Single, Lonely Mudcatters

Subject: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SLM
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 11:29 AM

To all those lonely heart folksters out there-

Do you ever feel awkward singing all those wonderful old love songs when you have no one to sing them to? Let me know how you feel. Maybe we should change this one to: "I've never had not one true love" Sorry, Grammarians

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 11:39 AM

But singing love songs can be so fullfilling - especially when you sing them to a different person at every show... *snicker* or as I did at one show, to 5 different women - vowing eternal love to each, then moving to another with the next verse....

MMario

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Pete Peterson
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 01:36 PM

Allan Block sings a version of Polly put the kettle on that goes Polly put the kettle on the little one the big one Polly put the kettle on we'll all take tea Slice of bread and buttermilk is good enough for anyone Choose the one you love the bst and bring her home to me Oh dear ______ how I love you Nobody else do I love like I love you Heart you have and hand I give you One more kiss before I leave you. . .

I once saw him sing this at a house concert and go 'round the room mentioning EVERY woman by name and gazing deeply into the eyes of that particular woman as he was singing

Back in the days when my daughters weren's speaking to me I would use their three names. . .

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 01:47 PM

And here I thought this was going to be a Mudcatter MatchMaker thread! Surely there ARE some of us out there who would like to hook up? Do we have any romances that have blossomed from meeting in these threads? I've always wondered.

kat

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Joe Offer
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 02:07 PM

Well, Mick and I are still chasing after the fair Alison and trying to pretend she doesn't have a hubby....

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 02:10 PM

I fell in love with your voice on the radio Kat. From the mudcatters I've seen though, I think Joe is our sex symbol.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 04:40 PM

Ah, Rick, ya old softie, you're too kind. I think I sound brash, loud, fast and way too weird on tape or air! And, I've seen your pictures.....ya'll are no slouches, ya know!

Now, I am serious: are there those among us who've met and made a match here? I am doing research on anudder Mudder editorial; names will be changed to protect the inoocent and/or guilty!*BG*

Did just finish the first ed. since mom died in Jan. It's not at all what I thought I was going to write; but is on the Colorado massacre and the MUDCAT is mentioned prominently! damn thing wouldn''t let me sleep last night until I got up, finally at 3 a.m. and pounded it out on the keys. I think I got about an hour's worth of sleep. Now, I am fading fast. Snnnnnnnzzzzzzzz....huh? Oh, yeh, well ma bed looks purty invitin'; time fer a KatNap.

kat

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: sarah.rose
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 04:47 PM

Hey-

I'm a single white 22 year old alto female. Totally unattached. How's that?

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 05:12 PM

oooooohhh lonesome me.

Besides kind and friendly words from Mudcatters, I did receive some unwanted (and scary) email back in the beginning of the Mudcat personal page set up. I had to let Max know about someone (and I hope Max has blocked him) who started sending messages to my hotmail address, saying he knew who I was and where I live, etc, etc. That really scared me. It has taken me quite awhile to volunteer personal information here, and I am surprised at how much I have actually revealed to total strangers. Sometimes we forget to be careful when we get into these conversations. We forget that anyone can log on and read them.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bbc
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 05:16 PM

I *did* find my sweetheart on the Internet (about 2 years ago) & a mutual interest in folk music was certainly one of the things which brought us together, but not through Mudcat. We met through meetmeonline, a free, international, email-based personals site. Pretty neat!

bbc

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 06:08 PM

First of all, kat, please accept my sincerest condolences on the loss of your mother. I lost my father ten years ago, and my mother just had a heart catheterization that had us all terrified (until the results came out yesterday, thank God). So I know what it's like. I'm sending you warm thoughts for happy healing.

On a happier note, kat asks whether anybody's made an actual match here. Protocol probably forbids me to name names (so I won't) but a couple of Mudcatter's recently had their first date here in NYC a few months ago --ending up at our monthly shanty sing!! (the perfect date) He actually flew up from parts South to meet her here. I'm not privvy to how things stand between them now (as a couple or not), but they're both really nice folks, and I'm in touch with her as a new friend.

Ariel, my guess is that about 20 Mudcat men jumped out of their seats when they saw your posting above, but something tells me it might be a good idea to include one's location (city & state only) in their list of "vitals." Not even as a "matchmaking" thing per se, but even as an ice-breaker for friendship, it might be helpful to know whether someone lives close enough to invite them out for coffee or a jam session.

Alice, that e-mail stalker of yours sounds really creepy. Eeeew. I hardly even know you at all, yet somehow I feel like some self-appointed big brother who looks out for you. Let me know if you need me to put him in his place (and I don't mean Montana either). What a shame, too, because I'd really love it if we could all become really close friends since we're obviously (mostly) all kindred spirits here.

Also on the subject of matchmaking, I submitted my photo about two weeks ago and it still hasn't shown up. Do any of you HTML-ers know how I might post it here myself and create a hyperlink to it? (You women could always use a good laugh, n'est pas?)

And finally, thank you to bbc for that lovely birthday card. You were the only one.

M

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 06:38 PM

Dear Mathew, did we miss your b-day? Was there a thread for it? I am so sorry. Thanks so much for your oh so kind words. It means a lot to me; without the Mudcat, at the time, I don't know how I would have made it past the initial shock.

I know what you mean about the protective thing. We all feel that way a little I think. And, I think just the state we're in would be agood idea. The city could be safer in a personal message. Yes, Alice, it is easay to forget that not only Mudders are allowed in to read this conversations.

Mathew, read the HTML Stuff thread for info on creating a link. The photos are done in the album by Bill D., so you could send him a message. He does it allon a volunteer basis, so sometimes it takes awhile before he can get to them. Patience...our hearts will still go pitter-patter when we finally lay eyes on yer mug, I am sure!

Thanks, again,

katlaughing and healing

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Bri
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 06:45 PM

I suppose there aren't any guys under 18??

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 06:46 PM

Dear kat,

Thanks for your kind wishes. My birthday was 4/24 and I started a "missed birthday" thread the next day when I discovered (too late) that my submission to the birthday database hadn't been registered yet. Then bbc was kind enough to send me an e-card.

Yes, I did send my pic to Bill a couple of weeks ago.

And yes, I've seen the massive tome on HTML stuff, but I guess there was just too much information in there for me to sift through for this. Do you know if there is some way I could post my pic on, say, my Mudcat "personal page" and then have it available to the other 'catters?

Matthew

PS - I'm from NY City

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Susan of DT
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 07:36 PM

I once met someone thru Sing Out's Songfinder column and dated him for 5 years. Then I met Dick thru a singing circle 15 years ago.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 08:29 PM

Hey, Susan, that's great! Thanks for sharing that. Didja hear that, "bet"?

Where is Joe Offer when ya need 'im? Matthew, send Joe a personal message. I am sure he can help you. He's

really good at hyperlink stuff!!!

Taught me all I know!

everyone seems to be pretty careful about filling up the threads and personal pages with stuff that takes a lot of memory, so I don't know about putting your pic there. I am sure BillD. will get to it when he can.

So, you're a Taurus like my son, Colin, and my dad. Stubborn, bullheaded, kind, softie, hardworker, gorgeous, intelligent, sensitive.....any other additions? NYC, huh?

Later,

katlaughing

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Max
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 08:37 PM

Hey,

My wife is out of town. Do I count???

Bert (using Max's machine again.)

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Joe Offer
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 08:50 PM

Nope, Kat. can't help. I can't link to a page unless there's a page to link to. I leave the business of operating Web pages in the capable hands of Gene (sounds) and BillD (pictures) and Lesley (MIDI) and Bruce O.(wonderful music information). Bill does a good job of the picture album, but he does have a life outside of maintaining pictures - you just have to be patient.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Tucker
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 09:05 PM

Hummmm,sdwm,51,totally nutso about celtic music, short, light and handsome, still got hair, blue eyes, aquarian,born on friday the 13th.Hair color debatable since I lie to myself...formerly blond but folks now call it kinda gray. Probably impossible to live with. Has animals out the ying-yang,woodworker, garden freak,reader,singer,writer, stained glass artist,carver,boater and canoer, likes jumping of cliffs with ropes,sleeping in tents when perfectly good hotel rooms are going empty.Loves long walks in the country ( I love that line!!! When I have asked ladies how far they like to walk they can't get off the phone fast enough when I say I like to walk 2 or 3 miles, in the actual woods). I would like to use the other famous one "full figured" but I am more full of tripe than figure. Hey Joe, this is cool. Most of the other ads just give you so many words. If you get into this you could let us go on and on and on and on, and make BIG BUCKS!!! Ok,veteran, father,psyhic,pagan,grandfather,mushroomer,firefighter(retired)bad whistle player and even worse banjo player.Decent guitar player, harmonizer,TeutonicCelticNativeAmerican. Sorry, I left out the hyphens. Oh well Brag, brag brag, blah,blah, blah

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Tony Burns
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 09:46 PM

Hey Bri, This is the Internet. I can be under 18 if you like. :-)

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Mudjack
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 10:09 PM

Marraige of 36 years to the same woman disqualifies my input.When you sing a love song, mean it. It's real tough when your running through your set for practice giving it your best heart warming rendention of your favorite love song and look down to see your loving dog with them great big brown eyes fluttering a "I love You" look. Jack

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bet
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 10:16 PM

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bet
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 10:18 PM

oops! Hit the wrong button. Things are starting to sound interesting!

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From:
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 10:37 PM

Well, I may be single, but I would not consider myself lonely. I've lots of friends and am out more days of the week than at home. For instance this week, I was out Sunday, Tuesday and tonight at "sing-things".

Matthew B, if you have your picture online anywhere (ie at your internet provider's system or elsewhere), you can show it by using a command like this

<img href="http://www.location.where.it.is/picture_name.jpg" alt="Matthew's Picture">

For instance, here's my picture

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 10:40 PM

Kat, why on earth would you think that "brash, loud, fast, and way too weird", would be negatives? I think that you and your sister should double date with Sandy and I. Caroline and Heather would probably spill the beans and tell you that we're just a couple of boring old farts who'd sing songs til you ran screaming back into the hills.

To Bri: How about the "maturity of an 18 year old?"

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: RedFez (inactive)
Date: 28 Apr 99 - 11:47 PM

Well, Bri mentioned under 18 year olds...fortunately I am just a little bit past that, but that brings up an interesting point. How many people interested in folk/traditional music are younger than 30? I hope that this isn't a dying pastime, and I wonder what the next generation is going to look like, if it exists.

RedFez

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Bri
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 12:03 AM

Nope, guys, ACTUALLY under 18!! :o) I figured I was the youngest here, probably, but it's interesting anf fun and I wondered if any gyus close to my age were interested in folk too.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 12:25 AM

Why thank you, Rick. Bet, how 'bout it? Shall we? Course, he's probably right, Caroline and Heather'd give us the lowdown and then, oh well, I'll keep the fantasy going....mmmmmm. Oh, Rick, I guess ya ain't heard nothin' yet. I once had a girlfriend who asked me to call her boyfriend, who'd never met me, and sing him my sexiest happy birthday. Turns out he was so smitten with the voice he just HAD to meet me! It was a lot of fun and rmembered for quite awhile, if I do say so m'self!No, he didn't leave her for me. I was an old married womon with three kids!

Bri, welcome and I'm sure there are some out there your age, and if not, well when I was 21, my boyfriend was 20 yrs older, so...wait a couple of yrs?**Big grin**

kat

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: alison
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 12:28 AM

Hi,

For those of you who haven't been here long enough to remember our How old is a Mudcatter thread...... we did have a few youngsters. (warning there are 177 entries in that thread.. may take a while to load.)

I don't know about the looking for romance side of it, (but Big Mick and Joe... don't stop trying... this cyber flirting is fun..).... but Mudcat is certainly a great place for making some really good friends.... there are people here who I feel I have known all of my life... and who genuinely seem to love and care about others who they have never met, and may never actually meet in person.

What a great place.........

Slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Bev Lawton
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 05:09 AM

Wow Cat you have us Taureans off to a tee :

>>So, you're a Taurus like my son, Colin, and my dad. >>Stubborn, bullheaded, kind, softie, hardworker, >>gorgeous, intelligent, sensitive.....any other >>additions? How about ...generous, musical, lyrical,loving , modest!

My birthday is 4th May (56 model) so how do I get on this birthday database then? Bev lawton

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Zorro
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 05:48 AM

How about single but not lonely? I like the idea of personalizing songs by putting the names of folks in the audience. I use to do that at The Boiling Pot in Rockport Texas. I played out on the patio for the folks waiting for a tables. I remember a little girl who was there with her grandparents for her birthday. She was all of seven years old. I sang Shady Grove for her and used her name Susie Ann instead of Shady Grove in the song and she loved it. So did the g/p's. Also, in Frozen Logger I ask for an occupation and use it instead of logger. It becomes fun when you get something like Astrological Engineer.. Peace....... Z

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: hank
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 08:47 AM

Guilty as charged... I'm too shy to accually ask anyone out though, so I'll stay this way. (Or should I say I don't know anyone worth getting over my shyness for)

No, I have no interest in meeting someone on mudCat. I'm living proof that people on the internet are very different in person. Besides, my cat has got me (it would be misspeaking to say it the other way around as anyone with a cat knows)

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 09:34 AM

Hi, Bev, forgot to mention my nephew is a Taurus, too! Then there's four Aires girls, my sisters and me!! I don't know how mom and dad dealt with that! I liked your additions; they are true, too.

Look for the birthday thread and list yourself in it or send a message to bbc, she's the one who volunteered ot collect and maintain, kind of. Thanks BBC!

Hank, I am SURE your cat appreciates your honesty or, was he/she holding you by the throat with claws extended, so you had no choice?*grin*

katlaughing

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Lowcountry
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 10:38 AM

You know, that's a good question. I CAN'T sing when I'm lonely: my heart won't work.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Cara
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 12:11 PM

I still want to know who the Mudcatters were on the date in NYC?

Because being single and lonely, I haven't much else to wonder about....

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SeanM
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 12:25 PM

I guess I'm lucky... I'm single, and occasionally lonely. Our group tends to go for the comic attack on the love songs... we're all guys, and before our big 'passionate' love song, we announce that before we sing, we're going to strike our 'romantic' poses... on the count of three we do...various poses such as begging on our knees, flashing large amounts of money, lewdly throwing comic winks, whatever works. We find that this somehow makes the sappy song following it a bit more acceptable to the audience. Almost as if by throwing the big 'we're not serious' at the audience, they are more willing to take the song seriously.

People confuse me...

M

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Art Thieme
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 02:50 PM

Good folks, gettin' back to the music:

I've always felt that, to a greater or lesser extent, ALL SONGS ARE LOVE SONGS. It might take a bit of reading-'tween-the-lines to see it, but they are. Some are about politics or people or animals or war or anti-war or civil rights---but they are usually pointing a loving finger at a person or an idea or a situation. Sometimes they are anti-love of something, but that's still "for" something---even if it's against something else.

Case in point: I used to do a "love medley". I'd start with the chorus to "Careless Love" and go into "Frankie & Johnny"--then "Careless Love" chorus again--- then "My Sweetheart's A Mule In the Mine" ---then the chorus to "Careless Love" again--then "The Old Lady That Loved A Swine"--- "Careless Love" chorus again, then "Rye Whisky" & "C.L." then "No More Booze" & "C.L."---then "Cocaine" & "C.L." (many possibilities: "Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream", "I Hate War And So Does Elanore", "The Death Of Harry Simms", "John Henry", "Barbara Allen"-------and I'd always end with "Father oh Father"

Father, oh dear father, I hope that you don't care,
I want to wed my lover--my lover John Adair,

Daughter, oh dear daughter, you're gonna have to find another,
You cannot marry John Adair, for he is your half brother.

(goes through several possible husbands with the same result. Then she tearfully goes to her mother.)

Mother,oh, dear mother--lord I am undone,
Every boy I love turns out to be my father's son!

Daughter, oh, dear daughter go ahead and take your vow,
It aint no sin 'cause you aint no kin to your daddy anyhow!!!

(Of course, that's followed by "CARELESS LOVE")

Love to you all,

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Joe Offer
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 03:07 PM

Is "Father oh Father" a Child Ballad, Art? I know we've had threads on similar songs, but I think I'd need a fuzzy search to find 'em.
-Joe offer, single but never lonely-

Click here for a new thread on "Father o Father"

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Frank in the swamps
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 04:03 PM

I ain't single, and I really ain't lonely, but I still got a powerful hankerin' to git a hold of Harpgirl and go a trottin' along the Santa Fe on a moonlight night.

Frank i.t.s.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Valentine (inactive)
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 06:35 PM

Every song a love song? Something to be said for that. Jerry Rasmussen (long may he wave!) set up a workshop at a festival once called "Love without romance," one of my favorite workshop titles. It was for songs about loving anything except a romantic lover -- a town, a boat, a sport, an old hat, whatever. Now thanks to Art I have to wonder if all songs fit in that workshop. (It'll be awfully long if they do.)

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 07:04 PM

Cara -

Why do you "still want to know who the Mudcatters were on the date in NYC?" Do you live in NYC too?

- Matthew

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bet
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 07:50 PM

Glad to hear that many of you single people aren't loney! I'm not either. I figure that if I get that way it will be my own fault and I'll need to change things then if that happens. Right now I can't possibly see how it could happen I still have many, many things I want to do with my life, hills to climb, song to sing, people to see, clouds to float on and oh yes, spoil my grandson! bet

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 07:58 PM

Don't assume that everybody who's written on this thread is single. We're just reeeeeaal friendly

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SeanM
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 08:01 PM

I'm not. I wanna grow up to be a curmudgeon!

Always loved that word...

CURMUDGEON! CURMUDGEON! CURMUDGEON!

Shoulda mentioned 'we're occasionaly silly as well...'

Probably shouldn't be posting at the end of the workday, but oh well...

M

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 08:09 PM

M, you and my old dog whopassed away this year! He used to cuss me out so bad, worse than the teens ever were! I was always calling him the Ole' Curmudgeon! Cleveland Armory wrote a book abotu a cat with that in the title if remember correctly. It is a grand word!

kat

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bbc
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 08:12 PM

To Bev,

Since I read this thread, I have added you to the birthday list. It is located at Mudcat Resources

Sure hope I did that right & didn't embarrass myself! If you want to be on the email list as well, send me a note to tell me, either at my email address bbc's email or a personal message through Mudcat.

Hope to hear from Bev & any others. It's handy to have email addresses & a birthday list.

best,

bbc

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 08:22 PM

Let me warn you, Sean, being a full-fledged curmudgeon ain't all that easy! Takes a lot of energy to be grumpy, you know. F'rinstance: I just growled at two of my grandchildren 'cause they wanted to watch some VCR thing when they could have chosen to read a book! Harrumph! However, years of practice might make it a bit easier. I'm just getting started.

Sandy (resident folk fogey)

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bbc
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 08:26 PM

Well, I got one out of two; sorry about that!

Second try to link to the website:

Mudcat Resources

Better, I hope?!

bbc

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Art Thieme
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 08:37 PM

Curmudgeon is not a cat. It's a bottom dwelling mud dweller---actually a dogfish (not a catfish)--ie. "cur". It is, however, something like a mudcat so it does belong here.

Art

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Art Thieme
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 08:41 PM

Joe, No, I don't think there's a link to any Child ballad for "Father". It could be a "kid's" song--but not a child ballad.

Art

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 09:59 PM

well, Art, I think the name of the book was the Curmudgeon and the Cat, so he was referrrring to himself as the "cur" and, yea, it does kinds fit in here doesn;t it, what with yer description and all!

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bbelle
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 10:51 PM

Well ... I'm single and not at all lonely ... probably enjoy my own company too much ... at least I win most of the arguments. Have met many individuals who bemoan the fact they are single and "lonely." They seem to think without a partner they can't do "things" and are not "whole." I don't understand it but I do try to have empathy. I like men and have had some truly wonderful men in my life but I also require a lot of space and independence and have never met the man who was secure enough to give me both. BTW, Alice, I recently have had the same experience with a Mudcat "threader" and had to change my pseudonym and remove my personal information from the Personal page. It's an unsettling feeling and freaky. moonchild

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Lesley N.
Date: 29 Apr 99 - 11:16 PM

How could a person be lonely surrounded by 3 kids, seven cats and two dogs and with a beautiful view of the mountains from the back yard deck?

O.K. so there was that study that said people who spend a lot of time on the Internet are more depressed than others - but I swear I wasn't included in the survey - even if it does so happen that most of my adult non-work interactions are over the net... I don't go to church, don't go to bars - where else am I supposed to chat?

I admit I have been tempted to place one of those DWF ads.. But you don't see many that say, "full-figured, middle aged, mother of three who loves history, sci-fi, and traditional music.." Like who's gonna call?

Besides, a date would interfere with updating my web page!

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Tucker
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 02:46 AM

Well Lesley, I got to agree. I don't know which mountains you overlook but the view from my windows show the beutiful foothills of the Appalachains that are now in full bloom. I hope to get out mushrooming this weekend, maybe even do some shooting. My brood consist of 4 dogs (all donated but my devoted children, three cats, and seven goldfish. The fish are all named Ralph. I socialize all day at my work and sometimes it just nice to set here at my keyboard and talk to this community of mudcatters. I haven't seen a lot that the experts are expert about in my time so I'll just live my life the way I like to.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Joe Offer
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 03:02 AM

Well, Lesley, your Web page is a work of art. I really enjoy visiting there.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Tucker
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 04:29 AM

I have just noticed something Joe. We really are Mudcatters. The best time for catching catfish is this time in the morning (it's 4:30am at this writing).

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 11:14 AM

In the UK the stereotypical place for Blind Date or Lonely Heart meetings is "under the clock at Victoria Station wearing a carnation and carrying a copy of the Evening Standard". Would the Mudcat equivalent be "at Grand Central Station with a catfish in one hand and a banjo in the other" (for banjo substitute your preferred instrument!)?

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Cara
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 12:25 PM

Matthew- No, I'm not in NYC. I live in DC now, grew up in small town Ohio. I'm just always interested in real-life interaction that began on the Web, and a bit nosy too I suppose.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Alice
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 02:15 PM

Lesley N., kindred soul, my sentiments exactly. Too busy to be lonely. alice

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Bert
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 03:24 PM

Moonchild, and anyone else who has had similar experiences on the 'cat, should report such incidences to Max.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Mary Kate
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 04:35 PM

Some really fun threads here...

Hmmm, I'm not (currently) single and not lonely...anymore, that is, since meeting someone by chance when I found his Irish music website...I never believed in the concept of "soulmates" until I met this man (who will probably stumble upon this post and tease me immensely!!!!!!)

Who said long distance romances were impossible! Mine has a distance of more than 5350 miles via air...if my current situation ever changes (and I'm sure it will), I know where I will go! But until then (to get to the real purpose of the original thread) we sing/record our "Love songs" on cassette tape and send them to each other across the pond...then there is AOL's Instant Messenger for our real time chats. (Just can't get used to ICQ) That's the one good thing I will say about AOL!

Most of the time I complain about technology...but this is one time I am thankful for it! I've found love, understanding, real communication and so much more in "My Best-est Friend"! (There, "ML", I've said it to the world!--even though "anonymously"...well I won't use my usual screen name for fear someone else knows me here....SEG!)

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bbc
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 05:20 PM

Hi, Mary Kate,

I was not a romance novel kind of girl, but when I met Duane D. over an Internet personals site, it was recognition-at-first-sight. We exchanged email for a day, talked on the phone, got together in person on the second or third day & knew we were meant to be life-partners. It's 2 years later now & our feelings haven't changed. I have been in love in the past, but never had this level of compatibility. We resonate on the same frequency; it sure surprised me. He was an old romantic, looking for his true love. It can happen.

best,

bbc

P.S.--We were only 2 hours apart.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Mary Kate
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 05:54 PM

bbc,

Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope I am as lucky. It is strange, even "scary" in a way, when true love strikes and you aren't even looking for it. (To be so in tune with someone...to have such a complete understanding despite "English language" differences [even though we are both from English speaking countries], to feel you've always known each other is sure surprising and overwhelming.) And even though I fought it [love] in the start (due to current circumstances) love won out.

All I know is after almost daily emails, chats, a few phone calls (which got too expensive), and the snail mail I have not conversed as much with anyone in my entire life!

But it is agreed that a meeting will be arranged only when we (namely me) are both free to pursue something.

I should write a movie script! LOL

regards,

Mary Kate

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 09:35 PM

Sigh

What a romantic story, MK. I wish you the best of luck, but the burnt out cynic in me laments the toll that a full-throttle, long distance relationship can take on your heart and soul.

I was madly in love with a woman from Canada a few years ago. I would fly there at least once a month (or occasionally bring her down here, with her daughter).

But in the end it didn't work out, and I was devastated for a long time afterwards. A part of me was even destroyed beyond repair.

At last, I found the right woman -- right here in my own city -- and married her (just last month, incidentally).

So happy endings do exist. Good luck to you, MK, and to bbc as well. Love is what makes life worth living.

Matthew

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Lesley N.
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 09:54 PM

Tucker, you're kidding - the Appalachians are my mountains too. We not only see them in the back yard, but the kids and I are headed for my parent's cabin in the Blue Ridge tomorrow to commune with the trillium(around Front Royal, VA which is about 70 miles due south).

And Joe - thanks for the good words on the pages. I sometimes feel like a pseudo-Mudcatter as I don't play a single instrument and the only sharp I know is a nail - the only flat I know is a tire... And I steal all of my information and music from the real experts (giving full credit and abiding by as many copyright laws as possible)!

That must make me a psuedo-Mucatter and pseudo-expert - and yes, sometimes kindred spirit too...

Lesley, PM, PE, SKS

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bbelle
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 10:04 PM

Bert ... I did report to Max, who immediately took a proactive stance, however, fearing retaliation from the "harrasser," I chose the path of least resistance, which was to change my "name" on the 'cat. A few years, after a disasterous romance, I answered a few ads in Portland's Willamette Week, during one summer. It was interesting, to say the least, and has supplied me with many, many humorous stories. It sort of cured me of any romantic notions I had of meeting someone "blindly" and I would never do it again. I am, however, very excited when I hear a success story from such encounters. Now, during the late 60's and early 70's, there were many romantic encounters with folksinging musicians, some famous, some not so famous. It was an intense time and a time of naivete that I wouldn't have missed for the world. moonchild

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Tucker
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 11:18 PM

"MARY KATE"...IT HAPPENS...BEEN THERE.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Tucker
Date: 30 Apr 99 - 11:39 PM

Lesley, would I lie to you? I live on the Ohio river, probably 500 feet from it. I am surrounded by "hills", flatlanders call them mountains, mountaineers call them something else. We are known as hillbillies, a term I now take as an endearment. I haven't made any secret of the fact that I live in Portsmouth Ohio and I welcome mail and comments from all. One of my favorite places in the whole world is the Blue Ridge and can I add the Shennanadoah Valley in Virginia. Absolutely Beutiful. Y'all must run the tourist off with sticks! Can I pitch an ohioplace? I probably shouldn't do this,tourist seem to screw things up, but Hocking Valley is as close to God as I have been on this earth. If you go, wear comfortable shoes and be prepared to walk but it's worth it.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Mary Kate
Date: 01 May 99 - 02:59 AM

Matthew B--Thanks! And a big Congratulations on your recent marriage! I agree that "Love is what makes life worth living." Best of luck to you both!

Tucker--I hope the "It happens" and "been there" referred to a happy ending in your experience...

Love can be a gamble...and as Frankie Lane sang in the song "Moonlight Gambler": "If you haven't gambled on love and lost, then you haven't gambled at all."

But then again, experiencing love can be the greatest thing in this life...as Nat "King" Cole sang in "Nature Boy": "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

(I love quoting songs!)

~Mary Kate

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 May 99 - 04:02 AM

Oh, "Nature Boy" is one of my favorite songs, Mary Kate. It has such a haunting melody.
Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SailormomRita (inactive)
Date: 01 May 99 - 04:52 AM

I got started at Mudcatters looking for some chords to "Nature Boy"...There's an interesting sight at http://www.del-fi.com/eahbez/eahbez.htm on the writer Eden Ahbez....quite an interesting character.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bet
Date: 01 May 99 - 10:27 AM

Mathew, Congradulations to you and your wife! Hope your dreams of being together come true. bet

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: bill\sables
Date: 01 May 99 - 08:25 PM

I still get pretty lonely when I go to the mudcat chatroom and find I an talking to myself. Cheers Bill

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 01 May 99 - 08:35 PM

Hey, Bill- you still there? I'll meet you in a few minutes to chat! Allison

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Tucker
Date: 01 May 99 - 08:47 PM

thank you Mary Kate

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Mick Lowe
Date: 01 May 99 - 09:32 PM

I am single.. just in case any one was wondering..
But lonely?.. How can anyone be lonely with all the great people you can meet on the mudcat.
Oscar award winner speech coming up... Thanks to.... yeah you all know who you are..Alsion. &Brack, Bruce etc...
And special thanks to a very special person who I didn't meet directly through the mudcat, though it was the reason why I set up my own site. Although I understand why a lot of the internet has to be "faceless"..Moonchild I sympathise and also am willing to beat the you know what out of him.. I also find it very sad that it is necessary for people to have to hide behind pusedonyms.
I am just thankful that to date I have only received one "crank" email and more so that I have found some one I can call my best-est friend ever.
Mick

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Mary Kate
Date: 01 May 99 - 10:43 PM

As far as pseudonyms go, Mick, it is sometimes good to have one in the event of an internet crazy person, lots of women, I think would agree. Fortunately I have not been harassed by anyone. I can only imagine the feeling when it happened to you Moonchild! Pseudonyms are also great for pulling a great prank on a best-est friend! (Think you know what I mean Mick! hehehe)

I will say that "Mary Kate" is more to the truth than my usual screen name, though that also rings true...Hmmmm, dare I be brave and reveal my "identity"? (Let me think for a few moments...)

Big confession time! I have been making use of Mudcat's song lyrics database for a few years and never explored the other areas of Mudcat til about 10 months ago! Big DOH! (And I still haven't registered, so there goes the sleuthing idea folks!) Only recently have I had the time to get more involved with the threads and to become more familiar with who "the regulars" are. So I will say "Hi Everyone!" This is definitely a fun place! I already feel welcomed (probably why I am so long winded in this thread)and look forward to making new friends!

BTW, Mick, I knew you'd find something to say on this particular thread!!!!!

Who can be lonely when they've discovered The Mudcat Café!!!

Cheers everyone!

aka Mary or "SingsIrish Songs" (Oh man! I did it!)

(Again I am experimenting with the HTML commands...hope it worked!--"a former computer-phobe" HONEST!)

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: campfire
Date: 02 May 99 - 12:17 AM

Technically single, currently "attached", seldom lonely even when I'm not. Was actually lonliest when I WAS married, but lets not go there.

When I sing love songs, whichever person I was "with" at the time I learned it generally comes to my mind. I'm not really singing "to" them, but I think the feeling comes across better when I let myself remember what I was thinking/feeling when I decided the song was one I wanted to learn.

campfire

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Peter T.
Date: 02 May 99 - 11:31 AM

Perhaps this discussion can be handled using game theory (is that the worst pick-up line ever, or what?). If you consider 10 to be the best, and 0 the worst then (IMHO):
Together, Happy = 10
Single, Happy = 7
Single, Lonely = 3
Together, Unhappy = 0

The game theoretic problem is for the Single at 5 to decide to gamble for either a 10 or a 0. The Single at 3 is haunted by 0, but is urged on by the prospect of 10; the Single at 7 has no incentive to go for a 10 when 0 is a big possibility, and so on. I was given this theory once on a cocktail napkin by a very unhappy woman who had been unhappily married to a mathematician. (True story!)
I add it here so as to bring order to a messy situation, also known as life.

Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 02 May 99 - 11:31 AM

Yes, yes, I agree about Nature Boy

Did you know that an entire movie was made from that song? I HIGHLY recommendthat you rent Untamed Heart with Christian Slater and Marissa Tomei if you haven't seen it yet.
A more romantic movie was never made.

And thank you all for your good wishes about my new marriage. I only wish the same happiness for all of you. Matthew

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 04 May 99 - 01:10 AM

Matthew,

I can't believe I missed that movie! Thanks for the recommendation. I know I will definitely check it out.

Mary Kate

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 04 May 99 - 10:26 PM

"Father Oh Father" is some kind of relative to something we used to sing in GSS (that's Girl Scout Sorority, since we're giving away personal secrets here) that went:

O Johnny be fine and Johnny be fair/ and wants me for to wed;/ and I would have married Johnny but me Father up and said:/I'm sorry now to tell you what your mother never knew;/ Johhny boy is a son of mine and so he's kin to you ..

I have no idea if it's echt Irish or fakelore Irish

and that's *Cat and the Curmudgeon* by Cleveland Amory, says the librarian.

-- Mary Ann

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 07 May 99 - 06:47 AM

Mary Kate,

Have you rented it yet? (it's been 3 days)

I can't wait to see how you like it

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 07 May 99 - 08:08 PM

Matthew,

To be honest I haven't...I haven't got the vcr programmed into the "very smart, but complicated" Cable box yet so we haven't been able to use the vcr yet...a good friend of mine is waiting to hear how I like another movie as well...I will let you know my verdict as soon as I see it...but don't hold your breath for any time soon. :-)

Mary Kate

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 07 May 99 - 08:49 PM

Yeesh, these folkies. Can't any of them set up their VCR's??

;-)

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 08 May 99 - 12:02 AM

Har har har!!!! Wouldn't exactly call meself a folkie. LOL--Heh, I'm actually pretty good at setting it up as well as programming it! It is the new cable system that is causing the problems!!! It would probably hand you a tissue when you sneezed if you hit the right button! LOL Besides, I've been busy enjoying the pool and planting my container garden here in Southern California. That's the rest of my excuse, and I'm sticking to it.

Take care

Mary Kate

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 19 May 99 - 04:49 AM

Heh Matthew B.

I finally took time and connected the cables of the vcr and programmed it into the universal remote...soooooo I can now get "Untamed Heart" and give you my feedback.

Take care.

Mary Kate

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 19 May 99 - 11:19 AM

campfire,

you plucked a heartstring of mine when you mentioned that you were lonliest when you were married. I am married and have felt that way meself from time to time. It's the strangest feeling under the circumstances- such irony.

And why is it that some people will relate the most intimate details of their personal lives to a perfect (or imperfect) stranger? A woman I met for the first time began telling me her ex-husband was in prison for trying to kill his mother. And what is it about typing electronic messages to each other that engenders such comraderie and (occasionally) endearment. All fascinating psychological phenomena.

I am guessing that by now someone scientifically minded has done research on Internet relationships and has published some statistics. It's time to fire up the search engine.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 19 May 99 - 03:12 PM

Perhaps we should create a list of folk clubs and music venues with frank evaluations of their personal warmth to further the likelihood of meeting in the fles,

I'll list the ones I know in Kent (England) if the idea is considered a runner.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Terry
Date: 19 May 99 - 06:18 PM

Mary Kate, Neil and Campfire:

Your insights about long-distance relationships and those conducted through correspondence are interesting. I have my own private theory about such relationships -- having had two myself -- which I'll share with you precisely because you are strangers.

Before we married, my ex-husband and I corresponded by letter for five years while he was fighting in Viet Nam and I was studying in Ireland. Our marriage lasted three years, just long enough to produce two children and realize that we couldn't overcome our differences. My first relationship after the divorce was with a folksinger who did semi-annual tours in the US. We exchanged letters between brief visits for a number of years until he married someone else.

These relationships enabled me to feel connected and share intimacy with a man. They gave me something to fantasize about and happy things to look forward to - the letters, phone calls and occasional visits. Yet neither relationship interfered with my real life or required me to make choices or changes. I used to be impulsive and not much good at resisting temptation. So, I credit my correspondence with my ex-husband from keeping me from dating and neglecting my studies, and maybe having to worry about avoiding pregnancy in a country where, at the time, contraception was illegal. And the relationship with the performer let me focus on building my career and raising my children, and might have kept me from subjecting them to a series of mini-divorces.

Without these relationships, I'm afraid I might have done something ignoble during the boy-crazy-high-school-and-college years or the subsequent overwhelmed-with-responsibility-single-parent years. So, I'm very grateful for my children and my good career and the many other blessings I've received because I didn't do (too many) dumb things in my life. Then again, these relationships might have kept me from meeting a real life partner - which I now regret not having, especially as I prepare for my older son's wedding and younger son's college graduation this summer.

I know three people who are happily married to people they met over the Internet. But, I know many more who use chat rooms to avoid real interaction, like I did with my two long-distance correspondences. I'm not saying I think it's wrong to meet people over the Internet, but I think it may not be the best venue if you're really looking and ready for "true" love.

But if you are and he is, Mary Kate, then I say follow your heart!

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 19 May 99 - 06:49 PM

Now this is what I call a discussion.

Neil, sometime after my divorce, it finally occurred to me that I would rather be alone than wish I were. Being with the wrong person can be a living Hell, and far lonelier than solitude.

In fact, even though I am extremely happy with my bride, I still cherish my occasional private times (as she does hers). We lavish each other with attention, but we also give each other space. Oh, and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of sex. Ahem.

Terry, thanks for sharing your story. I don't know you at all, but I feel close to you. Is that strange? I wonder how your kids are doing. I wonder how you are doing. Perhaps someday I'll tell you the sad but beautiful story of my own children.

Mary Kate, I'm so glad you fixed your VCR, and I can't wait to see how you liked Untamed Heart. So go rent it, get out your hanky, and enjoy! (Hint: don't forget to pay attention to the music in the opening and closing credits.) Maybe after that, you and I can become popcorn buddies and agree to rent movies at the same time.

Matthew

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 19 May 99 - 08:50 PM

Can tell you're a newly wed Matthew!!!!!

I've been experiencing the "lonlier married" syndrome for quite some time, but due to (I shall cop out and simply say)my upbringing, I have dealt with things til I have finally come to grips with my situation and what I know I must do to be happy in my life and be able to use my talents...It is only in the last year or so that I have gotten the strength and "gumption" to finally start gathering the info I need to move on...though I won't be stupid and act drasctically...(that's not quite the way I want to say that...)

Even in the best relationships each person needs time to themselves...to be who the individual is so he (universal term!) does not become "boring"...everyone needs to still have their own identity and that is what I lost in my current situation...though I refused to "see" it happening before I decided to get married...You live and learn.

I'm (hopefully) not bitter...though I may get PO-ed at times. I have a wonderful little boy (who at 20 months is keeping me very busy!!!!). That I wouldn't change for the world!

Life is amazing and Terry, I do plan to follow my heart, because I've never had such a clear "message" in my entire life!

I think it is easier to "talk" to strangers especially when they are faceless and you know you will never meet them...you have no worries...I suppose people need to be careful not to reveal too much since there are complete nutcases out there, but heck, this is cheaper than therapy! LOL.....

I'd better stop while I'm ahead...of cabbage.

Mary Kate

As we are on the topic of movies as well...Did anyone see "City of Angels" (Meg Ryan and Nicholas Cage)? (too lazy to use HTML codes) That one totally blew me away!

That's a new idea! "Popcorn buddies"

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 19 May 99 - 09:00 PM

Submitted the above too soon...

Terry, Your personal story was touching. I am always amazed at how people affect my life...I think so much more about that at the moment as my Dad is severly ill with emphysema...

I hope you are doing well despite not currently having that "life partner". Congratulation on your older son's upcoming marriage and younger son's college graduation! You've lots to be proud about!

Cheers!

Mary Kate

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 20 May 99 - 07:35 AM

Terry, Matthew B., SingsIrish Songs:

Thank you for your insights/observations/comments. I will never tire of such enlightenment.

Regards, Neil.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Allan C.
Date: 20 May 99 - 08:40 AM

Matthew B. and Sings..., you both have touched upon something which I feel very strongly about: time to yourself, time to develop whatever it is that is you. I have seen (and been in) all too many relationships and/or marriages which have somehow usurped that. People allow themselves to become trapped in paired lives which are so preoccupied with making a living and resting up from the effort of making a living and trying to make their living-space comfortable, they don't feel that there is time to do anything for themselves. After all, to do something for yourself you must use up some of the comparatively little time left which might be spent with your partner. And your partner often makes it clear that they feel slighted if you choose to do something which does not directly include them. They become very sensitive to the way in which time is used. They become jealous of whatever keeps you away. It is human nature.

For nearly six years I have had a friend. I have often explained to people that one of Kathy's most endearing qualities is that she doesn't need me. She owns her own home. She knows how to maintain it - not just cleaning and vacuuming it; but stuff like putting up shelving, building a closet, and repairing the roto-tiller. If she needs something done around the house or yard, she just does it. She also works a regular job and is a single parent of a wonderfully bright ten-year-old boy.

In some of her spare moments she expresses herself in any number of forms of art. She is an accomplished graphic designer, painter, jewelry maker - the list goes on and on. Pick a medium. She can even be persuaded to sing from time to time!

I live in my own house nearly twenty miles away. Like the Wagoner's Lad, I work for a living. My money's my own.

But each of us knows whom to call if we want company. We know who will listen to our troubles. We know who will help to move the sofa. We know who will come over and give a decent backrub. We know who will leave no stone unturned to fulfill the other's needs. We delight in each other's accomplishments. And we respect each other's need for time alone.

I recently described all of this to another friend of mine who has recently bailed out of his third marriage. He blurted out, "Hell, Allan! That is all I ever wanted from a marriage!"

Kathy and I will more than likely never get married. We have each seen all too many good relationships destroyed by it. Worse, we have seen all too many personalities destroyed by it. There numerous other issues - perhaps the largest of which is the loss of individual identity. We also know of the possibility of the rare and wonderful successful marriage. My own parents had one. But no matter what the future may bring for us, Kathy and I will always, always, always be friends.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: annamill
Date: 20 May 99 - 12:55 PM

There is a book called "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran.

One of the many wise things he has to say is his feelings about marriage. He says you should be like two trees. Neither casting shade on the other, causing one to be dwarfed. To grow strong next to each other, each receiving the warmth of the sun, and protecting each other from strong winds.

This is hard, but important for a relationship to grow. Growing together. I haven't thought about this book in a very long time. Now I'm going to have to go find it again.

Annap

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 20 May 99 - 02:31 PM

I also read what Gibran said about Love when I was considering leaving my wife and breaking up my family for a woman I truly loved and who truly loved me. Not exactly the kind of thing I wanted to hear when I was trying to justify staying with a woman I didn't love for the sake of the kids.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 20 May 99 - 02:51 PM

Wow Allan! You and Kathy have a wonderful friendship/relationship...it can be such a tough judgement call as to whether to consider other "levels" of relationship, including marriage. Sometimes it is great to just have a very close friend you know you can always count on...I know the feeling.

My greatest "flaw" is that I tend to be too giving of myself...that's some of the reason I lost my identity...I tried to become what my then boyfriend/now husband expected of me...Oh, and to this day I don't (usually) complain when he goes to play league tennis, run his marathons and other races, play basketball...heck it gives me time to myself (when I can occupy the baby)--time away from "him". The only thing I ever did for myself outside the home (before the baby) was go once a week to open mic night (with my husband) and have my 20 minutes or so to sing my favorite Irish songs...I had/have my at home hobbies as well...and always seem to have too much going on at once.

Common interests with just enough different interests as well to keep things interesting is important. But you can't "force" the common interests.

Communication is a key too! My bestest friend said something to the effect that communication/relationships are a 4(?) lane street (2 lanes both directions)...there needs to be some form of give and take in BOTH directions...the more equal all around the better. (I probably screwed that all up, and I am too lazy to plow through all the correspondences to find the exact quote)...

I've added to my agenda today going to the library to see if that book is available...

Matthew, I checked to see if I could get the movie at the library, but you have to go the exact branch it is at...guess I'llhave to wait for the weekend and hope we start a video membership in this new town...(Excuses, excuses! LOL)

SLM, if you are still out there, thanks for starting this great thread that has taken on new meaning!

Time to play with the little one--he's tearing apart the place to get my attention!

Mary

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 20 May 99 - 03:58 PM

Neil, That's a loaded question, indeed!..."do you stay for the sake of the child(ren)..." It is even more difficult when you have, by chance, met the person you know you love whole heartedly--the person who you know you could be happiest with the rest of your life.

Years ago (perhaps anytime before the 60's???), I think, it was alot easier to try to make things work...especially if it was the female who was the dis-satisfied partner. Women were more likely stay-at-home Moms and unless things were totally unbearable, they sacrificed and stuck it out...Nowadays women, out of want and/or necessity, are more independent, have careers, their own "lives". That makes it more difficult to simply settle into the "routine" and be just be "contented"...keeping the peace for the sake of the child(ren) is difficult to do and will most likely take a toll on all involved. Children, even at an early age, are aware of bad vibes between parents, even if all is quiet...

It's a question I have been thinking about a lot since the baby was born...granted it would have been easier leaving if I was mentally and emotionally ready prior to getting pregnant. (When things were at their worst outwardly. Now it is simply and uncomfortably "quiet".) But there are reasons for everything.

I'm off to the library for the book...Now I really wonder what it says after your last comments, Neil.

All the best, everyone!

Mary

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 21 May 99 - 09:14 AM

Mary, it sounds like you'd find a lot to identify with in the book Women Who Love Too Much.

Your loving Popcorn Buddy,

Matthew

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 21 May 99 - 02:01 PM

A few years ago when my 20 + year relationship broke up I considered placing an ad in the personals section but thought

SWM, 37, two children, more athletic than ever as I now play with a 40 lb. handicap. Likes blues, bluegrass, Irish Music and classic rock, likes to stay up into the wee hours playing banjo and singing badly. Likes to get maudlin at about three a.m. on these occassions. WILL NOT TOLERATE CELINE DION and other schlock. Seeks gorgeous, intelligent, Redhead who is thinking of leaving the convent due to an inclination that she may be a Nymphomaniac. Must have a great sense of humour (Laugh at all my jokes). Must like Delta and Chicago Blues, Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson, Ralph Stanley and Johnny Winter. It wouldn't hurt if you are an heiress to a great fortune.

You know, I'm starting to think that it may have worked on Mudcat, but alas, I found someone who matches most of the criteria myself.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 21 May 99 - 03:52 PM

I'm still laughing at the wit Steve! So, do you give banjo lessons?? I'm determined to learn the 5 string (someday) if it kills me! I decided I can learn the chords myself, but would need lessons for the "plucking" techniques...seems easier to me that way than following book instructions.

Congratulations Matthew, you are the 100th poster to this thread!!! Hurray!

Women Who Love Too Much...hmmm, yet another book to add to my growing list...I still haven't gotten through "Men Who Hate Women, and the Women who Love Them"...but I've read enough of it. LOL

And brace yourself Popcorn Pal (that's got good consonation)...I rented the movie yesterday and watched it late last night after the rest of the household went to sleep.

I liked it alot...very touching story. Don't know why I never rented it when it first came out on video.

So Matthew, I think I noticed someplace that you are from NYC. Do you live right in the city or one of the "burbs"? I used to live in White Plains (about 5 years ago, am from CNY originally, namely Syracuse.)

I am waiting to find someone on Mudcat who I knew previously...ie from hometown, or college, etc.

So everyone, should we create a Part II thread with a "blue clickey thing" link back to this thread to save download time???? Is there a particular URL ya would use ie the one for the first message?...I haven't studied how or if the URL changes...No rush, just a thought...

Mary

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Terry
Date: 21 May 99 - 05:21 PM

My grandmother asserted that she was never lonely. She used to say being lonely means you're bored by your own company!

Mary Kate, going through a divorce and your father's illness while raising a toddler by yourself is a lot to deal with. I'm so glad you've got the new relationship to keep you excited and energized, as well as your friends at Mudcat for support.

I recently moved into a cottage on my 81-year-old father's property, and found it hard to keep up his health, his dwellings and my spirits, too! So, I took up the fiddle again - good thing that the cottage is isolated and my dad's nearly deaf! - and in looking for some old music, I found the Mudcat.

Glad I did!

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Matthew B.
Date: 21 May 99 - 06:36 PM

MK, I'm sooo glad you finally rented it. Now we're not only Popcorn Pals, but we can be Hanky Buddies during the mushy parts.

And what a small world. I went to Syracuse University for my freshman and sophomore years (1974-76 ...before you were born, of course).

I now live in (yay!) Brooklyn, and work in Manhattan.

So, what movie should we see next? :)

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 21 May 99 - 08:37 PM

Not too much time for a lengthy post...

Terry, what kind words! Thanks. It is wonderful when people can relate and share experiences of all sorts...I think about all the threads about Catspaw...Having "strangers" come together like this is how the world should work! Not all the crazy stuff that we hear in the news...

And Matthew, I don't know about this! LOL And I had been born! Try around age 9 and 10 respectively. In fact, in 1976 I was singing bicentennial songs with my classmates at a local shopping Mall in DeWitt...I went to SUNY-Binghamton, then College of New Rochelle.

And did you not see me mention a movie title in one of my above threads? Have you seen City of Angels? (I'll tell you something about the library scene in the movie another time.)

Have a great weekend everyone!

Mary Kate (for variety)

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 24 May 99 - 04:46 PM

SingIrishSongs,

A great way to learn to play the 5 string is through a series of video tapes by a fine player from Virginia, Murphy Henry. She created a series of audio tapes about fifteen years ago entitled "The Murphy Method". Originally it was six tapes that she would not sell out of sequence as each one built on what you had learned on the previous one. The beauty of her system is that instead of a series of exercises, she starts you playing simple tunes, so you are playing music right away. She keeps it very simple, in explaining forward and backward rolls she says in a wonderful Southern Drawl "A forward roll starts down, now when I say down, I mean down towards the floor. A backward roll starts up, when I say up, I mean up towards your chin". I still have visions of someone somewhere having to hit the rewind button on that.

Her business has flourished as people started to request tapes for Guitar, Bass, Fiddle etc. What I really like about learning this way is that if you are unsure of something, you keep hitting rewind until you get it. She has converted everythin to video tape now and although I haven't seen them, I'm sure it makes learning just that much easier. A word of warning, if you play the guitar now, the fifth string will really mess you up as any guitar player I've let try my banjo finds that it's "In the wrong place".

Check out her site, www.murphymethod.com/.

You said that you want to learn to play the 5 string if it kills you. Don't worry, when you first start there will be several people who will gladly do it for you. I've had a few narrow escapes myself. Good luck, it's a great instrument.

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: SingsIrish Songs
Date: 24 May 99 - 05:01 PM

Thanks for the great info Steve! I'llmake note of the website, etc. And when I can talk my Dad into parting with the banjo (not that he plays it) I will then start on another of my many goals in life.

I don't play guitar. Dabbled a bit with my Dad's Baritone Uke...but have always wanted to learn the banjo properly (Dad used to cheat and remove the 5th string and tune the banjo like the Uke. So I recall.)

Ah, thanks for the second warning...I'll be sure to wear my armour when playing around anyone in the beginning. LOL

All the best,

Mary

Subject: RE: Single, Lonely Mudcatters
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 24 May 99 - 06:40 PM

Mary,

Just a suggestion, order the video, then ask if you can "borrow" the banjo to see if you like it. Very few people (especially those who blasphemers who remove the fifth string) really miss a banjo.

Good luck, they're a lot of fun.

Steve