BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?

Subject: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 10:08 AM

You know...as in "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

Well, suppose all the wood he could possibly handle was provided, free of charge, how long would he go on chucking it?

Woodchucks are also called groundhogs, and it may be because they like to acquire as much real estate as possible. The same principle applies. The groundhog will hog a great deal of ground before he is completely satisfied with the size of his holdings. The question is, when does he feel he's had enough?

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: GUEST,999
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 10:12 AM

I think at about the same time a capitalist feels he has enough money.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Ed T
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 10:15 AM

When another more dominant woodchuck defines his boundaries for him.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Ed T
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 10:18 AM

Let's face it, we are not talking about Genghis Khan here, it's a f'n woodchuck, folks.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Charmion
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 10:23 AM

How much ground round would a hound dog hog if a hound dog was ground round?

Pogo can take any question to a whole new level.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: GUEST,999
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 10:23 AM

We have met the enemy and he is us.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 11:01 AM

I dunno. But how much chuck could a schmuck like Buck tuck before it gets stuck and he starts to upchuck on the seat of his truck. Yuck!

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 11:04 AM

Groundhogs.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: olddude
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 11:41 AM

Only until olddude sets his live trap and moves the critter out into the woods someplace. Moved three of the fuzzy critters last summer after they ate my neighbors flower garden

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: frogprince
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 12:06 PM

When they make sausage of him and put him in Jimmy Dean's sausage-biscuit sandwichs in the grocery. I kid you not, the first ingredient on the label is "whole ground hog".

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 12:32 PM

Okay, here's a true story from my buddy John's college days. He was going to Upper Canada College which is in Toronto. It's a prestigious school for the sons of the filthy rich, right next to a very upscale neighborhood called Forest Hill. In those days the school was right at the edge of the city, and there were farms nearby. Forest Hill had once been a small town, and you can still see the old center of that town where the main street was, with a little collection of stores and a couple of banks. In the streets all around there are a lot of expensive houses and places that you could pretty well call mansions.

But I digress.

At any rate, Upper Canada College had large areas of lawn and some stands of trees around the college buildings and dormitories...still does, actually...and John and his friends, who were notorious for their hijinks and general hell-raising, had noticed that there was a groundhog living on one side of the campus. It would often be seen eating the grass and looking around. They hatched a plot to capture that groundhog and get it into a burlap bag by catching it very early in the morning when it emerged from its hole to great the day and have breakfast.

Somehow or another they actually managed to do this! It must have taken a good deal of stealth and timing. I don't know the exact details of how they pulled it off, only that they DID catch the groundhog and get it in the bag.

The question now was what do do with the groundhog.

They settled on taking it into one of the college residences and putting it into a chest of drawers which belonged to some guy they didn't like very much. They emptied most of the stuff out of his sock drawer while he was off taking a shower and dumped the by now very upset groundhog into the drawer and quickly shut it.

And left the room.

The groundhog had about 5 or 10 minutes to stew about his predicament in solitude. Then the guy who'd been taking the shower returned to his room, and opened the drawer to get himself a pair of socks. He reached in. The groundhog bit him on the thumb. And all hell broke loose. The groundhog fortunately let go of this guy's thumb and made a break for the hallway, chittering furiously. It ran around frantically up and down the hallways, causing students and one or two faculty to scatter in all directions. Pandemonium ensued. Eventually someone had the wit to prop open an exit door, and the groundhog was driven in that direction and thankfully found its way out onto the lawn, quickly rushing off to the shelter of one of its holes.

And now I come to the main point of this story: That groundhog had definitely had ENOUGH!

postscript: John and his buddies got in some serious shit over this heinous incident, only one in a long series of atrocities they had perpetrated, and they were expelled from the campus for a period of time. Did they learn anything from that experience? I doubt it, but they certainly enjoyed themselves.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Ed T
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 12:36 PM

Why does he not focus on winter-spring forecasting, and forget about making a hog of himself?

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 01:03 PM

Little critter'll have had enough after this!

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 05:22 PM

Oh! That is just terrible. What an awful thing to do to a poor innocent woodchuck!

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: gnu
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 06:36 PM

Well, depends on how hungry the archer is, LH.

Personally, I hunt "groundhog" at Rinzler's. No groundhog this week. But the Coop has chickens for $2 a pound. Sure, I am disappointed that there are no sales on groundhogs but whaddya gonna do eh? Chicken soup is the better way to go in January in nb.ca anyway so I am not TOO disappointed.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: olddude
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 06:38 PM

My old man loved to eat the damn things ... yuck greasy .. terrible

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 07:11 PM

You're worse than a bunch of damned headhunters! Oh, the rodentry!!!

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Ed T
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 07:19 PM

Chuck the woodphucks.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: kendall
Date: 17 Jan 13 - 07:26 PM

I thought Midchuck would be in on this but maybe he's afraid he will get shot?

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jan 13 - 07:39 AM

Jumpins! There's a pile of em runnin around here tryin ta keep warm on accounta they got up ta pee this mornin and because they weren't in their dens providin the necessary body heat their holes froze up an they can't get back in. I feel sorry for em but I ain't lettin em the house on accounta last year the buggers gnawed my furniture after drinkin all me beer, the little rats!

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jan 13 - 07:48 AM

Hell, I have relatives like that!

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jan 13 - 10:45 AM

The truth is, Woodchucks don't come out to pee in bad weather. They stay underground, because they have a room excavated out in their system of tunnels which serves as a latrine. Go to this page, scroll down a bit, and you'll find a picture illustrating the general plan of the groundhog hole. The "toilet" area is situated up the slope from the living area, so any unpleasant odors will rise up and out, not work their way down toward the sleeping quarters.

Then too, groundhogs mostly hibernate through the cold weather, so they don't need to make many trips to the washroom anyway.

Groundhogs can easily be domesticated if you start when they're young, but they can apparently be rather aggressive, so they have to be handled carefully.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jan 13 - 02:18 PM

Most wild animals make bad pets. Leave them be.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Jan 13 - 03:32 PM

All animals were wild once, Kendall. Dogs ain't nothin' but selectively breeded wolves, dingos or somethin' else along that general line.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jan 13 - 07:11 PM

That was hundreds of years ago! None of those animals are still around. Anyone who tries to make a pet out of a Raccoon, a Chimpanzee (a real one) is a fool who is asking for trouble.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: GUEST,Chongo
Date: 18 Jan 13 - 09:03 PM

Hundreds? Hell, it was thousands of years ago, kendall! Read yer natural history books. My point is, there are lots of so-called "wild" animals that make great pets or companions if they are treated right...and there are lots of domestic animals that are downright dangerous if they ain't treated right, so don't go lecturin' other folks about who should make a pet out of what. It ain't yer business. Each situation is totally unique to the people involved and how they handle it...and you will never come up with a rulebook or a law that sorts it all out and makes everything perfect.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 05:39 AM

I believe Kendall's rule of thumb is correct. I give the opposing points a thumbs down.

Hiberian Hogs? Them hogs is country hogs. These here are city hogs, used to the fast paced city life. No time fer snoozin in The Greater Metro Area. Well, maybe across the river what's in yer Albert County.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 05:48 AM

BTW, if ya ever see an Albert County Liquor Pig, steer clear. Gnaw anything, them. They don't snooze neither. Iffn ya don't believe me here is last year's hockey pool. Proof enough fer me.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: kendall
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 06:49 AM

LH, tell it to the woman whose pet Chimp got pissed off and tore her face off.This is not an isolated incident, it happens way to often.
An animal is an animal, period.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: kendall
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 06:55 AM

My lifelong career was in the Fish& Wildlife service. I believe I know more about animals than Joe the plumber.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: frogprince
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 08:56 AM

You know a woodchuck has had enough when you see him laying back next to a lady woodchuck, smiling and having a cigarette.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 12:05 PM

kendall, the world has millions of people in it, and they have millions of different reasons for doing the many unique things they do, and nothing you or I can say is going to change that.

My family had a pet gray squirrel for a number of years, a rescue of an infant squirrel that was found abandoned outdoors. He made a wonderful, charming indoor pet and he never hurt anyone...nor did he damage anything in the house...and he thoroughly enjoyed himself. According to your viewpoint we should not have done this. Well, sorry. You control your own life and your own decisions, but you do not control other people's lives or their decisions...and your opinion has no authority over them.

I would not attempt to own a pet chimp, because it IS potentially quite dangerous, and it's much too big a responsibility to take on as far as I'm concerned, but that's my personal decision, not anybody else's...providing my local laws allow it. I generally am pretty conscientious about obeying laws...not because I think the law is all-knowing or necessarily right about things...laws are sometimes absolutely asinine...but because the law is too BIG to fight and only fools put themselves afoul of it. My pragmatic decision is not to put myself afoul of it, if at all possible.

I think very carefully about whether or not to take any animal into my house, I can assure you. You not only have to think in terms of whether you can handle the situation, you also have to think in terms of how long the animal will live, what its needs are, and so on. The question isn't whether the animal is "wild" or not, the question is whether you are able to deal with the situation in a way that is suitable and safe for both you and the animal...and provides both with a measure of health and happiness.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: kendall
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 02:18 PM

I have no desire to tell others what to do.If you want to make a pet of a dangerous wild animal thats your stupid move not mine.
There is a hell of a difference between a squirrel and a Python.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 06:08 PM

But, if you had both, Kendall, you could save $ on pet food.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 08:06 PM

Who ever said I wanted to make a pet of a dangerous wild animal, kendall? You seem to be ascribing motives to me that I have never had or even considered. I normally take pains to avoid contact with dangerous animals, whether they are wild or domesticated. In either case, I certainly don't want them as pets.

Now, if it's a guinea pig (animals which run wild in South America), a rabbit (animals which run wild all over the place), a squirrel, a crow, a hedgehog, a chinchilla, a turtle, a parrot, etc....I might consider having it as a pet, given the right circumstances. I don't regard those as dangerous animals, particularly. Not that they can't do some harm if they defend themselves against a perceived danger...still I wouldn't call them nearly as "dangerous" as most dogs (or cats) can be when they are afraid or provoked. A domestic dog or cat or horse or common bovine animal that goes berserk for some reason can seriously mess up your whole day and put you in the hospital...maybe even kill you. This doesn't mean that people shouldn't keep them as either pets or livestock. It means that people should use good judgement and careful observation as to how they keep them...and treat them.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: kendall
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 12:04 PM

LH, this is not about you! It's about anyone who tries to make a pet of a dangerous wild animal. WILD is just that, and they will never be tamed.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 02:24 PM

"I don't regard those as dangerous animals, particularly."

I don't know of any human scared of a turtle. Don't understand why that is germain to Kendall's point.

And, I might add, if you would keep a turtle as a pet under any circumstances, save nursing it back to health if it needed help... well... that's just wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 02:42 PM

I think we are actually pretty much in agreement, guys. Certainly, I do agree about the inadvisability of keeping dangerous wild animals as pets, but I'd be willing to make exceptions in certain individual cases (assuming I had any authority to). I'd judge any given case on its particular unique merits, in other words, rather than making blanket assumptions that allow no exception to a stated rule.

But in general, yes I agree with your point, kendall.

And I pretty much agree with yours too, gnu. Wild turtles are better off left in their natural habitat, as are other wild creatures...unless they're injured and you're nursing them back to health.

Now what about getting back to those poor, neglected woodchucks?

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: frogprince
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 06:56 PM

Lemmee see now...what was that original question...

"How many woodchucks would a woodchuck f**k, if he could f**k all he would?"

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 07:06 PM

We probably don't have any numbers that go that high...

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 08:09 PM

froggy... all he could. I ain't a woodchuuck, but it just makes sense to me.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: kendall
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 05:36 AM

A Snappy Turtle would make a very poor pet. They are nasty and they bite.They can remove a finger in one snap.

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 01:42 PM

That's for sure! I've encountered snapping turtles in the wild, and I wouldn't dream of having one as a pet. I have also discovered that if you lift them up in such a way that they can't bite you (to get them off the road) then they will attempt to piss all over you with a very evil-smelling effluent that they can produce at will. Talk about being ungrateful!!!

(A badly frightened Dachshund will sometimes do exactly the same thing, by the way, if hoisted into the air by a well-meaning stranger whom it doesn't trust...they produce a fluid from their "scent" gland, under the tail, and it stinks to high heaven.)

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: MMario
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 02:17 PM

"I don't know of any human scared of a turtle. "

Haven't lived around snappers, much? fast and easily aggravated. They have a MUCH greater range then people think and those beaks are SHARP!!!

Subject: RE: BS: When has a woodchuck had enough?
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 22 Jan 13 - 10:09 AM

Bet this one was getting the hump...