BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010

Subject: RE: BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 03:08 AM

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Texas when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASApage on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a senator in Obama's Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?""No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ...

Now give me back my dog.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 10:03 AM

I more or less started creating these 'numbered Joke threads' some time ago - and linking them together - there were complaints that

1) people couldn't find the jokes cause they were in all sorts of thread names
2) threads over 100 posts were not liked, but Mudcat can handle that now....

I have been busy lately, and some others took it over informally for a while...

Subject: RE: BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 05 Apr 11 - 05:40 PM

A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who died following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that
Everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Bloody hot down here

Subject: RE: BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 05 Apr 11 - 07:00 PM

Wrong year, Peter the Squeezer! (for the thread, maybe the joke, too)

Subject: RE: BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Apr 11 - 07:03 PM

Dangerous Addiction