BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin

Subject: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 14 Oct 15 - 01:12 PM

As none of us here are getting any younger...

At what point would you swallow your pride and release power of attorney over your finances
to your son / daughter / next of kin ?

I'm at a stage with my 83 year old mum where her local memory clinic home visit nurse
is actively suggesting we go pay a solicitor to get this done.

Mum is not happy with the idea, and I'm reluctant as I want her to remain proud & independent for as long as possible.

But today has been another long frustrating series of phone calls trying to solve problems.
This time she's lost her pension card and caused complete confusion for herself and the Pension office,
and any random social service departments,
she's phoned and involved over the last few days, before she confessed to me today what she's done.

Of course the pension office refuses to let me discuss and resolve the problem unless I have legal attorney.

Instead insisting that my mother, in her increased current state of anxiety and confusion,
phones them back to sort it out herself...?????

I'll probably have to get a train asap this week and go sit with her while she phones...


So.. how are 'you' preparing for this potential inevitability...

of passing on legal responsibility to next of kin...

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Oct 15 - 01:36 PM

It doesn't resolve all the issues, like health care decisions for instance, but I opened a joint bank account with my Dad so at least I could talk to the bank and, when the need arose, get money for him and pay his bills. With my Mum we have her property in trust which resolves a few other problems. Power of attorney is the best legal option I believe but if she is not ready yet I am not sure what you can do.

Good luck whatever it is.

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: maeve
Date: 14 Oct 15 - 01:49 PM

Having medical and financial Power of Attorney doesn't have to mean loss of your parent's independence. It means you can help her protect her rights and meet her needs.

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 15 - 03:32 PM

We have Advanced Directives which include our wills, medical decisions (e.g., when to turn off the machines), powers of attorney first to each other and then to others whom we trust. Yes, you need a lawyer but the cost is worth the peace of mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 14 Oct 15 - 03:37 PM

The Lawyer should explain about lasting powers of Attorney and the former enduring powers of attorney. It is not necessary for your mother to give up day to day control immediately - but it may be wiser for her to give written authority to her bank etc to discuss her matters with you. This need not involve a power of attorney (although it may take some time to get that through the head of a bank numpty in a call centre).

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 15 - 04:58 PM

Pay EVERYTHING in advance on a yearly basis.

First of the year.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

If the "old lady" croaks before the term....the estate will collect the residual.

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: Rumncoke
Date: 14 Oct 15 - 09:22 PM

When it became clear that my mother in law was slowly losing her ability to cope with life the legal work was done but it was not fully implemented for some time afterwards.

To start off with my husband simply saw that the bills were paid and stopped the people who were calling and getting her to change her gas and electric supplier, which were so many that they were queued up waiting to take over as soon as it was allowed.
The paperwork did have to be sent several times to some organisations as they lost it or had no record of it being sent - they demanded to speak to the poor woman in her bewildered state before they would accept that she was non compos mentis.

Eventually the house had to be emptied and sold after she went into a home, and now all her money is gradually being paid out for her care. It is sad, but at least her finances are arranged so as to provide for her.

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 15 - 09:27 PM

We made similar arrangements for my MIL before she died. It helped that my wife is an attorney, but even so convincing someone that they are no longer capable of doing what they used to do so well is both a chore and sad. At least she consciously gave up driving about nine months before the end and had cut back dramatically before that.

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: Mr Red
Date: 15 Oct 15 - 04:07 AM

My GF had this problem with her aunt. Her solicitor was reluctant to proceed with any "Power of Attorney" because (I assume) he would be legally responsible in any misuse event. Eventually a doctor's affirmation and probably another document had to be produced. GF was virtually the only person that could visit and help. It was not much later that the dementia was so bad that the aunt had to go into a home.

Now the aunt doesn't even know who visits her, GF being the person doing the most visiting. But you have to be there regularly because the care home thought the aunt was so indifferent to her surroundings that they changed her format to being left in her room all day! That got changed back immediately, to communal days.

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: Paul Burke
Date: 15 Oct 15 - 06:22 PM

This is a subject that needs accurate information as to the legal side, and useful information on the human side (I'm not saying you're not giving it, but there's a bit of a cloud). If you'd signed in as member rather than guest, I could have emailed links that were useful to us when my wife's father became troubled by dementia. It took us about two years to complete the process, much of which was convincing him that it was necessary. It was at least a year later than ideal; he was reasonably well off, and so targeted by salesmen from companies you would have thought would know better. He was of a similar age when we started the process.

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: maeve
Date: 15 Oct 15 - 06:49 PM

That's a kind offer, Paul Burke. Perhaps the OP will send you a PM.

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 15 Oct 15 - 07:04 PM

Thanks folks for the support and info...

more appreciated - maybe this could become a resource for other mudcatters...

Another long day of failure to resolve problem, and increased upset for mum...
Aiming to get a train tomorrow to help with phone call to pension office.

The UK Pension Office phone line is hopeless.
The recorded options are very daunting and intimidating - almost hostile -
for elderly people like my mum.
..and they are expected to remember to write down and not lose
long security numbers and pin numbers,
just to obtain replacement cards...!!!???

So far, I've been directed by the nurse to UK Alzheimer's Society & Age Concern for info.

Mum has had 2 assessments in the last month by local GP and Home visit Memory Clinic nurse.

Next, is an appt this month at the memory clinic with a Specialist Dr.

Fortunately, mum recognises there is a problem because she is a retired care worker,
formerly employed for many years at a residential old folks home.
So is very aware of the symptoms and potential problems.

Due to her lifelong 'lowly' employment status, money and property is not a consideration,
because she rents a council house and has no savings....

But she is regularly losing and cancelling credit cards, bus pass;
creating serious confusion and anxiety in the process of activating replacement:
and now her pension card....

Subject: RE: BS: Giving control of your £$ to next of kin
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 15 Oct 15 - 07:11 PM

BTW.. I've not logged into my account for some years now, and for whatever reasons prefer GUEST status.

What I would suggest is if anyone has links to share,
to post Blue Clickys to them here and maybe start compiling a bit of a resource
for mudcatters on both sides of the Atlantic...???

cheers...