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BS: stay afloat while others don't

Stilly River Sage 23 May 24 - 10:11 PM
Helen 23 May 24 - 08:24 PM
keberoxu 23 May 24 - 07:20 PM
Helen 22 May 24 - 03:39 PM
keberoxu 22 May 24 - 03:01 PM
Stilly River Sage 10 May 24 - 07:32 PM
Stilly River Sage 26 Apr 24 - 10:43 PM
keberoxu 25 Apr 24 - 07:06 PM
The Sandman 25 Apr 24 - 03:54 PM
Stilly River Sage 25 Apr 24 - 02:14 PM
The Sandman 25 Apr 24 - 01:32 PM
Helen 25 Apr 24 - 01:23 PM
Stilly River Sage 25 Apr 24 - 11:52 AM
Mrrzy 25 Apr 24 - 11:01 AM
keberoxu 16 Apr 24 - 06:41 PM
Helen 12 Apr 24 - 01:12 PM
Mrrzy 12 Apr 24 - 11:56 AM
keberoxu 11 Apr 24 - 06:39 PM
Stilly River Sage 11 Apr 24 - 04:44 PM
keberoxu 11 Apr 24 - 04:32 PM
Stilly River Sage 08 Apr 24 - 04:01 PM
MaJoC the Filk 08 Apr 24 - 09:08 AM
Stilly River Sage 07 Apr 24 - 01:00 PM
Senoufou 07 Apr 24 - 11:58 AM
keberoxu 06 Apr 24 - 07:26 PM
Donuel 05 Apr 24 - 09:57 AM
Stilly River Sage 03 Apr 24 - 10:43 PM
keberoxu 03 Apr 24 - 05:21 PM
Mrrzy 01 Apr 24 - 10:53 AM
keberoxu 30 Mar 24 - 08:12 PM
Mrrzy 26 Mar 24 - 11:27 PM
keberoxu 26 Mar 24 - 07:21 PM
keberoxu 09 Mar 24 - 06:32 PM
Senoufou 07 Mar 24 - 01:32 PM
Stilly River Sage 06 Mar 24 - 07:57 PM
keberoxu 06 Mar 24 - 06:54 PM
Mrrzy 06 Mar 24 - 04:28 PM
Stilly River Sage 04 Mar 24 - 02:03 PM
keberoxu 03 Mar 24 - 10:51 AM
Stilly River Sage 29 Feb 24 - 02:08 PM
Helen 26 Feb 24 - 01:09 PM
Mrrzy 26 Feb 24 - 11:22 AM
keberoxu 25 Feb 24 - 06:07 PM
Mrrzy 25 Feb 24 - 10:48 AM
keberoxu 23 Feb 24 - 07:06 PM
keberoxu 21 Feb 24 - 04:32 PM
Stilly River Sage 21 Feb 24 - 01:32 PM
Mrrzy 21 Feb 24 - 08:27 AM
Senoufou 21 Feb 24 - 03:58 AM
Mrrzy 19 Feb 24 - 10:01 AM

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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 May 24 - 10:11 PM

Keb, when I administered my father's estate I knew there was a sibling who would argue about everything, so all of my work was documented, and with the house contents I had an appraiser come in (recommended I don't remember how, but he was a local dealer and had booths at antique malls, etc.) That made it a lot easier in the long run. The income taxes had to go to a local accountant because of a bank account that I had inherited with a CD that matured before he died, and the tax on income that needed to come out of the estate. There were also a couple of IRA's that had direct inheritors to be noted and excluded from the total.

It all took over a year, maybe as long as 18 months (I'm not pulling out records to confirm my estimates). I'm hoping it's easier for you than it was for me. I did all of the work myself once (with a set of state-specific probate documents) then had to turn it over to an attorney to do the exact same thing I had already done because of the fighting sibling. Before it was over that attorney had a restraining order against the sibling, so it wasn't just me he was mad at. (And a more personal note - at the end of this I was diagnosed with a form of endometrial cancer that I am still convinced was brought on by the stress caused by that particular sibling.)

Here's hoping you're dealing with functioning adults through the process.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 23 May 24 - 08:24 PM

Hope for the best, but expect the worst - except in this case - because you were expecting the worst and you experienced the best. Yay!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 May 24 - 07:20 PM

The conference call went better than I could have imagined.
It's the difference between night and day,
the way it was forty years ago versus yesterday.
I was actually treated like an adult.
The bankers and attorneys were on their best behavior, faultless manners,
and they were eager to be of service.

It's partly because they were on the clock, but it was astonishing
how much information got crammed into thirty minutes.
AND I could understand most of it,
at the same time I did not feel that they were talking down to me.

There was even a timeline given that explained how probate and everything are going to take a long time,
"everything" meaning the IRS for the most part.
It was all laid out and open to questions and comments.

I'm still taking it all in. But in a good way.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 22 May 24 - 03:39 PM

keb, I hope it all goes well. Think positive and focus on the good times you remember. Keep calm and carry on.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 May 24 - 03:01 PM

In thirty minutes, I have to phone in to a videoconference
with my mother's attorney, my attorney, and the bank.
I'm not looking forward to this one.
The last time I went through something like this,
the settlement of the estate of a recently deceased person,
was forty years ago, and that was the stuff of nightmares.

I just hope this occasion will be more positive and constructive
than that last one forty years before this.
But back then, when I was young, I didn't have my own attorney,
and I have one now, and this is her specialty,
so I ought to be all right this time.
I'm still emotional, of course, about losing my mother.

So I'll eventually report back on how it goes,
I may need time to compose myself afterwards.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 24 - 07:32 PM

keberoxu, how is the apartment declutter going? An occasional participant on the declutter thread (PattyClink) has just moved stuff from a storage unit to a new place via trailer (packing and moving it herself). Are you considering anything along those lines as you decide what to keep? Had you found a new area to apartment hunt (I don't remember)? How is that going?

Mrrzy, is your son comfortable and settling into his new routine?


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Apr 24 - 10:43 PM

From the point of view of an uninvolved bystander, that dual-obit sounds kind of perfect. Takes in everything.

I've realized in recent times that my history fits neatly into ~ 20 year segments, with radically different things happening in each of those times. That the people in those worlds don't know much about the people in the rest of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Apr 24 - 07:06 PM

Today was another difficult day.
Luckily there were people I could talk to.

Someone decided that my mother needed not one, but two obituaries.
They can be read online, that's where I found both of them.
The situation was this:
my mother stayed where she was born and raised until her father died.
Then she relocated across the country,
and lived her last forty years there --
of which roughly thirty years were in good health, before the end.

So the two obituaries were place-specific:
one for the area where my mother spent the early part of her life,
and another for the area where she relocated.
And yes, the obituaries were different -- related, but different.

In the place she came from, and published in their local newspaper,
the obituary did all the formal things,
identifying the pre-deceased and the survivors,
mentioning the parents and the upbringing,
all the places she went to school, and the divorce from the father of her children.
There was a brief paragraph about her relocation elsewhere, where she died.

In the place where she died, there was next to nothing about her life before she moved there.
Instead the obituary pretty much started with, "[name] moved to such-and-such a city in such-and-such a year," and went on from there.
Much attention was given to all the volunteering that she did in her healthy years there,
and to her time in assisted living and memory care. (Alzheimer's)

So it is almost as if she lived two lives in one.
ONe of my friends asked me who wrote these two obituaries,
and of course they never print the person who writes them.

Online obituaries can have photographs attached,
and both of them did -- completely different photos as well between each obituary.
I think looking at some of those photos was triggering for me a little bit, which is not surprising.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: The Sandman
Date: 25 Apr 24 - 03:54 PM

7uey are supposed to help sleep anxiety and stress, they go under the name 4 7 8 breathing exercises
4 second in through nose hold for 7 seconds then breath out through mouth for 8 seconds


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Apr 24 - 02:14 PM

Where are the breathing exercises directed? Grief, sleep, or dieting?


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: The Sandman
Date: 25 Apr 24 - 01:32 PM

i have found this breathing exercise helpful, Pranayama is the practice of breath regulation. It's a main component of yoga, an exercise for physical and mental wellness. In Sanskrit, “prana” means life energy and “yama” means control. The practice of pranayama involves breathing exercises and patterns


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 25 Apr 24 - 01:23 PM

Yes, good news Mrrzy!

And keb, I have been keeping you in my thoughts, hoping you are feeling ok and progressing well on your life plans.

Stilly, my Hubby & I used Dr Mosley's 5:2 fasting diet (5 days of regular eating, 2 days - but not consecutive - of 500 calories, with mostly veges and salad and lean protein on the 2 days) a few years ago and we both lost the amount of weight we were aiming for and kept it off. Now I cut calories without thinking on certain days and stick fairly well to the Mediterranean type of foods and very, very limited junk food. (I do like hot chips now and then, but I only eat a few now and then and I have probably only had a few shop bought burgers in any given year.)

I have seen almost all of Mosley's TV shows and I think he bases his work very firmly on reliable, practical science which works in the real world. For that reason, I trust his Sleep Revolution suggestions.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Apr 24 - 11:52 AM

Good news, Mrrzy! That thread will be my next stop.

Helen, Thanks! I watched a program by Michael Mosley from years ago that had to do with different forms of fasting. I think he set off the surge in programs that tweak various types of intermittent fasting. (I lost 45 weight that way, but not using anyone's program. I watched my calories, keeping them to ~500 alternating days, regular eating the rest of the time, and got to the gym a lot). The program he hosted was Horizon, and he seems to have a lot of science interests (reminds me of the US host David Pogue, who came perilously close to that Titanic submersible that imploded in one of his programs).

I'm already finding that making myself leave the screen behind not only helps sleep but I'm getting to bed a bit earlier. Better quality of sleep is goal.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Apr 24 - 11:01 AM

See good news thread! I have won the long, hard fight to get my kid to hospital instead of jail!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Apr 24 - 06:41 PM

Thank you, one and all.
SOmeone asked me if I was experiencing grief in waves,
and I had to say, not yet.
I'm a thinker/doer, not a feeling/expression person,
although the emotions I do have are intense.
It seems I'm good at tamping feelings down,
and I must be doing a lot of that right now.
It means I can keep going and getting stuff done.
I guess my grief will surface when it needs to do so.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 12 Apr 24 - 01:12 PM

keb, I am sorry for your loss and I hope you can work through the issues relating to your Mother and siblings.

It is the 22nd anniversary of my Mum's passing in two days so I have been thinking a lot about her this week. Luckily for me I have only good memories of her, so I am keeping you in my thoughts and hope that you can work through this and reach a lighter space in your life.


Stilly, I watched an excellent documentary about improving sleep recently, presented by one of my heroes, Dr Michael Mosley. Australia's Sleep Revolution with Dr Michael Mosley

There is also a site with some of his information.

FastAsleep: How to get a really good night’s rest

I used to have breathing issues while sleeping about 40 years ago but I had surgery to correct a deviated septum and the surgeon also recommended sleeping on my side, which I have done ever since. It helps a lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 12 Apr 24 - 11:56 AM

Aw, keb, condolences.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Apr 24 - 06:39 PM

The toxic family situation was generational, and the toxic part was in place
long before my mother was born. So it was tough on her as well.
She was a single mother with her parents living next door,
and she felt responsible for three generations of people at once.
It was a lot to take on even in a healthy situation.
Some of my mother's choices were better than others.
And yes, there were some happy moments.

I don't know how things are with my siblings, as we don't speak.
I think there is hope, though;
we are the elders now, our mother was the last of her generation.
In our separate ways, each of us is free now, in a way that we were not before.
I'm still keeping my distance, though, it is the healthiest way.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Apr 24 - 04:44 PM

Of course you are grieving; the pain from whatever caused the estrangement returns full-strength at a time like this. I hope hindsight helps; having removed yourself from a toxic situation was a sound move and one you need to remember was necessary. (My reference for this is from a similarly toxic relative who caused estrangement in our family - cutting your losses and moving on with your own life is the healthy thing to do. If that relationship is beyond repair you only hurt yourself by leaving yourself open to more harm from them if you keep trying.)

That said, were there early good times with her that you can revisit and celebrate, so you're not throwing your own past away?


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Apr 24 - 04:32 PM

Today I was informed that my mother died yesterday.
Her passing was peaceful and my siblings were at her side.
There is no funeral, and her body was cremated.

Although we have been estranged for years,
and there is no shock at this news,
I find I am experiencing grief and loss.
I am actually very emotional and shaky.
I will have to go very carefully for a while.

I guess it is a good thing that I am in treatment,
as I can get the attention I will need, am needing now.
I'm grateful for this thread where I can share my grief.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Apr 24 - 04:01 PM

It reminds me that I can change the color output on a couple of smart bulbs in the house, and it might be worth considering a programmable bulb in the office area for evenings. Mostly what I need to do is adjust my schedule so I'm doing different things late at night.

I have the phone and computer and tablet all set to use an evening routine that gives a more amber cast to the device screens. The thing that is most helpful is the schedule set up in the phone to not make any noises from 11pm to 7am. I used to have pings wake me; I don't turn the phone off that often any more (only periodically and usually to do with updates.)

Today's eclipse was fun - my nextdoor neighbors came over and we shared my pair of eclipse glasses - no one wanted to stare at the sun the whole time, glimpses were enough, and when the totality occurred it looked amazing; the camera can't do it justice, you have to just look with your eyes and enjoy the beauty of it. This is the kind of thing that is best not mediated by a camera lense between you and the thing you want to remember. I hope that anyone needing a mental boost today was in the path and could enjoy the occasion. It was a thrill to see it.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 08 Apr 24 - 09:08 AM

Computers vs sleep: The current theory is that too much blue in artificial light causes the brain to think it's daylight. There's software out there which changes the colour balance for computer monitors, which helps redress this: I forget the name of the MS-Windows product, but what I use with Linux is called redshift.

There's a similar blue caste to LED lamps; manufacturers do this because it makes the lights look brighter than they really are. LED lamps with a redder output may be available, and are worth looking for if you're intending to read in bed to help send yourself to sleep.

Hope this helps, Stilly.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Apr 24 - 01:00 PM

That's a dreadful wait, Senoufou! I hope something opens up much sooner for you.

Keberoxu, we all have varying degrees of open wounds as we progress through life; I once had a charming friend who caused a lot of pain and chaos for a number of people (we compared notes after his death). I recently revisited those wounds after reading the obituary of one of our mutual friends. I favor the "talking cure" to use words over medications for dealing with depressing issues, so decided to try a sonnet format to see if I can distill the old relationship (and an imagined outcome) into something that is resolved to my satisfaction. Are you familiar with the Mark Twain remark about writing a long letter because he didn't have time to write a short one? It's like that with a sonnet, they're short so take a while to craft, but are such a satisfying way to state the situation and resolve it all within 14 lines.

I've had a second sleep study (this time at home with a wrist device that connects to a finger and a wire to a chest sensor) and suspect that while it will again show some organic problems, mostly I need to mend my ways and develop a different evening routine that doesn't have me in front of the computer screen before bedtime. I've made a start in that direction already.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Apr 24 - 11:58 AM

Thank you keberoxu for your kind enquiry. I'm still waiting for my operation, but the Norfolk & Norwich hospital is snowed under with a long list of patients awaiting their operations. Apparently it could be around 18 weeks before they get in touch. Meanwhile I'm in quite a bit of pain but hey-ho, what can one do?


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Apr 24 - 07:26 PM

A lot of old junk/trash from the unconscious mind lately.
The words 'open wound' figured in what came up.
Also 'safety'.
My therapist would call this a productive experience.
Sometimes this stuff hurts a lot.
Today I'm having to be very gentle and careful with myself.

Very near where I am staying, there is a Divine Mercy shrine,
and this weekend is Divine Mercy Sunday;
so there are literal busloads of tourists coming in and out,
and the services are amplified on speakers and can be heard for a mile or so.
Good time to stay off the streets.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Apr 24 - 09:57 AM

For some reason I am reminded of a street saying, 'its not where you are from-its where you are at'.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Apr 24 - 10:43 PM

That sounds good, Keb. Comfortable.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Apr 24 - 05:21 PM

My practice now is acceptance of self, instead of judgment of self:
accepting that I have done the best I knew how to do
in order to take care of myself and to survive,
instead of judging how well or how poorly I did so.

The relief from changing this attitude toward myself feels so strong.
Strong relief and an overall lightness,
in contrast to the heaviness and darkness of depression
and the tension of anxiety.

It may not last, but I'll take it while it does last.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Apr 24 - 10:53 AM

Indeed! Great!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Mar 24 - 08:12 PM

There is some difficult stuff coming to the surface.
I have the good fortune to be in contact with my first counselor from years ago,
when the repressed buries memories were first coming to the surface.
We gave up our counselor/patient relationship twenty years ago,
and we have stayed in touch and can "talk" as friends, mostly by e-mail.

It is such a blessing to be able to confide in a true friend.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Mar 24 - 11:27 PM

Hoping the clouds keep lifting, k!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Mar 24 - 07:21 PM

Senoufou/Eliza, it's been over a month since you reported to us
that your gall bladder would have to be removed.
How are you holding up?

I don't know how to verify what is happening to me,
but it seems as though the depression is lifting somewhat.
From my experience, things may feel worse before they feel better --
buried emotions coming to the surface can be very uncomfortable and unpleasant.
I have to have faith that this is a healing process
and that things do get better with time and effort.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Mar 24 - 06:32 PM

The question arose a few days ago as to why I want to leave the apartment.

Although the apartment itself has nothing wrong with it,
I went through years of isolation and depression there.
I really need not to go back to that physical place to live,
for fear of going back to the psychological stuck place that I was in.

When I moved into the apartment, for reasons too tedious to go into,
no re-do was done of the premises;
so it had the same old wall-to-wall carpeting and appliances and all.
THere are advantages to that, too,
but it made for a rather dingy-looking place.
I actually had visitors comment on the old carpet,
and not favorably, either.

Therefore, it is more or less time to move on.
I have a lot of work to do before I am ready to pack everything out.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 07 Mar 24 - 01:32 PM

Thank you all for your good wishes. I still haven't heard from the hospital about my operation to remove my gall bladder. There are very long waiting lists due to the doctors' and nurses' strikes. I'm coping quite well taking painkillers and lying down as much as possible.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Mar 24 - 07:57 PM

Dorothy Parshall posted on Facebook recently that she was angry and frustrated and being ignored when she complained about symptoms and when finally someone sent her to a private doctor they found the cancer. I put a link to her FB post over in the Declutter thread; this is a toss-up between here or that Jane's Rainbow thread, but Dorothy is nothing if she isn't afloat. She's getting treatment and good care from her partner.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Mar 24 - 06:54 PM

Thanks, Mrrzy. I really needed to hear that today.
I'm thinking of Senoufou as well,
hope that chance favors her and she gets the procedure done soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Mar 24 - 04:28 PM

No cost, Stilly, just the uncomfortable feeling of things being so completely out of my hands. It'll be up to a jury, and I won't be there to read their faces and hear what is said. But I toiled diligently uphill through deep snow to get to this place, so, good...

And yes, Senoufou, do report in.

Good going, keb! That's always been my best approach. Slowly but surely breeds success, or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Mar 24 - 02:03 PM

Senoufou, have your doctors taken pity and moved you closer to the surgery date? If it becomes an emergency situation will they take care of it right away?

In the "not afloat" category, the US did food drops into Gaza, but that is a program of last resort, a way that Biden can do something that the Republicans can't shut down.
According to a 2021 report by the World Food Program, airdrops, in addition to costing roughly seven times what ground-delivered aid would cost, can deliver aid in smaller amounts than truck convoys, and require a significant amount of ground coordination in the delivery zone. . . .This is likely why deliveries have been aimed at beaches, but sometimes, as with the airdrops by Egypt, Jordan, the United Arab Emirates, Qatar and France, that results in aid falling into the sea. In the case of another Jordanian effort on Thursday, the wind carried some of the aid over into Israel.

I wasn't aware of the airdrops by those other countries. Anything is a help, but it is far short of what is needed. The ability of the US government to function is tied to the fortunes of the Palestinian people and the people of Ukraine right now.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Mar 24 - 10:51 AM

Stilly, I have used a CPAP device for some time, and it does make a difference.
The apartment thing is not going to be settled quickly.
I'm still in treatment as I occasionally take time to travel to the apartment
and clean it out a little at a time.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Feb 24 - 02:08 PM

Mrrzy, your son's story has spanned so much time I've lost track of all of the details or where he has been in recent months. I won't ask you for a recital of it and I won't go back and read for years worth of bits of the story - but in short, where does this place you as far as your cost and safety and access (or not) to him, etc?

Keb, are you any closer to finding a place to live that is more suited to what you want now?

Jon Freeman, we haven't heard from you in ages - how is your health and how are your parents? You were consolidating the help that came to the house so they worked with all three of you last time I saw your remarks about the household.

Sleep study tonight for me - since a general tiredness isn't due to low thyroid, it may be due to the weird sleep of late. All of my life I was asleep right after my head hit the pillow, but that hasn't been the case for a while now. I do enjoy an afternoon nap, but not today; if they want to study my sleep then it behooves me to be able to go to sleep while I'm at the clinic. Friends who use the CPAP devices report great results, so I hope it is as easy is that.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 26 Feb 24 - 01:09 PM

keberoxu, the apartment complex you described on 21 Feb 24 - 04:32 PM seems very similar to the retirement village my Grandma lived in when she was about 70, when she decided that her house and big garden was getting too much for her. She was very happy there. She could live independently, do the activities she wanted to do, have meals and some housework provided, make new friends, be involved in group activities or spend time on her own, as she chose. The reviews there were excellent too. She moved to the nursing home complex when she became unwell in her mid '80's and passed away a few years later. We always knew she had chosen an excellent place to live, at every stage of her life needs.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Feb 24 - 11:22 AM

Thanks, k. It has been a slog.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Feb 24 - 06:07 PM

Mrrzy, this has been a very long time coming.
You must find it overwhelming.
Take good care of yourself, you deserve it.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Feb 24 - 10:48 AM

In other news, my brave, brave kid has pled Not Guilty By Reason Of Insanity. Now it's out of my hands, which is not stress-relieving at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Feb 24 - 07:06 PM

Senoufou/Eliza, I am so sorry to hear about the gall bladder illness.
I still have my gall bladder, but I well remember the time it acted up, I felt miserable.

Here's hoping the NHS will get you that surgery sooner rather than later.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Feb 24 - 04:32 PM

Where I have lived for the last fifteen years, I have been in such persistent isolation that I know hardly anybody and have no friends to lose.
I don't dig in gardens, nor do I have musical instruments to move.
Although I have given thought to one of those portable keyboards,
don't they have some with headphones so that only you can hear what you are playing,
or am I making that up out of wishful thinking?

So an apartment complex with active seniors and a full roster of activities
would be a big improvement over where I was living before I got into treatment.
The buildings are on the edge of a municipal park, good for walking, in a good residential neighborhood.
The community amenities include two meals a day in the dining room,
and light housekeeping once a week.

The staff and administration get rave reviews for being hard-working, well organized, and genuinely dedicated to the well-being of the residents --
I mean reviews literally, from multiple sources.
They work hard to make the community inviting and welcoming.
The complex is large enough that a resident can retreat for some downtime without being missed, if need be; not so small as to feel totally exposed all the time.
I do wish they had public computer stations, but I didn't see those; some places have them in a sort of community library space.

The complex is "independent living" although residents who are frail or ailing can get assistance at an extra cost.
It is not a community with "assisted living" as such.
I just don't feel ready for
a community that also has assisted living and memory care on the same campus.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Feb 24 - 01:32 PM

I am headed to a sleep study one of these days, after a follow-up with my doctor to do with my thyroid level. I thought I might need a boost in the dose, but she says the level is fine, the reason for a lack of energy lies elsewhere. Do any of you sleep with CPAP or other devices?

Keb wrote
Today I got to visit and get a brief tour of
an apartment complex near the city;
it's not a home, but it's for seniors only.
Liked what I saw; busy activities program
and much emphasis on community.
And it's a lease with monthly payments, like I'm already used to.
A place like this one might be a good intermediate step between
where I have lived and a full-fledged community/home


Where do you want to end up? What amenities do you want? Are you a gardener in need of a little space to dig, or do you have musical instruments to move in (and practice without disturbing others)? Are you wanting a pet? Are any of the people you know in this area staying here and will continue to be friends when you move?

A friend of mine moved from Texas to Arizona (Green Valley) and lived there for about 15 years. Her tiny house had a postage-stamp sized yard for gardening and the community center had a lot of activities she participated in. A couple of years ago she decided it was time to move closer to her family (almost all in Texas now) and has moved back to Texas and in with her oldest son (she turns 90 in May.)

A different friend has just taken her husband off of the PT he was on (he has a brain thing that isn't actually dementia but the result is the same). He was hospitalized last week and when he returns home will be in a hospice program because the PT wasn't helping and this will at least provide more of what he needs at home (help for her, Depends, etc.) It's a difficult decision, but maybe like Jimmy Carter he'll be comfortable enough to stick around for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Feb 24 - 08:27 AM

Oh, I got to play Stump The Medical Student with my gall bladder! It had polyps, not stones. So much fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 21 Feb 24 - 03:58 AM

After an ultrasound scan,I've been referred by my doctor to have an operation in the Norfolk & Norwich hospital to remove my gall bladder. I'm in a lot of pain all over my back, and often have to lie down to ease it somewhat. No pain-relief tablets shift it. I got a letter last week from the hospital saying there are massive delays for operations due to strikes etc, and it may be 'up to 18 weeks' before I get the summons!
Very depressing, but hey ho, such is life!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Feb 24 - 10:01 AM

Good to know of possibilities


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