BS: I have all the answers

Subject: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 06:53 PM

but I didn't write down the questions so I don't know which ones they go to. So just ask if you want the answer and I will try to match them up

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 06:58 PM

Oh no you don't! I was a librarian and I have all the answers AND the questions. Their in a box right around here...somewhere....

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:06 PM

Is there life after birth?

If so, what is life's meaning?

Do you like bananas?

If there is a God, why is there haggis?

Why are bagpipes considered musical instruments, when they sound much like Yoko Ono babbling?

Who invented the woopie cushon?

Could my 60s leisure suits come back in fashon, like lumberjack attern wear?

Is it ok to call jumbo shrimp, shrimp?

Complete the following: a trisket, a trasket, a ....

Did David Bowie marry a man (or, was it Iman)?

Where's me smokes?

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Nick
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:07 PM

Have you checked out Johnny Nash - there are more questions than answers? Was that another one? And that? Am I stuck asking more and more questions?

Is it fair?

Was it Johnny Nash in fact?

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:11 PM

Do librarians feel pain, like people do?

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:14 PM

Librarians CAUSE pain to those who piss them off.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:21 PM

Librarian caused pain 

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:21 PM

Ed and Nick the best I can find trying to match up the answer is

Add two cans of tomato soup and bake at 400 for an hour. I hope that answers it cause I got a lot of answers I do but no questions

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:29 PM

The correct answer is 0 degrees K. and 70 grains of 4f in a calamari sauce with onions.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:34 PM

Well, at least it does not have squid in it-cant stand those shellfish.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:37 PM

""What kind of veil would you recommend for a tea-length vintage ivory colored dress? I love birdcage veils but I just can't seem to pull them off?""

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:39 PM

Another one, one that's clean.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 07:55 PM

Correct answer is
I am not a historian

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 08:16 PM

..but....

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: GUEST,#
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 08:23 PM

Yes or no or maybe or pfo. Seems to work for most things..

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 08:32 PM

Not as such

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 08:32 PM

Answer.. Love the smell of napalm in the morning

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 08:37 PM

Alternate answer.. You had rap at Hello

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 08:42 PM

Can I get back with you on that?

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 08:44 PM

I used to work with a guy who always tried to pass work/responsibility over to other workers. His favourite closing comment frequently was, "so, can I leave it with you"?

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 08:56 PM

'ow should I know which zoo it's from?!? I'm not Doctor bloody Bernofsky!!

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 08:58 PM

It was an educated guess.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 09:08 PM

Those jeans do make you look fat

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Janie
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 09:25 PM

Now that, Darlin' Dan, is one wrong answer:>)

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 09:28 PM

Ed not you ya cutie Janie

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 09:31 PM

I thought the answer was 42.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 10:20 PM

Gandolf is the correct answer
The question is who do all the mudcat British guys look like :)

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 10:38 PM

Answer : only if you crawl up a chickens ass and wait

Question : how can I get laid

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 10:43 PM

Answer : when she dropped you off at school
Question : why did mom get fined for littering

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 10:43 PM

I thought some were funny anyway

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 10:50 PM

Boy I miss spaw

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 14 - 11:03 PM

Six. Ses. Seichs.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 12:05 AM

Oh, boy! My kinda thread, coz I definitely have all the answers. Okay, let's start with all them silly questions that Ed T asked:

1.Is there life after birth?

Yes, Ed, there is...unless you get ate or otherwise killed right after birth. That happened to a cousin of mine once. A leopard got both him and his momma.

2. If so, what is life's meaning?

That is up to you, buster! You give it whatever meanin' you decide to, and that's what it is fer you, see?

3. Do you like bananas?

YES! Next question?

4. If there is a God, why is there haggis?

Them are 2 things that don't even connect, Ed. It's called a "nonsequitor". Just how stupid are you anyway?

5. Why are bagpipes considered musical instruments, when they sound much like Yoko Ono babbling?

I've listened to Yoko Ono. You sorta got a point, coz there is a slight resemblance there, but here's yer answer. Bagpipes are called instruments becoz bagpiper players play on them, that's why! I don't think any bagpipe players have played on Yoko Ono, but I could be wrong.

6. Who invented the woopie cushon?

You mean "whoopee cushion", Ed. You need to get a Chimp to teach you some good spelling, son! Ook! Ook! Okay, here's yer answer: The Roman Emperor Elagabalus was known to employ a prototype of whoopee cushions at dinner parties. How about that! But the modern version was re-invented in the 1920s by the JEM Rubber Co. of Toronto, Canada, by employees who were experimentin' with scrap sheets of rubber. You feelin' better now that you know this, Ed? I hope so.


7. Could my 60s leisure suits come back in fashon, like lumberjack attern wear?

Sorry, Ed. Not a chance.

8. Is it ok to call jumbo shrimp, shrimp?

Yes, it is. Knock yerself out.

9. Complete the following: a trisket, a trasket, a ....

"green and yellow casket. I saw a face I didn't like, I bit it and I smashed it..."

10. Did David Bowie marry a man (or, was it Iman)?

He's been married twice, Ed. Both times to a woman. First Angie, then Iman.

11. Where's me smokes?

You have to ask me this? Gimme a break. I figger one of yer layabout useless "mates" nicked 'em, Ed. Better go out and buy some more, and this time keep 'em in sight at all times.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 12:36 AM

Ed T: "Is there life after birth?"

....or did you just get amnesia?....and forgot where you were, before...

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Bert
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 12:40 AM

If a herring and a half cost three ha'pence, how much does a dozen cost?


The answer is blemish, what was the question?


....What language do they speak in Felgium?....

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Charmion
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 07:35 AM

Why is an orange?

This enquiring mind still wants to know.

My old Dad said it was because a snake has no armpits, but I find that hard to believe.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 07:58 AM

I managed on all by myself, olddude.

If the answer is 9W what is the question?

Do you spell your name with a 'V' herr Wagner?

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 07:59 AM

""Do I look fat?

Resist the temptation to be honest- today is not the first day in the history of the world that a woman wants an honest answer to that question.

When a woman asks a fellow if he'd noticed that she has put on a few pounds, the guy should realize that she wants an honest answer as much as he wants one about whether she's ever been with someone "bigger" than him.""

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 09:09 AM

Lol awesome

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 09:52 AM

Look, I have a Master of Science degree in Library and Information Science.   Just assume I'd right and we can save all that time.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 09:54 AM

Famous Librarian quotes:

""Shhhhhhhh!""

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 10:36 AM

I have confidently learned from library book return, espionage and enhanced interrigation staff that, on his retirement, former librarian, named Rapparee, removed the library's only copy of "An Annonated history of Irish agriculture, (with detailed illustrations) and has yet to return said copy. I request your cooperation in not making this indiscretion public.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 10:40 AM

Rap knows what he is talking about i saw him outside an adult book store doing research

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 11:09 AM

When I challenged the library staff about the lost book, indicating it must be a mistake, that Rap would never steal a book that did not have "adult" pictures, the response was: "Sir, this is the library, inaccuracy or error by our return enforcenent staff is not an option".

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: olddude
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 11:14 AM

Last Xmas he sent me 50 shades of Gray and told me it was a history book

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 11:18 AM

Rap sent me "50 shades of grey pubes" through secret Santa -it normally would be seen as inappropriate, but I make allowances for Rap.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 12:48 PM

Here's a question you can answer, old dude.

How's the snow coming? Has it melted? Did you have floods? Now that the situation is not dire, I don't see any news from Buffalo.

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: gnu
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 01:20 PM

Who's going to Disney World? (Yankee football question fer all ye ferriners.)

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 01:40 PM

"I thought the answer was 42."

Long before 42 entered the fount of common knowledge, the answer was "A 3-legged kettle" and other clever answers.

(and I have 2 notebooks full of cartoons on "the meaning of life". One of he best is Donald Duck in front of the Guru, who is saying "Meaning of Life? Sure the answer is...."ka-ching"

and a ticker-tape machine beside him spits out paper...the Guru looks at it and says: "Just in- the NEW meaning of life is..."

Subject: RE: BS: I have all the answers
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Dec 14 - 02:15 PM

I have ALL the answers too!

But I'm not going to tell you what they are...




















































Suffer, you bastards, suffer! :D