BS: Never...

Subject: BS: Never...
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 01:31 PM

... put a letter in a post box with your keys in your hand.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 01:42 PM

tsk tsk tsk - will they get your keys out for you without question, or do you have to fill out forms in triplicate to get them back?

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 01:54 PM

Never put the keys on the car seat while you gather your things. Invariably you will forget them as you close and lock the door. Done that.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 02:01 PM

Never dump the paper in the recycling bin while holding your keys, either.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 02:24 PM

And never put anything on the roof of the car - so many people drive off leaving important things like wallets and purses lying in the road.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 02:40 PM

I can't read any more... too familiar.

(well, never done the letter box bit, but...)

I can add: Never start the coffee pot without adding the coffee.... filtered hot water does nothing for me.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Phil Cooper
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:06 PM

I left a cittern on the roof of my car once. I drove 50 miles home before I realized it. An ad in the Chicago paper lost and found section, a $50 reward, and a $90 repair bill, I had it back. I think if it had been a guitar, I never would have seen it again. I figured someone opening the cloth case would not be likely to say, "oh gosh, an octave mandolin, just what I've always wanted." Never done anything like that again.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:11 PM

That is painful to read, Phil!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:37 PM

I live in a city with many University and technical students-and school began yesterday. So, I have seen plenty of questionable transportation techniques on the streets recently-especially matresses being transpirted on the tops of vehicles.

When I was a student, I learned that many car roof racks are ornaments, and are not attached to very much. I recall that my mattress ended up in the forest beside the highway.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:43 PM

... place popping corn in the cupboard next to yellow split peas. The peas don't do well in a hot air popcorn popper.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:51 PM

... replace a CPU fan without simply removing it and letting it sit horizontal overnight. (You don't necessarily need to add any machine oil. Of course, after a second failure, that may be advised. I'll report on that if it happens.)

happycampergnu

P.S. SRS... I dunno what happened 'after that' but I know the young lady was rather distraught about her keys.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:57 PM

Magnet on a string?

I once carried a manly little handbag around with my stuff in it and once left it on top of the car and drove onto the freeway and home. I got a call half an hour later from someone who lived only a quart-mile away from me, wishing to return the thing, which he had boldly stopped to pick up from the on-ramp. It was intact and I have never forgotten his act of human kindness.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: olddude
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:01 PM

Now where the hell is my keys I probably washed them again

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:04 PM

Never close a self locking door without your keys IN YOUR HAND.

I stopped to pick up a wallet in the road once, It was a busy road and the contents had scattered. So I dodged in and out of the traffic and gathered all that I could find.

I called the owner and she came by to pick it up, and she was pissed at me for not getting everything.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:12 PM

Never buy a video player from a man on the street.

Who is out of breath.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:37 PM

"filtered hot water does nothing for me"
Have you tried it?
I used to know a delightful elderly Scottish woman who couldn't drink tea or coffee for medical reasons. When with people who were taking tea she would ask for "silver tea" - hot water.
I tried it, and it really is much nicer than plain cold water, especially when served in a bone china cup.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:38 PM

Never bake a squash without first making a hole for steam to escape.

This one's unique: never use the Miracle-Gro solution intended for the houseplants to fill the reservoir in the piano's Dampp-chaser. I have a friend who tunes pianos, and she found the strangest things growing in a college's Dampp-chasers. It took a while to figure it out.

(A Dampp-chaser is an appliance which either adds or removes humidity from the interior of a piano, as needed. I have one, but I fill it with very clean water.)

Never plant Grandpa Ott morning glories. Invasive!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:53 PM

On a more serious note, NEVER get home from the pub after a few drinks, start to fix yourself something to eat, and fall asleep leaving the gas stove lit. This is too often fatal - literally.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: JennieG
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 06:22 PM

.......say never......

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: JennieG
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 06:24 PM

Never poke your finger into the water in an electric jug so see if it getting close to boiling.

In my defence, I was a rather naive 17YO.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,#
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 06:27 PM

Never not carry a second set of keys.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Charmion
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 07:01 PM

Never play poker with a man named Doc ...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: bobad
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 07:08 PM

Never insert contact lenses into your eyes after chopping/handling hot peppers.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: michaelr
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 07:28 PM

Never handle hot peppers before taking a leak.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 08:07 PM

"filtered hot water does nothing for me"

"Have you tried it?"

No... but I know of a couple of people who did drink hot water. *I* intended to have coffee.

Even worse was the time I put in the coffee, but neglected the water. I caught that after about 30 seconds...before serious problems.

---------------------------------

Never predict exactly what will happen when you do something to wow bystanders... "watch this!" is quite enough...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 08:52 PM

...throw an empty bouzouki case into the back of the van and drive 35 miles south to a paying job.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 09:30 PM

...squat on a portajohn seat with a $20 tape measure loosely clipped to your belt.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 10:54 PM

Leave your guitar in a the car on a sunny day.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: LadyJean
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 01:24 AM

Keep your keys in your purse. Carry them in your pocket. My mother used to scold me for doing that. It spoiled the line of my clothes, and make holes in my pockets she said. Then somebody grabbed her purse, and her keys.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 04:02 AM

Keep your spare keys on the same key ring as your keys.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 06:54 AM

...play leapfrog with a unicorn!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 08:32 AM

kick a dog in the knackers when your hand is in his mouth....

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 08:37 AM

 Never Say Never - Justin Bieber

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Charmion
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 10:47 AM

Never eat at a place called Mom's ...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 01:15 PM

Never crack the joke on stage about there being too much happiness in the world, saying you only mentioned it to the wife's sister in bed this morning, and forget your wife is in the audience.




And her bloody sister.

Oh, and the one about rodeo variant on doggy style didn't help matters...


In fact, stick to music Musket. Comedy has a habit of being funnier to some when your mates laugh about what happened backstage afterwards.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 05:34 PM

Ah, well, we have Morris Dancers in the audience, so there's only one thing left never to try. Kind of makes the question futile, sorry about that.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 06:11 PM

Oh yeah, the keys-in-the-hand trick. Also glasses (for seeing, I mean). Things not to have in your hand when doing all kinds of things. And places not to put the car keys down "for a sec" include in the trunk...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 07:46 PM

Drop a heavy pipe wrench into the toilet bowl. What starts out as plumbing problem turns into also buying a new toilet to replace the one now cracked into two halves.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Midchuck
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 08:53 PM

Re, the warning above, about keeping your spare keys on the same ring as your "regular" keys: It appears that car rental agencies (here in the US, anyway) are now giving the renter two keys to the rental car - on one ring, with no way to separate them. What's the point?

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 11:27 PM

Never put a raw egg in the microwave with or without the shell. Kerboom!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 11:38 PM

cross the M1 with your eyes closed...it brings bad luck

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 11:42 PM

...eat pinto beans for lunch and spend the rest of the day in a small office interviewing people behind closed doors.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 05:32 AM

Feed a greyhound dried meat..

Jesus H Christ! Anyone got a champagne cork and a hammer?

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 06:14 AM

You can cook an egg in a microwave without the shell if you first prick the yolk with a cocktail stick, toothpick, or other sharp point. Not the best way of cooking eggs though - there so many better alternatives.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 08:53 AM

... mind!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 10:44 AM

... again!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 12:44 PM

.... Nurse!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 02:09 PM

Ing

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: BobL
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 04:21 PM

... corner an animal meaner than you
... do card tricks for the group you play poker with
... feed the cat anything that doesn't match the carpet
... pull the pin and then throw the pin
... say anything you wouldn't want on your tombstone
... watch laws or sausages being made

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 06:32 PM

Lock the boss's car with the engine running, and you are mile and half from the closest phone in January in Ontario. Or even your own, in front of the general store, with the heater running full tilt and the dog does not know how to open the door. Next step: spare keys - everywhere!