BS: Help: Way OT: Getting baby to sleep

Subject: RE: BS: Help: Way OT: Getting baby to sleep
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Jun 02 - 03:47 AM

OK so I should have looked at the book I was recommending!!

Dr Mark - Bratling was a lovely baby, placid, sociable and easy. In fact, I had to take a photo of her crying because some people never believed she cried! It's only the last 3 years that it's gone downhill..... she's too much her mothers' daughter.

Celtic Soul - 'Mommy instincts' have to be translated first. Several times my 'mommy instinct' has been to beat the little darling senseless..... what it was actually telling me was 'it's time to get professional help with this, because otherwise it's the funny farm or prison'. Consequently, life is manageable. Not easier, just manageable. Is there a time limit on post natal depression? Sometimes it's really hard to translate the instinct.

Getting back to the original problem - maybe the toys, music thing is too much stimulation? I know that Phoebe Bratling will force herself to stay awake for hours if the external stimulus is attractive to her. Having said that, she slept all the way through a 'Boys of the Lough' concert at 2 months old and frequently through rowdy sessions until the age of 2 (when she got too mobile and voluble to control without riot gear), with no problem. Have they tried just sitting quietly in the room with her? Studies have shown that children who learn to sleep in a noisy environment have trouble in sleeping in a quiet one. I know it took me years to get over not sleeping with my sister (in the same room, not literally..... shame on you!) because she was a fidgeter and needed music on softly. Now it's the opposite way round, I sleep with a snorer and he frequently wakes me with the snoring.

White noise (radio tuned just off station, vacuum, washer/dryer or fridge humming in the background) is good, it's not complete silence, which is distressing enough or sudden noises which continually trigger the 'fight or flight/interest' reflexes. Again, having the room completely dark can also trigger the fight or flight reflex so a dim light can help.

I hope that all of them are getting some sleep.... one thing you must realise is that just because (if this IS the case) one parent goes out to work and the other stays at home looking after Junior, it is not the Godgiven right of the working parent to get all the sleep. A tired carer is more likely to misjudge feed temperatures, misjudge distances, be clumsier and mishandle baby, be crabbier and easier to provoke, harm the child deliberately or become a victim of post natal depression. You BOTH need to sleep, but it needs to be equal. You BOTH need to learn a routine and stick to it whereby one is on duty whilst the other takes time out for themselves to sleep, relax, get excercise/fresh air, get away from the situation and recharge. With more relaxed parents, the child should become more relaxed and easier to send to sleep too.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Help: Way OT: Getting baby to sleep
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Jun 02 - 07:23 AM

Another thing about the dry skin is not to bath in hot water and to pat dry only, not rub down. A dermatologist gave a seminar at a hospital where I worked and said that when we drag a towel over our skin to dry after a bath, we rub a lot of our own natural moisture away. He actually recommended air-dry, but I don't think he'd ever lived where it is humid!:-) And, the hotter the water, the more it will dry the skin out, too.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Help: Way OT: Getting baby to sleep
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 22 Jun 02 - 09:46 AM

The Squeak penned: "'Mommy instincts' have to be translated first. Several times my 'mommy instinct' has been to beat the little darling senseless..... what it was actually telling me was 'it's time to get professional help with this, because otherwise it's the funny farm or prison'. Consequently, life is manageable. Not easier, just manageable. Is there a time limit on post natal depression? Sometimes it's really hard to translate the instinct."

I'd say that this is not a case of wrestling with Mommy instincts if it is post partum depression. Not all women suffer post partum. The instincts I think represent "Mommy Instincts" are those that are for the best of the child. When we say no to a child who wants to put his finger in the electrical socket, we are not being cruel, though it may appear that way to the child who feels as if you are denying it something it wants. When we say no to a child who is very afraid, and does not want to be left alone, that is another story. Again, the cries are different for "I want" and "I need". At least they were for mine.

Your previous story about the God-Daughter is interesting, though. I have never experienced (or read about for that matter) a child having self realization so young as to be able to manipulate at 3-4 months.

Subject: RE: BS: Help: Way OT: Getting baby to sleep
From: GUEST,Wyrd Sister
Date: 22 Jun 02 - 03:54 PM

Used to rock my babies to sleep. Still got the rocks.....

Subject: RE: BS: Help: Way OT: Getting baby to sleep
From: Hrothgar
Date: 23 Jun 02 - 12:04 AM

...and at least when the kid sleeps with the parents, it tends to restrict the production of more of the little horrors...

Subject: RE: BS: Help: Way OT: Getting baby to sleep
From: MMario
Date: 23 Jun 02 - 12:54 AM

Hrothgar - never worked for my parents! 9 kids in 18 years and after the first few it was a d*amn rare night they didn't have at least ONE in with them.

CS - I too have known infants who at least appeared to be consciously manipulating people as early as three or four months - certainly different behaviour patterns for different people. But yes - the "I want" and "I need" cries have always seemed very different to me. Then there is the "I'm just generally pissed off and am going to make you suffer" cry...

Subject: RE: BS: Help: Way OT: Getting baby to sleep
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Jun 02 - 02:28 PM

Of course 'Mommy instincts' are what's best for the child, but if your mind is not focused (for whatever reason; drugs, alcohol, post natal depression, psychological disorders, sleep deprivation and so on) then what you perceive as best for the child isn't always so.... I know in my heart that my daughter needs attention, but my head keeps telling me she has to learn to do things herself. Another bit of my head tells me that the best way to do this is if I make her do it herself, and another bit of my head says she would do it a lot quicker if I helped her along with a few choice words and a physical reminder..... Translating that particular 'mommy instinct' is very difficult.

Besides, how many times did your parents say 'we know what's best for you' and you knew perfectly well it wasn't? Sometimes it isn't. My parents thought staying at home to look after them was the best thing for me, they were very, VERY wrong.

LTS