BS:World Conspiracy folks

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 02:39 AM

Two words to put ALL men off pony tails,         David Seaman, and he's a Yorkshireman for fecks sake.


Good night and gobless, eric

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: Paul Burke
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 04:27 AM

Mason Grace conspiracy: they sing that same thing over and over again, driving us all round the twist.

Mason's Apron - ditto, but Irish fiddlers.

My hands are shaking at the thought of it, and my trouser leg has spontaneouly rolled up.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: Azizi
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 09:48 AM

The sky is fallin
or so I've been told.
The good ship Lollypop
has already sailed off into the wild blue yonder
and ET went home
and left us all behind.

So what can we do???
I'm blue.

[actually I'm Black & blue
but that's a whole 'nother story]

;>}

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: John Hardly
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 10:05 AM

"My hands are shaking at the thought of it, and my trouser leg has spontaneouly rolled up"

LOL!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: freda underhill
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 10:07 AM

Acanthus mollis - oyster plant, aka Bear's breeches

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: jpk
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 08:46 PM

my granpa was part of a mason jar conspiracy,wert no holes in the lids,but the lightning inside could sure get ya in trouble,more ways than one.
by the way elvis returned my saucer yesterday,an we had a good jam,with some lightning on the side.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: John O'L
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 09:48 PM

The common cormorant, or shag
Lays eggs inside a paper bag.
The reason you will see, no doubt
Is to keep the lightning out
But what these unobservant birds
Haven't noticed is that herds
Of elephants will come with buns
And steal the bags to hold their crumbs.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: GUEST,Fullerton
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 07:24 AM

Dear Ms. Underhill,

Snail solution (Final)

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: GUEST,David Hannam
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 07:41 AM

Dammit, i thought i had heard some of the wakiest conspiracy theories, but this one is wierd

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 02:58 PM

I wouldn't worry about the Masons or the Vatican or any of the other groups mentioned earlier actually taking over the world. But I did get wind of a definite conspiracy in the works. The organization that the United States government does have to worry about is [spooky music played on the theramin] Possum Lodge!

There is a devious plot, worked out presumably by Walter and Bill, with organizational input by Harold, for Canada to be annexed by the United States as the fifty-first state. You've heard of the Trojan Horse? This is the Canadian Possum! Once the annexation takes place, through various political machinations and liberal ("liberal?" Bite your tongue!!) use of humorous and entertaining (for a change) speeches, the senators and congressional representatives of the new state of Canada manage to pass laws allowing those born in Canada to run for president of the United States, since, after all, they will have been born in the fifty-first of the United States and are, hence, natural born citizens (even if by caesarean), thus eligible. Once this is accomplished, they plan on running the head of Possum Lodge, Red Green, for president.

If one is familiar with this individual, it is easy to see how, after what Americans (not to mention the rest of the world) have been through for the past several decades, even though like the present president, this man is a walking disaster, the voters will find his style of leadership a refreshing change.

It has been rumored that future candidate Green has already picked many members of his cabinet. His running mate, of course, will be his nephew, Harold. Harold will fulfill the function of balance in the administration. Red Green will come up with a policy, and Harold will point out its flaws ("Are you crazy!!???"). They will insult each other in highly amusing ways, and even though Red Green's plan will be put into effect and it will be the disaster that Harold predicts, beyond the smell, there will be no lasting effects. To clean up the whole political scene in Washington, D. C., one cannot think of a more appropriate person than Winston Rothschild III, CEO of Rothschild's Sewage and Septic Sucking Service. Secretary of Commerce will by Dalton Humphrey, proprietor of Humphrey's Everything Store, Attorney General will be Mike Hamer (resident felon: 46 felony convictions, out on parole, the advantage of having him around is that if something is missing, you know who's got it), and Secretary of Defense will be Edgar Montrose (never met a problem that couldn't be solved if you use enough dynamite, thus out-terrorizing terrorists. Also, Green's liberal [OW! That word again!] use of the handyman's secret weapon—duct tape—should keep the world a somewhat more orderly place). Secretary of the Interior will be Ranger Gord (after eighteen years alone in the firewatch tower, one does get a bit strange) and assistant Secretary of the Interior will be Ed Frid (animal control officer who is terrified of anything larger than a parameceum), and the Secretary of State will be Hap Shaughnessy (taught Elvis how to sing, taught Fred Astaire how to dance, has met Santa Claus personally, flew at an altitude of 70 miles wearing nothing but a cape, and single-handedly prevented World War III). The rest of the Green administration is in the planning stage.

The motto E Pluribus Unum will be replaced with Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati ("When All Else Fails, Play Dead!"), and "In God We Trust" will be replaced with "I'm Pullin' for Ya. We're All in This Together!"

The future is glorious (or a lot less threatening than it is right now).

Keep your stick on the ice.

More information about the Possum Party.

Red Green explains some of the pitfalls of bungy jumping.

Don Firth

P. S.   As you may have guessed, it's a slow day here at the Skunk Works.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: John Hardly
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 03:08 PM

We are Americans. We can change if we have to......maybe.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: akenaton
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 03:15 PM

John ....Thats brilliant.   Any more?

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 03:26 PM

"The truth!?? The truth!?? I can't handle the truth!!!"
                                                         —Red Green

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 03:46 PM

"If the women don't find you handsome, at least they should find you handy."

The metaphorical difference between your local bimbo and Mother Teresa.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: jpk
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 04:15 PM

sounds like the possums get in ta cahouts with the avids,an the snow flies.
damn elvis just called an he wants ta use my saucer agian'the family size this time'do i loan it to him or not.he says he want to bring back some freinds from some place other than regulis,i don't know if i should.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 04:25 PM

Go ahead and do it, jpk. Or you would always wonder.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: jpk
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 04:31 PM

ya i think i will,hope they can play a little too,
be nice if they were better then i'am,but then again it would not take much to out do me.
last time the ones he brought by cheated,had four hands and six fingers.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 04:48 PM

Red Green may not be able to solve all of the world's problems, but with the possible exception of Garrison Keillor*, he is the world's foremost advocate of duct tape. And duct tape has been found to be highly effective for removing warts.

Really!

(I've heard that it isn't all that good for ducts, however.)

Don Firth

P. S.   In fact, if you really look behind this whole "Intelligent Design" thing, you might find out that the whole universe is held together with duct tape. That might explain a lot.

*Considering what we've had in office withing recent decades and considering the alternative candidates we've been presented with, either Red Green or Garrison Keillor would be a major improvement.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: John O'L
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 12:01 AM

Every night and every day
The awfulisers work away
Awfulising public places,
Favourite things and little graces.
Awfulising lovely treasures
Common joys and simple pleasures.
Awfulising far and near
The parts of life we held so dear.
Democratic, clean and lawful
Awful, awful, awful, awful.

                   - Michael Leunig

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 12:28 AM

Great poem.

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: GUEST,,loko
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 01:18 AM

Laugh away laugh away. A great pity in this age that we are such demons following the truth of the dollar........ and you talk about hair..........BARF!!<> <>

Subject: RE: BS:World Conspiracy folks
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 10:25 PM

Don Firth,

"*Considering what we've had in office withing recent decades and considering the alternative candidates we've been presented with, either Red Green or Garrison Keillor would be a major improvement. "


I would not disagree with you on this statement.

8-{E