Farting in Public

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 01:09 PM

Charley Noble:

Your uncle recorded 1601, which is available from Smithsonian?   You mean Richard Dyer-Bennet? Or someone else?

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 02:13 PM

Dave-

The same; good catch! My own copy of the 1601 recording drifted away around 1965; I think I lent it to Sandy Ives.

Our old friends the Pulestons of Long Island, NY, send us a vinyl copy of the Great Farting Contest in the 1950's. "It's a Treblew", the contest judge exclaimed in wonder. And I'll always remember the tragic ending to the contest when the reigning champion squats to regain the lead: "He shit! The champion is disqualified!"

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 03:23 PM

Just ordered a new CD copy of "The Farting Contest" recently re-released(pffffttttt!) as "The Original Crepitation Contest" via laugh.com, via order.store.Yahoo.com; it cost $14.98, plus shipping. I hope it's the real thing in which the Australian Paul Boomer pursues his challenge of the Grand International Title held by defending Champion, Lord Windeshmere. It's probably a rip-off!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 03:49 PM

for those who LIKE the topic...after Xmas bargains

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 01:58 AM

That's a good deal, Bill. If I could get mine reduced by 50% maybe they let me back into Olive Garden again.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: ced2
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 11:22 AM

Ha ha! Picture this, crawling along mud Henslers; a 2' diameter phreatic tube in the Gaping Ghyll system with about 8" of liquid mud in the bottom. You and the rest of the lads had had a few pints the night before. You're in the middle of the group, a couple in front and a couple behind. Suddenly the bloke in front lets rip. It's been brewing all night thanks to ale and has a paricularly stomach churning quality. No where to go for you or the fart. "Saved!" he says. There's no answer.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: SueB
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 11:25 AM

Here's a musical reference to farting, from Guy Logsdon's "The Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing"
and Other Songs Conwboys Sing. He collected from an old cowpoke called Riley Neal - it's called
"Jimmie Tucker" and goes to the tune of "The Old Chisolm Trail."

Oh, there was a little girl and she lived with her mother,
And never on this earth was there such another.
Come-a ti yi yupi yupi ti yi ya
Come-a ti yi yupi, yupi ya.

(2nd verse describing said female, omitted here.)

There was a little man and his name was Jimmie Tucker,
And he swore, by God, that he was gonna f**k 'er,
Come-a ti yi yupi etc.

He got her in the sh*thouse up against the wall,
(more lyrics omitted here)
Come-a ti yi yupi etc.

He took her in the kitchen and thought he'd get some more,
And the damned b*tch farted - blowed a hole through the floor.
Come-a ti yi yupi yupi ti yi ya
Come-a ti yi yupi, yupi ya.


And here's another musical reference, from the same source, called "The Sea Crab,"
with alternate titles Good Morning Mister Fisherman, The Crab Fish, The Jolly Fisherman,
Fisherman Have You Any Sea Crabs, and John Henry and the Crab.

"The story recounts a humorous series of events that occur when a man takes a sea crab home, and for want of a better place, puts it in the chamber pot. Unaware of the guest in the pot, his wife relieves herself only to be bitten by the crab. While attempting to rescue her, the husband, too, is bitten; the crab holds him in an embarrassing position."

Here are the relevant verses (relevant to this discussion of eructation, that is.)

"Oh, Sal! Oh, Sal! Can't you let a little fart?
Oh, Sal! Oh, Sal! Can't you let a little fart,
To blow my nose and your ass apart?"
Sing ho, sing ha.

Sal, oh, Sal, she tried a little bit,
Sal, oh, Sal, she tried a little bit,
She filled John's face plum full of (rhyming word which I can't bring myself to mention goes here)
Sing ho, sing ha.

"Oh, Jackie, oh Jackie, get the horse and cart,
Jackie oh Jackie, get the horse and cart,
To pull my nose and your Mammie's ass apart.
Sing ho, sing ha.

It tickled those children plum to the heart,
It tickled those children plum to the heart,
To see the horse pull and to hear Mammy fart.
Sing ho, sing ha.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: SueB
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:13 AM

Uh oh. Maybe you all weren't ready for the songs that cowboys sing...sorry 'bout that!

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Peace
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:20 AM

A fart will not even get near the Canadian record until there's nothin' left but the elastic band.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:23 AM

some verses from "Kathusalem":

...
Hi Ho Kathusalem
Harlot of Jerusalem
Prostitute of ill repute
Daughter of the Baba

He laid her down upon the grass
Lifted her dress above her ass
He grabbed his prick and made a pass
Directly at Kathusalem

Hi Ho...

But she was low and underslung
He missed her twat and hit her bung
Planting the seeds of many a sone
In the asshole of Kathusalem

Hi Ho...

Kathusalem, she knew her art
She arched her back and blew a fart
And blew the bastard all apart
All over old Jerusalem

Hi Ho...

And when the moon is bright and red
A tattered form sails overhead
And rains down curses on the bed
Of the Harlot of Jerusalem

Hi Ho...




Just so you're not alone, SueB.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: SueB
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:39 AM

Bless you, Cluin. I was beginning to think I had dropped an unacceptable stinker.

What I find amusing about those songs are the lighthearted refrains.

Hi ho.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:46 AM

The following excerpt from a Mudcat fiction piece :

"Well, it was one time when RL decided he'd give up the roadhouse life and be a farmer. He had him a worthless ol Coondog name Tad. That ol dog could fart and clear a room in three seconds flat. He used to say 'Git, Tad!' when he'd hear Tad rip one and Tad'd leave the kitchen. It got to where RL didn't have to tell him anymore, and Tad would just cut one and leave on his own. Pretty soon, anytime Tad got up to leave, everybody else would make a run for it at the same time." Jessie began laughing, tears falling down his cheeks. "One time ol Tad was nosin around in some blackberry bushes and RL hears him rip one, and pretty soon this skunk comes runnin out." Jessie shook with laughter. "RL always said that was one hell of a fartin' dog could flush a skunk out of a blackberry bush."

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Peace
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 01:06 AM

SueB and not SueB, you ARE a pair. Good songs.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 08:50 AM

You may have missed this new Mudcat collaborative ballad inspired by a recent news story entitled "Methane Sinks Ships":

Words by Charlie Ipcar, Norris Dale and Mudcat Guest "Unwitting Muse", 2003

Tune: traditional "White Cockade"

THE BLOW AT WITCH'S HOLE


As we set out one evening, upon the Northern Sea,
Headed out a-fishing for to earn our daily fee;
Headed out to fish, me lads, we set our course so bold,
When our ship was (when our ship was),
When our ship was (when our ship was),
Overwhelmed, dragged down the Witch's Hole!

Our charts were fully up-to-date, so thought our Captain Brock,
Avoiding every hazard, every shoal and rock,
Yes, every shoal and rock, me lads, upon the Northern Sea;
And we cours-ed (and we cours-ed),
And we cours-ed (and we cours-ed,
By the Witch's Hole, that lay athwart our lee.

No rogue wave swept o'er us, no squid nor octopus,
No giant whirlpool sucked us down, we had no time to fuss;
There was no time to fuss, me lads, as we sank beneath the waves,
But we all stood (yes, we all stood),
But we all stood (yes, we all stood),
Resolutely, so valiant and so brave.

A silent threat but deadly, that methane from the Hole,
Rising from the gassy depths, amidst the dark and cold,
Amidst the dark and cold, me lads, like some monster from the deep;
And it dragged us (yes, it dragged us),
And it dragged us (yes, it dragged us),
To the Witch's Hole, forever there to sleep.

"It's suffocate or evacuate!" we heard our captain cry,
As he pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his tearing eyes;
As he pulled out a handkerchief, and held it to his nose,
"We will never (no, we'll never),
We will never (no, we'll never),
Rise again from our odorous repose."

This was no bathtub bubble or some silly fish's farce,
But a blast of great proportion from the earth's own mighty arse,
From the earth's own mighty arse, me lads, the methane did arise;
And the water, (yes, the water),
And the water, (yes, the water),
Lost its density, and thus proved our demise.

I was the sole survivor, me messmates drowned that day,
The Coast Guard came a-racing up and snatched me from the wave,
They snatched me from the wave, me lads, and saved me sorry skin,
And I surely (yes, I surely),
And I surely (yes, I surely),
Would have drowned if I hadn't broken wind!

I'm sure you'll agree that this ballad needs to be released to a wider audience.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 09:33 AM

My brother used to light his farts...this was all well and good until, much to my amusement, he set fire to his trousers!!! oh it was funny!!!

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Michael
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 05:36 PM

My Gran, a saintly old lady we always thought when we were young, taught us the '--in Church or chapel let it rattle' one (see above) and: A fart's a fart and not a crime, it gives the bowels ease, it warms the bed in winter time and suffocates the fleas.'

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 05:44 PM

She must've been a hit at the bake sales, Mike.    ;)

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 06:20 PM

Dunno if y'all have this one already (just dropping in for a mo'!), but I think this fella prolly has us all beat:

LE PETOMANE (THE FARTISTE)

~S~

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 07:31 PM

Just received my CD of "The Original Crepitation Contest" in the mail. It is an amazing recording! But really a bare bones package, no notes to speak of. I'd forgotten that Paul Boomer, the challenger, was an Australian. And even after hearing it after a lapse of 40 years, it's brilliance still...resonates.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 10:36 PM

Alternative terms for farts:

chuff
quack
pass gas
shit your pants
let one go
drop one
cut one
cut the cheese
salute the queen
float an air biscuit
released Lord Flatus from the Cave of the Winds
call your MP

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: SueB
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 02:37 AM

Also,

pooy
toot
and
lay an egg

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 08:10 AM

"shit a brick"

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 08:31 AM

"Break wind"
"Rip one"

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 09:47 AM

Poot (ladies)

~S~

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 01:13 PM

for a loud powerful one: touch cloth

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 06:10 AM

Hullo again well this has to be the best one ever well in my opinion it was so I will tell you.
On a lovely romantic holiday in Vienna with the new girlfriend who had never farted in front of me ever. So I decided that we should do the touristy thing and she wanted to also so we went to the museum of modern art. No problem went straight to the top and worked our way down. Now I'm not knocking modern art but at the top it was wierd and the further you decended the worse it became. Anyway get to the bottom level and it was the most, well ,vile I suppose is the only word for it of guys pishing into beakers on video and spitting blood all over each other just wierd well anyway there was the girlfriend and I laughing at the absurdity of this trying to keep it in obviously as we dont want to offend the curators or the other tourists when we turned a corner and this guy was having a shit (on film) pulling his cheeks apart well she just started laughing and a wee well quite a big fart came out and everyone in the gallery looked at us and this poor lassie was dying of embarassment and laughter for obvious reasons. One of those ones where you had to be there but if you are ever feeling blue of really sad for about €10 go to the museum of modern atr in Vienna and start at the top and work your way down. The pleasure I get from just thinking about it is amazing.

Dylan

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From:
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 07:07 AM

I am trying to locate the song, The Day Daddy Let the Big One at the Mississippi Missionary Baptist Church. Can anyone help me?

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 08:27 AM

Here ya' go Dude.......

http://www.luke179.com/funstuff/bigone1.wav

Spaw

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Guest Bottyburp
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 03:59 AM

Regarding affectionate nicknames for farts, my mother related to me the fact that in her household - in Glasgow, between WWI and WWII - a resonance of farts was described as:
"A Bugle Call from Tolie land, that the Khaki Boys are coming!"

Perhaps the Trumpet voluntary should be re-named Trump'l'ole.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 08:18 AM

Have you ever considered the range of "wind breakings"
A Fluff......Silent but deadly.
A puff.......only just audible
A pip........audible but very short duration.
A trump......the average passing of wind.
A pump.......a forced passing of wind.
A fart.......one that all can hear.
A ripper.....long lasting, sounds like tearing material(can be mistaken for trouser seams splitting)....(IF YOU'RE LUCKY)
A blaster....speaks for itself.
There is also the "Duck fart" which comes out in phases as you walk along or as you come downstairs.
Any more for any more????
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 09:10 AM

Oh well - it's a year since the dog died, and I still blame him ('cos he can't answer back!).

My beloved tells the tale of our first holiday together - supposed to be her honeymoon. Apparently, I let rip int he middle of the night to such effect that I lifted myself off the bed!

epn

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 10:47 AM

Wonder if that's where the idea for a jet engine came from...can't ask Whittle now I suppose can we?
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Joe_F
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 06:20 PM

Donnel was probably thinking of Franklin's "Brussels Letter". I have it on disk, but it will take a little editing before I can post it.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 03 Oct 04 - 08:42 PM

My sone came up with the expression 'Scuse me I just trod on a duck'

In China guffing is not considered a problem. Indeed I was once give a presentation and demonstration on some calibration equipment just after lunch. Three male engineers and a lady engineer were present.

Just as I was about to get to a quite technical bit the lady engineer literally lifted a leg and let rip. I tried not to be thrown off the subject in hand. She repeated the action a few more times, all with a dead pan expression on her face. Was this a comment on my presentation skills I have always wondered?

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 12:14 AM

Maybe she was just a frustrated Tuba player...

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 05:59 AM

She would be frustrated playing bum notes!
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 07:42 AM

From the Thread List...

Unwanted Accompaniment
Farting in Public

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: JennyO
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 11:10 AM

In my family, it was referred to as an 'organ recital' - all the funnier considering that my dad was a church organist.

Jenny

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 11:25 AM

So he was the one who was always farting in Church!!! LOL
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Arne Langsetmo
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 02:21 AM

We used to have a rudimentary (I use that word advisedly) classification system...

Wouldn't that be "alimentary system", my dear Watson.

WRT the French: "Le Petomaine" derives from "peterade" -sp? - ...

I've heard that "being hoist on one's own petard" may refer to such type 'explosions' (although the alternative definition of "petard" as a small explosive device or a torpedo also seems to work; it seems that the "petard" military definitions is likely derived from 'small explosions' ... the "petere"). See this. I prefer the alimentary visual of someone being "hoist on his own petard" myself....

Cheers,

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,leisurebeing
Date: 12 Jan 05 - 01:40 PM

i always have horrible gas at school. as much as i might try to hold it in, it always comes out. how embarassing it is!

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Jan 05 - 02:15 PM

Try to eat less roughage in the evening... it brews in the gut over night and will release during the day. Eat the roughage for breakfast or lunch and it should be about ready by bedtime, just right to warm the bed.

LTS

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: RichM
Date: 12 Jan 05 - 03:29 PM

Go ahead, fart away! If you are really talented, you can fart at least part of a major scale...

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 12 Jan 05 - 06:54 PM

I knew a fellow once who could fart "Yankee Doodle" as he went up the stairs. Unfortunately, the fingerings were such that he had to wash his hands after each performance.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Jan 05 - 08:24 PM

So how often did they wash the stairs?

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jan 05 - 09:27 PM

A really good fart don't leave nothin' but the elastic band.

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: JennieG
Date: 13 Jan 05 - 06:53 PM

Billy Connolly reckons "it's yer arse applaudin' - you know when you clap hands together real fast and make a noise, well it's yer cheeks clappin'! They're applaudin' yer!"

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Leadfingers
Date: 13 Jan 05 - 08:49 PM

Cant think of any thing that would add to this rthead

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Leadfingers
Date: 13 Jan 05 - 08:50 PM

Except

Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Leadfingers
Date: 13 Jan 05 - 08:51 PM

Two hundred !!!