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BS: Pointless features...
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Subject: BS: Pointless features... From: Bernard Date: 19 Oct 07 - 02:22 PM I was prompted to start this thread because my answering machine has a pointless feature... When someone hangs up, in its digital wisdom it politely says 'Thank you for calling!' Erm... but the caller has already hung up... hah! So... do you have a device that does something as pointless? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Don Firth Date: 19 Oct 07 - 03:01 PM Gawd, where to begin!? I have a cell phone that I use only when I'm out and around in my electric wheelchair, just in case it poops out on me and I wind up stranded somewhere. Or if I'm cruising through the local Safeway and I call Barbara to see if she wants me to pick up anything while I'm there. Phone calls. That's all I want to use it for. Making phone calls. I got the simplest one the company offered. But it'll wind the cat, put out the clock, start the coffee in the morning, and give me the weather report and my daily horoscope! Our VHS player/recorder went belly-up a few months back, so we got a nice new DVD/VHS player/recorder. I've been wading through the manual and have come to the conclusion that I need an engineering degree to figure the thing out. And I'm not exactly technologically illiterate. I used to work in radio stations and I have an FCC 1st Class Radio-Telephone operator's license. Sheesh!! Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Wesley S Date: 19 Oct 07 - 04:24 PM My TV can show me two pictures at once. I've never used it that way however... Come to think of it - my guitar can play amazing music when in the hands of someone who can play it properly. I've never used that feature as well.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: gnu Date: 19 Oct 07 - 04:41 PM Me neither. I have two TV's. Sunday (Yankee) football is good. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Rapparee Date: 19 Oct 07 - 04:45 PM Hell, we have FOUR televisions! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: RangerSteve Date: 19 Oct 07 - 06:01 PM My VCR/DVD player has a button on it to eject a tape/DVD, and there's also a button on the remote to do the same thing. I can eject a DVD from my couch, but I still have to get up to remove it and put it in it's case, so why not just get up and use the button on the machine? There are remote control microwave uvens, that you can start as you're nearing your home. Of course, you have to put the food in before you go to work. I've never been in such a hurry that I need that feature. There are also refrigerators with built in TV's and computers so you can access internet recipe sites without leaving your kitchen, plus a feature that allows you to view the conents of the fridge without opening the door. Whoopee. I think I'll pass on those. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Peace Date: 19 Oct 07 - 06:04 PM I have had a steel ball bearing with a diameter of 1 1/4". It has completely pointless features. :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Richard Bridge Date: 19 Oct 07 - 06:33 PM Windows.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: JohnInKansas Date: 19 Oct 07 - 08:01 PM Peace - I thought I was the only one who once had one of those. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Bill D Date: 19 Oct 07 - 08:05 PM "My TV can show me two pictures at once. I've never used it that way however..." I use that feature all the time...to avoid commercials as much as possible. Mine also will play the sound from either the large picture or the small one...or put the text on screen. All wonderful features... But my car has a feature wherein it automatically raises the radio antenna with a little motor any time the key is turned, whether I want the radio or not. What I wonder is....how fast will that motor wear out, so I can't raise it when I want it to? But the little motors that raise & lower the windows can't BE used unless the key is turned, so if I forget, I have to dig out the key, get back in the car, turn on the accessory switch, raise the windows.....etc... I'm sure they thought they were helping me...but... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Sorcha Date: 19 Oct 07 - 10:54 PM I tend to either not buy or get rid of soon items that have pointless features. I can't think of one that I have (but I can't program the VCR either). I also refuse or discontinue Services that offer (for a price) Special Features....call waiting, call forwarding, paging, messaging, (most of this seems to have to do with the phone? or 'communication'?) I have also refused the 'offer' of an Extended Warranty for X dollars a month. I ask, Oh, so you are certain that your product will die one day AFTER the regular warranty expires? In that case, I shall buy Brand B. Talk about back pedalling...LOL. I also don't need or want multi colour flashing lights to tell me something I already know, or don't need to know. Now, if some Feature would clean my oven, do the windows, feed the dogs, put fuel in the cars, change the oil, mow the yard, carry out the garbage, etc. I'd go for it in a heartbeat. I did once ask, 'Tell me why I should not buy this $100 dishwasher' and bless his heart the salesman actually DID! So, I bought the $200 one instead. 10 years later, it's still working but the door spring has broken. I'd say I got $200 worth of use out of it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: JohnInKansas Date: 20 Oct 07 - 02:08 AM Now, if some Feature would clean my oven, do the windows, feed the dogs, put fuel in the cars, change the oil, mow the yard, carry out the garbage, etc. I'd go for it in a heartbeat. We have that feature, but I'm afraid LiK won't share me. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: DMcG Date: 20 Oct 07 - 04:29 AM Oh, so you are certain that your product will die one day AFTER the regular warranty expires? In that case, I shall buy Brand B. Talk about back pedalling...LOL. I sometimes follow a similar line, but have never had anyone back-pedal. They simply get totally confused over here in the UK. But I rarely have the heart for it, since it's not the poor sales staff who are responsible for this nonsense, after all. But if I happen to be being served by the store manager .... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Dave Hanson Date: 20 Oct 07 - 07:17 AM The answerphone feature that tells you ' the other person has hung up.' no shit eh !! eric |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Rapparee Date: 20 Oct 07 - 08:59 AM Is there a feature that will fix the leak that just started in my roof? Cheaply and well? I suspect it's called "a roofer." Good, fast, cheap -- choose two of three. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: JohnInKansas Date: 20 Oct 07 - 09:20 AM The Instruction on the "quick start" card that came with your new CD-ROM that says "see detailed installation instructions on the CD provided with your new drive." John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Bill D Date: 20 Oct 07 - 10:04 AM The pretty pictures on packages of frozen food that say in tiny print: "serving suggestion" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Dave Hanson Date: 20 Oct 07 - 10:09 AM There ought to be a warning on Mudcat ' may contain nuts ' eric |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Rapparee Date: 20 Oct 07 - 10:56 AM The insurance lady I just talked to, who finished with "Have a wonderful weekend." My roof is leaking! What if I'd rolled my car and killed two or three people? "Have a wonderful weekend!" It's like the cop giving you a ticket that's gonna cost you a couple hundred dollars in fines and then saying, "Have a nice day." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: bobad Date: 20 Oct 07 - 11:09 AM A little song to cheer you up Rap: Arkansas Traveller Oh, once upon a time in Arkansas, An old man sat in his little cabin door And fiddled at a tune that he liked to hear, A jolly old tune that he played by ear. It was raining hard, but the fiddler didn't care, He sawed away at the popular air, Tho' his rooftree leaked like a waterfall, That didn't seem to bother the man at all. A traveler was riding by that day, And stopped to hear him a-practicing away; The cabin was a-float and his feet were wet, But still the old man didn't seem to fret. So the stranger said Now the way it seems to me, You'd better mend your roof, said he. But the old man said as he played away, I couldn't mend it now, it's a rainy day. The traveler replied,That's all quite true, But this, I think, is the thing to do; Get busy on a day that is fair and bright, Then patch the old roof till it's good and tight. But the old man kept on a-playing at his reel, And tapped the ground with his leathery heel. Get along, said he, for you give me a pain; My cabin never leaks when it doesn't rain. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Don Firth Date: 20 Oct 07 - 04:09 PM We have Comcast cable television service (74 channels, and still not a damned thing worth watching!), and when I finally got fed-up with the dial-up internet connection (continental drift is brisk by comparison!), I shifted our internet connection to Comcast cable and went wireless. Very tidy. Much faster. Only one bill. I don't make all that may long-distance phone calls, but Barbara talks to her cousins in Kansas and Nebraska with some frequency. Comcast offered a deal where we could combine television, internet, and telephone service through cable, and there would be no more long-distance phone charges. The whole package for an attractive price. We popped for it. But then the fun began. After the technician came out and cobbled the system together, the fire alarm in our apartment building went bananas. It seems that the connection to both the fire alarm company (who periodically tests the system through the phone lines) and the Seattle Fire Department piggy-backs on our telephone line, and goes through Qwest, to which we were no longer connected. To save a lot of strife, expense, and the hassle of rewiring the system, we cancelled the telephone service with Comcast and went back to Qwest, as we had been before. This was several months back. Since then, I get two or three phone calls and two or three letters a week from Comcast, begging us to come back to their "full communication service" package, and no matter how many times I explain to them that, due to our particular circumstances the system will not work for us, they persist in begging and whining. In the meantime, I get two or three phone calls and two or three letters a week from Qwest, some begging us to come back to them (which we have done), and some thanking us for signing up with them (as if we were new customers). Now Qwest is a communications company. One would think that the various departments within the company would communicate with each other. But apparently not! Sheesh!! (Or have I already said that?) Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Rapparee Date: 20 Oct 07 - 05:22 PM The Shannon–Weaver model of communication has been called the "mother of all models." It embodies the concepts of information source, message, transmitter, signal, channel, noise, receiver, information destination, probability of error, coding, decoding, information rate, channel capacity, etc. In 1948 Claude Elwood Shannon published A Mathematical Theory of Communication article in two parts in the July and October numbers of the Bell System Technical Journal. In this fundamental work he used tools in probability theory, developed by Norbert Wiener, which were in their nascent stages of being applied to communication theory at that time. Shannon developed information entropy as a measure for the uncertainty in a message while essentially inventing what became known as the dominant form of "information theory." See, Don, the basic communication model WASN'T developed by Comcast, but by Bell Labs. And that's why Comcast keeps sending you all these messages: in the Model, the "signal" is fine but the "noise" between the "transmitter" and the "receiver" (i.e., you) is immense, achieving a "probability of error" which approaches unity. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Rapparee Date: 20 Oct 07 - 05:23 PM Or to put it another way, Comcast is FUBAR. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Don Firth Date: 20 Oct 07 - 05:26 PM Verily! Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: artbrooks Date: 20 Oct 07 - 06:01 PM I occasionally walk from the bedroom through the living room/office to the kitchen in the dark, and a dozen or more red, green and blue lights seem to follow me from one room to another. Prithee tell, what purpose do LEDs really serve? And how much power are they using, over time? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Rapparee Date: 20 Oct 07 - 07:23 PM Those aren't LEDs, Art. Those are ghosts. Your abode is haunted. They don't consume any power from the grid at all, since they suck it from your living flesh. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Sorcha Date: 20 Oct 07 - 07:25 PM Ref Comcast....did you see about the little old lady who got mad and had a hissy fit? Took a hammer to the Comcast office! $300 something fine and suspended jail time. She said it was worth it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: JohnInKansas Date: 21 Oct 07 - 06:22 AM Sorcha - A major part of the report on the old lady who attacked Comcast is in the "News" thread. (Hit 'em Granny) Also a report in the post following it on the recent blocking by Comcast of users "who use a lot of bandwidth." Comcast has figured out that when people connect P2P, they can forge a reply from one of the computers that tells the other computer to break the connection. Does that sound (im)perfectly honest to anyone else??????????? John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Hawker Date: 21 Oct 07 - 08:35 AM Not quite the answer to your question, but..... Flicking through the chanels one night I chanced upon price-drop TV, where some chap is trying to sell you something you really dont need at a really inflated price, that drops the more people bid! Mad, but people actually do! I listened to him selling a watch....... It has a strap ....DOH! It has a face....with numerals...Whoppeee! It has HANDS.... Begorrah! It tells the time ....Now that is UNIQUE! Its a timepiece....hmmmmm You can wear it anywhere...what, not just on your wrist? Its waterproof........is that splash proof or to what depth? Its a watch.......As if I hadn't guessed.... Biggest load of crap on TV, but when me and the kids are bored, we put it on and laugh at some poor bloke trying to describe something overpriced that nobody really wants to buy. Its amazing what 'features you take for granted that they find themselves pointing out in a desperate attempt to make that sale! Cheers, Lucy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Rapparee Date: 21 Oct 07 - 08:48 AM When I bought my watch the salesman made a big point of it being "waterproof to 330 meters!" I pointed out to him that if I were 330 meters underwater I have other things to worry about than if my watch was working. He saw the humor of it and broke out laughing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Bill D Date: 21 Oct 07 - 10:36 AM "Mark Ellyatt (UK) currently holds the (unconfirmed) world record for the deepest dive using SCUBA. The dive of 313m beat the previous record set by the late John Bennet of 308m (confirmed)." I hope he was wearing a good watch. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Midchuck Date: 21 Oct 07 - 01:15 PM "Extended warranty plans" for new computers. Especially relatively inexpensive computers. With the constant increases in power, computers lose value so fast that by the time the regular warranty is expired, the value of the computer, if you went to sell it used, is less than the cost of the extended warranty. Peter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Joe_F Date: 21 Oct 07 - 09:52 PM Recently, in the U.S., coffee cans have been appearing that allow you to open them by pulling a tab instead of using a can opener. When you open them the new way, it leaves a metal annulus around the top that makes it difficult to get the last of the coffee out of the can. It is still possible, however, to use a can opener. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: JohnInKansas Date: 21 Oct 07 - 11:08 PM Joe F - Invert the can slowly so that the remaining coffee is all on one side. Slap the can sharply on the side where the coffee was. Scoop up the coffee from the counter top - if you didn't think to invert over another container large enough to actually catch it all. It's a test to see if your nerves and coordination are in sufficiently good condition to stand another cup 'a coffee. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 22 Oct 07 - 06:46 PM I'd like to know why my new telephone has a function called 'stereo widening' on it... like I'd ever need my stereo made wider! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Joe_F Date: 22 Oct 07 - 09:24 PM John: Actually, I would use a piece of paper. But it is easier to use a can opener in the first place, so long as that remains possible. But just think -- engineers sat at desks and figured out that expensive little bit of distraction. They never would be missed. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: JohnInKansas Date: 22 Oct 07 - 10:44 PM Joe F - Actually the brand where I've most often encountered that particular pull-off foil seal is labelled prominently to show that they were awarded a "seal of approval" from the "Arthritis Foundation" or some such organization, for making it easier for "we of decrepit inclination" to get to the coffee. For another brand, lacking the label, a proper grip with pliers on the seal foil, and holding the can down with both feet allows truly simple opening; but I have not bought that brand since learning the technique, since all flat surfaces (including chairs) where one's butt might be placed to position the foot on the can are covered (mostly with books or magazines and old mail) in our house - so the inconvenience of preparing a place for the opening exceeds the convenience provided by the alternate method of closure. The small amount of coffee wasted in the can is probably insignificant in comparison to what some in my household will spill on the rare occasions when "someone else" makes a pot, although my usual brand now comes in a plastic (almost rimless) can, with foil seal, which opens easily and leaves very little in the can. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: The PA Date: 23 Oct 07 - 06:23 AM Washing Machines Can I please have a washing machine that washes hot, cool, rinses and spins. 4 programmes thats all. Our current machine has 14 !! There are not 14 different types of washing I dont care what anyone says! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: JohnInKansas Date: 23 Oct 07 - 06:49 AM PA - Of course there are at least 14 types of washing. Your wash cycle needs full tub for large loads, and lower water level for smaller loads, which is at least two - but more likely three settings. The wash cycle needs a normal agitation for most loads, but should have a "gentle" agitation for the "permanent press" stuff (Some add a "delicate" cycle, although I'm not too well versed on what's the delicaties). You need to be able to use hot or warm water for the wash cycle, although a few machine may let you use cold water for the wash too. That's 2 (maybe 3) agitator speeds, at least 2 (maybe 3) water levels, and at least two temperatures (maybe 3) = 8 (maybe 27) possible combinations just for the wash. Most "modern" washers use cool water for all rinses, since it gets more of the suds out, but the rinse cycle needs at least the same two different speeds for normal and permapress "spins," and may also have a super-gentle spin for delicates - giving at least 16 (71?) possible combinations for the most basic of machines. They've probably disabled a couple on yours that you might not be likely to use often if you've only got 14. Does it have a wringer? John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: catspaw49 Date: 23 Oct 07 - 07:04 AM HEY Bill......Those "Serving Suggestions" crack me up. Truth be told, the picture ought to be placing the entire dinner into a garbage can. But ya' know......It is a crying shame that none of those folks seem to have a sense of humor. If I owned Banquet or Swanson, I'd show a tuxedoed waiter serving a formally classed couple ar a candle lit table.....maybe with a strolling violinist at his side. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: The PA Date: 23 Oct 07 - 07:11 AM JohnInKansas - Well Bugger Me (good old Brummie expression) I've been washing clothes for nigh on 50 years and have only ever used four programmes and we're always well turned out, never creased, grubbie or shrunk. And some of my husbands clothes he's had for years (yes believe me he has), so I cant be doing much wrong. So sorry mate, cant agree there. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Midchuck Date: 23 Oct 07 - 07:59 AM Actually, most canned cat food has those pull-off lids as well. This is convenient when you're opening them, but the ring of metal that's left has a sharp edge. Just about the time this feature came out, towns started trying to recycle trash - including metal cans. They request that cans that are recycled be cleaned out first. This almost necessarily involves sticking fingers inside the empty cans. Eventually, you learn how to do this without cutting your fingers very often. But you lose a good deal of blood in the learning process. Speaking of pointless features - since the creator, or evolution, created men's nipples, he/she/it must be in favor of them... Peter |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 23 Oct 07 - 10:48 AM "My VCR/DVD player has a button on it to eject a tape/DVD, and there's also a button on the remote to do the same thing. I can eject a DVD from my couch, but I still have to get up to remove it and put it in it's case, so why not just get up and use the button on the machine?" That's TOO easy! So that by the time you struggle off the couch and get there, the tray will have opened! :-) JiK I too have been 'educated' by such tins. And who said you DON'T have a sense of humour? ROFL... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Joe_F Date: 23 Oct 07 - 09:40 PM Ah, well, then, I apologize to the engineers, and to the arthritics (whom, like everybody, I have a good chance of being numbered among some day). As to male nipples, I believe evolutionary theorists explain them as being too expensive to turn off, like the vermiform appendix or mole rats' eyes. At least (unlike the other two examples) they are some use: they are erogenous, and they serve to remind us males that we are mammals too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: Mrrzy Date: 23 Oct 07 - 09:45 PM When my computer is completely fritzed and I'm on hold with the HelpDesk people, and the recording says You know, if you don't like waiting on the phone, you can get to us on the Internet... well, whaddaya know, if I could GET to the Internet I wouldn't be on the phone in the first plce! Male nipples are just like female nipples - given the right hormones, men will lactate too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: JohnInKansas Date: 24 Oct 07 - 04:10 AM Mrrzy - Most people don't notice when they sign up for their new FREE Hotmail email account that the ONLY SUPPORT AVAILABLE, and the only way you can contact them is - - - SEND THEM AN EMAIL. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 24 Oct 07 - 06:18 AM hehehe! tried to enter a competition - needed to find details on a car website - took ages to dnld the Flash crap - gave up! so I entered thedetails on teh entry foprm with a missove about that - got a kickback that my email address was not in correct format, so I fixed that - here is what they accepted as a 'valid message'... * contact <../pages/bmag_regulars/contact.html> * send us your feedback <../pages/bmag_regulars/feedback.html> * thanks your form was sent successfully Question 1: Wubba Question 2: Wubba Question 3: Wubba First Name: Wubba Last Name: Wubba Telephone: Wubba Email: Wubba@wubba.com Street Address: Wubba Suburb: Wubba Postcode: 4053 Comments: I wasted ages on dialup trying to download that useless car site - Stupid overbloated Flash Site! Do Not Contact: yes back note the utterly uselss JS "pointless feature" crap to go back a page... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Pointless features... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 24 Oct 07 - 06:22 AM oops - it got hidden in the html - you'll need to actually read teh page source to see that it is js code to go back to the previous page, which the 'back button' does nicely for everybody else but incompetent w******! |
