BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...

Subject: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Dec 14 - 07:50 PM

I well remember that cold and snowy West Virginny Christmas Eve when the phone rang... It was my Cousin Rufus who lived in his half-a-double-wide up in Mission Holler with his wife, the ever lovely Retha Mae...

"We forgot to pay our heat bill, Cuz", Rufus blurted out breathlessly without so much qas sayin' "Hey" or "Merry Christmas"... Now for folks who may not speak hillbilly-ese "We forgot to pay out heat bill" translates to "We forgot to pay our electric bill" meaning no lights, no water, no 2000th rerun of "Miracle on 34th Street", no nothing at all...

Now before we go onI gotta telol y'all about my cousin ans the ever lovely Retha Mae... First of all, they - well, not exactly "they"... but Rufus - had lost the back half of their double-wide to a drinking buddy over a bet on a flippin' stupid football game... But forget football for now... I remember that phone call like it was yesterday and the following 3 days of helping Rufus frame in the of what was left of the poor double wide after the back half got towed away... So we framed it up and put up T-1-eleven plywood to keep the critters out and the Rufus and the ever lovely Retha Mae in... But I have to hand it to Retha Mae for stickin' by her man and not killing the poor boy for losing the back half of the double-wide and with it here bedroom, half here dining room and the most important room in the house... Her powder room... She even found some rolls of burlap at the Route 340 Flea Market, stapled it up with Rufus's chrome, heavy duty Arrow T50 stapler and made the half a double wide half cozy... She sure enough did...

"So, Cuz, I take it that you ain't got no electricty... Is that right???"

Of course, I already knew the answer to that question so rather than wait for Cuz to ponderate I continued, "Well, let me talk with the P-Vine and see if maybe we can put y'all up until until you get it straightened out"...

Now, people, the P-Vine is the sweetest wife a hillbilly ever had but I don't mind telling you this but...

...she wasn't all that wild about the idea... Sure enough wasn't... But being a good Christian on Christmas Eve, what's y6a' gonna' do but say, "Okay, but only until they get their lights back on"...

That seemed fair enough to me so I told Cuz to load the ever lovely Retha Mae up in their 1978 Chevette and come on over...

Well, people, we made the best of it that night and were doing real well Christmas morning until Cuz let it slip out that he and the ever lovely Retha Mae might have forgotten to make the last 8 or 11 payments on their half-a-double-wide...

Hmmmmmm???

I did tell y'all about the P-Vine being a fine Christian woman, didn't I??? Now I believe all that stuff in the Bible but I recall a few stories in the Old Testament where the finest of the fine people kinda got, ahhhh, un-fine on a few occasions and , like a freight train in the middle of the night, I could hear the distant whistle of the Un-Fine Express coming down the tracks but...

...what's a Cuz to do for a Cuz???

Well, they moved their clothes in and all the creams and goop that kept the ever lovely Retha Mae, ahhhh, ever lovely and over the next few months the P-Vibe and I would have these little late night chats... Well, they weren't really chats at all... The were like, ahhhh, un-chats that were, ahhhh, un-fun for me... You know, more like when your dog messes up and you stick his dog face in it while pounding the poor mut with the morning sports section??? Except in this case I was the poor mut...

Meanwhile, little did I know that the P-Vine had been plotting to move me out of the Wes Ginny mountains to Charlotte, North Carolina to be around her grandkids... Yup, sure enough was plotting...So between Rufus, the ever lovely Retha Mae, the P-Vine's un-chats and the lease coming up for renewin' on the house, I was in a plot that was hardly simmering to a full boil, as in a boiling plot... Sure enough did and that plot got all boiled over but, hey...

... thoings happen for a reason, folks... Cuz's half-a-double wide got foreclosed on an towed off... Our landlord agreed to allow Rufus and the ever lovely Retha Mae to take over the lease on our old house and the P-Vine got me moved down here to the land of hot, humid and slimy okra... Oh, and those grandkids we moved here to see??? Forget it... We never see them and it's been three years now since we last saw Cuz and the ever lovely Retha Mae... And seein' as their only car is that same ol' 1979 Chevette which certainly ain't up for no 400 mile trip to Charlotte, N.C. it might be another 3 years or never - whichever comes first - before we see them again... But life here is good... And quiet... And the phone don't ring and that's fine with us...

But this being the Christmas season, I wonder to myself, "How much of this plot to get ne moved here was all thought up and pulled off with perfection by the P-Vine, Cousin Rufus, the ever lovely Retha Mae??? I sure do ponderate that at Christmas that at Christmas... But those ponderations don't last too long... You know, just long enough for me to ask the P-Vine if there is any truth to them and get set down for a little un-chat refresher...

And that, friends, is a true story so...

...y'all don't forget to pay you heat bills, ya' hear???

But if you do forget???

Don't call me...

_____________________________________________________________________

Merry Christmas to my friends here in the Catbox...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Dec 14 - 07:56 PM

merry Christmas to you & the lovely P-Vine

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Dec 14 - 08:06 PM

Hmmm... makes one... (or 47).. wonder just how much truth is embedded in that little tale... *grin*

In any case, I hope the holiday season treats you, the P-Vine, and Retha Mae with all the joy relevant to the auspices of the contingency..

Huh? he said, babbling again... take care, Bobert... drop in now & then

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 14 - 08:44 PM

Hey! Merry Christmas, ya hear?

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Dec 14 - 09:53 PM

I believe every word, Bobert.

Best wishes to you and P-Vine for a wonderful Christmas!

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 22 Dec 14 - 11:21 PM

I believe every word, but especially the description of the stapler. Men never lie about things like that.

It's good to hear from you, Bobert.

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: fat B****rd
Date: 23 Dec 14 - 06:31 AM

All the very best to you and yours, Bobster...er...y'all take care now.

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 23 Dec 14 - 10:58 AM

Stitched up like a kipper, Bobz. Happy Christmas.

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: gnu
Date: 23 Dec 14 - 11:47 AM

Thanks for sharing.

Merry Ho Ho, Bobert.

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: David C. Carter
Date: 23 Dec 14 - 11:55 AM

What gnu just said,along with all the other catters.

Great to hear from you.

Merry Christmas to you all.


David
France

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 23 Dec 14 - 12:09 PM

:-D

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 23 Dec 14 - 04:39 PM

Those slimy okra sound a bit nasty - take care Bobert.

Subject: RE: BS: 'New' Bobert Christmas Story...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 23 Dec 14 - 11:23 PM

Bobert, are you feeling bad because you feel you left West Virginia for nothing? If so, I don't blame you.

I don't think you can blame P-Vine and the cousins for the move which produced no bonding with the grandkids. Families today don't seem to get together much. There's always soccer, or football, or piano, or ballet or something else to do instead of visiting family.

The next time you go to a museum or art gallery, look at the families. All you see are parents and kids up to about age nine. After age ten, they seem to be off on their own, and I don't know where.