Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014

Subject: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: GUEST,Dharmabum
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 09:40 AM

Although I don't check into Mudcat as often as I used to, I felt it appropriate to post for members that have remained & those, like me, that check in from time to time.

It is with a great deal of sadness that I report the passing of my daughter, Shalisa Rose Horvath, 3/22/79 -8/21/14.
I had first shared on Mudcat,the details of Shalisa's dilemma a few years ago. Both she & I received an incredible amount of love & support from the mudcat family. For that I am eternally grateful. Thank you all.
These past five years have been quite a bumpy ride, to say the least.
From misdiagnoses, to no diagnoses & finally a terminal diagnoses of a rare genetic disorder of Metachromatic Leukodystrophy (MLD).
I cared for Shalisa for as long as I was able & she spent the last year in a nursing home, where, because of her young age & affable disposition, the staff went the extra mile in caring for her.
We take comfort in that she passed quietly, peacefully, & painlessly.
Next spring, my family & I will gather at my cabin, Shalisa's favorite place,& plant a tree with some of her ashes.
Shalisa will always be remembered for the artist, musician, & kind soul that she was.

    Ron.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: Jeri
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 09:52 AM

Ron, I'm so sorry.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 10:03 AM

Oh dear. My sincerest condolences to all.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: bobad
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 10:04 AM

My condolences to you and and to all who knew and loved your daughter Shalisa.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 10:26 AM

Ron... although we met only the one time, at Susan's, I felt the kindness & gentleness of your life. I'm glad Shalisa had you to help her through her hard times.

May memories of the good times sustain you.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: maeve
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 10:33 AM

You've led a loving life with your dear Shalisa. Thank you for letting us know.

Maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 10:43 AM

Ron, my tear ducts still work, buddy. Sincere condolences.

Bruce M

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 11:15 AM

condolences & good wishes to your family

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 12:00 PM

Thank you for the sad news, I will think of her and of you.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: Janie
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 12:33 PM

Your love and care for her was palpable in what you shared here of the journey you and she shared these past several years. I hope there is some comfort for your broken heart that she passed gently.

Holding you and all who loved Shalisa in my heart and mind.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 12:42 PM

Oh, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and all who loved your daughter.

Subject: RE: BS: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 12:42 PM

So sorry for your loss. Please take good care of each other.

Gil

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 01:33 PM

It seems some of the worst pain in the world, for a parent to outlive a child. My heart breaks for you.

Maggie

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: fat B****rd
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 02:19 PM

Please accept my condolences and very best regards. Charlie

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 06:17 PM

So sorry to hear this......wishing you peace in your loss.

Jennie

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: bbc
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 09:53 PM

Ron, you know that my thoughts & deepest sympathies are with you & your family. You have fought the good fight & Shalisa is, now, at rest. I hope, in time, that will bring some comfort.

Best, always,

Barbara

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 10:28 PM

Love you my brother.

I cherish especially that visit with her at the cabin when I wore the post-it on my forehead so she could stop worrying that she could not remember my name. It was "so Shalisa" that she responded by slapping one on herself, too, while she laughed and laughed at how silly I looked.

She was a dear, sweet, brilliant, and gorgeous woman with a music gift not even a catastrophic neurological condition could wipe out. But of course she was her father's daughter.

And HE took better care of her than he can ever know.

She is lifted up in prayer at all services this week, and in our private prayers for somectime to come, as are you.

♥

~Sis

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: GUEST,Dharmabum
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 10:52 PM

Thank you all for the comforting thoughts.
I suppose I'm experiencing the appropriate emotions at this time;
Grief, sorrow,&loss, shrouded in a vale of numbness.

   Ron.

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 11:09 AM

Ron,

That numbness is how you get through the next few days, and until you reach the place where you can let it all come up. You'll want some extra vitamins B and C then, and a lot of good water on hand.

♥

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: frogprince
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 09:31 PM

There are others here who have walked these same steps of the valley; I can only say that I realize that this has to be profoundly painful. Wishing you and all the family strength and peace.

                        Dean

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 25 Aug 14 - 01:15 AM

Sorry to hear Dharmabum. May you take some comfort in memories of her.

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: GUEST,Maryrrf (no cookie)
Date: 25 Aug 14 - 10:36 PM

I don't post much on Mudcat anymore, but do check in sometimes. I'm so sorry.RIP Shalisa.

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter
From: olddude
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 12:37 AM

I am sorry to hear this news my prayers to you and your family

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 06:42 AM

So sorry for your loss Dharmabum.

I too have sort of fallen away from mudcat and came back to the memoriam thread for my daughter today, only to learn of your recent loss.

Hope you can call up the lovely memories at will and when they are most needed.

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: jacqui.c
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 07:37 AM

So sorry to hear this Ron. Even when a death is expected it is stil an immense loss. I'm glad that Shalisa had such loving care from those around her in her last few years. Take care of yourself now.

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: MMario
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 08:10 AM

Ron - my sincere condolences.

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 08:29 AM

Thank you all for the support.
At present,life feels much like waking up the morning after a big storm. Granted, this storm lasted five years, but we're busy picking up the pieces & accessing the damage.
In time, the downed trees will be cleared, the broken windows repaired, & the roof shingles replaced.
In time, the jagged edges of our loss will wear down & cut less deeply.
I'm also reminded lately of a few of the things I've gained throughout these past few years.
A new level of respect for those that take on the role of caregiver.
I've met so many kind & compassionate people in the nursing home staff. Let's face it, Changing soiled diapers is not a financially lucrative career. It's probably one of the most thankless jobs that deserves the deepest respect.

I've also gained the deepest empathy for those parents of terminally ill children.
At least I've got 30 years of good memories with Shalisa.
Many parents are denied that privilege.

Ron.

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: GUEST,Kim C
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 11:01 AM

I'm so sorry. :-(

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: ClaireBear
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 11:52 AM

I'm at a loss for words. So sorry, Ron.

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 06:58 PM

Folks, please especially hold Shalisa's family in your thoughts and songs tomorrow.

There will be a gathering of friends and family Sunday, Sept. 14 at 11 AM, at a beautiful park/recreation area in NJ.

~S~

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 08:13 PM

Will note the time and pause and think of them.....

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: bbc
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 09:34 PM

Will be there, in spirit!

Best to all who love Shalisa,

Barbara

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: GUEST,MTed
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 10:08 PM

We haven't been in touch in a long time, Ron, but I've thought about you. I know how hard this has been for you and your family, and how much it has required from you. I am holding you all, and Shalisa, in the light.

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: Janie
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 06:16 AM

Thanks for letting us know, Susan. Will do as Bill D.

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 10:52 AM

Almost 11 AM... sitting down in a quiet place to 'be there'...

Subject: RE: Obit Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 11:28 AM

A little past 11 here, but my thoughts are with you now.

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 04:12 PM

Very very sad to hear this. Thinking of you, and VT too.

x x x

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Sep 14 - 10:21 PM

Well folks I screwed up-- with my MIL here I zoomed a week ahead in my mind. Shalisa's memorial is TOMORROW Sept. 14, at 11.

I am sure your support was felt last week, so let's go again!

~Susan

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Sep 14 - 11:45 PM

Never hurts to do good things twice....

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 14 Sep 14 - 06:20 PM

I'm seeing this too late but sending love now.

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: Janie
Date: 14 Sep 14 - 11:51 PM

What ChanteyLass said....

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: GUEST,Sapper at work
Date: 15 Sep 14 - 07:47 AM

Heyup!
I've only just picked up on this one and pray that you are all coping with your loss.

At the moment there is a bloody big Shalisa shaped hole in your lives with some VERY rough, raw and painful edges.

Eventually the hole will shrink as you pick up the pieces and life carries on and the edges will heal so that it will become less painful to touch them as you remember her. But it will always be there to remind you of the love you and your daughter once shared.

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: GUEST,Dharmabum
Date: 15 Sep 14 - 11:32 AM

Thank you all.
We had perfect weather for Shalisa's sendoff.
Sunny, in the low 70's.
We decided to do a very informal potluck affair held in a quiet wooded area of a local state park.
We had good food, deserts, poetry, music, singing & children playing.
Reconnected with friends & family I hadn't seen in quite some time.
It was exactly the kind of party that Shalisa would've thrown.

When I take into consideration the level of respect & love that these folks had for my daughter, I can only conclude that I must've done something right in raising her.

I miss my daughter, my friend, my music partner.

Here's a line from one of the songs that we played together;

Do not worry for my comfort, do not sorrow for me so,
All your diamond tears will rise up & adorn the sky beside me
when I go.

DB.

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Sep 14 - 12:04 PM

<3

~S~

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Jul 15 - 11:06 AM

Today at the cabin she loved, friends and family are gathering to share memories and plant a tree in Shalisa's honor.

My little memory is of a graceful and gracious young woman her proud papa brought to our house, sometime in between the several Mudagathers we hosted, when our brother-in-spirit made one of his periodic stopovers on the way to the cabin. Shalisa had only been here once or twice-- my own memory is foggy-- but I remember
more than anything else the loveliness she exuded musically and personally. And the bag of flutes she carried.

So when we visited them at the cabin the first time I saw her after her illness began, I enthusiastically remembered her and assured her we had indeed met, tho seldom and long ago. She welcomed us and acted as gracious hostess. She would ask me my name, and after several times seeing how it embarrassed her to have to ask, I grabbed a post-it note, wrote my name large, and slapped it onto my forehead.

Each time she'd look my way she'd use my name (appropriately) and laugh all over again at the wacky way I'd chosen to wear my name tag.

Now all these years later, whenever I go to a stuffy workshop and they hand out the sticky name tags. .... I barely resist slapping it right there, mone or others'.... I think word is out though. More and more often, they're the reusable kind with pins or hanging cords. Still.... if they'd ever met her, they'd be SO down with that. (We're hosting a song circle next month..... ) ;-)

Shalisa taught me that loving doesn't depend on memories. She taught me that keeping someone's spirit alive means loving who and what they loved, and passing that forward.

~Susan

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Jul 15 - 12:03 PM

So sorry, what a lovely goodbye.

Subject: RE: Obit: Dharmabums Daughter 2014
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 25 Jul 15 - 12:06 PM

thanks for sharing your memories, Susan