Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today

Subject: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: GUEST,SB
Date: 23 Jan 20 - 12:33 PM

As mentioned in the thread on the Waterman's Arms. Sounds like a right ol' bawdy Cockney song!!! The tune used is reported to be "Tara Ra Boom De A"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: Senoufou
Date: 23 Jan 20 - 12:41 PM

The tune used to be 'La donna e mobile' when I heard this bellowed out as a rugby song in the sixties, but for all I know it might also have been sung to Ta Ra Ra Boom De Ay.
The words I heard were:-

Aresholes are cheap today,
Cheaper than yesterday.
Little boys are half-a-crown,
Standing up or lying down.
Bigger ones are three-and-six.
They can take much bigger p*****
And in the action
Give more satisfaction.

Dreadful song isn't it? But as students then we all thought it was tremendously funny!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Jan 20 - 02:36 PM

Thanks, Mudcat and Senoufou.
The Verdi tune sounds better than the vaudeville tune,
for setting those words.

I needed a good cheap laugh today, and now I have had one.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: GUEST,Hootenanny
Date: 23 Jan 20 - 04:34 PM

Seoufou,

You are correct of course, I must have confused it with the song about Mae West having twins.
Thanks for the correction.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: GUEST,DK
Date: 23 Jan 20 - 08:01 PM

From (vague) memory, this parody of 'Bananas are cheap..' became popular about the time that Lord Montague was jailed for pedophile offences. There was also a version of 'Answer Me'
using his name.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: BobL
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 02:40 AM

song about Mae West having twins

???

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: Senoufou
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 04:05 AM

I seem to remember another rugby song based on the Twelve Days of Christmas, which went down the list and ended with '...two choirboys, and my Lord Montague of Beaulieu'.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: GUEST,keberoxu
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 08:29 AM

BobL,
the Mudcat Forum is here to help you.
Just use the filter/search feature to locate the threads
about Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-De-Ay,
especially if the thread is qualified by "(not for kids)" ,
and Mae West, both of 'em, will come out to play.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 02:41 PM

Senoufou:
Here.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: Jack Campin
Date: 24 Jan 20 - 03:37 PM

Lord Montague was acquitted over the schoolboy, it was having it off with a serviceman that got him locked up. News to me, I'd only heard of him as a vintage car buff. But apparently he used to crank the starting handle at both ends.

Is there a version of the song that refers to him unambiguously?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 25 Jan 20 - 01:23 PM

Then there's ...

Ten little Bugger Boys

Ten little Bugger Boys, drinking deep of wine
Got so tight at Fitz' Bar they counted only nine;
Nine little Bugger Boys, finding it was late
Left a lad in Leicester Square: and then there were eight.
Eight little Bugger Boys, dreaming still of heaven,
Met a lusty sodomite: and then there were seven.
Seven little Bugger Boys, in an awkward fix,
Saw a copper standing by: and then there were six.
Six little Bugger Boys -- all now left alive --
Buggered one another till they only reckoned five!
Five little Bugger Boys, bottoms very sore,
Played at tossing Freddy off until there were four. ...

but 4 3 2 1 0 are missing

Any ideas?

====

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Arseholes are Cheap Today
From: GUEST,rumpole
Date: 15 Feb 24 - 11:34 AM

Answer me, Lord Montague just how many bums have you been through? is it twenty one or twenty two? oh answer me Lord Montague