BS: Signs stating the obvious

Subject: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Arnie
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:25 PM

Having just travelled a few of the (gridlocked) motorways of Britain, I noticed the proliferation of road signs stating the bleeding obvious. There I was, travelling in thick fog through Yorkshire,and the M1 had helpful little illuminated signs every few miles stating 'FOG'! Did some Highways Agency drone think that we drivers might not know what the thick white stuff restricting vision to 20 yds was? Another equally annoying sign was 'Roadworks ahead - please drive carefully'. Well, until I read this, I had been thinking of driving like a lunatic, accelerating into the cones and knocking them over like ninepins, so thank goodness there was a sign warning me against this. It really is a case of the nanny state going into overdrive. Any other equally superfluous examples? - I suspect the UK is not alone here.....

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Wyrd Sister
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:34 PM

I passed a sign last weekend which proclaimed 'Two meals for £12'. Then underneath was an explanatory note:'Choose two meals marked two for £12 from our menu and pay just £12 for both.' Just in case you were wondering, I suppose.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: katlaughing
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:42 PM

Hmmmm...in other words choose two six dollar/pound meals and pay only 12?!**bg**


The drive carefully I can see, at least over here, because people do drive like idiots and workers are often hit and or killed. Any state patrol who gets out to a car on the side of the interstate is taking their lives into their hands. We just had one killed recently by a reckless driver.

The one that wasn't so obvious which used to get me, in New England was

SLOW
BLIND CHILD
PLAYING

Read it any way you want!

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:42 PM

I like the ones where they have a sign on a door saying, "Do Not Open This Door". The thing to do in response to that is tape a note below it asking the questions: "What use is a damn door that can't be opened? Why don't you just brick it over?"

Or else a note that says, "I opened it and took a look. I was unimpressed by what I saw. Sue me."

I have also bought plastic items of various sorts which had warnings on them saying, "Inedible. Do not take internally."

You have to wonder!

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: *Laura*
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:44 PM

"Do not throw stones at this notice!"

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: *Laura*
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:45 PM

"Caution: Contents may be hot" on coffee cups. I bloody hope the contents IS hot!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:48 PM

They should advise against wetness too! Very irresponsible of them to neglect that, I think.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:53 PM

Between the ages of about 4 and 14 years old, I lived in a 12 story bloack of flats on a housing estate that was surrounded by jungle in Hong Kong. To get to it you had to drive up a long road that snaked up the hill from the main road.

When you reached the top of the hill, just before entering the estate, you passed a sign that was mounted on the hillside which bore the legend "Beware of Children".

I remember on several occasions myself and my friends entertaining ourselves by hanging off this sign and growling at passing cars like a pack of aggressive baboons.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:54 PM

Ever seen a bag of nuts bearing the legend:

"warning: may contain nuts"

mmm hmmm

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 08 - 05:58 PM

I don't think we will be entirely safe until all unopened peanuts (and other nuts) have that printed in bright yellow letters on the outside of the shells.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: bobad
Date: 31 May 08 - 06:02 PM

Recursive escalator sign

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 31 May 08 - 06:03 PM

Perhaps it could be addded to the mudcat title page ...

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 31 May 08 - 06:04 PM

("may contain nuts" that is)

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Peace
Date: 31 May 08 - 06:23 PM

Right!

Write!

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 08 - 06:29 PM

It could also be posted on all the doors leading into the Pentagon...

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Anne Lister
Date: 31 May 08 - 06:48 PM

I've always enjoyed roadsigns. I've especially always liked "Heavy Plant Crossing" (never seen one - a triffid?), "bear left" (there never is one) and, a real favourite, "Changed priorities ahead" - which is a philosophical challenge. We've seen signs for "free range potatoes" (you wouldn't want a battery farmed one, would you?) and we've been irritated by that silly, ungrammatical slogan of "Don't Drive Tired".

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Bainbo
Date: 31 May 08 - 06:54 PM

"Use both lanes"


How d'you do that, then?

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 08 - 06:58 PM

Peace I stared at the Illiteracy ad for five minutes looking for he misspelled word before I got the joke.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Slag
Date: 31 May 08 - 07:20 PM

The one I love was "We have braille menus available" at the drive-up window at McDonald's.

Obviously our litigious society has produced these signs, explaining simple truths to idiots, because these idiots have in some way hurt themselves on a product (burned by hot coffee, roared through a construction zone at a high rate of speed, stuck a piece of plastic in their mouth which should not have been in their mouth and I'm not even going to talk about Hoover vacuum cleaners!). The REALLY sad commentary is that some benighted panel of 12 who have the luxury of time for analysis have sided with the morons by awarding them damages for their own foolishness. Hence the signs. Victims all, I'm sure, of a public education.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Morticia
Date: 31 May 08 - 08:02 PM

I think we could all learn a life lesson from reading a bottle of bleach though:

'Do not Drink' and 'Keep away from Children'

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Joe_F
Date: 31 May 08 - 08:04 PM

lox: I once bought a bag of nuts with the legend "If salted, contains salt." An infamous cartoon by Charles Addams showed a driver encountering a sign saying "Caution -- Children at Play". Above the road a group of children were levering a boulder down onto the road.

Tabster: There is nothing wrong with the grammar of "Don't drive tired"; it has the same structure as "Don't be silly". "Tired" is a predicate adjective. Cf. RLS's "Glad did I live and gladly die".

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 08 - 08:17 PM

It should say, "Don't drive when tired." The verb "to be" works a bit differently from most other verbs. You can certainly BE tired or silly or stupid or lively...but you can't DRIVE tired or silly or stupid or lively.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: meself
Date: 31 May 08 - 09:54 PM

'Don't drive tired' sounds like good, blunt English to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 31 May 08 - 10:00 PM

Many years ago while visiting Mount Rushmore, I saw a guy with a cast on his arm. Neatly printed in marker on the cast was, "Hell yes I broke my arm!" He probably wrote it in desperations after the umpteenth query, "Did you break your arm?"

I also love the directions on the Wet Nap package: "Open package. Unfold Wet Nap. Use."

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Slag
Date: 31 May 08 - 10:50 PM

Lather, rinse, repeat... no end to it!

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Peace
Date: 31 May 08 - 10:51 PM

"'Don't drive tired'"

But then you'd be riding on the rims . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: John O'L
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 12:48 AM

"Don't drive tired" is superfluous. As Little Hawk notes, you can't.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: meself
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 01:56 AM

"Superfluous"? In what sense? It seems quite economical to me.

The sentence achieves a potent directness through the use of ellipsis, a perfectly acceptable practice in English.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Michael
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 02:18 AM

One of my favourites - on scaffold on a bridge:
"Bridge Strengthening Works", so it's not just to cause traffic jams then.

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 02:29 AM

When I was a kid, I liked

"Road Plant Ahead"

I always used to ask Dad if we should water it or feed it...

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Michael
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 02:35 AM

Or the one on the approach to a school: "Slow Children", label them early I say.

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Skivee
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 02:58 AM

I saw an advisory on a 600 degree F air gun used for stripping paint.
"Do Not Use As A Hair Dryer"

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: DMcG
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 03:28 AM

There's a sign in a nearby shopping centre that should say 'fire escape', 'emergency exit' or some such. Instead it has some long winded and qualified phrase, something like 'Passage leading to means of exit'. Presumably this is for people who see a door marked 'Fire Exit' during a fire, and then just stand on the other side of it, whether they are still in building or not. I suggest that the notice is probably likely to cause more deaths because in a panic people would not actually realise that the door was the way out.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 05:52 AM

School crossing attendants in the UK carry a lollipop sign saying

STOP
CHILDREN

or

STOP
CHILDREN
CROSSING

Makes you wonder wht's over there that you don't want them to see?

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Michael
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 06:43 AM

Don, I thought it was an injunction to use contraception.

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Slag
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 06:51 AM

Falling Rock
Slow for Speed Bump
No Exit (over a door that otherwise exits the building)
Post No Bills
Post Office Will Not Deliver Without Postage
Remove pins before wearing
Make sure address shows through window
One size fits all ( give me a break!)

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Michael
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 07:47 AM

I remember in the 60's sitting looking at a door for days, the sign above said "Way Out" but nothing much happened, must have been bad acid.

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: topical tom
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 09:31 AM

I have always wondered about the sign seen in cars "Baby On Board".Is this simply parental boasting and pride or does it mean to drive even more carefully than for other cars who have no babies?

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 10:26 AM

The "Baby on Board" has been touted as a way to assure that in an accident emergency/rescue workers will know that they should look for a baby. It is, of course, useless if stuck in a rear window and left there when there is no baby on board.

"There oughta be a law" - and is, in a few places, making it a crime to display the sign when there's no baby. (But I've never heard of any such law being enforced.)

The response by a limited number of people a few years ago in an area where I visited was a similar sign, apparently common for a while, reading "Vermin in Rear."

From Arnie's first post: drivers might not know what the thick white stuff restricting vision to 20 yds was?

20 yards?????
Fog is when you can't see anything but your own headlights reflected back in your face.
Heavy fog is when you can't tell if your own headlights are on.

(Very few in the US have "fog lights," and as I've seen them installed/used here they seem rather ineffectual. Perhaps they're more common, and serve better, in different climates.)

John

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: pdq
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 10:46 AM

In the winter, I sometimes buy a package of firewood at the local grocery store.

The wood is mostly from fruit trees in California's Central Valley where they are being bulldozed and removed to make way for houses.

There was a proposition in California that required stricter labeling for consumer goods. It requires that the package of firewood have a large and prominent notice: "CAUTION: contents may burn".

One might hope so, after all it is firewood.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 12:17 PM

Shane has been known to stick a little yellow sign in the back window of Don's truck that says "Idiot behind the wheel". This would actually be a fairly accurate label for at least 1/3 of all vehicles on the road in North Ontario.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Celtaddict
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 01:37 PM

I can understand the 'fog' sign because, at least around here, there are many hills and ponds and streams and it is very common to be driving along in entirely clear weather, top a small rise and suddenly (at full highway speed) plunge into thick blinding fog, so a warning of such common 'fog pockets' makes sense.
For years my mother collected funny signs; she is gone, now, alas, but I still find myself taking pictures of them. An all time favorite is on those center lanes:
'Left turn only, both directions'

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 01:40 PM

"Hidden intersection" signs are fun...specially if you put them up on some stretch of road where there in fact IS no intersection for at least the next 5 miles.

Elephant and dinosaur crossing signs are good that way too. It keeps people on their toes.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: David C. Carter
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 02:09 PM

Sign on a pub door in Oxford,UK.

"No blind guide dogs allowed".

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: bobad
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 02:17 PM

"No blind guide dogs allowed".

I would have thought that to be illegal.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: David C. Carter
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 02:28 PM

I don't know the current laws in the UK but it should be illegal
everywhere.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 02:34 PM

Many years ago I had a tubal ligation because my doctor had refused me any more years of The Pill. Upon being admitted to the hospital for the out-patient surgery, I, of course, had to sign a gazillion (approx.) forms and legal disclaimers. One of them made sure that I knew that the procedure COULD make me sterile. I signed it, of course, with the disclaimer that if it DIDN'T, my surgeon would get sued!

There used to be a lovely sign in Portsmouth, New Hampshire (USA) that had no punctuation. It read, "No parking violators will be towed." I thought it quite generous of the bank to not tow parking violators.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 03:10 PM

Indeed. That speaks well for Portsmouth.

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 03:33 PM

But it was a BANK -- and, I fear, oblivious to their own lack of punctuation.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Signs stating the obvious
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jun 08 - 03:42 PM

They should put up some further signs of the same sort.

"No holdup violators will be arrested or shot."

"No embezzling violators will be prosecuted."

"No public nudity violators will be charged with indecent exposure."