BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 11:17 PM

This one was rather cheeky:

Yard-sale trio ticketed

It's expected that people will have yard sales this time of year — but not in someone else's yard.

Mesa County Sheriff's Department deputies responded to a report from the 300 block of Rosevale Drive that three people were camping in a woman's yard and holding a sale there Thursday.

The three were issued trespass notices and told by police not to return, according to the Mesa County Sheriff's Department

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 11:06 PM

Disorderly conduct at the Greentree Apartments reported Sunday when a man kept "pleading for his girlfriend to come back". Officers told the man to go home.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 10:50 PM

Looking back at these reports, it makes me smile, having my home town be so non-violent that the police reports are about snowmen, board games, and toilet paper.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Riginslinger
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 10:45 PM

Mudcatters need to compile a book. This is amazing material.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 10:56 AM

from Sunday reports,

* Officers, responding to a report of a group of suspicious men in front of a bar on East Main Street, found they were having a rap competition.

* A man called 911 because he and his roommate's girlfriend were arguing about toilet paper. The two were given a warning.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 10:04 PM

- A kid wanted to know how to handle his little brother bothering him without resorting to violence.

* A resident of Ravalli Street said her upstairs neighbors were "jumping up and down and causing her pictures on her wall to move." The upstairs neighbors were playing a board game and were warned by police.

- A resident of South Third Avenue reported that someone had driven through her yard and drove over a 10-foot tree sometime during the night. She thought the culprit might have been trying to hit a snowman in the yard.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 09:46 PM

A caller reported seeing a vehicle driving westbound on West Garfield Street with a hand sticking out of the trunk. A Montana Highway Patrol officer said he'd seen the same vehicle with a rubber arm hanging out of it last week.

- A sleepy-sounding man told a dispatcher that he had rolled over onto his phone in his sleep and inadvertently dialed 911. There was no emergency.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 09:36 PM

January 3, 1916: a man is arrested for stealing coal; he is also cnk. Sentence: $10.

May 3, 1916: A man is arrested for exceeding the speed limit on Main Street on his horse. Fined $25.

July 1, 1916: three boys are arrested for breaking light globes with rocks. Sentence: Pay for the globes and be turned over to their parents.

August 15, 1918. Six people are arrested for fornication at the St. Marie's Hotel. Dismissed for "shortage of evidence."

October 3, 1918. A unidentified man is arrested for "dementia." To leave town by 6 p.m.

October 4, 1918. A man is arrested for using foul language in front of a woman. Sentence: $5 fine.

November 10, 1918. A man is arrested for desertion from the Army. Turned over to the Army.

November 11, 1918. Several people are arrested for discharging firearms into the air, drunkeness, disturbing the peace and "rowdiness." Cases are dismissed.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Ed T
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 08:24 PM

Halifax police hunt serial bum-grabber
Charles Mandel, CanWest News Service
Published: Friday, August 10, 2007

Experts are warning that a butt-grabbing bike rider who has sexually assaulted at least eight women in Halifax in recent months might become even more aggressive.

Because the individual has repeatedly struck despite attention from police and the media, it is likely he will "up the ante,'' said Brad Kelln, a clinical and forensic psychologist and professor at Dalhousie University in Halifax.

"That suggests to me the person is really having great difficulty controlling the behaviour,'' Kelln said.

The suspect -- who has struck throughout central Halifax at night -- rides up behind his victims and gropes them in the buttocks. In two instances, he has also assaulted women and in several cases he tried to strike up conversations with them.

Kelln said such offenders often first work up their courage to commit their crime even though they're aware it's wrong and could carry consequences. But as they get away with their deviance each successive time, they become bolder and may well "up the ante so that other behaviours will follow."

William Pitt, a criminologist at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, agreed the bike rider could become more extreme in his behaviour. "Is there a concern? Yes. Is it possible it will accelerate? Yes."

Halifax police seized a bicycle early Wednesday from a man matching the description of the rider, but the individual bolted through neighbouring backyards. The suspect is described as a white male in his mid-20s with short hair and an average build.

Losing his bike may not necessarily stop the man, Pitt said. "The sexual drive is very strong. He'll use whatever means it takes to satisfy his deviancy."

© The Calgary Herald 2007

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 07:43 PM

The URL for the Rochester Times is:

http://www.fosters.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?category=ROCTIMES

Scroll down for "Police Logs."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 07:41 PM

From the Rochester (NH) Times:

Rochester police log - 3/29/09 to 4/5/09

Thursday, April 16, 2009

ROCHESTER — The following items, based on entries in the Rochester Police Log, were selected from 1,206 calls for service from March 29 to April 5:

Sunday, March 29

12:26 a.m. — There's five people fighting on Little Falls Bridge Road, there's wrestling and yelling and smashing of glass, the police race round quickly despite a big workload, but no one will talk — what a pain in the neck.

12:41 a.m. — Vehicles have been freshly egged in the Winkley Farm Lane area.

12:56 a.m. — As a motorist drives near the airport, a gentleman in a ball cap and baggy pants runs out into the road, causing her to swerve.

1:54 a.m. — Near Shoreyville Plaza a 16-year-old is taken into protective custody; Timothy R. Balch, 19, of 154 Meaderboro Road, is charged with drug possession.

2:05 a.m. — Teens party too loudly in a Wakefield Street apartment.

3:29 a.m. — Ashley Razillard, 19, of 60 Young St., Barrington, is charged with driving after suspension and suspended registration.

8:35 a.m. — A Moose Lane resident has been stuck with a fraudulent check for $3,800 by an acquaintance.

8:36 a.m. — A Strafford Road boxer named Bauer's been missing for hours and hours. When the owner calls May Day, it's caught by the lady who controls all the city's bow-wowwers.

9:25 a.m. — A spate of shot-out windows are reported.

2:47 p.m. — On Franklin Street dogs fight, and owners get into a spat.

7:07 p.m. — A bike has been stolen from Roseberry Lane.

7:53 p.m. — At the station, a woman reports that she went home "to find a condom with fluid on the door handle of her residence." She lacks rubber gloves and doesn't want to touch it. Police remove the item and throw it away.

These reports are compiled by former Mudcatter, John Nolan, and are worth reading on a bi-weekly basis - Tom

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: ClaireBear
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 07:11 PM

In general, the local paper's "Cops and Courts" column is depressingly free of diverting crime reports. there are, however, occasional departures from the norm...like this one:

"The Sheriff's Office reported today that there's nothing new in the search for the naked man seen posing like Superman near Aptos High School."


Here's another from the paper's online blog:

"Two guys who live up in the Soquel hills near the Summit got into it last night — while one piloted a backhoe and the other drove the "ranch car," a 1985 yellow Cadillac DeVille. They banged the vehicles into each other for a bit, then got into a fist fight, according to the Sheriff's Office. The guy in the Caddy managed to get away, hopped on a four-wheeler and rode it down to Soquel San Jose Road, where he called 911. They took the other guy to jail for assault with a deadly weapon — the backhoe. Believe it or not, deputies say alcohol was involved."

Claire

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 06:49 PM

About 10 years ago a Juneau woman picked up a totally naked man who was walking along the roadway and brought him downtown to his clothes. When she was asked how she had dared pick him up she replied that she could see he was unarmed.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Jack Campin
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 06:39 PM

Metro, Dec 18, 2007

I won't gravel, but I just couldn't kerb my feelings
===================================

A teenager who tried to have sex with a pavement claimed yesterday it was a drunken prank.

Motorists looked on in amazement as Steven Marshall took down his trousers before starting to simulate sexual intercourse.

The 18-year-old also exposed himself and carried out a sex act in view of a female taxi driver in his home town of Galashiels in the Borders.

Marshall admitted a charge of public indecency yesterday at Selkirk Sheriff Court wand was put on probation for 12 months.

But his lawyer argued there was not a significant sexual aspect to the case.

As a result, Sheriff Kevin Drummond decided not to place Marshall's name on the Sex Offenders Register, although he described his behavious as "bizarre".

Mark Harrower, defending, told the court: "He is a perfectly normal 18-year-old but he does have this arthritis condition which troubles him and requires medication, while he was drinking alcohol to excess".

He said the offence was more of a prank in front of his friends after drinking half a litre of vodka and there was not a "significant sexual aspect" to the case which would result in registration.

"He does appear to be very ashamed about it and very shocked at his behaviour".

But Sheriff Drummond said: "This is bizarre.

"Anyone who lies on the road in the daylight, is significantly intoxicated and is partially undressed has a problem." However, he added, "This was plainly a drunken episode in which caused distress to members of the public but I acceot that your behaviour was not primarily sexually motivated."

Describing the offence, procurator fiscal Graham Fraser said the incident came to light as two people drove past Marshall. He said: "They could see his trousers were down to his knees.

"When the woman looked back, he had turned on to his front and was in the press-up position on the pavement simulating sexual intercourse."

Mr Fraser said there was no evidence of children being around at the time of the offence and there was concern for his safety when he was lying on the road.

Marshall pleaded guilty to committing an offence of public indecency in Galashiels on June 17.

[Not much point in making it a Song Challenge since the Beatles already got there. However, Selkirk was the court where Walter Scott presided as a justice, so maybe something in the style of the Minstrelsy of the Scottish Border or the Lay of the Last Minstrel?

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: frogprince
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 06:22 PM

The same summer as the undies incident, several customers who bought clothing at another local store reported finding dirty polaroid photos in the pockets. Never heard just how dirty, nor any indication of whodunit.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 06:10 PM

Thursday February 26, 2009
- A resident of South Third Avenue wanted to speak with an officer regarding a mouse she had found in her kitchen.
---

(I wonder what the mouse was doing.)

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 06:08 PM

An accidental 911 call was received and upon follow up, the man who had called said "his butt dialed."

-A woman called about a stuffed Easter bunny in the middle of 19th Avenue. She was concerned someone would try to get the bunny and be hit by a car.

A man who appeared to be passed out in a vehicle on North Seventh Avenue was just taking a nap between making deliveries.

- Two cows in a driveway on Norris Road were headed for the road around 9:30 a.m.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Sorcha
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 05:24 PM

Dang! I can't REMEMBER any...you'd think I could, I hear enough of them.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 05:18 PM

A few weeks ago, police here in Pensacola were pursuing a fleeing thief who had robbed a convenience store. They received an unexpected assist in the capture when the fleeing felon's pants fell down during the chase, causing him to fall flat on his face in the street.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 05:07 PM

Today at lunch I heard the conversation at the next table. It's what made me think of our funny police reports:

Someone called 911 and asked, "When is it going to stop snowing?"

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Wesley S
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 05:03 PM

My old hometown of Largo Florida had a story that made the national news. It seems like a very drunk man called 911 to report that he was surrounded by the police and could they please send some help? The 911 operator said she could hear the officers laughing in the background.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: frogprince
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 04:54 PM

It's several years since the paper in our itty-bitty "city" reported that the police were looking for a male who entered a local store and exposed the bra and panties he was wearing. I always wondered what they intended to charge him with; there was no apparent implication that he exposed any "naughty bits".

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 04:52 PM

I got an email a couple years ago from the local PD:

"Thanks to all who helped get the dead cow out of the river."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Melissa
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 04:46 PM

One of my favorites was a Raid/Bust where they confiscated marijuana.
The marijuana was growing along fencerows and they pulled it up, put it in the trunk of a police car..took a picture.

Front page headline:
"Street Value, $10,000"

Ditchweed is not exactly a big discovery in this area.
I guess it isn't a very funny story..but I sure do laugh about it and have for a long time. Ten thousand dollar value on a trunk full of headache..

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 04:20 PM

and this one...

"An intoxicated woman called to report that she was locked out of her house. She was instructed to stay with a friend and call a locksmith in the morning."

Subject: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 27 Apr 09 - 04:19 PM

Police reports are mostly serious incidents, but in our small town, the local paper prints police reports that are often the funniest thing in the newspaper.

From the weekend, we have this police report:

"A man at Greenbelt Drive heard his stolen antlers had been located and wanted them back."