BS: How will they know it's bigger???

Subject: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 10:03 PM

Okay, we all get a lot of spam from people who say they can make your penis MUCH larger...for a price. The implication is that you will then have a lot more fun, greater success attracting women, probably become a major film star soon, maybe win American Idol...and so on...

But I'm not sure how that is supposed to work! I mean, look, suppose one of these ads is for real, and it really does give a guy a 12 inch monster....who is going to know? What I mean is, you can't just walk around in public with it on display, after all. You'd get arrested. If you tell people it's huge, they may not believe you. What are you supposed to do? You can't disrobe in the middle of Tim Hortons and prove it!

So here you are, as charmless, unattractive, inarticulate, untalented, needy, and emotionally dysfunctional as you ever were when your whanger was teeny tiny...and you're walking around with the whole world completely ignorant of the fact that you're packing the biggest piece of ordnance in the country! Talk about a frustrating situation!

This is the part the ads don't tell you. This is what may have happened to Shane. It may account for the behaviour of certain rap stars. It could be responsible for a lot of suicides, that's what I'm thinking. How will they know it's bigger???

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Sorcha
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 10:09 PM

Hawkster, I've been wondering just that for years. Thank you for finally speaking up. Will you tell us what your inches are? Or Shatners? Sadly, I have no inches to brag about.

PS--the breast enhancement is the Same Sad Story. Avril told me that, but sadly I didn't beleive her. I am out just sooooo much money, and the same old boobs here. I mean, what can I say when even a Wonder Bra or Victorias Secret doesn't help?

I don't even get calls from telemarketers anymore. So sad.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 10:21 PM

LOL!!! You expect me to tell you, Sorcha???? Uh-uh. I figure a little mystery always helps.

As for Shatner's... Well, it's...it's.....

No. There are some things that are just better left unsaid.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 10:40 PM

"So here you are, as charmless, unattractive, inarticulate, untalented, needy, and emotionally dysfunctional as you ever were ... "

No, no, no - you're missing the point. Just knowing you have those extra 11.5", you will become charming, attractive, articulate, talented, independent, and emotionally functional. Women will flock to you, and they won't know why.

(I'll PM the order form to you).

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 10:44 PM

They will know because the ladies who have seen and felt it will tell the rest of the girls, in the powder room, in one of those secret meetings we don't admit we have....

Now they'll have to kill me!

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 10:45 PM

PS, not to mention that I'd tell all MY friends in EMAIL! How'd THAT be for a forward???

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Deckman
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 10:51 PM

I guess he'll just have to keep a "stiff upper lip!" bad bad bob

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 11:02 PM

So, here's a little math:

Say your enhancement (male) works and you end up with one that's 12 inches long and, oh, let's say four inches in diameter.

Okay: the volume of a cylinder = height (or in this case, length) x pi(radius^2). So your enhancement would hold: 12 x 3.14... x 4, or 150.72 cubic inches of blood. Well, it's not all blood, so let's just say half of it, or 75.36 cu. in. of blood.

That's about 1.3 QUARTS (U.S. liquid measure) of blood. An adult male has about 5 quarts of blood in their body.

If you got an erection you might well pass out from lack of blood to the brain. Of course, just buying the product would demonstrate a lack in the brain....

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Apr 07 - 11:46 PM

Exactly, Rapaire! Those most likely to buy the product would also be those most at risk of passing out when they get aroused. This is another thing they don't tell their prospective customers.

meself - OH! Now I get it. My gosh, what a super sales pitch! Could this be the secret to what put Snoop Dog on the charts?

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 12:36 AM

Speaking of guys with foot-long schlongs, have you ever noticed how much Shane McBride looks like the late porn stud John Holmes?

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Mickey191
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 12:39 AM

Heard a Dr. on Oprah's Show say that an obese man who loses his extra weight, will increase his penis by an inch or two. More--if he's terribly obese.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,anonymous to avoid embarassing him
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 05:23 AM

I used to have a boyfriend who was very large - it was extremely uncomfortable.
If he had passed out it would have been a bonus.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 05:43 AM

All this talk of penis enlargement and breast enhancement and all the money that is being spent on these things...surely the money would be better spent on something like Altzheimers research......
In 2040 there will be a lot of very old men and women around with very large penises and breasts........but they might well have forgotten what they are for!

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Grimmy
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 05:57 AM

There are advantages to having a teeny todger. For example - my boss daren't sack me 'cos if he did then HE would have the smallest wanger in the whole organisation. WEY HEY!

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: jacqui.c
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 07:55 AM

Women will flock to you, and they won't know why.

So THAT's why I am always getting elbowed aside by ladies wanting to get at Kendall!

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: kendall
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 08:24 AM

jacqui! go to your room! (I'll be right in)

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Metchosin
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 08:34 AM

Why not wear tights like Errol Flynn, Little Hawk? Then all who would care to, would know if you're hung like a beaver or hung like a bear.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: jacqui.c
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 08:36 AM

Men in tights.....

Hmmmmm....

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST, Topsie
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 08:37 AM

Take up cycling. Those lycra shorts let everyone know exactly what you have to offer.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 08:43 AM

Where's that bit of garden hose gone?

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 08:55 AM

Well, here's an interesting bit. Of course, one can always depend upon some padded clothing as well.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Grab
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:08 AM

Come on, of course it'll help you with being a movie star and winning American Idol. After all, they always seem to find the biggest pricks imaginable.

Breast enlargement *is* visible through normal clothes. But a bigger sausage in the lunchbox is only going to be visible if you're wearing lycra, and for most of us that would be a way bad idea. It'd put you so off your lunch that the lunchbox contents wouldn't be an issue.

Graham.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: gnu
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:53 AM

Better off stuffing your wallet with Canadian Tire money.

Of course, you could change your name from Little Hawk to Great Horny Owl or some such. At Uni, my nickname was "Banana" because I was a wild and crazy guy - as in, "He could go bananas at any moment." I don't know who coined that nickname, but, I sure owe him a lot of thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Wesley S
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:13 AM

I've always heard that the French say "Anything bigger than a mouthful is wasted".

I always assumed they were talking about breasts.....

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,Ding dong
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:26 AM

The guy's too small or the girl's too loose
No one's perfect but youse
The guy's too big or the girl's too tight
No one is ever just right

Sad statement about humans.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: 282RA
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 12:49 PM

>>You can't disrobe in the middle of Tim Hortons and prove it!<<

Now you tell me.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:22 PM

How will they know? they'll know

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:25 PM

and they can choose

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 01:36 PM

The Original and Best...! Number 3.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: kendall
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 07:25 PM

Bill D when did they start giving trophies for average?

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: frogprince
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 07:38 PM

An..uhh..friend of mine...took XX his wife to a nudist resort for the first time. After awhile she remarked , "They come in all shapes and sizes, don't they". XXXX he's still not sure if she was referring to people in general, or to something more specific...

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Joybell
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 08:06 PM

What I want to know - now that condoms are bought from supermarket shelves is -- whatever happened to the special measuring device they had in chemist shops/drug stores? Back in the 50s. I heard about it when I was 15. Never actually saw one but I heard it for true. It was like those knitting-needle measures only much bigger. On a stand. A big board thing with holes in it. All marked with numbers. They could be marketed now. You could have sports events using them. Parties even.
Did you have them in America or was it an Aussie thing?
Musing.
Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 08:32 PM

I have led a sheltered life!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:35 PM

Druggist back home just used the knotholes in the fence out back of the store. Story goes that one night his daughter slipped out and positioned herself on the opposite side of the knotholes as a handsome young man was "measuring up." Young feller came back into the drug store and was asked "What size and how many?" He responded, "I dunno, but I'll take about a hundred yards of that fence."

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 09:49 PM

Joybell:
http://www.biorelief.com/images/popup/dm_male_measurement_guide.pdf

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:09 PM

You could probably use those pasta measurers, the ones with four or five holes that get bigger and bigger. Just be careful of the rapidly boiling water.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 12 Apr 07 - 10:35 PM

"Better off stuffing your wallet with Canadian Tire money."

Did you all get that? I didn't hear you laughing. (Canadian Tire money is a form of discount coupon given at a hardware/building/auto supply store).

It reminds me of a photo in National Lampoon once, in an issue dedicated to the subject of - women. The caption was: "The sexy bulge in a man's pants that all women are attracted to" - the photo showed a man's back pocket containing a fat wallet.

Yes, I thought it was disgusting too.

(Btw: "GUEST,anonymous to avoid embarassing him" - it's okay; I'm not embarrassed. Oh, and - sorry!).

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: gnu
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 06:42 AM

Hey, meself.... if just one person got a chuckle, it was worth it.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 09:23 AM

Young lady from The East went Out West to meet cowboys. When she got back, her friend asked her if she'd managed to "get lucky" with a real cowboy. She said no, and the friend asked why not. Young lady replied, "Have you seen the size of the condoms they carry in their back pockets???"

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Joybell
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 06:27 PM

Joe_F My mind is at rest. Why does the X-Large say -- "clear advantage only"?
Rapaire -- Pasta measures -- so that's where the pasta people got the idea.
Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Joe_F
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 09:37 PM

Joybell: I presume it is only the Clear Advantage brand that offers that size. N.B. Those are not actually brands of condoms, but of wearable urinals.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 13 Apr 07 - 09:48 PM

I'm starting to realize I've led a sheltered life too - I have no idea what the hell these people are talking about -

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Peace
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 12:39 AM

One does wonder at times.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 01:48 AM

Like I said somewhere.... some people have far too much time on their hands, and far too easy an access to the Internet!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Slag
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 04:05 AM

How will they know? One word. CODPIECE! They had this problem dicked in the Dark Ages, you might say.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 04:24 AM

If you have a huuuge penis in its flaccid state you notice that it does not double or triple or quadruple in length when erect.

What you want is a 6 to 8 incher in an erect state even if it is only 2 inches in its flaccid state. Besides, its easier to pack.

Once you are up to 12 inches it will get wider when erect but not really longer.

In other words if you have a derringer it will become a rifle.

But if you have a rifle you will get a shot gun of the same length.


ever heard of a shot gun marriage?


But then there are the mortars and legenday howitzers...

Anything over 20 inches is a waste.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,Ding dong
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 04:26 AM

Hey, a new way to judge the worth of men. Next we can judge the worth of women on the tightness of their vaginas. The human race at its best.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 08:30 AM

Anyone else doing their pelvic floor excercises right now?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 08:39 AM

Donuel - you seem to have given this matter some study ...

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 08:46 AM

Look, if you have to go to the doctor all the time becames the tip drags on the group, it's just about the right length. As Abe Lincoln once said when asked how long it should be, "Long enough to reach the ground."

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 09:00 AM

Wasn't he talking about his beard?

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Slag
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 03:23 PM

Turgid, Man! TURGID!

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Amos
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 03:46 PM

There was a young man from Glenglozle
        Who found a remarkable fossil
        He deduced from the bend
        And the wart on the end
        'Twas the peter of Paul, the Apostle

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 09:26 PM

meself,
Then you should see my vagina art. i HAVE ONE THAT IS ANIMATED.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Nickhere
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 09:31 PM

I heard of a great scam once. This guy advertised a penis enlarging service - basically some kind of pump. The money came rolling in, he didn't bother to send any of the devices out. Complaints came rolling in, people wanted their money back. He sent everyone out a cheque to the value of whatever they'd sent him. Stamped across the front of each cheque was printed 'refund for penis-enlarging pump'!!

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Fergie
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 09:58 PM

An ex once told me that men came in three sizes; Small, Medium and Liar.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 10:03 PM

Donuel: um ... if it's all the same, I think I'll pass ... (I have seen the real thing!)

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 10:06 PM

A 28 inch penis is rare but has fewer nerve receptors per sq inch.

Comon, how many women here would really want to try a 28 inch penis.
It could damage a womans diaphragm... not the contraceptive type but the diaphragm for her lungs.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: frogprince
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 10:35 PM

"the tip drags on the group" ?   no thanks...

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Apr 07 - 11:30 PM

AWRIGHT, Amos!!! Best limerick I've heard in a long time.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Apr 07 - 12:14 AM

Amos you choked my wife with your
limmerick

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 07 - 10:35 AM

Okay...28" long x (say a radius of) 6" x 3.14^2 = 1656.4128 cubic inches of blood, divided by 2 (because there's stuff inside a penis besides blood) = 828.8064 cu. in. of blood.

That's 14.34 US quarts (or 13.57 liters) of blood to engorge the penis. Since the adult male human body contains only about 5 US quarts of blood (or 4.73 liters), erection couldn't be accomplished without a bunch of friends to help out by pumping in some of their blood.

This, of course, assumes that the 28" is attached to a human being....

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,1950s Blood Brother
Date: 15 Apr 07 - 12:55 PM

"...a bunch of friends to help out by pumping in some of their blood."

Some of us became "blood brothers" with other guys as kids by cutting our fingers and mixing the blood of our minor wounds, but this is stretching that commitment a bit to the extreme.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Apr 07 - 03:42 PM

Rapaire you did not use the volume of blood within the blood vessels.
Instead you used a bag of solid blood model.

There is a mosaic unearthed in an ancient Pompei villa that portrays a man with a 20+ incher that must have been the epitomy of dick jokes in ancient Rome.

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Apr 07 - 04:02 PM

Ah, but the Romans are metric, so it should really be 20 centimetres!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 07 - 05:50 PM

Or 20 micrometers....

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Apr 07 - 09:46 PM

My brothers used to have a rhyme:
"Don't let your dingle dongle dangle in the dirt
Put it in your pocket where it won't get hurt"!

I wasn't going to join this thread (being the well-brought-up lady as what I am) but I couldn't help it.

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger???
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 15 Apr 07 - 10:30 PM

Atta girl!