on someone else's dough really...it's a 2 year (I'm a transfer student) work-fest on govenment & my own money. Yet somehow I manage to write for Song Challenge!s...

I was traipsin' in Oslo on my ungulate feet
When some folks stopped their car to let me cross the street
They said "Move it on over!
Move it on over!
Move over big rack cause the Cadillac's movin in!"

Well they flashed their beamers to make me go
But those lights they drive me bonkers, you know
I started to move it on over
Galumph it on over
Stride it on over, oh those things are blinding me!

So I got mad and I started to grunt
I showed them up for pulling that stunt
Moose it on over
Moose it on over
Better run for cover cause the big bull's moving in!

The folks in the car they screetched and squealed
When I put my hoof through their winshield
Move it on over
Hoof it on over
I moved it on over right across those morons' hood!

A few minutes later the cops got there
But all they could do was laugh and stare
I moved it on over
Jived it on over
So now they'll think again when they flash those things at me!!


Amos, Barky--check yer emails--there's a surprise there! And the rest of you folks wait till the Radio show tommorrow!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 07:02 PM

man, Mbo, that is a fine piece of rhythm and rhyme! One of your best yet!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:18 PM

Gee...Áine is so quiet....I hope she got over that pit of Fique okay....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:31 PM

Yeah, no congratulations of nothing! And where's Seargeant Troll at? I'm looking forward to his take on all this!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:32 PM

Okay...if Mbo can do Hank Williams tunes, I can do Johnny Cash, right?

KILLER MOOSE BLUES
(Sung to the tune of Folsom Prison Blues)

Hear that moose a'runnin'
He's slidin' 'round the bend,
He's headin' straight for Raymond
And Kristen, his girlfriend.
Well, he never gave 'em warnin'
He just tore up the road,
And they thought they heard him snortin'
Just before he hit their hood.

CHORUS:
Now he's stuck in Raymond's windshield
With one big horny hoof.
They got a thousand pounds of moose
Flung out across their roof.

When the moose was just a baby,
His mama told him, "Son,
Watch out for nasty autos,
And if you see one, run!"
But he showed her he knew better,
He showed her how it's done.
He stared that car right in the headlights
And then he ran it down.

CHORUS:
Now he's stuck in Raymond's windshield,
With one big horny hoof.
Yeah, they got a thousand pounds of moose
Flung out across their roof.

Well, ol' Raymond he was screamin'
"No, no, this can't be true!"
And Kristen she was sobbin'
Yeah, both of them were blue.
Oh, far from killer mooses,
That's where they want to stay,
Cause their claims man, he is swearin'
For killer mooses they won't pay.

So there... Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:36 PM

Well, Lin, that is a sure hoot! Sounds just like the Man hisself! Nice work!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:45 PM

Thanks, Amos--can't you sorta see him, all in black of course, standing under a tree by the side of the road shaking his head?

Or maybe that was the stranger with the holstered tiple?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:47 PM

Corblimey JT! I do believe I've been plumb BEAT!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: MMario
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 11:50 PM

I figure I've got last place tied down tight in this one....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:03 AM

That holstered tipple kinda explains that straight-legged walk of his...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:05 AM

Please Amos, it's a tiple. I tipple is something completely different. Unless...he has a holstered tipplestick?

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Barky
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:10 AM

Gee... so much can happen while one is at SCHOOL!!!!!! Blimey... I never woulda guessed that you guys lived without my input. =0)~ Oh, BTW, Mbo: Thank you SO MUCH for the song!!! It kicks apples! (ha! Thought I was going to say something else, didn't you?!). Oh, on a second BTW, if anyone wants to fly to San Diego to see my play, I wouldn't mind.... *BG*

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:13 AM

I meant tiple. Ti-ple. I knew that....bodhran-faced tiple...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Barky
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:15 AM

I'm sitting out this one... I can't think of any good tunes to put this one to... Let's just say I'm not... "inspired" enough. *BG*

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Áine
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:34 AM

Pit of Fique? Pit of Fique? I've got yer Pit of Fique right cher, baby . . .

JL, Mbo -- You guys are rockin'!! Two more great songs to add to the Songbook! Thanks!

And Mr. Huevos -- I was off fixing dinner, practicing my new guitar, calling my big fella at university, and catching one bloody hour of TV -- Pit of Fique, indeed! yea, ya can bite my pit of fique there fella . . . wait a minute, "Pit of Fique" . . . it might work . . . let's see, C, G, Em, D7 . . . no, no, Am, Bsus7, D9 . . . Mmmmmmmm....... he might just have something there . . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:36 AM

OK, ok, fussybritches.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Troll
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:41 AM

In Norway is living one Marvin the Moose

Whose lately been running around on the loose.

He's made all the newspapers both near and far,

Since Myopic Marvin tried to ravish a car.

Ch. Hootle dang for de di do Hootle dang fol de day

Some loving poor Marvin was starting to crave,

When a grouchy old troll wandered out of his cave

When Marvin ran into him he uttered a curse

Which made Marvin's life take a turn for the worse.

Ch.

He declaimed to the earth and the heavens above,

That the next thing the Moose saw, why he's fall in love,

And with that pronouncement, a chuckle he gave.

Then the troll turned around and went back to his cave.

Ch.

We now go to Raymond and Kristin, his girl,

Who had been to a party, a gay social whirl

The party was o'er and as they drove back home

Poor Marvin the Moose on the roadway did roam.

Ch.

When marv saw the car a great bellow he gave,

To his myopic eyes yonder came his love-slave

He trotted toward it, his head in the air

While Kristin and Raymond both trembled with fear.

Ch.

To his enchanted eyes his true lover there stood.

And he, trying to mount her clambered up on the hood

But to his surprise his true love did not yield,

And one great splayed hoof went right through the windshield.

Ch.

He fell and then Raymond floorboarded the gas

They made their escape then, both he and his lass

While Marvin was left there in utter dispair

Bereft of the lover he thought had been there

Ch.

If you're ever in Norway and outside the town,

Look out for a moose as you're driving around.

That moose could be Marvin out still looking for,

His lost love and he might decide it's your car.

Ch

To the tune, Sweet Betsy From Pike

troll

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 12
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 12:49 AM

LOL, Troll! (Poor old Marvin...life's a bitch sometimes, ya know?)