BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??

Subject: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: GUEST,Claire M
Date: 31 Dec 13 - 02:01 PM

Never wanted one – even as a child, thought idea was a bit odd. Unless you counted my cat, Oscar, who I'd had since I was small, & various dogs. I had a ton of mythical companions though (they'd say things like "what ails thee??"). I never thought 1 person could fulfil my every need/shoulder my every problem – & nor should they. Instead I had lots of people to share my interests w/, who tended to be older.

@ 30 y/o, despite moving house, little has changed. I tend to come into contact w/ odd people, who are not odd in a good way, & due to the circles I move in it's quite common for us not to talk to each other – not cos we don't want to but cos we can't. 1 person can talk but the other can't. Anyone else feel the same way??

I miss you, Oscar.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: Firecat
Date: 31 Dec 13 - 03:11 PM

I've got two best mates - one I've known since I was 12, the other since I was 18.

We can go for months without contacting each other, but when we do meet up, it's like no time has passed whatsoever.

It's nice to know that they're there, though.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 31 Dec 13 - 08:29 PM

I have many friends but none I would consider a best friend. I like most people, most people seem to like me, but in many ways I am a private person and often prefer to be alone. I am quite content when I'm alone and rarely feel even a brief moment of loneliness.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 01 Jan 14 - 05:55 AM

We're all different in our needs for company and friends. I don't think it's 'a bit odd' not to need a best friend. It all depends on one's character. Personally I too like people of all types, ages, and at all levels of closeness, from mere acquaintances to dear friends of long standing. But my 'best friend' is my husband. I can be alone for long periods and I find such times refreshing. In fact, I lived alone for some years before my marriage, and never felt 'lonely'. I love wildlife and nature, and the countryside is a wonderful place to explore alone. But I imagine someone from, say, a large close family would be bereft if they had no close, 'best' friend. As long as one feels content and fulfilled, how one chooses to live socially is a matter of personal preference.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 01 Jan 14 - 01:48 PM

I happily married my best friend fifty years ago. So did she.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 01 Jan 14 - 03:06 PM

Every friendship has its own characteristics, developing in its course. If we enter with fixed expectations, we will probably be disappointed, and at least fail to explore those possibilities that we did not expect but do enjoy.

Among schoolchildren, the typical "best friendship" is often just an alliance against other children and teachers. It can make you look "normal", but is definitely not necessary for happiness. It can even make you unhappy, if based on pretending or wishful thinking.

The same, by the way, applies to marriage.

Pets are a different league, where the word friend is misleading. However, people who grow up with pets may develop better social skills and thus make friends more easily. My own childhood was with no pets and few real friends; now in my 50s I am happy with my good friends, none of them "best".

A simple rule I heard long ago is: if you want a friend, be one. (Not sufficient, but very helpful.)

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Jan 14 - 06:45 AM

you need someone to confide in apart from a partner. That person is likely to be a best friend if confidentiality is maintained!

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 14 - 08:21 AM

I have two: my wife and my brother.

The one I had from high school died from Vietnam and smoking in 1999; the one I thought I had, who I helped get CO status during the VN War, turned out to be a user and a loser. The first I miss.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: MikeL2
Date: 02 Jan 14 - 09:50 AM

Hi

I have had many good friends in my life from, ,school, RAF,business and indeed in music circles. But I wouldn't describe any as my best friend.

Unfortunately through the passing years several have passed away leaving both sadness and fond memories.

My two best friends are my Mother who sadly passed on some years ago, and my lovely wife who is many things to me and best friend is one of them.

Cheers

MikeL2

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: GUEST,Claire M
Date: 02 Jan 14 - 03:13 PM

Hiya,

I too like most people; most people also seem to like me. I hope they do. 1 of said odd people had a very idealised view of friendship which did seem to be based on wishful thinking. I never thought I was her best friend in the 1st place, & as time went on I wanted to be around her less & less.

My main reason for coming to the Cafe was my love of music, psychic stuff, lore etc. which few people seem to share. I've had a whole imaginary world for *years* & while most people don't seem to share this idea nor am I avoided.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 14 - 07:34 PM

Claire M., you might be surprised.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: GUEST,Secret Lover
Date: 02 Jan 14 - 08:33 PM

I had a best friend for about fifteen years, and we really enjoyed each other's company. We supported each other when each of us got divorced, and we did lots of things that were really fun. After I got divorced, we became lovers, despite the fact that she had been engaged for years to another man. I think she worried about our age difference - she was 7-1/2 years older. She married the other guy, and I hope she's happy. I haven't seen her for almost 15 years, but I still think of her often.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: Elmore
Date: 02 Jan 14 - 09:00 PM

Not sure if one needs a best friend, but I had one. I have a wonderful wife, a great son, daughter-in- law, and 2 beautiful grandchildren. Still, my best friend and I shared similar interests in music, sports literature, and movies. He's been dead for 7 years now, and I still miss him a great deal.

Subject: RE: BS: Best Friends – necessary to be happy ??
From: Elmore
Date: 03 Jan 14 - 06:07 PM

See above, not sports literature, sports, literature.