BS: That awful moment when...

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 06:05 AM

When you sleepwalk out of your hotel in only your boxer shorts, and security door closes behind you. (Scary one, happened to my son!)

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 04:54 AM

I watched as well and, seeing it was my birthday, asked for the snapshot :-)

Back to awful moments.

How about if that stuff they give you to drink kicks in and you are nowhere near the toilet...

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 04:37 AM

I didn't get the snapshots but I watched it all on a telly over the bed. Pristine up there, it was, even though I say so meself.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 04:30 AM

Dave, the Gnome, just why do they give one a copy of it? I chucked mine as soon as I got home. I was awake and interested during the procedure but I really don't need to repeat the tour.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 03:34 AM

Ah! One for the kids to get their own back on. For all those bare baby photos you show when the new girl/boyfriend comes round!

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 Nov 16 - 03:19 AM

...when you realise you cc'd your boss on THAT email.

Steve, I had a colonoscopy on my 60th Birthday! I still have the (internal) photograph :-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 09:32 PM

... you say Oh, I never eat (whatever) just as the host brings that very thing in proudly from the kitchen

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 07:52 PM

Mind you, as a result of those investigations I had to have one of those colonoscopy jobs. You know those Christmas cracker whistles which have paper tubes that unroll when you blow them? Well the first eighteen inches of your bowels from your arse upwards is like that, all flattened until there's a bit of action going on. So they can't get a proper look up there unless they pump it full of air. Well what goes up must come down. Panic-stricken, I told the nurse, who was hovering three inches above my arse, that I couldn't hold on and that I was about to "break wind" (one does have to assume that one is in polite company). "Good heavens, my dear, that happens every time! Just let rip whenever you like and don't mind me!"

There's something shockingly unfamiliar, chaps, about a situation in which you are pointing your bare arse into a woman's face, knees under your chin, and are granted licence to fart thereat. I got away with it by pretending that the nurse was Margaret Thatcher, and I told her so. She approved wholeheartedly!

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 07:35 PM

Don't really want to dwell on my past (thank God) fissure issue, but my own GP, with whom I've supped many a pint, said to me as his finger went up my bum and I was just about crawling up the wall in agony (the bastard!), "You wouldn't be much good to Quentin Crisp, would you?"

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 06:43 PM

Steve, ROFLMAO. Yes, I believe you; ya can't make up ones that good.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 05:26 PM

The rather beautiful lady colorectal doctor's finger up my bottom when she looked into my eyes and said softly "We can't go on meeting like this..."

I swear to God that every word of that is true!

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: DMcG
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 05:01 PM

A friend of mine used to live in somewhere called "The Land of the Orange Ogres". I always had a slight concern what would happen if she was stopped by the police.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Senoufou
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 04:56 PM

Oh Mrrzy, I get terribly flustered by policemen. They were stopping random motorists near us a few years ago. You had to pull in to a lay-by and answer some questions for their survey. The officer asked my age (cheeky thing!) then asked how long I'd been driving. (No idea) He asked where I'd been (cheeky again!) I just blurted out any old answer.
Then he asked where I lived and I told him the last village, not the present one. When he asked if I wore glasses I said, "No." (They were on my nose) Then he asked my car's registration number. I couldn't for the life of me remember it, so I told him just to look at the plate on the car. He gave me a very 'old-fashioned look' and waved me on.
He must have thought I was an escapee from an old folks' home. I'm probably on all their computers now...

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 04:03 PM

Same occasion - when pulled over, I was so mad I actually said And I wasn't even going as fast as I was GOING to be going! That was before I said the thing about the drivers' license. I was *really* mad - I had only just decided it was worth the risk to speed up some to get home before I fell asleep.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 03:18 PM

The wallet in the pawn shop story reminded me of getting pulled over, and not seeing my drivers' license in its usual spot, so I asked the cop, Maybe the cop that pulled me over last week didn't give it back?

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 02:52 PM

Which raises a question for me...

New England folk have a way of saving up "rs" from some places, and inserting them in others...so...when they need a little quick money, do they go to a "pahn" shop, or to a "porn" shop ?

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 09:13 AM

My Mum used to work in a pawn shop. Where she met my Dad out of interest but that's another story. Back to the plot (Writing as if I was one of my kids)

...when you thought Grandma said she worked in porn!

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Senoufou
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 09:02 AM

Hee hee Mr Red! Sorry, but I gave it to our Church Raffle!

By the way, in my tale of woe about the lost bank cards, I forgot to mention that I blurted out to the nice lady at Tesco's checkout, "Oh no! I think I've left my wallet in the pawn shop!" I hardly dared show my face there again for ages.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Mr Red
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 08:05 AM

If you are not drinking it -----------

I'll take it off yer hands.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Senoufou
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 07:53 AM

Sat with my friend years ago at her husband's business dinner (very grand affair in long dress etc) yapping away happily as usual. Rabbited on about my daft father giving me a gigantic bottle of cognac for Christmas when I don't even drink spirits and hate the stuff. Friend's husband then hands me a surprise gift wrapped in tissue paper.
Yep.... Courvoisier...

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Dave Sutherland
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 07:49 AM

...foe all your Granddaughter telling you it is the wrong door you walk into the Ladies changing room at the swimming pool.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: gillymor
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 07:29 AM

...one evening you're parked amongst the mangroves in a clench with your sweetie and you open the door to your truck to find that the incoming tide has risen to the rocker panels.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Mr Red
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 07:00 AM

finally realised I had been married for ten years to a "passive agressive".

OH! sorry, that had a happy ending! And HOW!

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: DMcG
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 06:41 AM

I went to an interview wearing one brown shoe and one black one. Got the job though!

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Senoufou
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 06:21 AM

Haha Dave! I've actually gone out wearing one slipper and one shoe.
I pretended to limp a bit in the hope people would think I had a sore foot...

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 04:52 AM

Awful moments mitigated by good ones are not allowed :-P

...when you realise you have gone out in your slippers.

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Senoufou
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 04:35 AM

You go into a seedy pawn shop which does Western Union transfers, stand in a queue with a dubious bunch of ne'er-do-wells and send money to Africa.
You get to the checkout in Tesco and find your wallet with all your bank cards is not in your bag. You realise you've left it on the counter at the pawn shop.
Filled with dread you hurtle back through busy traffic to the pawn shop, gasping for breath and purple in the face.
A lovely old druggie/alcoholic chap has handed in your wallet to the pawnbroker. It's safe and sound.
You hand a tenner to the poor chap, who's slumped on a chair in the corner, stammer your heartfelt thanks and totter out.

This happened to me only last week!

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: DMcG
Date: 15 Nov 16 - 02:09 AM

Gallus Moll: in my case I was doing some applied research which led me to be staying at an airforce officers' mess. The rooms did not have en-suite facilities. I had been warned the door to my room was difficult to open so I had the key with me but still couldn't open the door. After trying for what seemed ages I went down to reception and found this full dress uniform event taking place ...

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 10:37 PM

...you say to yourself, "I really should be wearing leather work gloves. I'll put them on just as soon as..." followed by searing pain as that sharp piece of metal lays your thumb wide open.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 07:44 PM

When you go back to check your last post that was resplendent with up lifting solidarity, wit wisdom and humor, but it is gone.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Gallus Moll
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 06:43 PM

DMcG - -- I've seen a middle aged man in only his underpants having to walk down to reception (which was very busy with people arriving to attend a folk concert!) of The Golden Lion in Stirling to get a room key -- always wondered how/why he managed to exit the room in a state of undress?

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: frogprince
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 06:37 PM

or, when you realize that your last post makes you look like you don't know sit.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: frogprince
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 06:35 PM

...you set there looking at the empty toilet paper dispenser in the public rest room...

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: DMcG
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 12:31 PM

... you order a meal in another country and discover you have ordered several styles of cooked potato and nothing else.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: DMcG
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 12:27 PM

Your locked door is to your hotel room and you have to go through a black tie do to get to reception, in your dressing gown.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 06:15 AM

Answering the door to suddenly realise from the expression on the deliveryman face, that you have no clothes on,.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 05:47 AM

All good fun but some are too long! Pithy one liners please :-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 05:30 AM

You are looking after the grandchildren aged 2 and 5, get back to the house, you HAVEN'T lost the keys, but somehow the Yale lock has failed: key turns OK but door refuses to open.
So you take them to the park, phone Mummy, but Mummy does not pick up the call until over an hour later. It's getting dark, and kids are tired, cold, hungry and thirsty!

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 03:35 AM

You put your hand in your pocket for the car keys at the end of a 10 mile walk, find none there and remember an odd tinkling noise when you took your handkerchief out to blow your nose - five miles back - in the middle of open moorland.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: BobL
Date: 14 Nov 16 - 03:11 AM

You struggle off the bus with two heavy bags of shopping. As it drives away you remember you had three...

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 09:30 PM

When just as you have sworn at a reckless move by a hapless driver you recognize an acquaintance behind the wheel.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: gnu
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 09:27 PM

... you so desperately want the electoral college to vote for Hillary on December 19 but fear they won't.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 08:10 PM

fortunately the morning I locked my keys in was back in the days when my upstairs neighbour had my spares. Today they are 3 suburbs away ...

Last year when my key jammed I had to call an after hours emergency locksmith! ouch!

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 07:43 PM

As you slam the door - where are my keys?

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 12:26 PM

Good one, gillmor. Levity is helpful right now. Let's keep it that way. :)

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 11:11 AM

A+ giily

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: gillymor
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 10:28 AM

...when I've woken up each morning since Nov. 9 and realized who our President Elect is. I'm starting to feel like Bill Murray's character in "Ground Hog's Day".

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Senoufou
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 10:25 AM

A rather pompous and plump vicar we had years ago was very 'high church' and liked incense and all that. Once he genuflected reverently at the moment of Consecration and let rip an extremely loud fart. It reverberated all round the church. I thought I'd need an ambulance, I was utterly helpless with giggles.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 10:09 AM

As I approached a traffic light the car in front of me raced through the light on full red. The gap between us had been several car-lengths so when the police officer stopped further down in the lane to my right looked over his shoulder I stopped and waved my hand to "be my guest." He moved into my lane then sped off, lights and sirens, to nail that guy.

Subject: RE: BS: That awful moment when...
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 09:37 AM

you are talking about a person who happens to be standing nearby (not me, but I've seen it done!)

& something I also saw recently - 2 railway police officers strolling along behind the ticket barriers when someone decided to rush thru without paying. They quickened their pace ...

sandra