BS: 50 reasons it's hard to leave abusers

Subject: BS: 50 ways to not leave abusers
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Feb 18 - 11:19 AM

Why women submit to beatings&murder.
The priest said stay, so I stayed.
The police said I was crazed so I stayed
The President says its OK so I stayed
The men at church said stay so I stayed
Then I nearly died in front of my child
So I left and he went wild

Subject: RE: BS: 50 ways to not leave abusers
From: gillymor
Date: 10 Feb 18 - 11:23 AM

Hope Hicks might need that PDF some day.

Subject: RE: BS: 50 ways to not leave abusers
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Feb 18 - 12:16 PM

I 'Hope' not.

I 'Rob' not

Subject: RE: BS: 50 ways to not leave abusers
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Feb 18 - 01:34 PM

Donuel, thank you, I have printed out the document.

On my thread about "staying afloat"
I have been careful what I disclose about my blood relatives.
This however is, sadly, part of the family dysfunction.

It is some fifteen years since I became aware of hitting. I say became aware because I had already left and distanced myself, and I was neither perpetrator nor the battered person in this case. Don't want to say much more, but let's say I kind of stumbled across it, and of course I had previously been unaware between my distance and the family's concealment protocol.

Having stumbled onto this, I knew I could not live with myself as long as I went along with the great silence and pretended nothing was wrong. But I dreaded going to the authorities myself: They would want to build a case and there was little I could offer them.

After taking time to think it all through,
I wrote a letter. Not to perpetrator or victim.
But to, I can't be precise here, someone in the family "chain of command," I'll put it that way. I described the little bit of which I was aware. I pointed out that I could do something myself besides just standing by in silence. And I said that they ought to respond to the urgent need of the battered person, otherwise they would have no credibility at all with me.

I feel so embarrassed talking about this.
It shames me to report that there was no successful rescue,
I never even attempted such.
It would be wish-fulfillment to think of bringing someone to justice
and liberating the battered person from that way of life.
In fact the family has tightened up so much around the situation
that I cannot know if anything changed for better or worse.

My blood relatives know now that I am serious about
speaking to the authorities, even though in fact I didn't do so.
I guess that is a result.

Subject: RE: BS: 50 ways to not leave abusers
From: leeneia
Date: 11 Feb 18 - 07:24 PM

Thank you Donuel. That's a very important article.

Subject: RE: BS: 50 ways to not leave abusers
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Feb 18 - 07:31 PM

Please change the offensive thread title, though. Conflating obstacles into reasons is actually quite awful!

Subject: RE: BS: 50 ways to not leave abusers
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Feb 18 - 09:10 PM

Those who leave may still run into issues, like this: Jennie Willoughby: 'President Trump Will Not Diminish My Truth' - the ex-wife of his resigned secretary."

Subject: RE: BS: 50 reasons it's hard to leave abusers
From: Senoufou
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 03:18 AM

One woman in every four will experience domestic violence in her lifetime And two women every week are murdered by their male partner or husband. (UK figures)
Here in UK there is Women's Aid, an organisation that runs a 24hr helpline and several refuges around the country.
Those 50 ways listed are very important to bear in mind. It's never as easy as people think to just 'walk away'.
I understand that nowadays, the Police and Social Services take reports of DV much more seriously thank goodness.
And don't forget that quite a few men suffer domestic violence and abuse too.

Subject: RE: BS: 50 reasons it's hard to leave abusers
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 04:51 PM

'reasons' is OK its just more letters than 'ways'.

This issue is larger than the opioid epidemic and is the hardest to discuss. If you don't know a victim you are asleep.

Subject: RE: BS: 50 reasons it's hard to leave abusers
From: SPB-Cooperator
Date: 14 Feb 18 - 03:30 PM

I think reason #6 is significant, particularly if the abuse is hidden from children

Subject: RE: BS: 50 reasons it's hard to leave abusers
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Feb 18 - 06:50 AM

I have not read all the reasons. Implying reason and self evident truth breaks down in the US when it comes to guns used to shoot women and children to death at home, in school, at church and concerts.

$ used to buy pro gun votes in Congress buys the massacre of women and children for pennies on the dollar.

$, not democracy buys the death of women and children. Only 80% want AR 15s out of madmen's hands.

$ not majority rules.

Its a sick reason.

It will continue.

Lives will not.

Subject: RE: BS: 50 reasons it's hard to leave abusers
From: mg
Date: 15 Feb 18 - 07:35 AM

One reason is because they are afraid abuser will get custody and they need to protect the children.

Subject: RE: BS: 50 reasons it's hard to leave abusers
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Feb 18 - 06:42 PM

A belated thanks to everyone for allowing me to vent a few posts back.
I can hardly ever bring myself to talk about
the one time I broke the silence.
It doesn't change what happened, but it makes me feel a little more like a fellow member of the human race.