BS: My Favorite Insults

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: EBarnacle
Date: 17 Oct 15 - 11:31 PM

Steve, that quote [10/6] belongs to Mitch Miller.

After a round of golf when the minister discovered that his opponent was the club pro: Bring your parents around sometime. I'll be happy to marry them.

Me, on being told to improv insults during a movie scene: You're lower than whale shit but messier.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Bert
Date: 18 Oct 15 - 06:40 PM

I didn't know that Steve.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Oct 15 - 07:03 PM

Mind you, that Dolomite could growl. No fifth gear so a loud growl. 26 to the gallon on a good day. The burgundy ones (e.g. mine) had paint that you could actually stand there and see oxidise before your very eyes. The rusting was legendary. The front pads lasted for less than 4000 miles. The exhaust manifold bolts routinely worked loose and the only way to get at them to tighten was by removing the starter motor, which was itself pretty inaccessible. Wheel bearings were good for less than 10000 miles. Rubber membranes in the the twin carbs that split as soon as you went anywhere near them.. The leaf springs had an incurable loud squeak at all times. The fuel line was prone to myocardial infarction, curable by detaching it at the fuel pump and blowing down it. Aye, they don't make cars like they used to, Bert!

Having said that, I once borrowed an Austin Maestro for fifteen months. Excuse me if I don't go there...

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Bert
Date: 18 Oct 15 - 09:46 PM

Hmmm, that sounds worse that the 75 Volvo I used to own, on which I used up all of my favorite insults.

Perhaps we need to start a bad car thread.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Ed T
Date: 18 Oct 15 - 09:49 PM

speaking about whale crap 

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 09:16 AM

Some of my favorites:

As sharp as a sack full of wet mice.

Has the mental agility of a small soap dish.

Has a face like a bucket of frogs.

Bob Hitchcock.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 09:23 AM

He's as crazy as Joe C*nt's cat.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Mr Red
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 03:07 PM

Bright as a NAFFI candle
Dim as a Toch H lamp
Daft as a brush

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 05:13 PM

Have never understood that last one. What is daft about a brush?

≈M≈

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 20 Oct 15 - 10:45 AM

You'd lose your balls if they weren't in a bag.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: GUEST,Sol
Date: 20 Oct 15 - 01:05 PM

(MGM "Have never understood that last one. What is daft about a brush?)
I don't understand it either MGM. That said, I've used the expression regularly all my life without thinking of its derivation.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 20 Oct 15 - 01:13 PM

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/as-daft-as-a-brush.html

Not much help, coz compiler of this can't really explain it anyhow. But worth a look, maybe, for the terminologically interested among us.

≈M≈

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: GUEST,Sol
Date: 20 Oct 15 - 01:19 PM

From a quick search on the net it seems there are three plausible explanations for the 'daft as a brush' expression.

1) brush of a fox = soft and soft = daft in North England
2) small children dropped down chimneys instead of a brush often incurred head injuries.
3) when a wet brush is poked, you 'dab'. When a dry brush is poked, you 'daff'. These words are onomatopoeic. The word also appears in the first verse of The Flowers Of The Forest, where in context it means something like a nudge in the ribs. When a brush has been daffed a great deal, its bristles splay out in all directions. The brush is then called "daft" and it becomes practically useless. Someone who is daft as a brush is unable to direct their concentration properly to the matter in hand.

No. 3 is the most plausible to me.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 20 Oct 15 - 02:09 PM

Agreed. Many thanks, Sol. It will certainly do as an explanation until (as they say) a better one comes along!

≈M≈

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Mr Red
Date: 21 Oct 15 - 04:56 AM

Thanx 4 the Daffed as a Brush - amazing how words morph and loose their context!

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Joe_F
Date: 21 Oct 15 - 08:48 PM

George Orwell, on what turned out to be his deathbed, amused himself by making up rude words to "Oranges and Lemons":

Your mother's a spinster,
Say the bells of Westminster,

Don't be talking balls,
Say the bells of St Paul's,

etc.

For some additional suggestions, see this thread.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 15 - 10:23 PM

Nates pilosas, fili, non potes asse venditare.

Homo et humanita expers et vitae communis ignarus.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 04:27 PM

Born hairy , daughter , not power approval sale

Homo and kindness wanting and life common unacquainted with.

according to http://www.translation-guide.com/free_online_translators.php?from=Latin&to=English & I thought Latin was predictable! (being a dead language)

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 04:45 PM

She is like an adorable baby, she has a hole in head, wakes up every 2 hours and cries until she eats and pukes half the time after drinking.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: GUEST,Sol
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 06:14 PM

Nil Illegitimus Carborundum :-)

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 08:23 PM

Broke-dick mamalucca! (--Spaw)

Broken pissant fart.

So dumb that if brains were dynamite he couldn't blow his nose.

Too dumb to pound sand into a rat hole.

He's a tenth of the man he thinks he is -- if that.

Okay, I'll say something positive about him! I'm positive he's stupider than I think.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 08:47 PM

Quod nulli calicem tuum propinas,
humane facis, Horme, non superbe. -- Martial

It isn't good manners to toast without passing the cup,
but, seeing it's you, I suppose you're just being considerate.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Wesley S
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 11:13 PM

A friend told me this one today from a TV show.

He's nuttier than a porta-potty at a peanut convention.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Oct 15 - 12:17 AM

Couldn't pour water out of a boot if the directions were on the heel. Nice thread Wesley S

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 23 Oct 15 - 12:19 AM

My father used to say "If he had two or three more wits he might be a halfwit!"

≈M≈

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: GRex
Date: 23 Oct 15 - 04:03 PM

Heard in the Hamilton Folk Club way back in the seventies and said by the singer to a persistent interrupter "The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it"

GRex

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Joe_F
Date: 23 Oct 15 - 05:49 PM

"No man with a mouth like that ever lets go." -- H. L. Mencken, of William Jennings Bryan.

*

Reply to a witticism: "Oh, you're a wit and a half, you are."

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 24 Oct 15 - 01:16 PM

"He's a knock-kneed, bow-legged runty little nothing sawed down to a point with no brains in his cocoa!"

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: kendall
Date: 15 May 19 - 07:43 PM

Her face would stop an 8 day clock.

he was so stupid he thought Western union was cowboy's underwear.

Her ass was so big it had its own zip code.

When he was born the doctor said, "It's a boy." his father said, "a boy what"?

He is such a liar, if he wants his dog to come in he has to get someone else to call it.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 May 19 - 08:14 PM

She's got a bum like a burst bag of broad beans (Harry Enfield).

He has a face like three pounds of badly-wrapped mince (Mike Harding)

"I'm not saying that he's not a man's man, but he does think his dick's for pissing out of..."

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 19 - 09:21 PM

His folks evolved into rocks and he's the pinnacle of their evolution.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but I know the highway department employs you to stop landslides and avalanches.

As an author he's so bad that the linotype went on strike.

His heart transplant rejected HIM.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: meself
Date: 15 May 19 - 09:55 PM

One I just heard, that a cop said to the surprising small president of a Hell's Angels branch in Quebec: "Last time I saw cowboy boots that small, they were on a key chain!"

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 16 May 19 - 06:54 AM

When they circumcised you they threw the wrong bit away.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 16 May 19 - 03:57 PM

There is nothing like a good joke - and that was nothing like a good joke (pal of Mary Poppins).

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Mo the caller
Date: 16 May 19 - 04:34 PM

My father claimed that he prepared a speech to propose to my mother
"Darling when I look into your eyes time stand still."
but that he actually said "Your face would stop a clock. Your teeth are like the stars, they come out at night"

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 16 May 19 - 06:36 PM

Ha ha! At school we used to say, your teeth are like stars, they come out at night. Your eyes are like pools, football pools. Your ears are like flowers, cauliflowers. Cheers for taking me back fifty years, Mo! :-)

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Jack Campin
Date: 16 May 19 - 06:52 PM

A shiver ran along the Labour front bench looking for a spine to run up.

- Ian Blackford, Scottish National Party MP

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Joe_F
Date: 16 May 19 - 09:28 PM

You can be replaced with an equal volume of fresh air.

*

When Italy declared war on England in WW2, Churchill is said to have remarked, "It's only fair. We had to put up with them last time." (A prophetic taunt!)

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 19 - 11:09 PM

You're a medical miracle! The last time you had diarrhea you didn't completely disappear!

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 17 May 19 - 02:39 AM

When I first tried my hand at singing I was told, "If you were singing for shit you wouldn't get the smell on it"
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 May 19 - 03:27 AM

He's so thick that he couldn't find his arse with both hands.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: David C. Carter
Date: 17 May 19 - 05:13 AM

Shostakovich:"Wagner's music is better than it sounds".

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: David C. Carter
Date: 17 May 19 - 05:18 AM

Noel Coward,when asked by a society lady what he thought of her painting:

"A bit Touch'n'Gaughan".

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 May 19 - 06:58 AM

Rossini on Wagner: "Wagner has beautiful moments, but awful quarters of an hour."

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Joe_F
Date: 17 May 19 - 05:40 PM

"Do you eat with that mouth?" (Said to someone who has just made an offensive remark.)

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Donuel
Date: 17 May 19 - 05:46 PM

I'm told Wagner is better than it sounds.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 17 May 19 - 06:53 PM

@David C Carter: is that not a double insult? Dick Gaughan might think so!
Doncha mean "A bit Touch'n'Gauguin"?

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Neil D
Date: 17 May 19 - 09:00 PM

When he was a kid, they had to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the dog to play with him.
Like having a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
They said he was quite the wit...they were half right.
The only good thing to come out of Cork is the road to Kerry.
Over a hundred years ago my grandfather fronted a judge on the courthouse steps and said "I wouldn't trust you to adjudicate a rape case among dogs."

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: BobL
Date: 18 May 19 - 02:35 AM

She was so dumb, she had to take her blouse off to count up to two.

Subject: RE: BS: My Favorite Insults
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 May 19 - 05:01 PM

Oh, you're from Culpeper? Good place to be from... Shows you had the sense to leave.