Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Dec 15 - 08:06 PM

IT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS BUT MY OWN was posted in another thread, here.

Subject: Lyr Add: INDOOR SPORTS (from Bert Williams)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Dec 15 - 07:57 PM

INDOOR SPORTS
Words by Ed. P. Moran and Will A Heelan, music by Seymour Furth
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1915.

When Dad gave up two dollars for his marriage license fee,
He really had no idea what an ath-e-lete he'd be.
To gain his reputation, Daddy did not have to roam.
We hold all our Olympic games right in our home sweet home.

At indoor sports, no family can beat us.
At indoor sports, they're all afraid to meet us.
You don't know what you're missin' … up right away.
Why Daddy missed an iron by an inch the other day,
But then Mama threw another so there's nothin' left to say,
And it all comes under indoor sports.

Ma says: "Stop that…; Dad should do as he is told."
She yanks the record off; 'twas "Silver Threads among the Gold."
She threw the disk at Daddy's head to stop the sweet refrain.
Since Mama broke that record, Dad has music on the brain.

At indoor sports, no family can beat us.
At indoor sports, they're all afraid to meet us.
Why, Daddy never does a thing to rouse poor Mama's wrath.
Night after night he goes along the same old beaten path.
He gets beaten from the bedroom through the kitchen to the bath,
And it all comes under indoor sports.

When Ma puts on her carpet…, she needs us, bless her soul.
Dad gets the fam'ly records down and then he calls the roll.
We chose up sides, roll up our sleeves, Ma grabs the bureau drawer,
Then we grab Mama's carpet strings and have a tug of war.

At indoor sports, no family can beat us.
At indoor sports, they're all afraid to meet us.
When Mama hollers "Go," the sight's worth comin' miles to see,
With seven kids on Daddy's side and seven more with me.
Why, we pull her in from fifty-four, sometimes to fifty-three,
And it all comes under indoor sports.

One night a month poor Daddy is allowed to go to lodge.
He don't belong to any; it's the same old marriage dodge.
The lodge he goes to, all the members … like they were lame.
The password of the order is "I guess I'll take the same."

At indoor sports, no family can beat us.
At indoor sports, they're all afraid to meet us.
When Father's turn comes to treat, you'd think he's deaf and dumb,
But of course he can find his way home yet, and I guess that's goin' some,
And the door he sings; it's lovely, but the words are yet to come.
Now you know it's under indoor sports.

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M SORRY I AIN'T GOT IT YOU COULD HAVE…
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Dec 15 - 02:04 AM

Copied from the sheet music at Baylor University:


I'M SORRY I AIN'T GOT IT YOU COULD HAVE IT IF I HAD IT BLUES
Words by Sam M Lewis & Joe Young; music by Ted Snyder, ©1919.

1. Where am the friend
That used to lend?
It looks like Mister Hard Luck's goin' to stick to the end,
Sad am the day,
And sad am I.
I'm down and out, and there's no doubt
That Mister Good Luck's passin' me by.

CHORUS 1: I've got that "sorry I ain't got it, you could have it if I had it" blues,
Mean blues.
Life to me is just a poor excuse.
If money grew on chestnut trees,
I'd starve to death hangin' 'round for a breeze.
I've got that "call around tomorrow; if I have it, you can borrow" hard luck blues.
I'd love to die, but, oh, well, what's the use?
One day I tried to touch a chum
And he was stricken deaf and dumb.
I've got those "sorry I ain't got it; you could have it if I had it" blues.

2. The time has come when birds don't hum.
You're lucky if you count your friends on a finger and thumb.
That welcome mat before the door
Is all a joke in case you're broke,
'Cause Mister Friend don't live there no more.

CHORUS 2: I've got that "sorry I ain't got it, you could have it if I had it" blues,
Mean blues.
Life to me is just a poor excuse.
If money grew on chestnut trees,
I'd starve to death hangin' 'round for a breeze.
I've got that "call around tomorrow; if I have it you can borrow" hard luck blues.
I'd love to die, but, oh, well, what's the use?
When it's as cold as it can be,
They give their old straw hats to me.
I've got those "sorry I ain't got it; you could have it if I had it" blues.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 10:19 AM

Thanks, Jim. I esp. love the puns in the song about checkers.

Subject: Lyr Add: EVE COST ADAM JUST ONE BONE (C Bayha)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 04 Dec 15 - 08:36 AM

These lyrics are copied from the sheet music at Baylor University:


EVE COST ADAM JUST ONE BONE
Words and music by Charles Bayha, ©1921.
"Introduced by Bert Williams in his 1921 riot 'Broadway Brevities' "

1. Ev'rybody knows the story how Adam gave his rib for Eve.
Ev'rybody thinks it's awful the way she caused poor "Ad" to grieve,
But I've thought the matter over, and here's the reason why
I've come to this conclusion: Adam was a lucky guy.

CHORUS 1: Eve cost Adam just one bone,
But he couldn't get away with that today.
He never had no sealskin coats to buy,
And there were no millinery bills to pay.
She caused him trouble,
And he got the weary blues.
She liked to raise a little Cain—that is a fact—
But she only cost him just one bone,
And you can't expect too doggone much for that.

2. Eve had sev'ral thousand dresses all growing on a tree, they say,
And some women must imagine that they still grow that way today.
Look at all the big fur jackets and sealskin coats they wear.
The kind of skin that Eve wore must have been a little bare.

CHORUS 2: Eve cost Adam just one bone,
And you must admit he got his money's worth.
But even if he paid more than he should,
Just remember lucky Adam owned the earth.
She caused him trouble,
And he got the weary blues.
She was a bit too fond of apples—that's a fact—
But she only cost him just one bone,
And you can't expect too doggone much for that.

Subject: Lyr Add: IT'S YOUR MOVE NOW / CHECKERS
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 Dec 15 - 09:03 PM

Bert Williams recorded this under the title CHECKERS; Document Records and Spotify list it as CHECKERS (IT'S YOUR MOVE NOW). The following title and lyrics are copied from the sheet music at Baylor University:


IT'S YOUR MOVE NOW (IF YOU WANT TO PLAY CHECKERS)
Words by Billy Curtis, music by Murray Rubens, ©1920.

1. Sam Johnson was a checker fiend; he'd play from morn till night.
His wife would take in washin' and she figured 'twasn't right,
'Cause Sam did not contribute one red cent toward her support,
So Sam and her they mixed one night; next day Sam was in court.
The judge says: "Pay your wife eight bones a week."
Sam says: "I'm broke," then she began to speak.

CHORUS: She says: "If you ain't got it, you'd better go get it, 'cause it's your move now.
So you just break up your king row and give me the game, 'cause I'm bound to get eight men anyhow.
Now you can't win with four; there's no use tryin' hard to stall.
The first bad move you make, I'm goin' to crown you, and that's all.
So now if you ain't got it, you'd better go get it, 'cause it's your move now.

2. Sam Johnson started pleadin'; he says: "Hon, you know I'm broke.
How come you act this way, sweetheart?" She says: "I hope you choke.
That sweetheart stuff was very nice a long, long time ago,
But when poverty flies in the window, love flies out the door.
Now checkers they are all made out of wood,
And no wooden man can do me any good.

CHORUS: "So now if you ain't got it, you'd better go get it, 'cause it's your move now.
For there are twelve men on a jury, same as on a checkerboard, and you're goin' to need 'em all, you will allow.
Now I don't like to ball you, but there's time for everything,
And right now is the time to warble: 'O Lord, save my king!'
And if you don't protect it, I'm sure to jump it, and it's your move now."

Subject: Lyr Add: BROTHER LOW DOWN (Bernard/Briers)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 Dec 15 - 08:24 PM

The following lyrics are copied from the sheet music at UCLA. Bert Williams recorded it, and his words vary only slightly:


BROTHER LOW DOWN
Words and music by Al Bernard and Larry Briers, ©1921.

1. Down in New Orleans
Is a preacher called Low Down.
Down in New Orleans
On the corners he is found,
Preaching night and day
To folks who pass his way.
He said: "The Good Book you must sho' obey,"
And when the law tried to run him in,
Brother Low Down he would say:

CHORUS: "Cap'n Buddy done got me a permit
For to preach in this here town.
Cap'n Buddy done told all of you cops
To lay right off of old Low Down.
Now all you satin blacks, choc'late browns,
When I pass this hat around,
If you want to keep from sin,
Drop your little nickels in
To help old brother Low Down."

2. Down in New Orleans,
Is a dance hall called Blue Moon.
Down in New Orleans,
They stiff-starch night and noon.
He went there one day
And started in to pray.
He said: "Old Low Down you must sho' obey,"
And when the folks tried to run him out,
Brother Low Down he did say:

"Now all you card players, crap shooters, bootleggers too,
Listen to me, sinners, and I'll tell you what to do:
If you disobeys me, den you better be afraid,
'Cause you know I totes a razor and I wields a wicked blade.
It costs me more for liquor at the place I gets it at,
So don't you go a-droppin' any lead dimes in my hat.
Low Down must have money so he won't get in a hole,
So keep old Low Down liquored up and he will save your soul.

CHORUS: "Cap'n Buddy done got me a permit
For to preach in this here town.
Cap'n Buddy done told all of you cops
To have respect for old Low Down.
Now all you old pool sharks, hear me right:
When I pass this hat tonight,
I will shout with all my might.
Help me, or there'll be a fight,
Yes, with old brother Low Down."