Origin: The Bastard King of England

Subject: RE: Origin: The Bastard King of England
From: Joe_F
Date: 28 Feb 15 - 02:24 PM

That should be "...have not told in my *song*". Apologies to Mr Kipling for spoiling his rhyme.

Subject: RE: Origin: The Bastard King of England
From: Jack Horntip
Date: 11 May 25 - 02:40 PM

3902
October 7, 1917.

Oh the bards they sing of an English king so many years ago.
Who ruled the land with an iron hand but his mind was weak and low.
And well he loved to hunt the stag within the royal wood
But better still he loved the pleasure of pulling his royal pud.
        Chi-rist, how he loved to pull his pud, pull his pud!

Oh his only nether garment was a woolen undershirt
With which he tried to hide the hide, but he couldn’t hide the dirt.
He was wild and wooly and full of fleas.
And his terrible tool hung down to his knees.
All hail to this bastard king of En—gland.

Oh the queen of Spain was a sprightly dame, a sprightly dame was she,.
And she loved to fool with his majesty’s tool, so far across the sea,
So she sent him a message by a special messenger,
To come and spend a month or so with her!.
        X-rist, what a scandal it would stir, it would stir!

Now the king of France when he heard of this, he swore onto his court.
She must prefer me rival, because me horn is short!
So he sent the Duke of Sippensap to give the queen a dose of clap
Which wouldn’t do a thing to dear old Eg—gland
        Which wouldn’t help old England any at all, at all, at all!

Now when the news of this fell deed had reached old England's walls,
The king he swore by the shirt he wore, he’d have the Frenchman's balls.
He offered half his kingdom and the hand of Queen Hortense
To any loyal Briton who would nut the king of France.
        To him who would                  the king of France, the king of France.

The royal duke of Suffolk betook himself to France,
Oh, he swore he was a fruiter and the king took down his pants.
He tied a thong to the royal dong.
And mounted his horse and galloped along.
        And dragged him before the bastard king of England.

The king threw up his breakfast and he fainted on the floor.
For in the ride the Frenchman’ s tool has stretched a rod or more
And all the ladies of England came down to London town.
And they gather round the Castle walls, "To hell with the English Crown!"

The king of France usurped the throne.
His sceptre was his royal bone.
With which he downed the bastard king of England.

        "I received it at the beginning of the summer from a friend
who went to France. It was collected at Princeton."

Grantley W. Taylor.

October 7, 1917. Untitled. In the Gordon Inferno Collection.
MS #3902. Blank space in the fifth verse is in the MS. There are
two other undated versions "The Bastard King of England" in the collection.


See here: https://archive.org/details/1917gordoninfernocollection/page/3901/mode/1up?q=%22bastard+king%22

Subject: RE: Origin: The Bastard King of England
From: Lighter
Date: 11 May 25 - 04:31 PM

First mention anywhere is probably: Corks & Curls, [Charlottesville] “Published by the Fraternal and Literary Societies of the University of Virginia,” Vol. XXIX (1916):

“Mr. Editor, I am in difficulties to dish-close the sense of some Ole English Ballads sung at Virginia:....

“Cutest sing-song of all was concerning The Bashful King of England. Worthy High Spicot sing this too indistinctually to obtain sense, but it go partially this way:

        ‘Oh, the minstrels sing of a British king
        Of many a year ago—
        How he ruled the land with an iron hand,
        Though his mind was weak and slow.
        ‘God save The Bashful King of England!
        
        ‘He loved to chase the bounding stag
        Throughout the royal woods,
        And he also was exceedingly fond
        Of increasing the royal goods.

        ‘His solitary garment was
        A leathern hunting-shirt,
        With which he tried to hide his hide
        Before his pride was hurt.

        ‘He was wild and wooly and fond of booze,
        And his bashful feet were enclosed in shoes.
        God save The Bashful King of England!" &c, indefinishly.

“Mr. Editor, why do not Dr.[Alphonso] Smith publish this with other ole ballads? Maybe because everybody that sings it is always drunk.

“Hoping you are the same,

                                        “Yours truly,

                                        “Hashimura Togo.
                                        “Saturday, March 4, 1916.”


The fictional immigrant "Hashimura Togo" was the main character in humorist Wallace Irwin's "Letters of a Japanese Schoolboy" (1909).

Subject: RE: Origin: The Bastard King of England
From: The Sandman
Date: 12 May 25 - 12:23 PM

William I 'The Conqueror' (r. 1066-1087) Born around 1028, William was the illegitimate son of Duke Robert I of Normandy, and Herleve (also known as Arlette), daughter of a tanner in Falaise. Known as 'William the Bastard' to his contemporaries, his illegitimacy shaped his career when he was young.

Subject: RE: Origin: The Bastard King of England
From: Lighter
Date: 12 May 25 - 01:32 PM

Time (Jan. 27, 1936):

"How is the Crown to answer on Judgment Day why there was never created Sir Rudyard Kipling or Lord Kipling? To his grave without a ribbon to stick in his coat or a peerage which would have died with him, the Empire sent last week a man whom an Empire poll even now would doubtless choose as the supreme poet of Empire.

"Rudyard Kipling had his own explanation for why he was not made Poet Laureate and it had no reference to the Widow at Windsor. Some years ago an admirer involuntarily exclaimed, 'I always had thought you were Sir Rudyard!'

"'Perhaps I would have been — who knows?' answered plain Mr. Kipling in one of the rare moments when he permitted himself to be caught off guard. 'But one day long ago, in an exhilarated and irresponsible moment, I wrote a little song. Possibly you know it?'

"This little song,The Bastard King of England, sturdy Kipling friends claim he never wrote, and it is omitted from his Collected Works. A better reason and more probable for not making him Poet Laureate was that in such an official post it is safer for the United Kingdom to have someone who confines himself to ‘poetic themes’ and does not lash out with infuriated honesty at Boches, the Yankees and the cinema."

Probative value of the anonymously sourced, second (or further)-hand, undated "Kipling" quote: nil.

Subject: RE: Origin: The Bastard King of England
From: The Sandman
Date: 12 May 25 - 04:43 PM

I WOULD HAVE THOUGH GK CHESTERTON OR HILLAIRE BELLOC MORE LIKELY AUTHORS

Subject: RE: Origin: The Bastard King of England
From: Lighter
Date: 12 May 25 - 05:39 PM

Or it might have been Joe low t the University of Virginia. Or Banjo Paterson in Australia. Or Theodore Roosevelt. The list goes on....

Subject: RE: Origin: The Bastard King of England
From: Lighter
Date: 12 May 25 - 06:03 PM

"Joe Blow," average American.