TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 07:23 PM

Funny English signs I saw in Okinawa, Japan while I was there for 3 years:

--Flag outside department store: "BIG SAEL!"
--On the side of a Coca-Cola truck: "I Feel Coke"
--T-shirts: "Le Because Very," and "American Baseball League Major Be-Hot"
--Shopping center: "Navel Shopping Center"

--Matt

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 07:23 PM

Funny English signs I saw in Okinawa, Japan while I was there for 3 years:

--Flag outside department store: "BIG SAEL!"
--On the side of a Coca-Cola truck: "I Feel Coke"
--T-shirts: "Le Because Very," and "American Baseball League Major Be-Hot"
--Shopping center: "Navel Shopping Center"

--Matt

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 07:16 PM

"I would never pay 30 bucks to have my truss-rod adjusted" - this comes from a current thgread about truss rods, and I couldn't resist posting it here.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Morticia
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 06:37 PM

at 75 or 80, I'd be impressed if it could be accomplished at all :)

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 04:14 PM

Well Morty, I think it would depend on how fast you were going. At 75 or 80, it'd be over in a flash.

Uncle Pat

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Morticia
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 03:52 PM

I love the sleeping policeman warnings that state " Humps for 40 yds"........ I'd love to see that, it must be damned impressive!!

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 02:34 PM

I recall that about 20 years ago, there was a shop in Southall with the notice "Ears pierced while you wait". I just had this vision of someone walking in to have their ears pierced and leaving them while they went elsewhere.

Regards

Walrus

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Micca
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 01:52 PM

There was a Graffito on the M4 that said "Free Wales" and someone added "with every 5 gallons"

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bagpuss
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 01:51 PM

I aint read all this thread, so pardon me if I'm repeating someone. I saw a sign saying "FREE NELSON MANDELA" a few years back, and someone had written under it "With every pack of cornflakes".

Then theres the old JESUS SAVES - but Keegan scores on the rebound.

Bagpuss

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: GUEST,Skivee
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 01:15 PM

Someone also ate my ability to spell, "Tiny".

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: GUEST,Skivee
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 01:12 PM

That last was from me . Someone ate my cookie!

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 01:07 PM

There was a small beauty salon nearby with the following sign: APPOINTMENTS NOT (always) NECESSARY Hoping this stays formatted when I send it. The "Appointments not" and "Necessary" were in very big type. the "always" was tine and parenthetical.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 10:23 AM

In a suburb near Chicago there was a billboard in support of the Jewish population in the USSR. It said "Save Soviet Jewry". Whenever I'd drive by the sign, I always thought it would be funny to add to the bottom of the sign "win valuable prizes". But I never did it. Out of respect, you know.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Homeless
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 09:38 AM

I went in to a Burger King once where the sign proclaimed "99 cent Whoopers" When I pointed out to them that their trademark sandwich was spelled wrong on the sign (and had to tell them how to spell it correctly!) the kid went out and changed it to "Whooppers"

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Ebbie
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 08:16 PM

At a machine shop outside McMinnville, Oregon is a roadside sign warning 'Fabrications'. You probably can't believe a thing they say...Ebbie

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: dwditty
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 07:39 PM

I once called Harry's Auto Body. After three rings, a guy answered with, "Harry's Dick speaking." I was laughing so hard I had to hang up.
dw

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Sorcha
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 05:46 PM

Lordy, lordy. Somehow I missed this one when I came in last winter. Oh dear, great stuff. Sides hurt. Can't think, but I have seen some doozies. Will try to remember..........tracing.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Kim C
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 05:19 PM

There's a place in my husband's hometown with the sign, "Used Baby Store."

A hotel down the road had some of the lights burnt out in their sign. It read, "GOOSECREEK REST RANT"

I've always wondered about the Slow Caution Horses and figured that would be a pretty good name for a band.

I really liked the one about the Firkin Haircut.

When I was a student at Belmont University here in Nashville (then Belmont College), the sign on the interstate said Belmont College Fairgrounds. Of course, the fairgrounds and the college were off the same exit but I always thought the sign was funny. They've changed it since then.

One of the Schlotzky's up the street says, "Try Our Feista Chicken."

I used to work in a furniture store and we sold these little end tables with the label, "This is a table. Don't sit on it." I have also seen those windshield protectors that say, "Remove before driving."

heeheeheeheeheee

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Dharmabum
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 05:07 PM

There used to be a factory along Rt.287 here in Jersey,had a big neon sign that said "TINGLY RUBBER PRODUCTS". I haven't been out that way in a while, don't know if it's still there.

Saw this in a spot o pot at a bluegrass fest 2 weeks ago, "CAPACITY 25" then in small print "over a 40 hour period".

Ron.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:55 PM

good one Shad.......I'm still confused by a drive thru beer barn which I pass and has had the same sign out for a long while. "BEER/WINE/TANNING" ....now remember this is a drive thru! Whaddaya do? Tan one arm one day and the other next? Do you drive thru nekkid? I'm gonna' stop at this place sometime, like, I gotta' know.

Spaw

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: SDShad
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:43 PM

As you travel west on Interstate 90 in South Dakota between Sioux Falls and Mitchell, you'll see a sign for an auto repair garage that advertises "Free Toe Service."

Lookit, Martha! We kin git a lube job and a pedicure!

Shad

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:34 PM

A hair salon in my neighborhood put up an elaborate awning announcing that they were a UNIXES salon. I honestly thought that it was a salon for eunuchs until lightening struck and I realized it was a mispelling. Dumb! But who's dumber? Me? Or them for putting the damn thing up anyway? By the way, it's still there two years later.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:16 PM

Well that's better than the Avon Lady coming to your door selling guns I suppose.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Wesley S
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:14 PM

I drive by a local gun store that advertises "Avon Sold Here" . That really conjures up some images......

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:09 PM

Our local music store has a huge sign in the window "TRUMPET SALE" and the window is full of drums.

Makes you want to go in and ask 'Have you ever SEEN a trumpet'

Bert.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: jeffp
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:44 AM

IceWolf, great hack!!!! You can still see where it has been painted over and I still get a chuckle every time.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Skipjack
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:52 AM

When the M40 motorway was newly opened, between London and Brum, near Banbury there was a collection of Portacabins called "Emergency Services". They were eventually replaced with a full motorway service staion, but for about a year, there was a sign at the next roundabbout that declared "Emergency Pub"

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: IceWolf
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:28 AM

Oh dear. I'm one of the miscreants who painted "Surrender Dorothy" on the bridge one year.

Many companies (in the US at least) issue badges to their employees with magnetic stripes that are used to enter the buildings (and other secure areas). A certain corporation I used to work for had the following inscribed on the badge readers:
Insert
Badge
Moderately

And speaking of my former employer reminds me, has anyone else ever noticed the following coincedence? In the movie "2001: A Space Odessey", the rogue computer is called HAL. Now... if you advance each letter in HAL one position in the alphabet, you come up with IBM.

--IceWolf (who needs to quit reading the Forums and go back to work)

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: sophocleese
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:20 AM

I have to admit I always get a kick out of seeing the sign "WARNING! This door is alarmed!" Okay, I'll try not to startle it.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:04 AM

I recently got a packet from Radioshack (I own a franchise), that included a sign that said CLOSED THANKSGIVING. It included a short instruction that read do not post this sign if your store is open Thanksgiving.

I saw an advertisement in our local paper. It featured a photo of a Realtor and read Bob Shaffer just wants to wish his many customers a Merry Christmas! Thanks for a great 1999, and I look forward to serving you throughout the new millennium! Now here's a guy with an unreal life expectancy.

LEJ

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 01:21 PM

MIGHTY THIN --- "Read a magazine right through it. Look at the pictures too. Purty whiskey bottles...Nekkid women..."

Spaw - (and Woody)

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Blackcat2
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 11:20 AM

two front Central Florida:

1) years ago there was a house down my street that sold small livestock (ducks, chickens, lovebirds, etc.) and for a long time one big sing for them proclaimed: RABBIS FOR SALE - It must have stood like that for 2 years before someone finally put in the "T".

2) currently (and for a couple years) there is a sign visible on Interstate 4 in downtown Orlando that says: FREE STEAKS TO REPLACE YOUR WINDSHIELD. I'm not sure what kind of steaks they are, but one would think they'd have to be mighty thin to be transparent. . . .

pax yall

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mbo
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 09:50 AM

We have a place here (Jacksonville,NC) called Askew Lumber. I Wouldn't buy anything from them!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mbo
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 09:50 AM

We have a place here (Jacksonville,NC) called Askew Lumber. I Wouldn't buy anything from them!

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: DonMeixner
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 10:56 PM

On a strip mall in Baldwinsville NY

"Chinese Cuisine" is directly over "Pet Paradise".

A whole new meaning to Putting on the Dog.

Don

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: coriander
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 08:36 AM

In the town I grew up in, as you came down the steps from the railway station to the exit there used to be a large advertising sign for a local garage which declared "Redhill Exhausts and Tyres". Still makes me chuckle.... coriander

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Slider
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 06:35 AM

A sign many years ago that used to make me laugh every time I went down Broadway St. in Rochester,MN. was for a realtor by the name of C."Gordy" Suk. Another time my wife and I were traveling in the Shenendoah valley in Virginia when we saw many billboard adverts. for something called "Chicken in the Rough". What the heck is that? Another billboard was for a place called "Antiques Old an New". Just down the road from where I live(Winona,MN.) is a town called La Moille. Now if you pronounce it the way it is around here, it sorta sounds like a French Jewish guy who "works for tips" if ya know what I mean...What about parking lot signs that say things like "ENTRANCE-NO EXIT". I guess once you're in there, your stuck!

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Micca
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 06:27 AM

Then of course there is the famous ad from the New Scientist here in the UK for an
Edible Oil Technologist. >br> The othere one which caused mayhem was a large sign on the local Pharmacy window that said
Free Gifts
Nothing wrong with that until you pass by with a German Pharmacist as your companion, he had to sit down to recover from laughing. Apparently Gift is the German for Poison!!! I also liked a sign many years ago in a wine shop window that announced "Superior Vin Ordinaire".

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 04:14 AM

When I first moved to El Cerrito, next to the Food Farm grocery where I shopped was the SULLEN BEAUTY SUPPLIES. I guess it went out of business too soon, what with "heroine chic" being the mode in fashion photography. And then last week I parked my car across the street from a van with the logo: SULLEN AUTO REPAIRS. Yeah, I'll bet they get a lot of repeat business.

--seed

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 11:03 PM

Although it wasn't a sign, this one is certainly a sign of our times.

My good friend Wayne who some of you remember as graduating as a Physician's Assistant back in May (age 48) has been working as a pharmacy tech until his National Board exams came back (just did too-needed 350 to pass, got a 480) and he is certified.

The other day he was filling a prescription for Viagra. On the order slip there is a pick-up time slot labeled,

CUSTOMER NEEDS ______________. And you fill in the blank with a time.

When Wayne checked, the blank said ......"SOON"

Spaw

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Hagbardr
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 10:46 PM

Here's one I saw today. At the Lehigh Tunnel on the PA Turnpike there's a sign that as long as I can remember has said "REMOVE SUNGLASSES". Today when I passed it it said "R M SUNGLASSES" and I thought, "Hrmmm.... PennDOT must be switching to Linux.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: bunkerhill
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 12:06 AM

These call the imperative to mind: Stone the Druggist (Conway,N.H.) Pound the Florist (sandwich,ma)

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: john
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 09:52 PM

In the 1950s a barber by the name of Hec Firkin put a sign outside his shop in a small New Zealand town.It proclaimed..

GET A FIRKIN HAIRCUT

The local council made him remove it.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Caitrin
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 09:27 PM

I've always thought the "Slow children at play" signs were funny. I always thought slow as in "Slow motion", though. You know, like they couldn't get out of the way of a car.
I've also always liked the idea of adding to one of those "Jesus saves" signs "and Moses invests!"

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: jeffp
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 04:12 PM

lamarca, you must have known my first wife - she had the same desire about the Mormon Temple. We could never figure out a way to pull it off without getting caught. If it ever happens, it wasn't me...I swear it wasn't...really...truly...

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Diesel
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 03:27 PM

Seen the explanation booklet that comes with american military helmets - the opening line was "Soldier - this is your it helmet - it is to protect your head " * Duh!

Also seen in a butchers shop in Kilkenny , " we sell bacon - from pigs that died happy "

Diesel

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 06:04 PM

*Barbara...*big grin*..yep, though, I'd think Unitarians would just grin and let it go.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: lamarca
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 05:43 PM

We have a recurring grafitti (grafittus?) on a railway bridge overpass over the Capital Beltway (the multilane highway that circles Washington, DC). Some wag painted this years ago - it gets painted over, then periodically someone puts it back.

As you're travelling east to west, counterclockwise, through Silver Spring, Maryland, the Mormon Temple starts looming in your vision on your right. It has multiple spires that look like needles or crystals, and is always illuminated so it shows up real good. Someone painted on the railway bridge

"SURRENDER DOROTHY"

Some of my friends and I always had a sneaky desire to put emerald green Roscogels on the spotlights on the Temple...

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Lanfranc
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 05:31 PM

I was going to mention the (apocryphal) British road sign graffito on the A12 road to the port of Harwich.

HARWICH FOR THE CONTINENT

to which some unkind wag added

AND FRINTON FOR THE INCONTINENT

but I figured that it would probably need too much explanation to be funny, so I won't.

Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Wesley S
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 04:56 PM

I remember a little store back in Florida that had a sign that said "WORMS AND COLD BEER". I always thought it would take a LOT of beer to get me to eat worms.

Also in downtown Dallas there is a drycleaners that says "Experts in Blood Removal". I've never wanted to hang around that part of town for very long.