BS: man had sex with tractors

Subject: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: The Sandman
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 04:27 AM

ralph bishop was found guilty of having sex with 450 tractors, he had a special attraction to green massey fergusons and john deeres, he has been placed on a sex offenders list. he was caught with his pants down interfering with a tractor in a field in saxmundham.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: The Sandman
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 04:32 AM

its a spoof

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 04:42 AM

From Suffolk Gazette

http://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/suffolk-man-sex-with-tractors/

Read through the comments at the end of the article. It may well be a spoof, but leads to some dreadful puns.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Joe Offer
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 04:54 AM

There MUST be a song in this....

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: GUEST,Martin Ryan
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 05:24 AM

The Massey Ferguson Tragedy or The Wanton Seed...

Regards

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: akenaton
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 05:35 AM

John Deere??

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 05:39 AM

He's given up the habit now. He's an ex-tractor fan.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Will Fly
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 05:43 AM

Did he have sex with the whole band, or just one or two players?

The Tractors

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 05:50 AM

I suppose a man must plough his own furrow.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 06:28 AM

Was it coz he got these

Massi·Ve urges on?

≈M≈

≤small>geddit?

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 08:12 AM

I get it - had me one of those.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: gnu
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 08:12 AM

Oh Deere!

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 08:15 AM

There MUST be a song in this....

Ride (on) a tractor...

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: GUEST,Derrick
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 08:46 AM

I can't see what the attraction was.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 09:55 AM

What do you expect? Almost all farmers use tractors nowadays. It's difficult to find a mule, ox, or draught horse with which to engage in normal, healthy, old-fashioned bestiality.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 10:06 AM

"Oh, John, Oh John, Deere"

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 10:35 AM

It was a grudge fuck...the tractor ran over his favorite sheep!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: PHJim
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 10:50 AM

farmer and his wife were having marital difficulties. They went to a counsellor to get some help. At the end of the session the counsellor asked to speak with each of them individually.
That evening, the wife had finished cooking supper and, running out to the barn to get her husband, she found him behind the John Deere with his pants down.
"What are you doing," she screamed.
"Well the counsellor said, "If you want to keep your wife, you've got to do something to a tractor."


A few weeks later, his wife ran off with a tractor salesman. She sent him a John Deere letter.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 11:02 AM

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

Ok, PHJim...that is the clearest, most logical explanation I have heard..... it also wins my pun-of -the-month award.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 11:12 AM

Worked his way up from a lawn tractor, what a tractophile.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 11:16 AM

"Ireland, like Ukraine, is a largely rural country which suffers from its proximity to a more powerful industrialised neighbour. Ireland's contribution to the history of tractors is the genius engineer Harry Ferguson, who was born in 1884, near Belfast.
Ferguson was a clever and mischievous man, who also had a passion for aviation. It is said that he was the first man in Great Britain to build and fly his own aircraft in 1909. But he soon came to believe that improving efficiency of food production would be his unique service to mankind. Harry Ferguson's first two-furrow plough was attached to the chassis of the Ford Model T car converted into a tractor, aptly named Eros. This plough was mounted on the rear of the tractor, and through ingenious use of balance springs it could be raised or lowered by the driver using a lever beside his seat. Ford, meanwhile, was developing its own tractors. The Ferguson design was more advanced, and made use of hydraulic linkage, but Ferguson knew that despite his engineering genius, he could not achieve his dream on his own. He needed a larger company to produce his design. So he made an informal agreement with Henry Ford, sealed only by a handshake. This Ford-Ferguson partnership gave to the world a new type of Fordson tractor far superior to any that had been known before, and the precursor of all modern-type tractors. However, this agreement by a handshake collapsed in 1947 when Henry Ford II took over the empire of his father, and started to produce a new Ford 8N tractor, using the Ferguson system. Ferguson's open and cheerful nature was no match for the ruthless mentality of the American businessman. The matter was decided in court in 1951. Ferguson claimed $240 million, but was awarded only $9.25 million. Undaunted in spirit, Ferguson had a new idea. He approached the Standard Motor Company at Coventry with a plan, to adapt the Vanguard car for use as tractor. But this design had to be modified, because petrol was still rationed in the post-war period. The biggest challenge for Ferguson was the move from petrol-driven to diesel-driven engines and his success gave rise to the famous TE-20, of which more than half a million were built in the UK. Ferguson will be remembered for bringing together two great engineering stories of our time, the tractor and the family car, agriculture and transport, both of which have contributed so richly to the well-being of mankind."
Marina Lewycka, A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 03:55 PM

It wasn't the tractor itself, it was the power take-off.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Louie Roy
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 05:15 AM

Was he screwing the Intake valve or the Exhaust valve or was he using the Tailpipe to get both of them at once

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Ed T
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 05:27 AM

There is always the blower attachment, or the rear end loader, for those seeking a quick hitch.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 06:39 AM

Of course he wasn't using the tailpipe. He's not a bloody pervert, you know.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Ed T
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 06:55 AM

Not everones cup of tea, possible too latte?

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 04:08 PM

Was the manure spreader attached?

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Joe Offer
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 04:19 PM

"Manure spreader"?

In Wisconsin, that piece of equipment is affectionately called a "honey wagon."

-Joe, who used to tow one with an old Ford tractor-

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 05:45 PM

Old English steam tractors are aesthetic but still...

J Deere tractors mmmmphmmm

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: PHJim
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 05:48 PM

In Ontario, the "honey wagon" is a truck that empties septic tanks and port-a-potties.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 06:25 PM

Our septic tank hasn't been emptied in 28 years. It always looks really healthy to me, not even smelly, when I check it out. Tiger worms and stuff love it. No bleach, no biologicals, easy on the oils and fat seems to be the secret. AND we have a high-fibre diet, if you take my meaning. Am I normal?

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Ed T
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 07:39 PM

In this Case, there is no normal when it comes to tractor sex.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: kendall
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 07:54 PM

PHjim you beat me to it.

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 09:06 PM

Maybe it's the huge amount of rubber in those massive tyres.

Mmmmm, rubber....

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Louie Roy
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 09:06 PM

This thread is somewhat like when Henry Ford died and went to heaven and when he met Saint Peters at the golden gate and when saint peters asked him what he did on earth he said he built things more perfect than God and saint peters said God made a women Henry said

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 27 Mar 16 - 09:15 PM

The odd thing is that a tractor, to me, which joggles around like buggery even when it's only idling, seems like hellish rough sex. I came across a really cute little Mk 2 Cortina once...

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Padre
Date: 28 Mar 16 - 12:56 AM

A possible end result of this act would be three Smart for Twos and a Troy-Bilt cultivator

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Ed T
Date: 28 Mar 16 - 07:36 AM

http://www.binbin.net/compare/shaun-the-sheep-tractor-money-bank.htm

Subject: RE: BS: man had sex with tractors
From: Ed T
Date: 28 Mar 16 - 07:37 AM

Two for one