BS: A polite and well-mannered thread

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 12:52 PM

While it may sound like fun and harmless activity, testing all "ye who enter" may lead to loud protests of elitism...a return of the "mudcat clique" and then this so mannerly thread may be sullied beyond repair. I pray it were not so for 'tis a lovely thing you have wrought.

Good day,

kat

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: olddude
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 01:08 PM

My Wiener dog Bella is all grown up and wants to say hello and say she loves you

Bella1

Bella2

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 01:21 PM

Is Umbrage-on-Horizon near Humbug-on-Sea?

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 01:26 PM

Please refrain from any such argumentative subects as scon or scown (or scoon!) Let us instead refer to them as small clouds of edible delight...

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Ruth Archer
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 01:52 PM

No, Tam - you're thinking of Umbrage-over-Fuccall. Umbrage-on-Horizon is near the hamlet of Arse-in-Hand.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: mauvepink
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 01:53 PM

I hope Mike has clean undergarments on a warm day in case he gets hit with a bus and ends up in hospital? I could not sleep for thinking of the poor man suffering any embarrassment because we forgot to advise him rightly.

We must look out for each other more and give advice for the salvation of knocked down Catters in hospital. Always have a clean pair of undergarments. It's traditional ;-)

mp

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 02:47 PM

I have just shown this delightful thread to my great nephew for educational purposes, & he said he wanted to contribute ~ here he comes ~~~

Bum bottie poo    teeheehee

Ohhh, woe alas!! so sorry about that, His mummy, my niece, has smacked his bottom, grounded him for a month, and sent him to bed without his supper. Please continue your delectable lucubrations as if it had never happened...

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Smedley
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 02:50 PM

If only some of the less cultivated contributors to discussions elsewhere in this hallowed haunt could receive the same treatment as your great nephew, M.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Lox
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 03:03 PM

Excuse me, did you say please continue your delicate lubrications?

Well I never!

If you will excuse me, I'm off to increase my stress levels and put myself at risk of heart problems on another thread!

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: theleveller
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 03:12 PM

"So, what is it to be Leveller "Scone" with a short 'o' or "Scone" with a long 'o'? Hmmm.. "

Oh, please, after you....

...I'm orf to play the graaaand piaaaano.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: GUEST,mauvepink
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 03:19 PM

Dearest Smedders... I fear that if so many were chastised with smacked bottom it could cause a flood of those seeking such punishment! Alas, we need to educate the more uncouth to take control of their tongues and be careful what issues from their mouth. Then, and only then, if they are good, can they have a smacked bottom! ;-)

We have enough whipping posts on Mudcat to go around I am sure lol

I am but a simple wench looking to be educated from those who know better.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best (Oscar Wilde)

mp

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Smedley
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 03:24 PM

Ah, dear Oscar. Dear, dear Oscar. Such a misconstrued gentleman in such a multiplicity of ways.   

Mauve, if I may be so bold as to foreshorten your nomenclature, I suspect you may be right vis-a-vis certain bottoms. But let us not dwell on such base desires and embolden instead our commitment to manifesting a gallimaufry of linguistic and interpersonal pulchritudinousnesses.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 03:24 PM

Why, thank you kindly. How refreshing to find crustless sandwiches, tea and crumpets in such an elegant parlor. Shall I be mother?

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: mauvepink
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 03:38 PM

Smedley wrote "Mauve, if I may be so bold as to foreshorten your nomenclature, I suspect you may be right vis-a-vis certain bottoms. But let us not dwell on such base desires and embolden instead our commitment to manifesting a gallimaufry of linguistic and interpersonal pulchritudinousnesses. "

Dearest Smedders, Sir, I humbly beseech your most eloquent of replies and pay yet more respect to your wonderful choice of words. Your point is taken but if I may be so bold as to suggest I have no intention to dwelleth on person's bottoms. I think that I can womanfestly say, without a fear to be contradicted, that such practices may actually be outlawed in most folk forums. Whilst those that would allow such thing may demand of me to wear a blindfold - or at least cover my eyes somehow - in order that my innocent eyes are not unchastened.

Sir, I am so grateful for your interdiction and advice for my safety. And, whilst not a humble servant, I am nevertheless, humbled by your concern for my purity.

May your strings never twang and always stay unbroken

Your humble correspondent

mp

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Mavis Enderby
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 03:42 PM

I hope I am not being premature in my ejaculations of joy and chummy splendiferousness at happening upon such a delightful and gentlepersonly discourse.

If you will excuse me though, I have to supervise the staff who are preparing the carriage for this weekends festivities in the North Riding.

Yours,

Burton Coggles, Gentleman.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Tangledwood
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 03:47 PM

Cucumber sandwiches, scones, crumpets! Jeeze, where can a bloke get a couple of snags and a tinny round here?
Ye's r'all top blokes and sheilas but. Goodonya for keeping the yobbos out.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 03:57 PM

Being polite isn't a matter of being precious and refined and artificial. It's the most natural thing in the world. It's the default position.

If you have to make an effort to be polite, rather than an effort to be other than polite on those occasions that call for it, there is something seriously wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: mauvepink
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 03:58 PM

G'day g'day Tangledwood

Snags and tinny mentioned here

I bessech that you tell us more of thy quaint tongue and what it really means :)

mp

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: maeve
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 04:04 PM

Thank you, McGrath. I suspect we are also enjoying the wordplay in this thread.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: mauvepink
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 04:10 PM

Wordsmiths are a turn on...

But I never said that, okay? Not a word to anyone.

Yes, indeed maeve, the thread is great fun and a little light relief is so enchanting I am intoxicated by some of what is going on :-)

mp

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Folkiedave
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 04:25 PM

I hope I am not being premature in my ejaculations

I am sure we can all echo that. And please feel free to call me "Folkie".

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 04:27 PM

Oh, of course you are correct as ever, Miss Archer.

I've never visited either. However, I am given to understand that the residents of such places have SUGAR as well as UHT in their PG Tips! This may account for certain problematic temperaments exhibited in these people.

I am quite confident they are ploughman's type of people so cucumber sandwiches crust or no crust would be utterly lost on them.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Hamish
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 04:47 PM

Still going along swimmingly. I just knew we could do it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It makes me feel all warm and cuddly.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 04:48 PM

Gawwwwwwwwwd!

Down here in the servant's quarters, I'm playin' strip-poker with the butler.

Lordy is he a ONE!

His table's *covered* with crumpet and tarts, and they have to be cleared away by midnight. I've absolutely no idea how he's going to get through them all by them.

Anyway, I have to dash as we're all down to our undergarments down here and the room's starting to warm up a little at long last.

If you could try NOT to call him for at least 2 hours I'd appreciate it, as I'm trying to do something with his cucumber, to make tomorrow's sandwiches more juicy.

Thankin' you kindly......

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: akenaton
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 05:36 PM

Heeeeer'es Johnny!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 05:46 PM

Wordplay is fun. Just so long as we don't fall into the trap of putting down politeness as a bit wimpish. And there are people who see it that way.

"What would you like to drink, mate" - that's what I call being polite.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 06:18 PM

It is to your great credit as superlative individuals all that this thread has now bred its first imitator. Why, I cannot say.


A

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 06:29 PM

Did I hear a moment of disharmony amongst the serving staff? Surely not! All is as was in the days of gingham, warm slippers and rough shag...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Folkiedave
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 06:36 PM

"What would you like to drink, mate" - that's what I call being polite.

Indeed, and if you do that in the Kelham Island Tavern re-elected as CAMRA pub of the year even better.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Folkiedave
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 06:37 PM

Necessity is the mother of invention

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Folkiedave
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 06:38 PM

That last message is known as the "confuser". Well it is confusing to me and I am absolutely genuine and stone cold sober.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: theleveller
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 03:26 AM

"What would you like to drink, mate"

Well, McGrath, that's very civil of you - I'll have a pint of best, thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: theleveller
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 04:07 AM

Sorry, I forgot - how rude of me: Good morning everyone, I hope you all have a pleasant day.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Hamish
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 05:31 AM

Indeed: thank you ever so much. I do plan on a very pleasant outing to North Yorks and hope for an excellent journey and a wonderful weekend full of musical delights. And I wish you all a lovely day and weekend likewise.

~8^)

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: theleveller
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 06:18 AM

Hamish, I look forward to seeing you at said folkloric event on Saturday. Should be spiffing. TTFN.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 06:42 AM

Grate-unkel mike is out of the way & left his computer on & I have crept in again so willywillywilly poopoobum befor he cums back

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 06:46 AM

Oops - sorry about that everybody. His mother will definitely deal with the little brat this time ~

& à-propos MPink; have only just come across your post of 0319pm yesterday as have been away for a bit. Not quite clear if you were asking for a smacked bottom or not. If so, in terms of this thread, it would be only civil to oblige...

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 07:12 AM

'Ere, you lot, yer cu-cum-ber sandwiches are ready. I'll leave 'em on the chenille covered table over 'ere by the winda.

Gawwwd, did it take me a long time to make 'em, or what?

Anyways ups, I've de-crusted 'em, the way you likes 'em and dusted the bits orf from where one of 'm fell on the floor, when the butler smacked me bum on me way upstairs, the cheeky b"stard! I put a little partyparsley bit on top and a slice of tomato 'ere and there, just to make 'em porsh like.

'scuse me, but I 'ave to dash, as the butler's ringing me bell again.

Ooh 'e he is One!

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Tangledwood
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 06:45 PM

I bessech that you tell us more of thy quaint tongue and what it really means :)

Yeah, sorry mp, I sorta forgot youse lot might not know what we call our tucker. Thanks for the link to the poem. Reading classical literature is all well and good but it can get youse all mixed up.

Snags? Well they're just the same as Mystery Bags. Reckon they might be a bit like the Pom's bangers but with more sawdust. Must have given ya a bit of a chuckle thinking the rivers full of bangers! Nah, them snags are just stuff like dead trees, Mum's old Whirlpool and tyres off've the ute.

Tinnies are what beer comes in. Ya could've got stubbies or long-necks but we don't want no broken glass getting in the trifle eh. If yer down the pub you don't want a tinny but, you'd ask for a schooner. See this is where literature got ya all mixed up again. A tinny is an aluminium boat. Ya wouldn't ask for a boat full of beer even on a hot day would ya?

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: mauvepink
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 07:39 PM

My dear Tangledwood

Thank you Sir for sorting out your tongue and showing me your vernacular. What a delightfully wonderful recipes sangs on toast sounds, cooked over old tinnies of woolabrawonga or the old XXX

Us pom Sheilas maybe could save some time in the kitchen ;-)

Mt toodle is pipping so I must go for now

Thanks again for the explanation

:-)

mp

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: mauvepink
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 08:25 AM

Pray tell me that the manners and politeness have not been put back in the storage cupbiard and that this thread, heartwarming and so delightful, is to be forgotten and assigned to the past?

Fellow Catters, I bessech thee to carry on anon with commentary and felicitations to all here. Why, this has been one of the best thread this year that has passed by mine eyes.

I confess to having been touched upon and gained the warmest of glows inside for the hopes and future of Catkind ;-)

Do be having the most gracious of weekends and may your happiness be abundant and plentiful

:-) mp

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 09:35 AM

Dearest Miss Mauve Pink

May I say that your participation in these communications has been the penultimate of decorum.

As our dear and prolifically quoted Miss Austen has stated "An artist cannot do anything slovenly." And you Miss Pink are a veritable maestro in the art of manners. A true credit to the hallowed halls of polite society.

Have you noticed that serving girl, Lizzie I think her name is? She is such a delightful character and I think has great potential. Her wit should not be hidden below stairs.

I propose, we whisk her away to my Aunt's Dower Cottage in Nether Wallop, and educate her in the finer things. She would polish up so pretty, wouldn't she just?

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: mauvepink
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 09:52 AM

Dear Sweet Virginia Tam

Alas, you have touched my soul in such an endearling way as to confuse me so exceedingly. Dear, Dear Jane - of the family Austen - is but my favourite writer on the subject of all things decorum and good manners. Her eloquence pervades the sinews of all desires to be able to live in a world where such conversations existed. I am vexed to see and read bad manners as I yearn, in deep rooted civility to others, for all things to be dealt with so deliciously. Even arguments can be run in a civil and well mannered way. How good it is that you picked up on those who have influenced me. Miss Austen is ever so dear to my heart and helps my well being in so many ways.

As regards the Lizzie girl you mention. Well yes I quite agree. I have a respect for her tenacious meanderings and the way in which she conducts herself often in the face of a baying crownd. I so respect someone who is able to stand steadfast by a principle they believe in, even when contradictory to my own meanderings and musing, so once again, your observations are so erudite.

Alas, with great trepidation, I fear we should not look on her as a serving girl (for I have no wish to look down upon anyone from such Ivory Towers as could be ereted on such matters), but that we should invite her forthwith to make a contribuition to what is being said on her personage and get an opinion from her with great haste.

I am, as ever, your dear correspondent and look forward in earnest to what reply you deem I deserve

mp

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 10:00 AM

My dear Miss Pink: May I please draw your esteemed attention[*] to my enquiry addressed to you in my post of 19 Feb 06.46AM, to which I still await the favour of a response? I am sure this lacuna can be but an adventitious oversight on your part.

[*Talking of Nether Wallop!]

ME ~ the GM (Hon Great-Uncle to the Thread)

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: mauvepink
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 10:11 AM

Dear MtheGM

With utmost apologies for having missed your reply, suggestion and offer. Whilst grateful I indeed need to confess that my mention of being educated in such matters looked toward taught by those who know better than I. I did not mean in any way to suggest upon the thoughts of my nether being walloped. This happens all too frequently...

Not me being walloped but my confusing people exceedingly as to my wishes and intentions. I am sorry if anything I said raised such primal ideas in your rapacious thoughts, consensual as they may have been, and beg (though not on my knees) that you will see fit to allow me some forgiveness for having caused such confusions?

You were quite correct to bring this oversight to my most immediate atention and I hope that I have now satisfied your curiosity enough that we may remain settled on the thread and under no disillusion as to me wants?

Your loyal respondee

mp

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 10:25 AM

Thank you for you charming response, Miss Pink. Your Nether shall remain unWalloped, at least for the nonce — unlike that of my ever iniquitous great nephew!

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 10:27 AM

My dearest friend Miss Pink

Thank you for your precipitous and generous reply. Let me now correct myself. I did not in any way mean to take such a supeirior tone regards sweet Miss Lizzie.

Of course, as I adore Sir Thomas More's Utopian idylls, I would never presume any human to be either above or beneath me. Station is such a tired and outmoded concept. We are civilised people are we not?

I merely meant that I would so enjoy broadening Miss Elizabeth's horizons and hope that others of our acquaintance may also benefit from her charms.

I do so appreciate these correspondences and look forward to our next intercourse, to which I appeal Miss Lizzie's kindest attendance.

Yours in warmest friendship,

Tamara (or just Tam s'il vous preferez)

p.s. I do hope you will address me informally in future as a token of the felicity I feel for you.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 11:05 AM

I entered the thread and was immediately lulled into a sleepy torpor by the general atmosphere of benignity. Finding an empty spot on a pleasant and comfortable green couch, I did not decline the cocktail that was offered. Thin, sweet, and tasting vaguely of mild solvent, I sipped it until I felt my mind circling the room like a leaf in an eddy. "the night lies like a patient etherized on the table" I thought, and then realized I had spoken the words aloud. The woman next to me only smiled in response, and said, softly, "you are looking well." I sipped my mineral spirits and sweet vermouth and nodded. "Yes," I said, "yes, we are all looking well." During a lull in the general conversation, someone rose and removed a record from a faded cardboard jacket, brushing the surface lightly with a cloth. He put it on the phonograph. I prayed it would be big band music, or some ancient country and western emerging from the rumble and hiss. It was the soundtrack of Love Story. Looking down, I realized my wrist watch had stopped.

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 11:29 AM

Greetings to you Mr. E.J.

May I call you Lonesome (a state I hope you do not often find yourself)? I note with some distress that you do not enjoy the pseudo-Austenian world we have created here.

Well, perhaps such niceties are not to your liking. I do hope that we can amend any offense to your sensibilites forthwith.

I (on behalf of myself and any others of like mind) do beg your pardon and beseech your counsel on how to liven up this gathering?

Perchance you would like to join us at Nether Wallop where you may broaden all our horizons?

Subject: RE: BS: A polite and well-mannered thread
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 11:58 AM

Blimey! You lot still 'ere?   I 'ope you're not goin' t'be drivellin' on fer too long, 'cos I'm going out tonight and Bluddy, the Butler, says I gotta clean up in 'ere before I go.

Cor lumme! He ain't 'arf mad, you know. I's been invie'ed to the dance down in the village 'all this evenin' by Josiah, the blacksmiff. He's a lovely boy, he is. Me Mam finks the world of 'im, but I dunno, he's a little too nice fer me, sometimes, if yer know wot I mean.

Anyways up, I'm meetin' Josiah at just after sunset, (never could tell the time, me) under the greenwood tree.

Bluddy's seething wiv anger, but I arsed the Missus and she gave me the evenin' off, so he can't do much about it.   

'E keeps muttering about cucumbers, crumpet and tarts, but I told 'im.."Now you listen, 'ere, Bluddy! I is sick to deaf of your ramblin's and rumblin's. I ain't been out of this 'ere damn kitchen for weeks now. Besides, there's a band playing down there, a threesome twosome, or sumfink, sounds a bit bloody dodgy to me, but Josiah tells me they're good to dance to.

I told Bluddy 'e should go too, and that seemed to keep 'im quiet for a minute or two, took his rovin' eyes orf me bristols too, fank gawwwd. He went orf into 'is parlour muttering that 'e just might do that, 'e just might. Said he knows an Ol' Girl called Miss Diane who might be good fer a bit of a dance and a quick slap and tickle, as she's that sorta lady, 'pparently.

Ooh la bloody la!

Shhhh...don't go tellin' anyone, but..talk in the kitchen is she's a snoo'y ol' cow, so I'm gonna keep me eyes well peeled for 'er later on...see for meself.

Well hurry up you lot, I ain't got all day yer know. I got fires to dampen down, all yer posh crockery to wash and dry, pillows to tidy...and if I get be'ind, well, Bluddy gets me be'ind, and not only that, but he gets me be'ind and gives it a bloody good smackin', which makes his eyes light up like the devil 'iself!

Finish yer delibboratshuns soon as you can...and I'll tell yer all about the threesome twosome and Josiah tomorra..

"Alright, Bluddy! I'm coming! An' you can stop yer laughin', 'cos I knows what yer finkin, yer dirty ol' butler, you!"