BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...

Subject: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Bobert
Date: 08 May 08 - 08:01 PM

Well, seein' as there's are a lotta fraternities and sorieties croppin' up her in Mudburg where if you don't know the secret handshake then you ain't welcome that I figurated that what we needed was a joint where you can let down yer hair, set up yer foldin' chair, grab you and Nehi or PBR and just let 'er rip...

What gave me the idea was a phone call I got earlier tonight from Morgan Fairchild... She had heard me CD and ordered from CDBaby and thought after seein' my piccure on it that she thought maybe we could hook up fir a weekend at her joint in California... She even offered to send me a plane ticket!!!

So I had to tell her about the P-Vine and she broke down sobbin'... I hate it when a purdy woman cries but I had to tell her that she'd just have to find someone else...

Yeah, it was tough but a lot better than flying out there and break her heart...

Right???

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 May 08 - 08:06 PM

Hillary can win!

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 May 08 - 08:29 PM

Thanks for the thread, Bobzerdz, but havin' a thread just to tell lies on is sorta unncecessary since I've never spoken a word of truth in all the years I've been hangin' around here.

Which brings us to the question, "If someone says he's a compulsive liar, should you believe him?"

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 May 08 - 08:38 PM

reminds me of when I won the International Liars contest against the world's best - I was last to speak & merely said "I believe every word you've all said"

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Bobert
Date: 08 May 08 - 08:58 PM

Well, gol danged, Sandra... That is, if that's yer real name... I am proud of ya, girl... I don't belive nuthin' then I don't have to worry too much about forgetten it...

The wife says we were married on Geb 9th but seein' as I don't believe her then I can get away with forgettin' our anniversary...

(You expect them to believe that, Boberdz???)

Yeah, I do... Why else would I say it???

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:05 PM

WHOOPERS?............uh.................okay................

WHOOP---WHOOP-------WHOOP-WHOOP-WHOOP-WHOOP--------WHOOP

...............whoop?


Yeah, right............Didn't do shit for me.....Or do you wanna' talk about cranes....you know, Whooping Cranes? Migration and the like?....................hmmmmm.................OR could you have meant WHOPPERS like in lies and tall tales and not WHOOPERS? Could that be it?   Yeah.......thought so......................

Ya' know Bobertz, you're so gawdum dam you just might be twins............Want the title changed?


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Bill D
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:07 PM

If I could sell my complete set of LPs of Dylan and William Shatner for a goodly sum, I'd finance a new MUDCAT for promoting only singer/songwriter and pop/rock music.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:08 PM

Pulling the long bow? Stretching the blanket?

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: heric
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:09 PM

I used to beat my wife but now I've stopped.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Bobert
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:14 PM

Changed to what, Spawzer??? Like maybe, "Tabs for 'Puff the Magic Dragon'"???

Nah, I like it the way it is... Takes a small mind to spell "Whoopers", "whoopers"...

Know what I mean??? You ain't messing with no ordinary hillbilly here... Know what I mean???

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:17 PM

Thank gawd NO!!   Nor do I really want to!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Don Firth
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:29 PM

Red:   Sport whaling? What do you mean, "sport whaling!??"
Hap:   Catch and release. I've caught Moby Richard a couple of times.
Red:   Moby Richard? Don't you mean Moby Dick?
Hap:   Well, no. I can't say that I really know him well enough to be that informal.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:43 PM

Yes, leave it as "Whoopers". If you change it to "Whoppers" somebody from the tofu and brown rice brigade will think it's about hamburgers from Burger King and deliver the usual spiel about how unhealthy fast food is. Then somebody else will call that person a "food nazi" which will result in someone posting a three-page lecture on why we shouldn't use the word "nazi" to refer to uptight anal retentive assholes. We've already been there and don't need to go back. Just leave the friggin' "whoopers" alone!

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:59 PM

Sorry, Bobert, but I tell only the truth. I am known far and wide as one who only tells the absolute truth. I used to get the "Truthful James" award every year when I was in grade school. In fact, I will sometimes tell two or three truths all at once (my record is 48 truths, which isn't many but is my personal best thus far).

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 May 08 - 10:29 PM

.... leave the friggin' "whoopers" alone!

There's the t-shirt for it, too. :~)

Or maybe just the one word, reeeeallll large across the chest, "Whoopers." :~) Ah b'lieve Ah might could wear that one mahseff.

OK, I'm tired, here's mine... I have had it up to HERE with the religion jokes, because I'm a VIRGIN and that "son" of mine is THE son and a virgin birth to prove it!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 May 08 - 11:31 PM

Whoopers out of Texas. You know we're famous for tall stories. . . and tall birds.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 09 May 08 - 12:15 AM

I don't tell lies.




Look. I'm not making this up you know...

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: open mike
Date: 09 May 08 - 02:57 AM

WHOPPERS


Sazerac Lying Club

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: fat B****rd
Date: 09 May 08 - 04:58 AM

I used to beat my wife but now I let her win. Kim Basinger told me that was a good thing as she slowly undressed the other night.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 09 May 08 - 07:38 AM

Scientists recently announced that there are thiry-four types of lie.


(Thirty-five if you count one.)

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 08 - 09:54 AM

It is amazing to me how much I learn each time I come to the Mudcat site; it is because you all have so much to teach me that I hardly ever post. I don't have much confidence in my own point of view but I am fascinated by the deep experience and insight offered by those who do, such as Bobert, Spaw, DougR, Teribus, PDQ and the rest. I thought these praises should be voiced, but now I will go back to being my usual retiring, and admiring, self.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: topical tom
Date: 09 May 08 - 10:35 AM

I really don't belong in this thread; I always tell the truth.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Becca72
Date: 09 May 08 - 11:22 AM

Amos...do you smell pants on fire?

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: fat B****rd
Date: 09 May 08 - 11:35 AM

Pants on fire...exactly how Kim described my effect on her.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Leadfingers
Date: 09 May 08 - 11:55 AM

I WAS going to post to this thread , but then I changed my mind and decided not to .

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 May 08 - 12:12 PM

I would NEVER post in a thread like this!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: fat B****rd
Date: 09 May 08 - 12:16 PM

Neither would I.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 09 May 08 - 01:29 PM

I took my vacation In Iraq last month and I found some weapons of mass destruction. I was going to call George but instead I have arranged to import the materials and start an energy farm. A lot of private equity firms are calling me but I am looking for potential investors on Mudcat whom I know I can trust.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 09 May 08 - 01:50 PM

I really would have called George -I used to date Jenna but she drank a lot more than I could- because I feel I owe him a lot for eveything he has done for us. This, however, is a business opportunity not to be missed.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 08 - 01:52 PM

Becca:

I really couldn't say. There are so many brilliant people on this thread, I am scarcely qualified to offer an opinion as to what might or might not be burning. Really, you should ask one of the more intelligent people around here, perhaps Little Hawk or Shambles.

I am more of a lurker, as I often can't understand the subtleties, and I am kind of slow on the uptake...and I find my sense of humor is sort of insensitive to the kinds of jokes people make; so I feel more comfortable just observing, thanks. Also I am unusually shy.



A

(This is actually fun!)

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Dead Horse
Date: 09 May 08 - 04:11 PM

They held a lying contest in London last week, and some asshole called Boris won it.
All I can add is its a good job George Bush didn't enter, or we'd have ended up with HIM as Mayor.
Aint dat da troof?

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Tweed
Date: 09 May 08 - 06:49 PM

I'm very fond of loud blues-rock music.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 07:00 PM

I was moseyin' down the street the other day when a guy comes up and says to me, "I hear tell that you think yer a good shot."

"Well," I said, "I do okay."

"So," says he. "We're gonna see who's the best now. We're gonna have us a little shootin' contest."

Now, I didn't want to have to kill this poor sod, at least not before lunch. That sort of thing can just ruin the rest of the morning. So I said, "What do you propose?"

"Ya see them two flies down there on the hitchin' rail in front of the Gold Shovel Saloon? About five hunnert yards away down the street?"

"Yes," I replied, "I see them."

And he pulled out his Colt's .45 and fired.

"Jist the one on the right left fer ya," he said with a snicker.

Not having any choice, I drew, aimed, and fired.

"HA!" he said. "Ya missed! That fly's still alive and kickin'!"

"Yes," I responded, "but he'll never reproduce."

And I tipped my hat and bade him good day.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Tweed
Date: 09 May 08 - 07:25 PM

LIAR!!

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Donuel
Date: 09 May 08 - 07:36 PM

Bush won fair and square, twice.

Saddam didn't blow up the WTC. He merely master minded it.

Guns don't kill people.

George was not sexually, emotionally and physically abused by his parents, that was left to the clergy, the schools and the military.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Tweed
Date: 09 May 08 - 07:40 PM

LIAR!

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 08:19 PM

Tweed, ya know what we out here in The (real) West do to people who call us that?

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Don Firth
Date: 09 May 08 - 08:37 PM

I usually try to make them feel guilty by bursting into tears.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 08:54 PM

Well, yeah, Don. But I wasn't gonna just come right out and say it.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Tweed
Date: 09 May 08 - 09:44 PM

Back off Rapaire, it is only fair to warn you, I am a triple black belt in tai kwan do and Brazilian jiu jitsu and am generally too modest to even bring it up.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Bobert
Date: 09 May 08 - 09:53 PM

Not too worry, Rap, the Tweezer meant to say that he saw a movie about such a guy...

(The Tweezer spend $5 on a movie, Bobert??? LIAR!!!)

Okay, Rap, believe what you want...

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Don Firth
Date: 09 May 08 - 10:11 PM

Black belt, schmack belt! I've got a whole pair of pants that's black!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 10:14 PM

I've got several black belts and even some black shoes.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Tweed
Date: 09 May 08 - 11:29 PM

I hope you two is lyin' about yore wardrobe and accessories.

This IS a Liars Only thread you know.

WHOOP WHOOP

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 May 08 - 07:22 PM

Well, actually, I have two pairs of black pants, so I did lie in my post above.

But the biggest lie of all is that nobody can tell for sure if I'm telling the truth in this post.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 08 - 09:16 PM

I could go to Seattle and rummage through your closet....

I have some black underwear, but it started out white. I also have some that is green and fuzzy which started out white and smooth.

Subject: RE: BS: Whoopers... Liars Only...
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 May 08 - 10:30 PM

You should see what I have in my refrigerator. I can tell it's looking back at me.

Don Firth