BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 08:01 PM

Oops. Apologies to John who's already done that one....

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 07:55 PM

"He had practiced self-abuse until he was a mere wreck of humanity. This vice was shown me as an abomination in the sight of God. ... The results of self-abuse in them is seen in various diseases, such as catarrh, dropsy, headache, loss of memory and sight, great weakness in the back and loins, affections of the spine, the head often decays inwardly. Cancerous humor, which would lay dormant in the system their life-time, is inflamed, and commences its eating, destructive work. The mind is often utterly ruined, and insanity takes place"

Very good, except that he failed to mention the big grin.

What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?

You can beat an egg, but....

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 08:09 PM

Wan-kers away, me boys, Wan-kers away...

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: gnu
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 06:55 PM

Well... I guess that would scare the wife inta puttin out some now and again eh wha? Hehehehe.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 06:53 PM

Beware of the solitary vice:

"He had practiced self-abuse until he was a mere wreck of humanity. This vice was shown me as an abomination in the sight of God. ... The results of self-abuse in them is seen in various diseases, such as catarrh, dropsy, headache, loss of memory and sight, great weakness in the back and loins, affections of the spine, the head often decays inwardly. Cancerous humor, which would lay dormant in the system their life-time, is inflamed, and commences its eating, destructive work. The mind is often utterly ruined, and insanity takes place"

http://www.ellenwhiteexposed.com/criticc.htm

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 05:59 PM

Can I get it on prescription? (just been reading up on prostate cancer)

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: gnu
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 05:53 PM

Maybe couldn't get it up... or down.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 07:01 AM

Well, Guest, (09032010, 0558 AM) -

full marks and a cigar for perspicacity.

Were you pissed, or what ?

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 06:54 AM

Looks like a TH post to me ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 04:04 PM

Good lord. I don't think I ever heard about that stuff before. What a choice piece of vintage Americana.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 03:07 PM

This one's better:

http://www.tijuanabible.org/

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 03:02 PM

In my vast collection of vintage erotica (3000 BCE - 1974 CE) I have several examples of what are commonly referred to as Tijuana Bibles. Maybe this deserves a thread on its own in celebration of these invariably crude (though often exquisitely drafted) graphic comics of the American folkloric underground. For those who don't know, check this site: http://www.tijuanabibles.org/

Perhaps all you Americans out there in Mudcat Land might be so good as to disclose the cultural status of such things in your day as it were, and, indeed, what sort of currency they have today - or this is another venerable folk tradition killed off by technology?

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: gnu
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 02:02 PM

Why would you want to kill your tongue?

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 01:18 PM

I not only brush my teeth religiously, John, I also brush my tongue! Yes, indeed. You'd be amazed how much bacteria congregate on the surface of the tongue. If you use a few drops of oil of oregano and brush the tongue thoroughly in the morning, it kills them deader than the proverbial doornail.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 01:14 PM

Remember to brush your teeth LH

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 11:47 AM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Best version of "Yankee Doodle" I've ever heard...

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 09:11 AM

You'll go blind . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 08:29 AM

What's going to happen when this thread gets to 69 posts.

It's coming soon !

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 08:04 AM

I couldn't resist doing a Google search on Wanky Doodle; no rubber aids by that name (alas) but I did come up with this:

Wanky Doodle went to town
Intent on masturbation
Stuck his member in a hole
And called it fornication

Wanky Doodle keep it up
Wanky Doodle dandy
Mind the tissues and the oil
And keep your fingers handy

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 07:16 AM

On reading once through a dirty magazine (like you do), I came across (so to speak) an advert for an artificial fanny (UK meaning).

It was called "Wanky Doodle".

Says it all, really.

Must go - I feel a J. Arthur coming on (so to speak).

I'll get my (rubber) topcoat.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 04:41 PM

goatfell asked:


what has this got to with folk music

The answer is, "nothing".

It DOES have to do with BS, however.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 03:30 PM

Now that I know how to pronounce it, I like it better. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: goatfell
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 11:54 AM

what has this got to with folk music

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: GUEST,Suibhne (Astray)
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 11:26 AM

Attempting to read (and then mentally pronounce) your name, my good man, is rather like wanking with a cold, damp, gritty, dishrag...


Whatever floats your boat,LH! The earliest published example of my psuedonym Suibhne O'Poibaireachd goes back to a letter in the Folk Roots Jan/Feb double issue 1991, though maybe I was using the name before that. It derives from the Mad Bird King of ancient Irish literature (not legend; see HERE for the full text) and the classical music of the Highland Bagpipes, both of which had a profound influence on my personal sense of the what the...? & who-ness of music & shamanic existence. The pronunciation is simply Sweeney O'Pibroch.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: gnu
Date: 06 Mar 10 - 11:51 AM

Roight! Give us yer schtuppins. Nudge, nudge, wank, wank.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: mousethief
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 07:45 PM

Well, I've got to hand it to you gentlemen.

On second thought, maybe not.

O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Raedwulf
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 05:50 PM

It got better towards the end. Ummmmm... I meant the... oh, never mind!

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 04:24 PM

Actually, John, I wasn't looking for anything. A friend of mine who I play music with now and then emailed it to me this morning. Pretty damn funny, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 04:23 PM

So K-E- double L-O- double GOOD comes to mind and I don't know why.

Is it because the legend of rhythmic noise from mattresses filled with corn flakes and lonely young men reminds me of shakey eggs? Or is it because this thread is full of flakes?

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: gnu
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 04:06 PM

Harrington has a lot of great stuff on YT. His TV show is no more, unfortunately. It was good, but too risqué for the Bible Belt.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Rasener
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 03:00 PM

LOL John

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 02:40 PM

WTF were you looking for?

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 02:31 PM

OMIGOD! I just found this:

Country song: "Dear Penis" by Rodney Carrington

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 01:50 PM

Why is making love in a boat, like Budweiser Lite?
Because it's fucking near water.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Rasener
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 01:20 PM

Q: Why is having a wank like eating McDonald's?
A: Because it's always exactly the same and afterwards you?.swear you'll never do it again.

A new priest is being given instructions on what to do when he takes confession. The older priest tells the new man, for things like stealing, give 5 hail mary's, and for sleeping with the neighbours, 10 hail mary's.So the new priest is taking confession one day. The first man in tells the priest he slept with the woman next door. The priest tells him to do 10 hail mary's and he's on his way.The next man in, confesses to having a wank behind a bush. Somewhat puzzled, the priest steps out of the confessional box and asks two passing alter boys what the "old man" gives for a wank behind a bush.The two boys reply, "A can of Coke and a Mars Bar."

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:43 PM

And in the next cage laydees and gentlepeeps, we have....
The Winky Wanky Bird!
Yes, the Winky Wanky bird; it's eyskin is connected to it's foreskin, and every time it winks; it wanks.
MADAM; STOP THROWING SAND IN IT'S EYES!

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:39 PM

I finally see the point of the name....Wanking is the fall-back solution when winking fails.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:38 PM

Wanking in Scotland, means one male monarch.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Acorn4
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:28 PM

I thought Wanking was a town in China until I discovered Smirnoff!

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: frogprince
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:16 PM

A long time ago, in a universe far, far away, a farm boy from way out in the sticks went to a very conservative religious school in a large city. There came a day when, in private conversation with one of the deans of men, he admitted to a measure of sexual frustration. The dean asked him if he was ever driven to "masturbation, or self abuse". The young man's reply was, "masturbation, yes; self abuse, no."

If anyone ever asks me if that is autobiographical, I think that I'll lie and say that it isn't.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:08 PM

Nah, it's Shorn the Sheep.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 11:18 AM

(Lordy, do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?)

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 11:17 AM

LH, that name would be prounced by the Sassenach as "Sweeny O'Peebrak". I'm certain you're familar with the Great Pipes, the piobrachs, and the legend of Mad Sweeney.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: GUEST,Steamin' Willie
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 09:17 AM

At least if it makes you go blind, you can make a living as a blues guitarist. The style is known as hand jive if I am not mistaken.

it can affect your health in other ways too. One bloke went to the doctors and the doctor said, "It's no good, you are going to have to stop wanking."

"Why?" said the bloke.

"Cos' I am trying to examine you" said the doc.

Amen & Druse.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 08:59 AM

anybody will tell you that contributing to this very rude thread will drive you mad and make you blind.

Well, can I do it till I drool a little and need glasses.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 08:11 AM

Oh, that wasn't directed to you, Acorn. It was directed to Slaibhineidht O'Pidheahibhineigh or whatever the f*ck his name is... ;-D

I wonder how it is pronounced?

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 08:01 AM

Attempting to read (and then mentally pronounce) your name, my good man, is rather like wanking with a cold, damp, gritty, dishrag...it takes some time, yet yields little or no pleasure. ;-)

As for group sex, that's for morons, and Bonobos. The best sex is between two people who are alone together and who really love one another.

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Acorn4
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 08:00 AM

Given the title of the thread is not a certain amount of the said b******s inevitable?

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 05:34 AM

for true musical masturbation modern jazz has to be the epitome

As long as Folkies are still coming out with bollocks like that, Trad. Wanking will be alive & well.

Some Modern Jazz - not wank, more explosive group sex!

Subject: RE: BS: Has traditional wanking had its day?
From: Acorn4
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 04:41 AM

As regards its application to music, for true musical masturbation modern jazz has to be the epitome closely followed by singer songwriters in the style of Leonard Cohen or Nick Drake.