BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage

Subject: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 06:02 AM

BBC's Mark Speight coverage made children cry

Is it me, or are those parents a tad overzealous in trying to shield their children from the realities of life? It looks to me as if the Beeb has handled the whole thing very sensitively.

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: Emma B
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 06:16 AM

I thought the Beeb did an excellent job too on their special 'Go For It' Childrens radio programme looking at Death and Bereavement

'Michel Rosen the Children's Laureate, joined Barney and the GFI team to talk about the difficult topic of coping with death. All the children on the programme have had to deal with their Dad or brother dying.

They wanted to pass on their tips to other children.'

It may still be available in listen again
details here

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: Bee
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 09:29 AM

It seems to me that the BBC did a fair job of it. Children cannot be protected from reality to this extent. In fact, learning that people die from this kind of secondhand experience - a person they only see on television - seems a good way to introduce the concept of death to a child who, after all, may at any time be confronted with the death of someone close to them.

Interestingly enough, I am involved in a conversation on another forum about the appropriateness of posting an image of a person who looks different from the average human. I won't describe the image, other than to say it isn't a particularly distressing one - the person is not suffering and is healthy, just has an unusual birth defect, (the context in which the image was presented is irrelevant - was not a 'look at this!' kind of discussion).

The objectors claim there should be a 'warning' posted before the thread opening, in order to protect 'children, those with weak hearts, or depressed', so as not to shock them with reality. Others, self included, point out that if you can't bear seeing a photo of people who look different because of defect, disfigurement, scars, etc., how can you possibly react appropriately when faced with a real person with such an appearance.

To the point, an adolescent child (a very precocious one) who posts there regularly (I'd call it a PG13 forum, but it's rare someone really young participates) chimed in to describe how his parents, when he by chance met a burn victim at a young age, taught him to treat everyone with respect regardless of how different they may look, and how that reassured him that people weren't scary just because they were different.

No one wants to shock or scare children, and to that end, I think it is important to gently discuss reality with them whenever they are confronted with difficult issues like death or disfigurement, rather than have them suddenly confronted with personal experiences they have no notion could happen.

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work for another 5 minutes
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 11:57 AM

My daughter is just 12 and reads this forum - hopefully I've taught her that although some people look different, they're just people... but sometimes it takes a shock or a scare to get them to face up to issues. She's known deaths close to her, I hope we prepared her well enough, she seems to have survived so far...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 12:44 PM

Best thing is to have a pet and learn how to cope when it dies.

'No one wants to shock or scare children...' I thought it was natural for children to learn by experience and by making mistakes. If we scare the living daylights out of them by telling them that snorting nasty substances up their noses will kill them, then they should be frightened to death and live with that night mare haunting them, so that they don't do it. We are much too soft on kids, gently wrapping them in cotton wool and sheilding them from what's really going on out there.

Sal

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: Bee
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 12:55 PM

Ms lemon, that tactic does not work all that well. Authorities and parents tried to scare the daylights out of kids on the marijuana issue, thereby teaching the kids that scare tactics are likely to be used on them, and leading to them not much believing that nasty stuff up the nose was really any worse than pot.

But yes, I agree many children are overprotected.

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: Dave'sWife
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 12:55 PM

Had no clue who the fellow was, read the story and thought to myself "how terribly sad given all the circumstances" but also thought "what a good opportunity for the BBC to gently introduce a topic that young children will likely have to deal with".

As someone else mentioned, the gentle manner in which this was handled is wholly appropriate. Astute parents of young children who likeed the presenter might even use it as a way to ask their children how they feel about these topics and get a read on where they are with the entire concept. That knowledge might come in handy if Grandpa our their favorite auntie is ill or quite aged and likely to die soon.

I know that may sound heartless but children can be helped along with the understanding of death without getting all dramatic about it. Better to let them ask their questions about a non-family member who was familiar to the them than wait to handle those questions when you yourself are disruaght and feel tempted to invoke lofty euphamisms they may not grasp about heaven or that awful bit about "HGod picks the prettiest flowers for his bouquet." Whomever came up with that last gem needs a bop on the head if you ask me. A child of 5 that I knew who was told this refused to wear her nice dresses for months out of fear that God would kill her because she looked pretty and then she'd never see her parents again!

IMHO- Some parents need to make up things to be concerned about as if there aren't enough already!

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 01:16 PM

Have they never heard of how healing tears can be or the efficacy of releasing the emotions? Sounds to me as though the BBC handled a very sad situation quite well.

My grandson asks about death quite often because we have been very open with him about it...trees leaves dying when they fall off of the tree, someone's family pet (none of ours since he's been born), his great-grandparents whom he knows only through pictures and stories. I am hopeful he will be well-prepared when his "mama" leaves (which I HOPE is not for a LONG, LONG time!):-)

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: Dave'sWife
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 02:07 PM

You know, after I typed that bit about the little girl i knew who refused to wear her pretty dresses for fear God would think her lovely and then "pick" her for his heavenly bouquet reminded me of why I was afraid to go swimming in the ocean until I was 9. It was because my Great Aunt told me that the Water Horses who lived out in the deep water would swim in and slide under me, put me on their backs and carry me off to Tir na nog and I'd never see my parents again. Not exactly the same thing but I tell you, I still don't like to go out over my head into the surf!

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: Bee
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 02:26 PM

A friend's four year old...

His aunt 'Martha' died in the fall, and his mother tried to explain to him what had happened and also took him to the funeral, where he witnessed the coffin being placed in the ground.

Over the winter, he had nothing to say on the subject and was his happy little self. In the spring, at his daycare, the theme came up, of course, of spring-like things, such as seed growing up out of the ground, beans were plated, etc.

So on their way to church one sunny morning, he casually chirped up "So when is Aunt Martha going to grow up out of the earth, now it's Spring?"

Needless to say, some further explanation was in order!

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 02:35 PM

For those outside of the UK: The guy was a well-known presenter of childrens' programmes on TV. Three months ago his partner, another well-known TV presenter, was found dead in the bath after a night of partying with cocaine, pills and alcohol. She'd let the hot watr run and scolded herself, though whether her death was from the drugs or the scolding we don't know. He was not implicated in her death, it seems to have been an accident. But he never recovered from her loss and just over a week ago he disappeared and everyone was looking for him. He was found hanged in a remote corner of a building in London's Paddington Railway Station complex. He left two suicide notes, one on his person I beliefe and the other one in his flat.

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: Emma B
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 02:40 PM

While we're into anecdotes...

As cats do, one of my friend's cats decided to 'rehome' herself and moved across the road to a neighbour's house.

When a young friend visited with his mother he asked where the cat had gone and was told she had gone to 'live with other folks'.

The child's mum got a bit on her high horse, and reproached my friend for protecting the child from the reality of 'death' and went into a long detailed description of mortality.

As cat's do, this one decided to return.....

Now THAT one was difficult to explain :)

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 02:45 PM

I pass the Westminster Coroner's Court on my way to work, and it's always obvious when there's a celebrity inquest because of the paparazzi blocking the pavement (like this morning - it was the same for Paula Yates).

Kitty

Subject: RE: BS: (UK)Parent reaction to Speight coverage
From: Dave'sWife
Date: 16 Apr 08 - 02:52 PM

Emma B - perhaps cats taking off to the neighbor's house for a year or so only to return is the origin of the Cats 9 lives story?

If I were a child and some high-minded friend told me my cat had really DIED when it had just gone walkabout and then it came back, in today's Film/TV/VideoGame Cross-pollinated culture I might wonder it if was a zombie needing a shot in the head! Tell that women to mind her own cat's business!