OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG

Subject: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 08:43 AM

When I came to the Tavern thread this morning, I found a post from DougR and I was taken so aback that I sit here virtually in shock.

Doug my friend, I don't know what to say, except that you have my best thoughts and those of Karen too. We're both very knowing of the power of the Mudcat to help in bad times. I sit here crying and wishing I could do more than start a thread of support. We may be a bunch of loonies in many ways, but this is also a caring and loving bunch of loonies too.

We are here and we want to help in any way we can. I've enjoyed your input so much and I know what a great part of your life Velma was. Much love to you my friend.

Spaw
Pat and Karen Patterson

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 08:58 AM

My apologies for not saying what Doug posted. Last Tuesday he lost Velma after 48 wonderful years. I am still without words, only good thoughts, Doug.

Spaw

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: MMario
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 09:11 AM

My grandmother once said to me that everyone is immortal, because contact between people changes them. And because that change is reflected in their contacts with others, the presence of the first person is passed along, ad infinatum.

I'm not sure I'm saying this correctly, but there are 48 years of Velma in the Doug that posts here, and thus she is a part of all the MudCats who have or WILL interact with you.

As I have said before, the note itself may end, but the echoes and harmonies linger.

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Bert
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 09:40 AM

Our thoughts are with you Doug.
If you need anything we are here for you.

Love you guy!

Bert

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Allan C.
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 09:58 AM

Doug, I think I can safely say that there are many like me who want very much to say something to you to console you in your grief, but, in truth, can't come up with any words which really convey our level of compassion and sorrow at this sad time. Know that our thoughts are with you and that there will be songs sung and music played with you and Velma in mind.

Allan

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Wolfgang
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 10:36 AM

(thanks to Catspaw for bringing this out of the tavern where I never would have found it)

Doug, my thoughts are with you. 48 years is a very long time, most probably more than half of your whole life. You'll never forget these years but friends and music might make it easier for you bye and bye.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 10:45 AM

Dear Doug
Deepest sympathies from Rick and Heather Fielding.

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 11:01 AM

Dear DougeR:

I am so sorry. As you might remember, my mom passed away this January and I've said, many times, I don't know how I could've coped without my family and my friends here at the Mudcat.

Their words and thoughts meant so much to me. I hope, when you are ready, you can take them into your heart and know that we all love you and are here for you, in any way that we can help.

MMario's grandma was right. Velma will always be a part of you and remembered well, here, at the Mudcat.

All our love & wishes for peace profound,

Katey & Roger LaFrance

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: annamill
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 11:30 AM

Doug, I am so very sorry to hear about your Velma. A great loss of a partner of 48 years. There are no words that can ease the pain, but maybe we can listen if you would like to talk. We're here if you need us. with love. I think we feel a little of your pain and maybe we can help.

Love, annap(with tears in my eyes and love in my heart)

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: bbelle
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 12:09 PM

Doug ... I'm so sorry ... it must feel like you've truly lost your "other" half. It is my belief that when someone passes they don't really leave you but are always hovering nearby, sort of like a guardian angel ... mc aka moonchild

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 12:34 PM

You are in my thoughts today, friend.

Ernie Johnson

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Margo
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 12:45 PM

Doug, I'm so sorry. But how lucky for you to have had 48 years together! As MMario said, she is still part of you, and I believe that,

Margarita

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: skarpi Iceland
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 01:00 PM

Doug I am sorry for your lost, may god be with you. All the best to you all skarpi Iceland.

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Alice
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 01:12 PM

Doug, there are no words adequate in any language to console you in the loss of your wife. Most of us here only know each other by our words, and with only words, we seem to have formed a close-knit community from around the world. In the loss of that deep level of relationship that you and Velma shared, we who have experienced the death of loved ones know that all we have are words, which do not fill the void, but I hope the words will let you know that as much as is possible through this cyber connection, we care about you. Sincerest sympathy to you and your family, Alice.

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Den
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 01:16 PM

Doug I'm very sorry for the loss of your wife. I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said by our friends here at the cat. I can only say that time is a healer and time can take away some of your pain. You will always have your wife with you wherever you go in those special memories of her that are yours and yours only. They will always be a comfort to you. Den

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Cara
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 01:24 PM

So sorry to hear this sad news. May your memories, and your friends and loved ones comfort you in this time of sorrow. You and yours are in my thoughts.

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: karen k
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 02:19 PM

Doug,

My thoughts are with you through this difficult time. I hope you can focus on the good times that you had together and not just the sad time you are going through now. Find comfort in your family and friends and try to remember how very many people are better people because they have known Velma. She will live in your heart forever.

My deepest sympathies,

karen k

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Barbara
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 02:31 PM

It's kind of like dandilions. Golden flowers for a while, and then a great head of snowy hair, and then one day you look, and - Poof - no more dandilion, just a stem and a million seeds going everywhere. All the lives this one touched, all the things she said and did that made a difference, all the love she gave still there, only no more center, just the seeds blowing everywhere.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: harpgirl
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 02:54 PM

...I am so sorry you lost your dear mate, Doug. May God be with you in your sorrow...

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Dave Swan
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 04:19 PM

Dear Doug, Please accept our sympathies and warmest regards. Dave & Pam Swan

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 04:59 PM

Doug, Last night I saw your announcement of your loss in the other thread and I didn't know what to say. I still don't. I'm glad Catspaw at least had the sense to start this thread. My thoughts are with you. --Charles Kratz

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: bbc
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 05:19 PM

Dear Doug,

You know my thoughts & prayers are with you already & that I grieve at your loss. I know that Velma has been the integral part of your life that I have wanted a partner to be. This has to be very hard time for you. When you get past the arrangements & first adjustments, I hope you will take comfort in having been true to your marriage vows, for better or for worse, and having been a faithful life-partner to your beloved wife. catspaw, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for starting this thread. I surely would have done so, if I'd been at home. My message comes a little later than it would have, since I am still in Missouri without Internet access. David has been kind enough to transmit information to me by JUNO email & is posting this message in my behalf. Doug, I hope the thoughts, tears, hugs, & prayers posted here will help to strengthen & sustain you through the next days. We truly do care. You don't need to schedule it yet, but I hope that a trip to New York may be in your future. I very much look forward to seeing you face-to-face, offering you a *real* cup of black coffee or whatever, & sitting down for a good chat. Until then, holding you in my mind & in my heart.

love,

bbc (Barbara)

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Craig
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 09:47 PM

Doug, My prayers and thoughts are of you and your great loss. I hope you have someone to be near you and to hug you when one is needed. Take care my friend and you have my sympathy.

Craig

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Big Mick
Date: 20 Aug 99 - 11:17 PM

I read the message that was directed at me, Doug, this morning. I immediately started to answer it, and found that for once in my life, I didn't know what to say. Every time I started to write, it sounded contrived and shallow. I had to ponder this before responding.

You have been such a complete gentleman........your class simply shines through the words. A real guy, but with an obvious grace that attracts us to you. I have always found people like this to be complete in their lifestyle.........and to have a life partner who shares and cares about living as decent human beings. I have always watched in awe as these people walk through life together. 48 years together, sir.......48.........I am amazed at that. 48 years of celebrating one anothers life, accomplishments, failures. 48 years of living everyday as friends and relying on one another. I am sitting here crying at the thought of that kind of grief............and yet I want to celebrate this amazing partnership. You are a forunate man, Doug, to have had someone like Velma for 48 years........and based on what I have seen of the cut of you, Velma was fortunate to have you. Grieve sir, for your loss is tremendous, and know that there is a worldwide community grieving with you. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Mick

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Aug 99 - 12:17 AM

As always, eloquent and sincere, thank you Mick for saying what many of us feel. I felt so addled and inadequate this morning...the only thing I could think of was to start a thread, but I didn't know what to say.

Ironically, today was the day that Karen got vacation confirmation so she can attend the FSGW with me. So much of me is defined by her and our boys........I cannot imagine your grief at this time but be assured we are with you. Velma's loss leaves a hole in your heart that I'm sure is fathomless now.......but soon the memories of all those years will fill it and as Mario's grandmother said, the memories and the lives she touched will bring an immortality that will endure as your love for each other endured.

Spaw

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: BK
Date: 21 Aug 99 - 01:57 AM

"Music is the one thing we share with the Angels."

-Mary Elizabeth Stanford (My great Aunt, who raised me. Don't know where she learned the saying, but it feels right to me. Sorry to hear of your tragic loss.)

Sing what your heart feels; SHE will hear it.

Buzz Keiper

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: alison
Date: 21 Aug 99 - 02:11 AM

Doug,

So many others have said what I feel so much better than I ever could. ...... sending a big cyber hug from Australia.

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: DougR
Date: 21 Aug 99 - 02:12 AM

My Wonderful Friends, what a lucky day it was for me when I stumbled upon the Mudcat. Your thoughts, words and prayers will be appreciated by our whole family. We had 48 wonderful years together having met on a blind date in college. Fortunately for me, I have three wonderful grown children living here and close by. I will tell them of the wonderful new caring friends I have made here in the Mudcat and the messages you have sent me.

Unfortunately, many of the last twenty of the forty eight years were painful ones for her. She was a victim of rheumatoid arthritis and had many surgeries over the last five years including, open heart (a rheumatoid arthritis nodule grew on a stem in one of her heart valves and affected her heart beat until it was removed), hip and knee replacement, ankle fusion (which failed) and the last surgery, which was done last March, the surgeon inserted a metal surgical nail through her heel and drove it almost to her knee. This was intended to correct the failed fusion. We thought she was out of the woods but she died on the day she was to have had her final check-up on that surgery. The cause was a blood clot that resulted probably from the surgery and made its way through the bloodstream to her lungs. The only bright spot in this whole situation and one that gives me some comfort is that she will have no more pain.

God Bless you all and thank you, for your kind words. I am especially grateful to Catspaw for starting this thread and bbc who has become my new special friend. I'm printing off the messages so that our children may share them also.

DougR

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 21 Aug 99 - 02:48 AM

Dear Doug, I've just read through a lot of your postings. I guess for me it's a way of connecting a little bit better. I often do it when I want to reply to someone with more than my usual "quip or joke" style. I can't really imagine the loss you're feeling right now, even though a number of my good friends have passed in the last couple of years. I know what it feels like to "almost" lose a friend (even though we'd never met at that point) and I think I know how devistated I would be if Heather were not here with me. We've only been together 11 years, and somehow I feel that we're just STARTING to really understand each other. We won't have 48 years because we met much later than you and Velma did. You folks were very lucky, and even though you've said her health was bad for a long time, I'm sure your kindness made it much easier to deal with. How do I know about your kindness? It was a love for folk music that brought you to this community, and I've been around folk people for a lot of years. With all their different tastes, politics, religions and lifestyles, they ALL have shared a common quality. They care about people first. That's why I stay with the folk community, both in person and now, on-line. Hope you'll be here for a long while yet.

Rick

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Banjer
Date: 21 Aug 99 - 05:27 AM

All than can be said, has already been said. I can only add my condolences and heartfelt sympathy. It is times like this that makes one proud to be part of a community like the Mudcat. The best to you and yours, Ray Eanes

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: DougR
Date: 21 Aug 99 - 11:41 AM

Thanks Rick, Banjer.

DougR

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Aug 99 - 01:30 AM

Doug,

My mom had gone through a lot, healthwise and dealt wiht a lot of pain, too. That wa sone of the best comforts I could think of, was her not being in pain anymore. Her body just got worn out.

Mick, Catspaw, and Rick, you've all proven, once again, why I am so grateful I found the Mudcat. What wonderful people you all are.

Doug, thanks for sharing with us and for sharing us with your children. I am glad they are nearby. Judging from you and what you've said about Velma, I am sure they must be wonderful people. May you all find comfort in the love of one another and your blessed memories.

luvyaKat

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Helen
Date: 22 Aug 99 - 05:12 AM

Doug,

I'm thinking of you and your family. Like Rick said, I won't have 48 years to share with my husband-to-be. We only started going out together a couple of years ago although we knew each other through mutual friends about 15 years before that. Sometimes I think about what we may have missed out on by not "finding" each other until later in life, and it is marriages like yours and my parents (46 years) which I imagine. But life doesn't always go the easy way around, so I can only wonder how it feels to share my life with someone for 48 years.

If your marriage has been as kind, loving, mutually supportive and interesting as my parents' marriage then I know that you have some beautiful times to think about, and that the beautiful times, and even the hard times you have shared will help you to get through your time of loss now.

I like what Barbara said about the dandelion seed head, and I love the poem which MMario put into the tavern thread.

Give everyone in your family a great big hug from everyone here in your Mudcat family.

Helen

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: WyoWoman
Date: 22 Aug 99 - 08:10 PM

Oh, Doug, I've been away for a few days and just got back. I'm feeling so sad for you. I echo the good wishes and prayers of the others who've posted here.

WyoWoman

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Susan A-R
Date: 22 Aug 99 - 10:06 PM

I also send my thought syour way. I am so glad that you have family around to be with you. As I spend time with my Dad, who is losing more and more to cancer, and with my Mom, I know that it's as important for us children to be involved and helpful as it is for you surviving parents to have our support. lean on that love.

Susan

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 23 Aug 99 - 04:38 AM

Doug, I've been off the 'air' over the weekend, just seen the sad news, very sorry, thinking of you, Roger.

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: dwditty
Date: 23 Aug 99 - 06:36 AM

Doug,

It is with prayerful thanks that we all celebrate the life of your darling Velma. May God's peace bring serenity to you and your children during this difficult time. God Bless you all.

DW

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 23 Aug 99 - 06:48 AM

Dear Doug,

Although I'm relatively new here may I add my condolences and heartfelt sympathy to those already expressed for your sad loss.

All best wishes,

mcmoo

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 23 Aug 99 - 09:40 PM

I too have been away and hadn't heard the news, but blessings and comfort on you and your children during this sorrowful time. And blessings on the Mudcat, once again shining with light and love.
Allison

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: DougR
Date: 24 Aug 99 - 12:48 AM

Dear Friends: Thanks to all of you for your concern, your good wishes, and your prayers. Love to everyone of you from all the Richards family.

DougR

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: Bob Landry
Date: 24 Aug 99 - 11:11 AM

Doug, I just got back after a few days out of town and found this thread. Please accept my most sincere condolences on your loss.

Bob

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: bbc
Date: 24 Aug 99 - 11:34 AM

Those of you who were at my get-together July 31st--I hope you realize it was Doug's Velma we were singing "Happy Birthday" to. I'm glad we did & I'm happy to see us, once more, rallying around one of our own. They say that joy shared is doubled & grief shared is halved. May it be so! There's a photo of Doug & his beloved on Mudcat Photos.

best,

bbc

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Aug 99 - 11:38 AM

Thanks for that link, bbc and welcome back. Velma looks like a neat lady.

Subject: RE: OUR BEST THOUGHTS TO DOUG
From: DougR
Date: 24 Aug 99 - 05:03 PM

As I have said many times before, many thanks for your thoughts, words of encouragement and your prayers.

It is time to move on now. I'm immersing myself in work with a client I took on in early August (a theatre company) and that, and my good friends at the Mudcat will keep me on track.

Bless you, one and all!

DougR