Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: tiggerdooley Date: 13 Mar 01 - 05:18 PM Whoah, Spud, wherever (or whoever) that bar is, it must sell strong stuff, 'cuz I'm seeing double. (Just kidding, but you can shot me if you want. Mind you, you won't find me 'cuz I'm up the mountain with Ebbie, Old Willie the Bear/Deer, and Jarvis Cocker.) Fondesht regardsh, hic, tigger |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: katlaughing Date: 13 Mar 01 - 05:21 PM Scripts, people! Bring me scripts! **BG** |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Bill D Date: 13 Mar 01 - 05:26 PM my brain doesn't work fast enough to keep up with you creative script writers! I'll just wander thru the set now & then and sit & rock on the porch while the action swirls around me.....mebbe gaze into the camera and offer some folksy remarks on the silliness.... |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Chester Date: 13 Mar 01 - 05:30 PM Sorry, Kat ain't know scrip hyarbouts, jes kold hard kash, greenbax. An preshus little uv that ter boot. Yep. Eye no whur mah muney goes, ever drop uv it. Cheshterrr |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Chester Date: 13 Mar 01 - 05:39 PM Nice tawkin' wif yall. Butt eye'm a shuttin' down. Bygh. Chester |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Mountain Dog Date: 13 Mar 01 - 05:49 PM Bill D, Sounds like you have in mind something like The Stage Manager from Our Town as your role of choice. (For what it's worth, Thornton Wilder's masterpiece is arguably another good framework to keep in mind as this macro-series evolves... It's inclusive, relies heavily on the imagination to make it work, does its best to eliminate the artificial barriers between stage players and audience; it's warm and funny, wise without cynicism and it's as familiar and comfortable as an old shoe.) By the way, I'm assuming this series is being done on a PBS-ish or otherwise non-commercial basis, right? I'm hoping we're not going to have to keep cutting in and out for words from our sponsors... |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Wesley S Date: 13 Mar 01 - 05:56 PM How about a wacky episode where Aunt Kat has canned a whole mess of garlic pickles and 'maters for the county fair and that rascal Cleetus knocks all the jars over and breaks them while playing around. Then cousin Spaw goes and replaces all the jars of 'maters and pickles with store bought. The judges { Harpgirl and Rick } can't tell the difference and award Aunt Kat first prize. First prize is one week of Clawhammer banjo lessons at the Neil Young center. Cousin Spaw confesses and Aunt Kat makes him 'fess up to the judges. So first prize is then awarded to Conrad Bladder's crow pie recipie but he refuses because the trees at the Neil Young center are green instead of orange. The judges then decide that since little cousin Spaw has learned his lesson that Aunt Kat can go after all as soon as Cousin Spaw sings "A Horse with No Name" for his punishment. The punishment is delivered by the preachers wife { we all know who THAT is } while wearing an S&M leather outfit. The camera fades as we watch little cousin Spaws face as he struggles to transpose his song to the hammer dulcimer. Next weeks episode : Little Hawk falls off his bike while watching Little Neo fix her G string |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Noreen Date: 13 Mar 01 - 06:00 PM LOL Wesley! |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Matt_R Date: 13 Mar 01 - 06:12 PM Or this one... Kendall wakes up one morning the fetch the Newspaper, The Mudcat Curmudgeon when he finds a guitar left on his doorstep. He takes it to local guitar guru/deity Rick Fielding, who is totally stumped as to it's make. He sends Kendall on his way with more questions left unanswered than when he arrived. Rick expediently goes back to calculating an angle at which the hand can be placed so as to utilise the "thumb wrap-around" on 1919 Hawaiin slack-key guitar. When Kendall takes it to the Mudcat Cafe and tries playing it, he is suddenly blessed with universal love for music. As stunned visitors and denizes watch, he begins playing everything from The Beatles to Django to Slash to Hendrix to John Williams. He begins spouting song lyrics uncontrollably, making Matt_R squeal with all other extremely nervous. There is the classic climax when Matt & Kendall sing Queen's "Friends Forever". At the end, Sinsull gets pissed and breaks the guitar over the pinball machine after Kendall starts serenading her with Yardbirds tunes ala-Jeff Beck. He becomes his usual grumpy self again, tells Matt R to shut up, and goes back to Utah Phillips. The videorecording of Kendall singing "Get Myself Arrensted" becomes a subject of blackmail in a later episode.... |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: katlaughing Date: 13 Mar 01 - 06:28 PM I LOVE them both, Matt and Wesley! LMAO!! Thank yew, thank yew!! Of course, you know, ME cooking or canning is totally out of character, so maybe...Spaw really did put them 'maters up?! Tune in to find out! |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: GUEST Date: 13 Mar 01 - 06:40 PM I wanna be the guy in the hermetrically-sealed house that's allergic to everything...not that I am, you understand, but all of the other good characters are taken. I'll bring the homebrew if ya'll shoot that bar too badly! artandjenn |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Mar 01 - 10:28 PM Chester and Spud......Since you haven't encountered them yet, here's a tale I told awhile back and it might fit into the TV movie we got going. I call it the "Tale of the Fartistic Falwell:" Ya' know, its funny you should mention sitcoms..........I got to thinking of this story about Cletus and Paw and Buford and the Reg boys. Paw has always had an aura about him, but Cletus says the only aura he knew about was a kind of a mixture of sulphur and sewer gas. But then that got me to remembering how Paw and Cletus had shot Buford and gave him that eulogy and all, then he turned out not to be dead since his backpack was full of a 12 pack and absorbed the blast. Since he was just knocked out and drunk instead of shot dead, its good that Paw and Cletus didn't bury him.......But I tell you the truth, when that ol' boy showed up alive, it damn near killed Paw instead. That reunion led to a joyous evening of the three of them and the Reg boys getting drunk on "Iron City" and 'Shine and roasting a hog out in my backyard alongside the garage. Of course, after a while, Paw started lighting up farts as is his wont and that's what I came to think about ought to be left unexplained. The neighbors began to complain about 11 o'clock or so after one of Paw's flamers had ignited the hedge on his property. That would have passed as the boys got it out pretty quick, being full of Iron City and all, but when a major rip set fire to his wife's bird feeder....well, that was it. I tried to calm the guy down and assured him nothing like that would happen again. He went back into his house dragging the charred remains of the feeder and a roasted squirrel that had been looting it when Paw let fly with that fiery thundersprecht. Anyway, I got them situated again and since my house has aluminum siding, my only request was that they point Paw towards the wall. I figured a good hosing would clean off the worst of it in the morning. I went inside and the revelry continued at a somewhat decreased decibel level with only an occasional flash lighting the window of my den. Around 2 AM the boys came in for a final pee call and of course they couldn't just go. I heard either Reg or Reg in my pantry and before I could get up there, the whole crew was playing sink the Cheerios in my downstairs bathroom. Karen came downstairs at this point and threw a fit since our kids watch everything the boys do and we were spending a fortune in Cheerios. After a severe ass-reaming from Karen, I herded them back outside and suggested they get some sleep around the smouldering pig carcass. I went back in and after cleaning and disinfecting the bathroom and taking a shower, I again settled down in front of the TV to watch a half-hour Infomercial on how I could make thousands a week by selling quinnine pills through Direct Mail Order and running tiny little ads. They were just getting to the good part with the testimonials and all when there was this giant blast from the backyard and the night sky lit up like a Buddhist monk. There was a moment of silence and then I heard Cletus yell, "HO-LEE SHEEIT!!!" Well, there wasn't anyway I could avoid it, so I went out through the garage into the backyard and there they stood, the whole damn bunch of them, except for Buford who was throwing up Iron City and pork fat down his bib overalls over by the smoking hedge. They were staring at an image that Paw's last fart had scorched onto the siding with their mouths hanging open. I stepped back and looked and my first thought was, "Well this ain't gonna' clean off too good and Karen will be really pissed." But when I started to say something, Cletus stopped me and I noticed that the look on all of their faces was almost reverent. Paw was standing with his mouth agape and the others seemed awestruck as well, so I looked again. Cletus turned to me and said, "Doncha' seez it Catspaw? Its rite thar!!! Paw done farted Jerry Falwell out his ass!!!" Well, I kinda' had to admit, it DID resemble the good reverend in the flickering light of the burning porker on the spit, but I was too much in fear of what the morning would bring from Karen to say anymore than tell them to get some sleep. Problem was, they didn't. I went back inside, the group outside quieted down, and I nodded off before I could get the 800 number for the "501 All-Time Polka Greats" by Myron Kopetz and the Nose Flute Kings. What I didn't know was that the group had gone off and gotten Pastor Sharphorn, his wife, the Ladies Auxillary, and the Deacons, from the "Church of Evangelical Brethren and Tongue Talking Mohunkers" and they arrived for a look-see about sun-up. When I woke up to the commotion outside it was about 6 AM I guess. The sight that confronted me was reasonably bizarre. At least 150 people were assembled in the backyard and I could see more coming down the alley. A small altar had been erected out of the remains of my stockade fence which was now on the ground, the crowd overflowing into my neighbor's backyard and trampling his stupid-ass garden gnomes into powder....It was the only high spot of the day. Those kneeling at the altar would place small plastic Madonnas and Jesus statuary at the foot of the garage wall and say a little prayer and move on to the donation box that Cletus was guarding. It was then that I noticed that everyone donating more than $25. was getting a "Holy Relic" to commemorate their visit to this newest religious icon which had previously only sheltered my vehicles and assorted cans of dried out wax and rubbing compound. There, perched upon a throne like affair that I noticed had been assembled from our porch furniture, was Paw. As each person gave his donation, Buford would cut a small piece from Paw's overalls and hand it to them. For $50. they got a piece from the seat, and for $500. a snippet from the flap of his longjohns. It was a kind of poor man's "Shroud of Turin" I guess. Business must have been good since Paw was missing one entire leg of his bibs and he was about bareassed already. I was dumbfounded and I was just considering how to set this up as an infomercial and start booking tours when the County Sheriff showed up and ran everybody off. Then he proceeded to fine me for 19 different offenses and gave me a summons to appear in court for destruction of my neighbors property. I was able to head off Cletus and the money, which covered almost all of the fines and my neighbor's friggin' gnomes, but it cost another 50 bucks to get rid of Falwell. Now if I could just get shed of the real one for the same price.......................Anyway, I have never been able to figure out how that happened and I suppose it is one of those things best left unexplained. I've always thought that Falwell was talking out his ass, but I never figured you could blow him out your ass, but Paw's a real religious ol' coot so I guess you just never know. Really, I think Cletus had it right with his first two words, "Holy Shit!!" Spaw
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: katlaughing Date: 13 Mar 01 - 10:54 PM What an honour to have a Mudcat Myth posted to my thread! Yeah, Spaw!! Damn you are good! Even reading it for the umpteenth time! |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Amergin Date: 13 Mar 01 - 10:58 PM Hey, Spaw, when are you going to collect all of your Cletus stories and compile them into a book? |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Lonesome EJ Date: 13 Mar 01 - 11:19 PM LEJ putting up St Patrick's Day decorations, while PETER T sits at the bar. JENELLEN is cooking corned beef and cabbage in a hotpot behind the bar LEJ;(sings) By the risin' of the moo-oon... PETER: That song lacks any sense of irony, y'know LEJ: Well irony would be lost on my patrons JENELLEN: Heck LEJ, shouting "EVERYBODY OUT! THE PLACE IS ON FIRE!" would be lost on your patrons! (cue laugh track) LEJ: Ah be quiet! Get back to your Corned Beef, Jen. By the way, what time's dinner> JEN: 6:00 LEJ: Good. I've got the stomach pump rented from 7 til 9 ! (laugh track) Enter Spaw wearing pneumatic hose and bag assembly on butt (applause) LEJ,JEN,PETER: it's the SPAW-ser! PETER: What's up with the derriere accoutrement, Catspaw? SPAW: Well the special tonight is corned beef and what? LEJ, JEN, PETER and AUDIENCE: CABBAGE! SPAW: Sounds like a gas. (moan) This device is a fart distilling mechanism. All of the methane is caught by this hose and stored in the inflatable bag, thus sparing the bar patrons from any offense, and enabling me to have a ready power source at hand for barbecuing burgers tomorrow. (laughter) JEN: Oh my gosh. What do those taste like? SPAW: Don't know. I keep blasting them into the neighbors backyard!(laughter) |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Mar 01 - 11:27 PM LMAO....Good one Leej. Spaw |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Spud Murphy Date: 13 Mar 01 - 11:28 PM A real gem, Spaw. I doff my hat to you, And I say that as a genument complimine. Tater head |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Peter Kasin Date: 13 Mar 01 - 11:53 PM Well, here are some (im)possible show titles: Aine In The Family/Leave It To Badger/Bertadder/Morticia Patrish's Flying Cicus/The Two Riggys/The Adventures Of Ozzie And Harriet Naemanson/Spaw 54, Where Are You?/ Fadac Knows Best/MAV TV. -chanteyranger
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Bill D Date: 14 Mar 01 - 12:00 AM *sittin' and rockin'*....seems to me like the theme ain't been settled NOhow...but what can you expect from refugees from the Neil Young Center?...it does seem that noxious gasses from the nether regions ALWAYS get into the script, however. I 'spects that the cast needs a dietican who can curtail flatulence if we are gonna make Broadway with this show.... now where IS Bonnie when you need her? |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: CarolC Date: 14 Mar 01 - 12:16 AM Ok, Mr. or Ms. recycled bathwater, (you know who you are), this one's for you. Maggie and Joel (someone else can figure out who plays them) are sitting at a table in the brick. Joel notices a tall leggy woman wearing tights and a mini skirt bending over one of the counters. In fact, his eyes appear to be bulging out of his head, a big purple vien starts pulsing in his forehead, and sweat begins to drip from his brow. Maggie gets up, saying "I think I'll go take a look at the desserts". She walks over to the display case and bends waaayy over. Her very attractive butt is pointing straight up, on display like one of the desserts. Her face is inches from the floor. She says "hmm... these cakes look good." Joel chokes on his apple cinnamon tea. His face turns a deep, beet colored red, and he starts banging his head against the wall... |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Banjer Date: 14 Mar 01 - 06:31 AM Just found this thread....what a concept...I'd even start watching TV again for this. Carol C, I am honored that you would consider me for the part of the feller Maurice, operator of the NYCFTTS. That would be such fun and I would feel right at home! (and in good company) |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: John J Date: 14 Mar 01 - 06:35 AM Is this the prog where a 747 lands on the village and wipes everyone out? JJ |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: wdyat12 Date: 14 Mar 01 - 06:36 AM Let's do this. wdyat12 |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Chester Date: 14 Mar 01 - 11:37 AM Eye liked that storey from Spaw about Cletus and his Paw. Sounds like sum of the fellers back home ta Two Foot Falls. Chester |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Morticia Date: 14 Mar 01 - 11:40 AM Love the Flying Circus idea, Chanteyranger....in fact, I'm off to polish up the organ!! |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: mousethief Date: 14 Mar 01 - 11:57 AM Every time I try to polish my organ.... No, never mind. I can't go through with this. |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: CarolC Date: 14 Mar 01 - 12:04 PM A wise decision, mousethief... |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Morticia Date: 14 Mar 01 - 02:18 PM {grin} knew someone wouldn't be able to resist such a good feed line..... |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: gnu Date: 14 Mar 01 - 03:32 PM Did someone already address the narration ? Would that be Kendall ? By the way, when I said I wanted to audition for the part of the moose, I didn't think that in this group, of all groups, there would be even the slightest predjudice against gnu's. I didn't say I was perfect for the part, only to be given the chance of proving my range... no pun intended. Add some boards to the horns, fake the bell, add a hump, crop the tail... it's just special effects and makeup. As for elocution, my forefathers lived in the flat boglands of south central New Brunswick, so I was taught moose when I was a wee tad. No need for voiceovers. Listen, eeeerrrrurrrghhh Johnboy. But is there's a casting wallow, count me out. I'm not that kind of gnu. gnu |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: tiggerdooley Date: 14 Mar 01 - 03:37 PM gnu, would you like to play a deer? I'm only asking 'cos, as I said earlier, I think Holling's ferocious nemesis [Old Willy?] the bear turned out to be a deer skeleton. You'd have to lose a bit of weight (malnourishedgnu?), but it'd be a strong, silent role. character-assassinatingtigger |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: MMario Date: 14 Mar 01 - 03:43 PM well - everyone knows there is good gnus and there is bad gnus. And since this is a text forum, we're looking for all the gnus that are fit to print. |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Little Hawk Date: 14 Mar 01 - 04:12 PM "Little Hawk would be Ed"??? Who the hell is Ed? Keep in mind that I haven't watched any sitcoms in years...the 70's was my decade for watching sitcoms. I think TV's make good plantholders, and if you rip the guts out of them you can turn them into terrariums too. Very neat. If Mudcat was a sitcom, though, flattop would be the really strange character that no one can quite figure out (is he serious or is he not?)...and the official "short" person. They simply do not have people like me on sitcoms, as far as I know. It's too hard to market a concept like that. - LH |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: MMario Date: 14 Mar 01 - 04:16 PM heh-heh-heh LH - except for the "official short person" you've pretty well descrebed Ed. |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: gnu Date: 14 Mar 01 - 04:46 PM Tiggerdooley...... A deer ? You mean a Virginia White Tail ? There's only one 'Cat I know ( I am new to the Mudcat, so I don't know many 'Cats - actually, I don't KNOW any 'Cats ) that would fit the part, but after the trashing I got on a past thread, although deservedly so for my inate ability to type w/o thinking, I'M not going to suggest a name. Anyway, I guess I'm just predjudiced against playing such a rather demurre role. I need a part that combines the elements of girth and dumbness. What if there's an episode where they find a wooly in the ice ? Or a mastadon ? I wouldn't even need elocution lessons. Just some mesa grass and a mud wallow. I'll work for peanuts !!! That reminds me, gotta get back to another thread to find out how to make peanut soup.... gnu |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: tiggerdooley Date: 14 Mar 01 - 04:55 PM Yeah, me too gnu. See you on the other side... |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Ebbie Date: 14 Mar 01 - 04:59 PM Don't forget- this Mudcat town has a tavern too. That's where all the voiceovers bring everyone up to date on who is doing what and to whom... |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Bert Date: 14 Mar 01 - 06:06 PM I can't believe we've gone this far on a Mudcat sitcom thread without anyone mentioning Murphy Brown. |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: katlaughing Date: 14 Mar 01 - 06:32 PM Oh, bert, you're right! How could we have forgotten our Murphy!? Scripts? PaterT? Jenellen? Anyone....scripts? |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Peter Kasin Date: 14 Mar 01 - 07:17 PM Well, Little Hawk, you could take the MASH (Mudcat Army Song Hashers) role of "Little Hawkeye." |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: gnu Date: 14 Mar 01 - 07:31 PM MASH ? Can I try out for the part of the colonel's horse ? A little special effects, makeup, lose the horns.... nah, that'd be cheap and too contrived. gnu |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: SINSULL Date: 14 Mar 01 - 07:44 PM I want to be Marilyn. "There's a call for you on Line 1." "Marilyn! We have only one line! " (vacuous stare) Hey, wouldn't Mick be great for the part of Maggie's "bear" lover? The one (played by Fabio) who lived in a cave and taught her to dance. How long is your hair, Mick? And we need a wise, medicine man type. Let's not allow this to continue into the stupid doctor and his wife season. OK? That would be too bad. |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: CarolC Date: 14 Mar 01 - 09:37 PM Little Hawk, you would like the TV show "Northern Exposure" Ed is half Indian and he is studying to become a Shaman. He has an Indian Spirit Guide called "One Who Waits". Only Ed can see One Who Waits. There is an official short person on the show. Only he's even shorter than me (and we both know that's pretty short). He's a manifestation of Ed's lack of self esteem. (And he's green.) |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Matt_R Date: 14 Mar 01 - 09:40 PM One Who Waits is my hero! |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: SINSULL Date: 14 Mar 01 - 11:20 PM Ed can "dream fly" too. Occasionally awakens on the roof or in a tree. He is a film buff and has a huge collection.Abandoned as a child, he is forever looking for his Mom. Maurice was always my favorite. Ex astronaut, arrogant puppy dog. |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Chester Date: 15 Mar 01 - 03:20 PM Eye allers liked Holling. Butt eye wrecktum eye wudn't bee sooted fer that. End up drinkin' the Brick dry an sech. Hmm, ain't that one uv them imponderables? Drinkin' a Brick dry? Sorter like the one that sez if athleets git athleets foot, dew asterknots git misseltoe? An eye allers liked Terri Polo. She came later in the show. Eye thot she was kildly cute. She plaid the knew dokter's wif. |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Mar 01 - 08:08 PM Pretty cool! Sounds like Ed would be an appropriate role for me after all. Do I get union scale or what? - LH |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: SINSULL Date: 15 Mar 01 - 09:11 PM Actually, the plan was to pay you with seal skins and bear steaks. |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Little Hawk Date: 16 Mar 01 - 12:13 AM Bear steaks? Really? Bear meat is pretty heavy stuff. Well, at least you're not offering beads and cheap trinkets... I could use some deerhide now and then, and a few falafels would be nice too. - LH |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Spud Murphy Date: 16 Mar 01 - 12:30 AM One each bar sambritch, order seal fetuccini, hold the trinkets, and you know damn well we don't grow chick peas above the Arctic Circle (or fava beans, either.) Spud |
Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Cafe - the sitcom? From: Peter Kasin Date: 16 Mar 01 - 02:14 AM It tastes pretty grizzly, Little Hawk. |