BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020

Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 20 - 10:38 PM

Shelly Goldberg had never had a spiritual experience until one night an invisible booming voice proclaimed 'GOLDBERG SELL YOUR BUSINESS FOR CASH'. Goldberg was stunned but obeyed the voice. In the morning he awoke to a command of 'GOLDBERG GO TO LOS VEGAS'. Without discussion he was on a flight that night. In Vegas he heard 'GOLDBERG PUT THE MONEY ON ONE GAME OF BLACKJACK'. Tearfully he did and stood on 18 while the dealer had 17. 'GOLDBERG TAKE ANOTHER CARD', shaking, he drew an ace. 'GOLDBERG TAKE ANOTHER CARD'. Breaking down he drew a second ace. Still the voice beckoned 'TAKE ANOTHER CARD GOLDBERG'. Shelly sat motionless and finally took another card. It was an ace for 21 and the voice shouted 'HOLY SHIT GOLDBERG YOU LUCKY BASTARD'.

Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Neil D
Date: 22 Aug 20 - 11:07 PM

There once was a monastery where all the monks took a vow of silence, with one exception. Each year on the date of the founding of their order one monk was granted permission to speak one sentence. One year it was Brother Theodoric's turn and he stood up during the evening meal and said: "I don't like these potatoes."
The next year it was Brother Athelstan's turn and he said: "I like the potatoes, actually." A year later Brother Cuthbert rose and stated: "I am leaving this order because of all the constant bickering."































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Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Oct 20 - 07:40 PM

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes," the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do any of those."

Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Oct 20 - 12:05 AM

Where did the mermaid meet her fisherman lover?

Online, of course!

Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Joe_F
Date: 29 Oct 20 - 06:02 PM

There's a fine line between a fish in the water and a fool on shore.

Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 07:56 AM

A donkey and an elephant are both sitting on the far ends of a park bench reading a newspaper. Up walks a donkey with a trunk and thick legs and asks if there is room in the middle of the park bench saying "Is there room?". The donkey and elephant plop down their newspapers in the middle and say "NO".
The hybrid says "Oaky Dokey then".

Happy election day, at long last.

Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Nov 20 - 08:30 PM

It isn't a coup unless it comes from the Coup d'Etat region of France.

Otherwise, it's just sparkling authoritarian takeover.

Subject: RE: BS: Only Joke Thread You'll Need for 2020
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 20 - 12:11 PM

Four and a half year old Kodaly asked his dad, "Where does poo come from?" Unfortunatly dad was a nerd, "Well son it all begins with the sense of smell a taste. Acceptable smells and tastes allow for the injestion of proper food. In fact the bitter taste of alkoloids which often are poison are rejected. When the food reaches the stomach enzymes and even strong acids are added via secretion and allowed to pass further into the digestive tract to be acted upon by the liver, gall bladder and pancreas where the far flung islets of langerhans...
BUT DADDY - WHAT HAPPENED TO POOH, TIGER AND PIGLET??
Just a minute son, I haven't even gotten to the colon...wha?"