BS: Pretentious Proverbs

Subject: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 01 May 10 - 04:59 AM

Here's something for the weekend, a selection of well known proverbs written in the most pretentious language imaginable. Three for starters...can you 'discover' the proverb concealed within?

"A person experiencing a sudden drop from a relatively erect to a less erect position, should entertain the possibility that their inflated self-image is unendorsed by the general consensus."

"Never perform an oscular examination on a gratuitous solid-hoofed plant-eating quadruped"

"A sartorial procedure may be simplified by the timely & parsimonious application of a solitary suture."

I will reveal the source of these 'linguistic acrobatics', but not for a day or two!
Have a good bank holiday,
                                              Nigel P.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 May 10 - 08:01 AM

Yep - all 3.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 01 May 10 - 10:21 AM

OK, a couple more to keep you going:

"Short lengths of wood & non-metallic mineral masses may inflict specific orthopaedic trauma but the use of onomastic syntax will never precipitate the onset of ontological distress."

"Aviculturalists should refrain from enumerating any gallinaceous livestock that still occupy their oval reproductive bodies."

                                                    Nigel P.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: gnu
Date: 01 May 10 - 12:01 PM

Cluck cluck!

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Ed T
Date: 01 May 10 - 12:29 PM

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre? (Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?)

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Stringsinger
Date: 01 May 10 - 01:02 PM

I recognize I think "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth".
"A stitch in time saves nine".

How 'bout it "is recommended that one not accept a porcine animal that is offered in
a cloth receptacle as payment"........................................................

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: GUEST,Songbob
Date: 01 May 10 - 01:03 PM

I was able to discern the hidden definitions contained within the statements, but am unable to entertain much certainty as to the future popularity of the phraseology as presented.

OR:

I got them all, but doubt they will catch on.



Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Stringsinger
Date: 01 May 10 - 01:18 PM

Maybe someone should revive William F. Buckley for this purpose.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 01 May 10 - 01:40 PM

Be omniperceptive both ocularly and aurally, whilst maintaining verbal silence; be omnivorous and omnibibulous, but do not participate in any financial transfer on the debit side; and perform any honorary charitable actions solely for your own benefit.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 01 May 10 - 04:15 PM

I take Paul is from Yorkshire.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: kendall
Date: 01 May 10 - 04:29 PM

Shades of Mr. Spok.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: gnu
Date: 01 May 10 - 05:04 PM

É = question mark on my keyboard roday.

Do you walk erect or do you gnawitÉ

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 01 May 10 - 06:43 PM

TtC: how wrong can you be? Could you please indicate the location of my cranial integument? I am led to believe that there is a disturbance in the manufacturing facility.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 01 May 10 - 08:12 PM

Trouble at Mill, nay lad, get back t'mill.
But its overrun with huge german dogs.

You don't mean...

Yes....

(Cue Music)

The Mills are alive, with the hounds of Munich!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 01 May 10 - 09:38 PM

The first one posted by MM is from an adv. for Viagra.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 May 10 - 10:26 PM

This one eludes me: "A person experiencing a sudden drop from a relatively erect to a less erect position, should entertain the possibility that their inflated self-image is unendorsed by the general consensus."

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Gurney
Date: 02 May 10 - 12:43 AM

Captured avians are more valuable than those, as yet unremoved from the shrubbery, by a factor of two.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 02 May 10 - 01:26 AM

There's no time like the present to put off things!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 02 May 10 - 04:58 AM

Ebbie..."Pride comes before a fall"
                                                          Nigel P.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 02 May 10 - 06:19 AM

Continuous observation of a heated container indefinitely inhibits the acquisition, by the contents, of sufficient thermal energy to cause rapid evaporation.

A sapient offspring is aware of the contributor of his Y-chromosome.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Ed T
Date: 02 May 10 - 10:35 AM

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows
Japanese proverb

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Ed T
Date: 02 May 10 - 10:37 AM

If God lived on the Earth, people would break his windows
Jewish proverb

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: mousethief
Date: 02 May 10 - 11:31 AM

Refrain from enumerating elevated roadway structures before having completed the journey thereupon.

Take advantage of clement weather for the production of animal fodder.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 02 May 10 - 11:54 AM

Acoustic energy radiation of random amplitude in the frequency range 40-20000Hz is maximised if the container is evacuated.

Only the most extreme form of pathological flatulence fails to present to some individual an opportunity for personal advantage.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: mousethief
Date: 02 May 10 - 12:18 PM

Paul, you've stumped me twofold.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: HuwG
Date: 02 May 10 - 04:45 PM

There is no concept of inequity in either martial or marital spheres of activity.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: GUEST
Date: 02 May 10 - 07:13 PM

Mousethief
Its an ill wind.....
An empty vessel.....

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: GUEST,Tug the cox
Date: 02 May 10 - 07:16 PM

That last one was me, don't know why it came up as guest.

Huw, Alls fair in....

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 02 May 10 - 07:18 PM

Am I reset yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: mousethief
Date: 02 May 10 - 10:06 PM

Dude, if the wind at your place smells like flatulence, you need to move. ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Gurney
Date: 03 May 10 - 03:28 AM

The wisdom of removing garments before June is very questionable!

The practise of receiving credit, along with that of advancing credit, is particularly inadvisable.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: HuwG
Date: 03 May 10 - 04:54 AM

Acoustic energy radiation of random amplitude in the frequency range 40-20000Hz is maximised if the container is evacuated.

I must admit, I read that as, "In space, no-one can hear you scream!"

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 03 May 10 - 05:08 AM

As promised, the 'tortured' proverbs that began this thread came from a little book entitled: "100 Pretentious Proverbs" by Michael Powell (Published by Prion in 2002). My wife & I were spring cleaning/dejunking/decluttering & as so often happens, a few 'gems' were found, of which this was one, tucked at the back of a cupboard.Many thanks for the additional contributions...feel free to keep them coming. A final one from me:

"A large though indefinite number of morphemes or combination of morphemes that symbolise & communicate meaning with unimpeachable veracity are articulated with the primary motive of eliciting a humorous response."
                                                                                           Nigel P.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 03 May 10 - 09:52 AM

Gurney:

"The wisdom of" . . .

??????

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 03 May 10 - 10:03 AM

Eulogy fails to butyrify Pastinaca sativa.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: michaelr
Date: 03 May 10 - 10:37 PM

Huw, that should be "minimized" then, shouldn't it?

Paul, please translate your contributions!

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Gurney
Date: 04 May 10 - 12:24 AM

DaveO, 'Ne'er cast a clout ere May is out.' Very Olde English. Don't discard your winter trousers before the end of May.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: bubblyrat
Date: 04 May 10 - 07:52 AM

A multiplicity of maternal admonishments apprised me of the inadvisability of indulging in recreational activity with nationally-displaced itinerants in an arboreal environment.

    Succulent desserts recklessly relocate to environments studiously avoided by timourous heavenly manifestations.

On the occasion of powerful meteorological air-current disturbances of Arctic polar origination, a prediction of the probability of a semi-solid,crystaline precipitation should not be discounted.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Charmion
Date: 04 May 10 - 09:14 AM

Mother always warned me against playing with gypsies in the woods.

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Expect snow when the north wind blows.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 04 May 10 - 10:02 AM

Before may is out...not the end of May, but when the may flower blooms. This varied according to the weather conditions.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 04 May 10 - 10:04 AM

Many a true word....
Fine words butter no....

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 04 May 10 - 02:01 PM

.not the end of May, but when the may flower blooms

So they does be saying. But in reality, May refers to a guitarist from a British rock group of some years ago, and the saying means "Do not attempt an assault before the lead guitarist of Queen discloses his homosexuality".

Nocturnal celestial coloration of wavelength 630-740nm causes elation among oviculturalists; whereas this community considers a corresponding matinal tincture to be minatory.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 04 May 10 - 08:24 PM

Reed sky at....

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Donuel
Date: 04 May 10 - 08:40 PM

When the rooster crows atop the dungheap, the weather is sure to change, or not.


German proverb.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Gurney
Date: 05 May 10 - 01:51 AM

Well, Tug, I looked it up in The Phrase Finder, and they waver between the two meanings, but finally settle on the month because of similar sayings in other languages. the Hawthorn isn't called the May Tree for no reason, though, is it. I love the perfume.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: bubblyrat
Date: 05 May 10 - 07:32 AM

If,subsequent to initial attempts,a satisfactory result is not forthcoming,then one should attempt cranial concealment employing ones penile-dermic appendage.

Clue---it's a Scottish proverb,apparently !

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: greg stephens
Date: 05 May 10 - 08:00 AM

Can't solve bubblyrat's in its entirety, though the village idiot's usual trick in the Ball of Kirriemuir must be involved somewhere along the line. I've made a rough translation as
"If at first you don't succeed, pull your foreskin over your head and vanish up your dick".
Now, this seems somehow unlikely to be a Scottish proverb, but I suppose it could be.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: bubblyrat
Date: 05 May 10 - 10:59 AM

Aye Aye !! As we used to say in Her Majesty's Navy (with a Glasgow accent,of course) ;

"If at firrrrst you don't succeed,
    Pull ya forrreskin over ya heed " !!

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 05 May 10 - 12:21 PM

I'm not going to prententious-ize this, but:

If at first you don't succeed,
Try, try again. . . .
Then stop. There's no point in making a fool of yourself!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Gurney
Date: 05 May 10 - 04:33 PM

Or as Les Barker puts it,

If at first you don't succeed,
Skydiving is not a good idea.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Rowan
Date: 05 May 10 - 07:14 PM

An effective revolution ought to be followed by a subsequent similar, they say.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Ed T
Date: 05 May 10 - 07:26 PM

Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.

- Swedish Proverb

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Ed T
Date: 05 May 10 - 07:37 PM

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our cheif weapon is surprise, fear and surprise; two cheif weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among our chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to the Pope! Um, I'll come in again... Monty Python

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 06 May 10 - 04:51 AM

Here are the 'translations' of my 'pretentious proverbs' in order of posting.

"Pride comes before a fall"

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth"

"A stitch in time saves nine"

"Sticks & stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me"

"Don't count your chickens before they are hatched"

"Many a true word is spoken in jest"

                                                               Nigel P.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: bubblyrat
Date: 06 May 10 - 05:23 AM

Maintain a state of diligent awareness regarding gratuitous presentations by George's compatriots.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: greg stephens
Date: 06 May 10 - 05:51 AM

Or, to put it another wqay, "timeo danaos et dona ferentes" (even more pretentious quoting it in Latin eh?)

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 06 May 10 - 12:55 PM

"Beware of Greeks bearing gifts."

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: bubblyrat
Date: 06 May 10 - 01:00 PM

Yes,Greg ! Or,as we used to say in the RN;

   Rectum Intoxicatum Nil Porter Navigatum

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: bubblyrat
Date: 06 May 10 - 01:05 PM

Actually,Greg,if you could come up with "An apple a day keeps the doctor away " in Swahili, I should be mightily impressed !

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 06 May 10 - 01:34 PM

Keep Timmy O'Daniels and Donna Ferranti out of this.

That an unspecified rate of delivery of energy should provide us with an accurate method of synchronising self-perception with public image is to be desired.

Withdrawal is the inevitable sequel to penetration.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 06 May 10 - 02:49 PM

The calychelonic interstice is polysphalmic.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 06 May 10 - 07:58 PM

Googling the "words" calychelonic and polysphalmic results, in each case, in a "not found" response.

You're puttin' us on, Paul!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Paul Burke
Date: 07 May 10 - 01:47 PM

You have a point Dave. I should have written calyco-chilonic. And polyolisthanic might also have been a better choice.

Subject: RE: BS: Pretentious Proverbs
From: Ed T
Date: 08 May 10 - 11:50 AM

"Applying the psi function, the more vague the statement of the man,
the greater the probability of his being correct. The narrower and
more specific his utterance, the greater the likelihood of his being
wrong. Also, the principle of complementarity assures us that if a
man alone in the woods speaks, and his wife can not hear him, he is
BOTH right and wrong--until he comes out of the woods, then he is most likely wrong."