BS: Banjo Abuse

Subject: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: GUEST,Lavengro
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 02:25 PM

I am not a Daily Mail reader. Just wanted to clear that up. This guys "defence" is just.........


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2111064/Commuter-accused-sex-act-train-tells-court-strumming-imaginary-banjo.html

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: GUEST,Musket sans cookie
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 02:44 PM

You can't abuse a banjo.

Banjos do the abusing.....


Oh, and stop reading The Daily Ma*l. You'll come over all reactionary and start growing hairs on your palms.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 04:47 PM

Banjo abuse, surely an oxymoron.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: framus
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 07:15 PM

He could have really gone to town if he'd been a bodhran player!

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 07:03 AM

I'll have to remember this. "It's a kazoo in my pocket, I'm not pleased to see you."

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Ed T
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 07:47 AM

Because of everything new I am learning about variations in human behaviour from reality TV, I was not sure what this post was about. So, I did get curious.

I have to admit,while I enjoy listening to some banjo playing, I tried playing one once, and was not very good at it. If I had of continued, I likely would have gotten better. But, in reality, it likely would have been more like the thread title.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 09:04 AM

"Banjo Abuse"
Can anybody join in?
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 09:09 AM

You may call it abuse, I couldn't possibly comment.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 09:51 AM

And here I was thinking that this was about bluegrass

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 11:53 AM

It will be a sad day in England when a man can't pluck an imaginary banjo on a tube train.....

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 02:29 PM

The case arose after a woman complained of seeing a newspaper moving on his lap as he breathed heavily.

"Pardon me sir, but may I have the entertainment section?"


"'He was doing what he shouldn't have been doing, without a shadow of a doubt. I felt absolutely violated. I was an emotional wreck at the time. I was furious. The longer I stood there the more angry I got.'"

Woman on decency committee to Dr. Samuel Johnson: "Sir, there are indecent words in your dictionary!"

   Dr. Johnson: "Madame, you have been looking for them!"

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 06:03 PM

Have you been affected by the issues in this mudcat thread....?

If you or someone close to you, has been violated by an imaginary banjo, there will be a helpline phone number at the end of the thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 06:12 PM

Could that have involved a little wishful thinking on her part?

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 08:50 PM

But the third lady couldn't reach.

"He could have really gone to town if he'd been a bodhran player!" Hahahahahahaa!

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Ed T
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 09:26 PM

Whatever plucks your string.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 11:38 PM

With an imaginary banjo, I don't suppose you make mistakes, or need to retune it.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: GUEST,jeff
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 11:39 PM

Why do musicians give banjo players such a hard time?

Because they deserve it...they play the BANJO!!

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 05:29 AM

Mayhap twere the trouser trombone!

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 05:00 PM

Lyric

I was playin' me imaginary banjo
On a train outa Basingstoke
When a woman sat beside me, shouted
Oi! You're a mucky bloke!
I can see your fingers up to no good
Underneath your 'Guardian'
You better be curtailin', all that frailin'
Cos you've given yourself a hard on.

(Why is it left to me to write all the really important songs of the folk revival......?)

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: GUEST,Lavengro
Date: 18 Mar 13 - 10:14 AM

And why would you assume that someone allegedly prone to bouts of public banjo abuse would be a Guardian reader!

Love the Guardian/hard on rhyme by the way :)

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 08:40 AM

yeh you're right

I was playin' me imaginary banjo
On a train outa Basingstoke
When a woman sat beside me, shouted
Oi! You're a mucky bloke!
I can see your fingers up to no good
Underneath your 'Guardian'
You better be curtailin', all that frailin'
Cos you've given yourself a hard-i-on.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Acorn4
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 09:27 AM

Not surprised this is under the line in the "non-music" section!

Banjos 'r Sexy!

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 02:49 PM

My God! That is horrible!

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: olddude
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 03:10 PM

Well he was plucking the five string right ...

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 03:49 PM

Funny this should come up now. In 1948, when I was first starting to play the banjo (5-string, of course) I made a practice of practicing right hand picking patterns on my knee while riding the subway fo and from school. No newspaper, nobody objected and it was a useful way of getting in some practice time in a busy schedule. I've recommended it to students.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 19 Mar 13 - 07:21 PM

well really, its the only way you can learn our music - muscle memory. I guess that's why the story is so funny - it shows how out of sync we are with everybody - the modern folkie particularly.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: GUEST,Lavengro
Date: 20 Mar 13 - 05:30 PM

@Big Al

You have set me thinking here. What would be the most amusing "imaginary instrument" to witness being played on public transport? My money is on the autoharp; not even sure why?

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 21 Mar 13 - 10:47 AM

Piano accordion would give it quite a run for its money, as wel as affecting more people.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: GUEST,Mad Jock
Date: 21 Mar 13 - 10:49 AM

I always thought that it was compulsory and there was a law to make you do it!!Not that it was needed.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 21 Mar 13 - 12:42 PM

Playing an imaginary harp (full-sized) on a crowded tube could be interesting...just have to be careful who was stood next to you!

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: RichM
Date: 22 Mar 13 - 12:45 PM

I do like 4 and 5 string banjos---they can make lovely music...

But the bastard 6-string-version-tuned-like-guitar...not so much.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: GUEST,Bizibod
Date: 22 Mar 13 - 02:08 PM

Imaginary trombone always good for clearing a space....

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 22 Mar 13 - 07:46 PM

I remember a drama class at college - when we had to imagine we were merry little typewriters. Then there was the imaginary table tennis match to the music of The Spanish Flea by Herb Alpert.

I hope these lecturers are all in a special chamber of hell, where they receive instructions along the same lines from Satan himself.

Subject: RE: BS: Banjo Abuse
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Mar 13 - 11:25 PM

Thanks, Al, know that you're literary contributions to the folk tradition are appreciated.

Charley Noble