BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 08 May 14 - 04:05 AM

This thread has become far too congenial, interesting and friendly. If this goes on I shall have to consider leaving Mudcat, as I'm very very offended by all the pleasantness, fascinating accounts and civil remarks. Disgusting.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 08 May 14 - 02:47 AM

Aye. A nice place in itself and very convenient for The Cairngorms, Great Glen etc.

Sadly we go back home tomorrow. Had two weeks of huge enjoyment up here, walking, drinking, eating and visiting friends.

I thought it best to come up before we need to fill out complicated visas to get in.

"Have you ever taken the piss out of Lord Protector Salmond?"

"Have you ever used Scottish coronary heart disease figures to scare English NHS commissioners into action?"

"Have you ever done an after dinner speech in Edinburgh where you recited Monty Python's Horace Poem and commented on the probability of deep fried battered After Eight Mints?"

Yeah, could be my last visit if lunacy prevails. I might have to be smuggled in for The RMS dinner in November.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 07 May 14 - 07:46 PM

Kingussie - that brings back some lovely memories.

When my elder son was young my wife and I went and stayed (on a recommendation - how wrong they were!) in a terrible place near Elgin. Apart from the disappointment of finding that the village that Local Hero was filmed in has no beach (because it's on the west coast), the place and food was just grimmm.

We made our apologies and left after a day and headed back to the Aviemore area and found, by chance, a place to stay in Kingussie. It was right at the end of the season and we were the only people staying in the Guest House and it soon became like staying with friends.

Having a 2 year old with us we didn't/couldn't go out which gave the guest house owners the chance to go out! They were wonderfully relaxed and dug out a selection of videos to watch and they went out for the evening telling us to help ourselves to things and having asked us to take a note of anyone who phoned or wanted to stay.

So we popped on Fawlty Towers and had a wonderfully relaxed time in comfortable and friendly surroundings. And the food was brilliant - if vast in quantity.

Enjoyable golf course too which I played with the guest house owner as he was not over taxed with visitors. And Glen Nevis at the back end of the year on a beautiful sharp autumn with all the autumnal colours is just gorgeous.

Happy memories.

We'll be heading north to Arran in a few weeks for a relax and some music and looking forward to it.

(Normal abuse may be resumed at some point)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 07 May 14 - 07:13 PM

McMusk 

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 07 May 14 - 07:09 PM

Ronald McDonald serves only catholic burgers?

Well, isn't that a "kick in the McNuggets" for the protestant burger eaters.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 07 May 14 - 05:16 PM

This thread is supposed to be about abuse. Yet in order to be successful , Keith , Goofus or their pet worm would have to post in my name.

Self abuse and all that....

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 07 May 14 - 01:50 PM

Managed both Eliza! We didn't climb the big jobby but bagged a Corbett along the way. The clouds lifted and wow... Because it's there.

Then into Inverness and bought a new raincoat in Rohan. Mrs Musket also bought some bits and so the shopping urge was sated too.

Back now and about to jump (hobble) into the shower before going out for a meal tonight.

Gnus don't understand haggis. Possibly a bit too genetically close for comfort? The meat from an anti clockwise haggis is supposed to be the best but if you bake clockwise for long enough, it has a more mature flavour.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 07 May 14 - 01:15 PM

Gnu - I was going to ask how you can speak to all your relations when you don't even know who your father is. But I decided that was too much abuse, even for an abuse thread. So I didn't say it.

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 07 May 14 - 01:07 PM

No beard or moustache thankfully for one of my gender! Ooh Eliza, yer a proper hippie!

I was dahn in Lunnon when you wis up here in Embra. Did my share of same unmentionables during my "holidays" too! Oh but this is an abuse thread, so yes, clearing up shit.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 07 May 14 - 12:38 PM

"Haggis is a savoury pudding containing sheep's pluck (heart, liver and lungs); minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally encased in the animal's stomach and simmered for approximately three hours." = abuse. Yech!

Mcs are Cat'lic. Macs are protestant. Micmacs is a derogatory mispronunciation of Mi'kmaq.. I have spoken, all my relations.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 07 May 14 - 09:21 AM

Ah, but Tattie, have you got the aforementioned bristly beard and moustache (ignore that pervert Dave, he obviously has a 'thing' about hairy stuff) I'd love a tartan winceyette nightie; mine is merely a feeble affair in white with flowers. I remember Embra in the sixties/ seventies cos I lived there, and worked as an auxiliary nurse during the Uni summer vacation, wiping bums in the Royal Infirmary. Went to lots of Festival and Fringe events. I was a bizarre sight myself in long hippy clothes, thick plaits with scarves woven in and a Red Indian-style band round my head with a plastic flower stuck in, thick black mascara and white lipstick. What a picture eh? But then, "Ai was in mai praim."
Can't imagine why that daft McThingy wants to go climbing up mountains in chilly mists and doing Munros etc. He's totally bonkers IMO. Stay at sea-level and go shopping Musket. Shopping is nice. Shopping is interesting.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 07 May 14 - 04:55 AM

It's ok. I'll piss in some gore.

We haven't set off yet. (We are staying in Kingussie) and waiting to see if the weather report alters. If we can't begin going up by 12.00 we shan't. And there is a 40 mile drive first.   The easy path is the choice, (I once pushed a pushchair up it!) but all the same, the weather can turn.

If it is low cloud then fine. If the summit doesn't break cloud cover then no. It is wonderful to be at a summit looking down into clouds. You must have a well marked path down though, GPS or no.

Anyway, setting off in 10 mins regardless.. if it is crap, then carry on up the great glen and a bit of shopping in Inverness. There is a Rohan shop I recall.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 07 May 14 - 04:22 AM

Oh, and McMusket, it's going to be horrible on Ben Nevis. Watch out for the precipiss.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 07 May 14 - 04:20 AM

Oh Eliza, if you thought you'd got away with abusing me on 29th April, and my home city, then think again. I have been away abusing music at a Festival and the alleged wi-fi didn't work, so further abuse to BT, Virginmedia or BSkyB, whoever is responsible for not connecting. The noble judge of the Folk Band competition further abused us by saying our version of Bad Moon Rising was positively the worst he'd ever heard. I shall put it on YouTube so that you can add your abuse to his.

Even more abuse to the effing seagulls who shat all over my car!

So you are coming to Embra in August, Eliza. I was going to say please, but that would be too polite, but anyway, do make contact by permanent abuse message, then we can meet to abuse each other face-to- face. You'll know me by my Royal Stewart tartan winceyette nightie and hairy legs . Come to think of it, we'll look no more odd than the many random sights one can see during Festival Fringe .

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 07 May 14 - 03:45 AM

Last Saturday it was Cairngorm itself. Saw a few clockwise haggis. I know Ben McDuie has anti clockwise haggis but not sure what happens if they meet and breed ?

Today, despite the less than favourable weather, we are driving out to Fort William as Mrs Musket hasn't walked up Ben Nevis before. If it is siling it down when we get there we shan't but looking forward to it all the same.

(The only man in a kilt I have seen this holiday was a French bloke on a stag do in St Andrews.)



Is co Messiah S reading this ? As it's an abuse thread, ha! ha! no title in Scouseville!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 06 May 14 - 02:36 PM

hahahahahaha!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 06 May 14 - 02:01 PM

All well and good, Eliza, but as you are tramping up a Cairngorm with only a view from the bum down of who is front of you, where should the bristly beard and reddish moustache be?

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 06 May 14 - 08:00 AM

Dave, the way to tell is to look for a bristly beard and reddish moustache, That will be the woman.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 06 May 14 - 05:05 AM

Easy Dave. You look for the mouth constantly opening and closing.

Yeah I'm no big fan of dry shortbread. Mrs Musket bakes a nice one though, cut from a roll and fairly moist as shortbread goes.

I love haggis. The scotch pie less so but wouldn't reach over one to get at the lettuce.

We like to spend our evenings in nice restaurants when up here. A bit of an expense but the rest of the holiday is rather cheap. We are staying in Speyside and some of the concoctions featuring local salmon are worth the journey. Angus steak has veins of fat running through it so even the fillet has lots of taste. Last week we were in a Fife fishing village for a few days. The local samphire with a knob of butter....

The Munro bagging isn't really a reason to be here. It's just the only way to stop me ballooning. (Had a bowl of stovies the other lunchtime. So simple, so good and despite being Scottish, not a deep fat fryer in site....

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 06 May 14 - 04:27 AM

If you are looking at a pair of hairy legs in a skirt while walking up a Scottish mountain, how can you tell if you are looking at a woman or a man?

(Insulting to both Scotsmen and women once - I'm getting good that this!)

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 06 May 14 - 04:04 AM

By the way, isn't shortbread ghastly? Like dusty bricks. My sister keeps sending me tins of the wretched stuff. (Straight to the village coffee morning as raffle prizes, chosen last.) How can the Scots like shortbread and Black Bun and deep-fried dog poo etc? The only two things up there worth eating are haggis (if you don't go into the ingredients) and mutton pies. Their faces are pasty white covered in spots from lack of fruit and veg. and any sunshine. Dreadful, dreadful place. And I've got to go to Edinburgh in late August. But at least I've got my trusty winceyette full-length nightie, as I DON'T have hairy legs!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 06 May 14 - 03:57 AM

She certainly is, Musket, but not, I think, up a Mungo. Better watch out, as the Polis won't relish your gazing at ladies' legs, especially if your explanation is that you're looking for 'hairy ones'.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Munro bagging Musket
Date: 06 May 14 - 03:08 AM

The Mc denotes status. Still enjoying a holiday in Scotland.

Lots of shortbread biscuit though Eliza. It seems to crumble to dust in the rucksack though.   I keep looking for a woman with hairy legs but to no avail. Are you sure she is still up here?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 05 May 14 - 04:23 PM

Perhaps he meant McBisket. As in Crackers.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 05 May 14 - 03:32 PM

Note it is "not" McCasket.
That guy was on onevof the dead threads:)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 14 - 02:26 PM

What is a 'McMusket'? A Cat'lic Musket?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 05 May 14 - 11:06 AM

Beware of using velcro near the unmanaged bikini line.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 05 May 14 - 11:04 AM

Velcro is popular, and foolproof.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 May 14 - 10:03 AM

Don't have flies. I use a ripcord...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 05 May 14 - 09:59 AM

You forgot to zip up your fly, dtg.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 May 14 - 09:43 AM

I think a certain amount of self abuse is taking place! Permanent self abuse would not only be difficult and messy but also embarrassing if done in public. Mind you, some have done it on here for years.

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 04 May 14 - 05:10 PM

Sone of us are capable of finding a willing partner Goofus.

Woof!

"What's that boy ?"   

Woof!

No you can't play that game with Goofus. In any case, you have been done, so Goofus would end up with salt deficiency. Not to mention lack of protein.






The good professor is a Jaffa.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 04 May 14 - 04:06 PM

McMusket: "Salty as well, full of protein."

Salty??....Hmm...you must have tried it.

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST
Date: 04 May 14 - 04:06 PM

If you call someone a "fag" in England, are you calling him a cigarette?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 04 May 14 - 03:17 PM

""Unless you're gulping gallons of it each day, it's no substitute for real nutritious cuisine!  It may be a good idea to keep in mind safer sex practices when considering whether or not to swallow.""



nutritional value 

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 04 May 14 - 02:52 AM

Salty as well, full of protein.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 03 May 14 - 02:48 PM

Scratching your pork?
Whatever gets you through the night, I guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 03 May 14 - 02:02 PM

Why lash out at Breakfast Television? You got somethin against brekky? or television? If so, turn the damn bacon.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 03 May 14 - 08:35 AM

Pork scratching don't seem too abundant up here. Deep fried haggis seems popular though.

Stopped for a breather at summit of Cairngorm itself. Bloody good signal on phone, much faster internet than at home.

Bastard BT.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 03 May 14 - 08:11 AM

May youd arteries be clogged with lard, you pig skin eater.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 03 May 14 - 08:06 AM

Ye lot are about as eloquent as a bloody clog dancer in a bucket of lard for that matter.

Reuse-recycle. Do it for the children.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 03 May 14 - 04:14 AM

About as eloquent as a bucket of lard.

Or a bloody clog dancer for that matter.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 03 May 14 - 04:08 AM

No it wasn't. It was shite.

(2 abuses for the price of 1 - Bargain :-) )

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 03 May 14 - 02:52 AM

gnu, that was delightfully poetic. I've never read abuse like it, elegant and vivid. Well done!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 02 May 14 - 08:57 PM

What a lame and sorry crew that rows this scow of tripe. Youse put together could not abuse a fly on a cold day when it was not fit to flit. Shame. Shame I say. I roll up my newspaper and swat you all.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 02 May 14 - 08:45 PM

""Oh John, let's not park here.
Oh John, let's not park.
Oh John, let's not.
Oh John, let's.
Oh John.
Oh!"

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 02 May 14 - 07:59 PM

"You are here for my abusement?"

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 02 May 14 - 06:11 PM

I am doing my damndest to abuse you, Ed, and what do you do? Respond with something I don't even understand. What sort of nonsense do you think people can get away with on Mudcat?

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 02 May 14 - 02:45 PM

My favourite joke for a long time was -

Two pink elephants and a yellow hippopotamus walk into a pub at ten past six in the evening and the barman says "He's not in yet, lads"

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 02 May 14 - 12:43 PM

Sorry, I dont live in "the states", suspecting you mean the US of A.

The Urban dictionary should not be confused with collection of jokes , such as the UK "Carry On" movies may be seen by some, (and help understanding the humour may be needed, indeed). It is an online dictionary (somewhat like Wikki) where the public can submit urban words/terms. Like a dictionary, the word use is most often supplied, to assist those looking up the words (may of those, I suspect, don't know the exact meaning, or use- and may benefit from the addition).